《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 28: Long Lizard's Mexican Standoff
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"You can both do all sorts of magic."
"That's right!" Og'drimun replied as he puffed out his chest.
Narissa rolled her eyes as she splayed out on the tubular back of the strange lizard. Sentenza was in a similar position, but he had claimed the head, so he at least had something he could wrap an arm around without scraping his knuckles against the ground as the long lizard skittered up the slope with its numerous legs. Og'drimun was easily floating above the beast with his long, rabbit-like ears dropping down onto the creature's' back.
"I think you already know the answer," sighed Narissa as she shook her head.
Sentenza paused a moment but pressed forward anyway. "Then why can't you heal my face, or her leg?"
"Wow, that's a pretty loaded question," Og'drimun said. "But I get it, you don't know anything of the mystical arts. Of the grand illusion woven around us all that us blessed few are allowed to peer behind. Diving into the grand schematics for the very basis of reality is not to be done lightly, and anything brought back from such a venture is sure to be praised!"
"What he means is he was too lazy to learn it." smirked Narissa.
"That's uncalled for!" pouted Og'drimun.
"So, since my only real instructor never learned healing magic, I never did." she let out a small yelp as she almost lost her balance. "And those witches didn't really care about things like helping other people."
"It's not so simple," Og'drimun complained. "Healing is strange magic. It's easy to break something down or combine things into a mindless golem. But repairing living flesh? That's a messy business."
"Seems more useful though," mused Sentenza. "After all, you don't have to be the best shot in the world if you can just heal any attack sent at you."
"Then why didn't you study medicine or something like that?" Narissa retorted.
"Study? There wasn't any place to go and do something like that." Sentenza replied, "Besides, it's not magic. Just telling someone to rest and whatnot. It can't be done in an instant. I'd still have to wait for the body to heal itself, and a doctor won't do any good to a fella with a belly full of lead."
"Well maybe healing magic works like that?" suggested Og'drimun. "It just helps someone get better quicker, but doesn't magically fix everything?"
"But it doesn't," sighed Narissa.
"He didn't know that!" the demon snapped. "Not until you opened your big mouth!"
"Big mouth?" snarled Narissa. "I'd be careful what I said if I was you. After all, I was the one who decided not to leave you tied up down there."
"Obviously," he scoffed, "That's because you knew I would be a great asset on the journey back to...to wherever we're going."
"Oh? like with this golem you so carefully crafted?"
"It..." he stammered. "It is doing what it needs to. Getting us from place to place, right? So, it's a little...strange. It still works just fine."
Narissa clicked her tongue, "Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Not a single seat. No comfort in mind. No wings or ways to move besides walking. Seems exceptionally shoddy work, even for you."
"I don't have to take this from you!" Og'drimun snapped. "I am a grandmaster of the alternate forms! My creations single-handedly ended kingdoms!"
"I hate to break it to you," interjected Sentenza. "But I don't see this guy doing much kingdom ending."
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"You just haven't given him a chance! He could be ferocious if he wanted to. Go on, show them how fierce you can be my creation! Show them your hidden powers!"
The lizard plopped along the ground with its eyes looking in different directions as its rounded tongue bounced out from between its closed lips. At Og'drimun's command, it twisted its head around to look directly at Sentenza. With a slurp its tongue slid back into its mouth, and it slowly began to open its maw. It unveiled its completely rounded teeth as it took in a deep breath of air. As it let it out, the golem let forth the mightiest roar it could muster.
"Squeak," it sounded more like a weakened mouse than any dangerous creature.
It seemed content with this though and continued to twist its head around to face the front as its tongue lolled out again.
Sentenza raised an eyebrow as Narissa let out a mocking laugh. Og'drimun crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. "That...that was just a warmup, yeah! I mean its actions that matter. Not how intimidating things look. Just imagine how much a soldier would let down his guard after hearing that. Then, bam! torn to shreds by the perfect killer."
"If this thing is the perfect killer, then you must be a beautiful prince." said Narissa.
Og'drimun covered his blushing face with his hand. "Beautiful? I mean. Oh wow. I'm technically a king, but..." then her sarcastic tone finally got through to him. "Hey!"
