After sitting around feeling alternately sorry for yourself and horny for a minute or two, you decide that enough is enough. One way or another, your situation wont improve if you mope around here. If you wander through the woods a little on your way home, you might be able to find a dryad or pixie willing to help you out.

The problem with being a Drakeling again, you muse, is the lack of thumbs. Makes it hard to grant yourself any relief.

You nearly stumble as that thought finishes forming.

Was... I was I not always a Drakeling? I thought I was always a Drakeling. This update must have messed me up more than I thought.

An uncomfortably cold breeze blows across your *CENSORED*, causing you to abandon that line of thought in favour of finding something warm to bury yourself in. Ideally, you'd like to find a dryad's tree. You think you remember them usually being welcoming and more than willing to help fellow monsters. Many of the other denizens you recall living in the woods would require bargaining with, always difficult when you did not share a language. You idly fantasise about the fresh scent of dryad *CENSORED* for a few moments, before you hear something ahead of you.

“Yeah? Well fuck you too Dave! I'm not the one who wanted to play this shitty old game!” echoed a female voice from some distance away. You can't make out the response, but you hear her retort.

“I don't give a fuck Dave!”

The voice sounds, somehow, even more pissed off. It also sounds distinctly feminine. You consider following the noise, trying to list the possible outcomes.

One, you die. But at least you won't be horny as fuck any more.

Two, you manage to defeat what is hopefully a party of two, low level adventurers and gain some loot to temporarily decorate your cave with, or barter away for *CENSORED* from the first thing you find.

Three, you manage to *CENSORED* an adventurer. While distinctly the least likely outcome, it also sounds really, really good right now. That Gobliness has left you both randy, and angry. A good old fashioned hatefuck with one of the banes of your existence sounded really good right now.

You accepted that you weren't exactly thinking with your top head, but seeing as even as you had been listing pros and cons you had swung around to make a beeline towards the argument, it seemed like you'd made your choice.

Fuck, and probably die trying.

The argument, or at least the side of it you could hear, continues to act as a marker as you steadily stalked forwards. Your *CENSORED* made your already lacklustre stealth even worse, but luck was on your side. By the time you could hear the other side of the verbal battle you were downwind, up a tree with purple leaves which worked wonderfully to disguise your red scales. With a reasonable view of the path, you decided to wait here and see what comes your way.

“Amanda, can you please stop this? Can we just try one of my hobbies?” The male voice sounded quietly pissed off, but also defeated.

“Ugh, this stupid fucking VRM stuff is dumb anyway. Non of it matters. Wake up and smell the roses Dave, its 2050. We have better things to do that this!”

You carefully move a small amount of foliage out of the way and are suddenly greeted by a sight that makes your blood run cold.

There was indeed only two adventurers walking down the path towards you.

The woman was waving her hands emphatically, burnished copper hair bouncing as she stalked forwards. She was wearing a light robe and bodice, but areas that didn't move like cloth belayed the armoured reinforcements underneath. Slung across her back was a long staff ending in the holy mouse of Ellebana, the goddess of vision, beauty and artistic design. *CENSORED* that were, you estimated, about the size of apples quivered with every step she took and while her *CENSORED* was well covered by the shapeless cream layers of her robe, when her legs were visible through slits to allow free movement, they were long and toned. You couldn't help but lick your lips. She looked to be rather short for a human, probably around the five foot mark.

Her companion, on the other hand, was a nightmare. A man almost seven foot tall and made to look even taller by the diminutive size of his companion, clad in full plate mail and armed with a sword emitting a palpable aura at his waist.

“I can't even do anything cool!” the woman, Amanda, complained

“That's because you're still low level.” The man, David, explained, with the air of someone who has had to explain this several times. “That's why we're here, to help get you up. Look:”

Taking his advice for yourself, you squinted at them, triggering a perception check. A moment later, basic information appeared around them.

Amanda Cindersun, Level 1 Cleric of Ellebana

Hero, Human, Active, Explicit

Time Since Creation: 2 hours

Time Played: 1 hour

You couldn't take advantage of your incredible luck however, as you looked at David.

