"If you so much as disturb a single hair on his head, you will die and there will be war between the goblins and the elves, fool," Roaming Wren snarled with her composite laminated hunting recurve at full draw and four arrows on the string. Yes, she is that good to shoot four arrows and strike all her targets at such a short distance.

Then I heard the creak of Cloud Eye's longbow as he came to full draw with four more arrows.

"He is the adopted son of Storm Eagle, King of the Green Elves," Cloud Eyes stated, "and my companion here is Princess Roaming Wren, fourth daughter of the Elf King. If you bothered to look at our travel documents, you would already know this. Put your weapons up, and we can talk this out."

No one moved. The hobgoblin soldiers glared at my two-footeds, and my two-footeds glared back. It did not escape my notice that Owl had throwing spikes in his hands, ready to throw.

A hobgoblin officer in a chainmail hauberk and plumed helmet came running out of a door, followed by a dozen more soldiers. This could turn sour very quickly. I debated what to do when I noticed Cat was chanting quietly and felt magic gathering. What was he doing?

The officer and his soldiers tripped and fell. I couldn't tell why. I heard a pandemonium of colorful goblin swearwords which I would never repeat in public from the troops on the ground.

"Garkparzel!" One of the original four soldiers with the halberds swore and lost his balance. His halberd descended toward my boy as he fell.

* εασιλλι, ἰκ σμεεκ δ, τρανσφορμεαρjε δ ἑλλεβααρδεν ν βρεα! * I improvised in a panicked hurry. And then I quickly added * εασιλλι, ἰκ σμεεκ δ, τρανσφορμεαρjε δ πλκεν ν σηφτ σûκερσûκελ ! * when I saw Wren's fingers twitch.

The halberds turned to bread and the arrows turned to soft taffy. Cat deflected the descending bread halberd with his walking stick. The taffy arrows, all eight of them, hit their targets. Then I realized why the soldiers had tripped: all of their trousers and underpants had fallen down. The situation was so tense, and the dropped pants so hysterical in contrast that I let out a loud yowl of laughter.

I didn't intend this to happen, but my yowl drew every eye to me. Oh well. I might as well see what I could do to defuse the situation. * Μεμ Γοαδιννε, jου μν τινζεν δε jυκκεν ὀμ τροχ ἐλκενιεν τε εἁρρεν! * I cast mind talking on myself.

"Goodness, you are also a mage," the lady bureaucrat looked at me with a surprised expression, though I noted she had tied off the reins of her horse and had stepped out of her cart. I didn't spend any more time on her though. I mentally cleared my throat so everyone could hear me and walked forward.

I strolled casually forward, ready to cast a spell to freeze everyone in place if I needed. It turned out to be unnecessary. I walked up to the officer who tried to slide back away from me. I stepped on his dropped trousers and that stopped him. I walked onto his abdomen and sniffed his face.

* Well, Leftenant, you don't seem to smell like a fool so let me give you a little advice. I do have your undivided attention, yes? *

"You can talk?" the poor hobgoblin looked rather gobsmacked.

* Well, I am a magical creature so yes, I can talk. See that boy behind me? The one with the round ears who is the son of the King of the Green Elves, who just happened to have human parents before he was adopted and raised by the elves? He just happens to be my charge. I am his protector. *

I leaned forward and growled so everyone could hear me. * I would take it very poorly if he got hurt because some soldier didn't do his proper job to read his travel documents. I've never eaten a hobgoblin before but there's a first time for everything. So I suggest that you folks pull your pants back up and we can start this over and forget this little misunderstanding, yes? *

I leaned a little more forward so he stumbled back on his hands while staring at my big sharp fangs. I regretted just then that I went to great lengths not to have bad breath. A little halitosis would have been a nice touch.

"That...that...that sounds like a good idea, miss mountain cat," he nodded his head with such passion that his helm fell off.

* Very good. I knew you looked like a smart officer. * I made sure my tongue was good and wet and licked his face in approval. * Carry on. * I strolled away toward my boy, noting that Wren had turned around to hide her efforts not to laugh. I wished she would be a little more serious. I could only hope she would lose her bouts of childish behavior soon as she approached adulthood. In contrast, Cloud Eye looked pensive and Owl looked troubled. My boy was frowning and giving me a concerned look. I stopped next to his pony and looked up at him.

* I liked the move with the pants. That was good, but next time, turn their weapons into something harmless like food or water. Just a suggestion. *

"It was the first thing that came to mind. I didn't want to hurt anyone. That would have been bad," he nodded. "I did think of levitating them instead, but dropping their pants took less energy. I'll play around with changes in material and see how hard it is. I haven't done a lot of that. I have to be more careful with my reserves since I don't have your stamina."

"How very interesting," the tall lady bureaucrat in her flat hat and her black gown appeared next to us. "So both of you are mages. You look so young to be a mage, young sir."

"I look young for my age, ma'am," Cat smiled in his harmless way. "I'm used to being taken as less experienced than I am."

"So let me see if I have guessed right," she smiled back with a friendly face. "You must be the talented young mage who brought down a snow wyvern with an entirely new spell last year at the home of the King of the Green Elves," she turned to me, "and you are the divine beast who is his guardian. How extraordinary to meet you on the road. If you like, I can show you folks the way to the palace since I pass it on my way home."

* You know a lot about us, * I remarked, studying her and wondering who she really was. I wondered how old she was. It was difficult to tell with goblins because their skin didn't age and wrinkle like humans.

"Well, I have a senior position in the government," her friendly smile didn't waver, "so I hear things at court. At this point, I should introduce myself, I am Magrat. I'm in charge of the Equalizer's Office."

"I am Cat Rider, and my furry friend here is Fuzzy," made a decent formal bow from horseback. "So when you said you'd mention my ideas about dealing with Nordweg mercers to the boss, you meant…?"

"Yes, the boss is the queen," she smiled that unwavering smile of hers. "You are an interesting young man, Cat Rider. I'm happy I had the chance to chat with you outside of the stifling rules of proper behavior at court."