"Took you long enough," sighed Narissa. "Boy you really are still just as dense, aren't you?"
"I'm a genius! No one else has mastered so many layers of the forbidden..."
Narissa cut him off. "Did you already forget that both our powers are dying?"
Sentenza nodded. "I figured that'd be the top worry on your mind."
"Huh? I don't..." murmured Og'drimun.
Narissa rolled her eyes and tossed her small, leather-bound book at him. If he wasn't flying, the small book, which seemed quite large in his tiny hands, would've easily knocked him over. It took a moment for him to realize what had happened, and then he turned through the pages. Most were completely blank, except for a few with faded symbols, and several dozen handwritten pages near the very beginning.
As he frantically flipped through the pages Narissa sighed. "What could have distracted you from losing your powers? What is happening back home?"
Og'drimun slammed the book shut and tossed it back to Narissa. "A lot has happened, but I think it'd be better if you didn't hear it. Nothing we can do about it, right?"
Narissa looked sullen for a brief moment, before she took in a deep breath. As she slowly let it out, she started to smile. "No, you're right. No point worrying about the past. Not when I've got a much higher mountain to climb ahead of me."
Narissa turned to Sentenza, and threw the small pouch she had pulled from the portal earlier at him. Sentenza easily caught it and tossed it around in his hand. This seemed to pique his interest, and he quickly went to open it.
"Consider that a down payment," she said as the gold coins within the pouch glittered in Sentenza's good eye.
"You're asking for a pretty tall order," Sentenza said as his smile grew and his eye stayed glued to the shining coins as he poured some of them out into his hand. "I'll do it of course, but it'll cost a whole lot more than this."
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"Something bigger like my whole share?"
Og'drimun looked confused. "Did I miss something?"
Sentenza quickly poured the gold coins back into the pouch. "That's close..." he scratched his neck as he kept jingling the coins in the bag.
"I thought you'd kill anyone for money," countered Narissa.
"But does this really count as just one guy?"
"That's awfully pedantic for an assassin."
"It's important to know. Multiple targets increase my prices quite a bit. But," Sentenza turned his gaze to her, "get me the tools I'll need, and I think we can work something out."
"Sid?" Sentenza sounded genuinely shocked.
Sid was just finishing a plate of food when he turned to look At Sentenza walking into the main room. Trizel and Ted were both sitting at a side booth with ice wrapped in hand towels covering them. Bakade was still working on her rope, and Nugget was nestled in the center of the main table. With Death working on doing a handstand near the front door.
Everyone but Nugget and Death stood up in surprise.
"Sentenza! You're alive, but what happened to you?" shouted out Trizel.
Sentenza kept his eye on Sid as his hands itched closer to his pistols. He looked like a mess. Sweat pouring from his brow, a red claw mark across the left side of his face, his coat completely torn up, with other tears through the rest of his clothing, and dust covering all of him. The assassin licked his lips as his eye focused on the silver man.
Bakade started to growl, which seemed to propel Sid to action. He held up his hands and nodded. "Yes, I am alright. There are also some pressing matters we should discuss about this prison we are being held in."
"You're still focused on the prison stuff?" groaned Ted as his body was now cold along with aching.
Bakade took a step forward as the fire of her eyes started to grow as she stared at Sentenza. Sid glanced towards her, and then back to Sentenza. "We should be careful not to injure ourselves more. There was already a needless fight between us."
"I was sure I had explained how necessary that was," grumbled Trizel. "But you seem to have been attacked as well, my friend! But you survived, that is good at least. What can you tell us of your attacker, or attackers?"
Sentenza raised an eyebrow. "You didn't tell them?"
"It is a bad idea to inform them of what happened. It will only exacerbate things," Sid stated firmly.
"I shot him." he said bluntly.
"What!" Ted and Trizel said in unison.
"What's so confusing. I shot Sid, threw him over the edge, and then I shot Bakade and winged Narissa's leg as well." Sentenza said as calmly as if he was talking about the weather.
Trizel stepped forward as his rage started to build. "Why would you do that? What is wrong with you!"