David Blackstone, Level 84 Fighter

Hero, Human, Active, Explicit

Time Since Creation: 60,514 hours

Time played: 7,213 hours

You gulped. Yup, death it was going to be.

David unslung a crossbow that looks more like a miniature siege weapon from his back and squinted into the sky. With a click, he moved so fast you didn't see him move from one pose to the other; now his crossbow was pointed towards the sky and a shrill whistling noise that lasted about a second tore though the air, ending in an audible thunk.

Amanda had stopped walking, as had David.

“Was that supposed to look cool? What did you even do?”

There was a crashing noise somewhere off to your left followed by two short musical refrains, layered over each other poorly, from Amanda.

“Fuck was that?”

“You just levelled up to level... three. Cus we're in a party, when I do something, it helps you. Give it an hour or so and you'll be high enough we can go do some really cool stuff!” David said, with a large grin on his face. The grin slid off as Amanda stamped her foot.

“I am NOT doing this for an HOUR! I'm done David.” She crossed her arms and sat down in the middle of the road.

David stared down at her. “Yeah. OK, we are.” He made a few small hand movements, probably in a menu of some kind, you thought.

“What are you doing? What do you mean?”

“I'm un-partying with you. Otherwise next time I log in your character will still be following me around like a lost puppy. See you around, Mandy.”

Apparently finished, there was a brief flash of white from the two of them, and then another, smaller one from David. His eyes blanked for a second, before clearing. He looked around a little before settling on Amanda, still on the floor, staring at him in shock. “T'is not safe for one as inexperienced as you out here. I recommend you head home, miss. If my player wishes to abandon you however, I will not go against his wishes. Goodbye.” With a bright flash of blue, David vanished.

Your mouth hangs open. So does Amanda's.

“David? David! Get back here you god damn little-” the voice cuts off, accompanying another white flash. Amanda's eyes go vacant, then return. She shivers a little, even though it's not cold.

“Oh dear.” her voice is very similar, but without the undercoat of venom, without her player. “Ooooh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear oh no. Oh no.”

She starts to hyperventilate. You watch, entranced, as her rapid breathing causes her breasts to bounce. After a few moments, the game registers your staring and begins to fill in more information about her.

Amanda Cindersun, Level 3 Cleric of Ellebana

Human, Hero, Inactive, Explicit

Time since created: 2 hours

Time Played: 1 hour

Feats

Meek – you gain more experience from others helping you, and positive spells you use on your allies are more effective.

Kind – You gain more experience through helping others, and the cost of beneficial spells you cast is lowered.

You smile, if possible, even wider. Of all the two emotion traits to pick, those two made sense for a healer, especially one David had been planning to party through the lower levels. But they meant when not being actively controlled, and away from her party, Amanda Cindersun is what you'd like to call “Easy Pickings”.

Of course, your erection reminds you... you're not here for a kill. Not yet, at least.

The woman in front of you starts emptying her pack onto the path, panting as she names each thing.

“Staff, good, good, that's good. Bedroll, hopefully wont need that. David had the tent. Uh, rations, for, for, for about half a day. Healing potion, that's good. Um, painting supplies, that's uh, that's nice. Uh, what's... this?”

Amanda produces a blood red gem around the size of her clenched fist, and squints at it, obviously activating her own perception.

“Claimant Crystal? Granted at level 3, used to...” she devolves into muttering for a few seconds. “Oh, that's um, nice. When I get back to civilisation I can make a little house and never leave it again. Oh gods, why did David have everything important?” She pauses for a second. “Oh yeah, strength of two hundred and an infinite haversack. That makes sense.”

She spends a few moments staring at the meagre collection in front of her, then tucks her hair behind her ear and starts packing up again

“OK Amanda, you can do this. You're level 3 now. That's pretty good going! You've only been an avatar an hour. Maybe this forest is full of nice monsters and straight paths and helpful talking trees to point you in the right direction-” she babbles to herself.

Well, that's just too good an invitation to pass up, you grin to yourself and let the leaves obscure you again, before clearing your throat loudly and saying. “Well, one of those things might be true.”