When Trizel moved forward, Sentenza managed to pull both of his guns and aimed one at the giant, and the other at Sid. "I don't know what's so surprising. I've been upfront about how I'm a hired killer."
"What? Did someone hire you to kill Sid then? To attack Bakade? Even Narissa?" Trizel growled.
Narissa tried to quietly sneak past the tense conmversation behind Sentenza. She was avoiding the room entirely but couldn't avoid catching Sid's eye. "Narissa, are things going well?"
Narissa froze as other eyes turned to look at her. "Oh yes, I'm quite alright." she said as she inched towards the stairs up. "Now if you'll excuse me."
"I am quite tired of all of these secrets!" Trizel's shouting froze Narissa in place. "I want an explanation right now!"
"Calm down Trizel." Sentenza said as his good eye darted around the room from person to person. "I'm pretty sure I just told you what was going on."
"You only said you attacked our friends! Not why you did." he snapped.
"Easy," sighed Sentenza. "Sid was pushing into my business too much. So, I killed him...or it seems I just tried to."
"What about Bakade and Narissa?"
"You didn't explain things either Bakade? Now that's surprising." smirked Sentenza.
"We should all calm down and look into this topic at a later point in time," suggested Sid.
Trizel and Sentenza both turned to glare at him. "I'll be honest. I've got mixed feelings about you surviving still Sid. It's sort of a black mark on my pride as a killer."
"Try and kill him and I'll end you!" snapped Trizel.
"I already did. Weren't you listening?" Sentenza sighed. "That's your problem Trizel. You're all bark and no bite."
"Yeah, I think I should just go..." Narissa gulped.
"Wait, I want to see who comes out on top!" Whined Og'drimun from behind her back.
Narissa froze again as everyone, but Sentenza shifted their glance towards her and the new, unfamiliar voice. She tried to keep the small demon down as he tried to climb up over her shoulder for a better view. It was a losing fight, as Og'drimun finally pushed his way up and hopped onto her head.
"Iiiiisssss ttthhhaaatttt aaaaa bbbbbuuuunnnnnyyyyyy?" asked Bakade as the small demon nearly killed her bloodthirsty attitude.
"He's Narissa's pet demon." Sentenza said bluntly.
"Why would you tell them that!" squealed Narissa.
Sentenza kept his guns trained on Sid and Trizel. "You're the one who let him loose. Not like he'd be able to hide himself well at all."
"But you didn't have to say he's a demon!"
"Ugh, why should I be ashamed about being something so awesome?" interjected Og'drimun.
"Most people don't like evil beings like demons," Narissa sighed.
"What?" he scoffed. "Who would be so dumb as to dislike us?"
"Oh let me think, the king, the princess, the commoners, the servants," Narissa counted on her fingers and then turned to face the fuzzy gray ball. "Should I go on?"
Sentenza glanced around the room again, and then slid his guns back into his holsters. "I'm heading into the woods. In case any of you feel the need to follow me." He turned back to Og'drimun and added, "Don't blow up the place while I'm gone."
In the confusion, Sentenza almost made his way to the door, past Death as he was still working on doing a handstand before Trizel realized it. "Wait! You still need to explain things."
"Open your ears then. Follow me into the woods, and we'll," he pulled out his pistol and spun the chamber as he finished by saying, "sort out our issues once and for all."
Sentenza slammed the door behind him as he walked out into the storm.
"Awe man," whined Og'drimun. "I wanted to see a fight." he turned to look at Trizel and Ted and added, "Seems like I already missed one."
"This is a lot of information to take in," declared Sid as he blinked.
"Do you...I mean...uhh..." stammered Ted. "Do you want to introduce us to your friend there?"
Narissa scoffed, but before she could say anything, Og'drimun leaped off of her shoulder and spun around in the air.
He puffed up his chest and in a deep, booming voice, declared, "I am the great Og'drimun! King under the mountain! Ruler of the deep. The feared destroyer whose mere presence makes the hearts of the bravest men quake! None can..."
"Enough of the theatrics," Narissa sighed as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. "He's essentially a scrawny imp now and is more hot air than anything else."
Og'drimun deflated as he turned towards her and in a nasally voiced complained, "Narissa!" as the lizard golem slowly waddled into view behind him.
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