Amanda screams and jumps to her feet brandishing her staff, looking around in shock and no small amount of fear.

“Who- who's there?” she asks in a wavering voice.

“Don't worry. I'm a friend. I'm sure we can find a way to help each other.” you grin as you imagine exactly what help she can give you.

You can half see her biting her lip as she edges closer to your hiding place. As she approaches, she brings the staff up against her body instead of holding it out in front of her. This, coupled with your heightened vantage point gives you a tantalising glimpse down the bodice of her robes

“Are you a... talking tree?” she asks, staring at the trunk.

“That would certainty seem to be the case, would it not?”

“How... how can we help each other?” she asks, gaining confidence as more time passes without her being set upon by the horrors of the wild. She's nearing the outer reaches of the tree's branches now, although still several feet away from being underneath you.

“If you help me with a certain... itch of mine, I can get you home, by the quickest route”

Her face clears, and she giggle lightly. “Trees can itch? Oh your poor thing, that must be awful. Of course I'll help!” She spins around and plants her staff into the earth, leaving it stuck upright. As she turns back towards the tree, she passes underneath you. Seizing the opportunity to separate her from her staff, you drop down, catlike, behind her.

“Where is this itch?” Amanda asks the tree in front of her, as soon as it's within arms reach. When the tree doesn't respond, she straightens up and puts her hands on her hips. You sit down behind her and wrap your tail around your feet, comfortably.

There's something to be said for presentation, after all.

“Tree? Are you alright?” she asks after a few seconds of silence.

“In my defence,” you begin, causing her to jump nearly a foot into the air and try and turn at the same time, landing unsteadily. Seeing your chance, you leap at her, flapping your wings just once to crash into her chest. As she starts to waver, you leap backwards, kicking off against the fabric of her bodice and digging in just a little with your claws. As you land in your original position, Amanda finally looses her balance and falls, crashing backwards into the tree trunk and falling to her ass.

“Owwwww!” she moans, hands flying to her head where it struck the wood. The sudden movement exacerbated the tears your claws had made, and the front of her bodice peals open, baring her *CENSORED* to the warm forest air.

Amanda lets out a noise best described as “Eep!”, hands flying to cover her exposed flesh instead.

You cock your head at her and let out an amused snort, before continuing you earlier train of thought. “I never actually said I was the tree.”

Amanda's eyes fly open and she stares at you, hands still cupping her *CENSORED*. Her eyes go, if possible, even wider.

“Ooooohh dear,” she whimpers. You spend a few moments revelling in her fear. To her, you probably looked terrifying. It felt good to be the object of fear for once, rather than an irritating speedbump. You keep a tight control of your malice, however, and rearrange your forelegs and tail to hide your *CENSORED* from her gaze. You can feel yourself *CENSORED* slowly as you plan how you wish to proceed. Instead, you offer her a lopsided smile.

“Do we still have a deal?” you ask, after a moment, trying to inject just the right amount of calm sincerity into your words. Your words seem to shake her out of her stupor.

“What?”

OK, maybe not.

“Is our deal still on? Do you still want me to show you the fastest way back to one of the human cities?” you ask, keeping your voice slow and measured.

“Oh! This... This isn't a trap?” She seems, if anything, more confused.

“I swear to you, on my honour. I have not lied to you this day.”

Amanda pauses to consider, absent-mindedly reaching up with one hand to rub the back of her head again. You savour the brief view of pale *CENSORED* before she covers herself again, this time with a single arm across her chest.

“And you just want me to scratch an itch for you?”

“That's right. These,” you shuffle your forelegs, internally crowing at her word choice, “are not best suited to this particular itch.”

You can practically see her attempt to divine your intention, and you can see her relax as she sees only what you want her to. That you have been entirely truthful.

“Ok! Where's this itch?” she asks, reaching out to you with both hands. You make no effort to hide the fact you're staring at her *CENSORED* as they stand, *CENSORED*, before you shift your forelimbs to either side and flatten your tail. Your *CENSORED* twitches, pointing directly at her, and she freezes, another “Eep!” escaping her lips.