《Pay me in Venison》26. The Joys of Constipation
Advertisement
The three elves counted seven different wolves going in and out of the den. They left in groups of two or three to hunt. They came back with meat from kills. There were probably two or three mothers about to give birth or who had already given birth.
The elves spread out in the trees surrounding the den entrance. They began to pick off the active wolves with arrows, one by one. In a day, all seven were dead, and we were seven gold pieces richer. Before they left, Cloud Eye started a large fire using charcoal at the mouth of the den and then felled a tree to block it. The tree would keep the remaining wolves inside, and the charcoal fire would exhaust all the good air in the den so the mothers and cubs would die of the sleeping asphyxiation. We didn't claim any credit for the wolves trapped inside the den since we had no proof we had killed them.
"Funny thing about those wolves," Cloud said that evening as we packed up to leave in the morning. "They were red wolves. I've never seen red wolves this far west before."
"How far west do they usually roam?" Cat asked.
"Osterius," Cloud rolled up a pair of stockings. "Red wolves don't like our drier climate. They like the big forests with the trees that lose their leaves every year. The blue wolves are the ones who like our evergreen forests and high plateaus."
The Goblin Queen had sent one of her hobgoblin soldiers with the horses. They called them horses, but from an elven perspective, they were ponies. If Motley Owl didn't use the stirrups, he could brush the ground with his toes.
It took a bit of maneuvering to get Cat on one of the horses. He was too short and not strong enough to mount on his own. Motley Owl finally walked over, picked Cat up, and put him in the saddle. Cat pouted for the rest of the morning. Owl sometimes forgets how touchy Cat is about being short and weak.
Advertisement
The hobgoblin was just a taller version of the goblin farmers but with a far worse personality. Our hobgoblin was called Tweed, and he was unpleasant, to be charitable. He wore leather scale armor and an iron helmet. He had a short sword hanging from a scabbard on his belt, and a round shield slung over his back. What one could see of his face reminded me of a potato, only colored green.
Tweed didn't like the black masks my hunting party wore that covered everything but the mouth. He also took an immediate dislike to Cat Rider. "Stinks like human excrement," Tweed would mutter every chance he could get, making sure he was within Cat's earshot.
That remark displeased me. Cougars have good noses; not as good as dogs, but certainly better than goblins. My boy smells like elven soap. Trust me on this. Tweed didn't even acknowledge I existed. I think he was convinced I was some kind of pet.
As we left the hospitable goblins of Cedar Stands, Wren rode up alongside me, since I didn't get a horse. "Look, Fuzzy," Wren pointed back at the palisade of the village while wearing an evil grin. "They took your decoration suggestion." I turned to look. Several goblins were using their magic to make every pole in the palisade a different color.
"Petel sent a message to all the neighboring villages telling them about this," Wren chortled in a most sinister manner. "Whoever knew what a great influence you would have on goblin aesthetics, Fuzz." Wren was greatly amused by this.
We passed through three villages before we stopped for the night at the fourth. The village head escorted us to the guest house and ushered us in. Owl and Cloud started to lead the horses around back. Just as I was putting my paw on the front step, a boot lifted my chin and pushed me backward.
Advertisement
"Animals stay in the shed," Tweed declared.
Everyone froze as I tumbled backward. I picked myself up, out of the dirt, and shook the dust off. I sat down and took a deep breath. Then I let it out slowly. I relaxed my shoulders and looked at the hobgoblin with a death wish.
"Fuzzy! No!" Cat shouted.
I sprang and took Tweed down, a paw on each shoulder.
* My hunting party has five members: three fighters and two mages. I am the second mage, and I like sleeping on mattresses. * I stepped over him as I walked inside. There were no more incidents like that one, but Tweed's attitude didn't change.
By the end of the second day, I was out of patience with the ill-behaved hobgoblin. I cast the healing spell to cure constipation on Tweed when we stopped for the night in another small goblin village. I'm sure it was not a nice thing to do, but whoever said I had to be nice to people who insulted my boy as frequently as breathing?
Tweed had the runs so badly by morning that we had to leave without him. It was such a shame. We cheerfully took his map and the road pass and went on our merry way. For the rest of the day, Cat kept giving me these suspicious looks. I can't imagine why. I was doing my best to appear completely innocent.
I found the goblin kingdom to be a pleasant place. The little green people with round heads were peaceful farmers. Once they got over their initial caution, they were friendly. They liked that we were here to hunt down dangerous animals. The only downside I could see was their terrible taste in decoration which only got worse the closer we came to Kizdangengar.
In the larger towns, the houses got taller, where every outside wall and every story was a different color. So a four-sided two-story house would host eight different colors, with contrasting shutters, of course. I also noticed one other strangeness about the colors of goblin buildings: they never used green.
Advertisement
- In Serial1363 Chapters
VRMMO: The Unrivaled
Lu Chen used to be a ranker of the most popular VRMMO game, Spirit of Grief. After a car accident turned his dreams into dust, his disability left him incapable of escaping the pit of mediocrity he was thrown into. Helpless and defeated, his story ended.Two years later, the Eternal Moon Corporation launched a new VRMMO called "Heavenblessed", and Lu Chen stumbled into another terrible accident that left him in a complicated situation far beyond his ability to handle. That won't stop him from rising to the top, however. Not again.Come witness the rise of the sword-wielding zombie and the relationships he makes during his journey to the apex! For riches and bi- ahem, for career and love!He wields a demonic sword from Hell, he dons armor shining with Heaven's light. His boots stride across the sky as his helmet devours the souls of his enemies. On his left side sits the Goddess of Death. On the other, the Angel of Beauty.From the land of ice and death, a generation of Asura Kings rises, their roars reverberating throughout the world.Tremble in fear, noobs!
8 8158 - In Serial1353 Chapters
Refining the Mountains and Rivers
A young man's life changes when he stumbles upon a mysterious item. Qin Yu had never been a lucky person. Weak of body, bullied by his peers, and with only his friend as his family, he struggles day-by-day to live. But everything changes when he stumbles upon a little blue lamp. An immortal and demonic cultivating adventure.
8 3346 - In Serial2455 Chapters
Mortal Cultivation Biography
A poor and ordinary boy from a village joins a minor sect in Jiang Hu and becomes an Unofficial Disciple by chance. How will Han Li, a commoner by birth, establish a foothold for himself in in his sect? With his mediocre aptitude, he must successfully traverse the treacherous path of cultivation and avoid the notice of those who may do him harm. This is a story of an ordinary mortal who, against all odds, clashes with devilish demons and ancient celestials in order to find his own path towards immortality.
8 1057 - In Serial1503 Chapters
Dragon Prince Yuan
Destiny stolen at birth, the prince of the once mighty Great Zhou Empire, Zhou Yuan, has been plagued all his life by a fatal poison, forced to suffer powerlessly until one day when fate draws him into a mysterious domain where he meets a beautiful girl in green, a bizarre dog-like creature and an unfathomable old man in black.Join Zhou Yuan as he is thrust into the whirlpool of destiny while he seeks the pinnacle of cultivation.
8 1060 - In Serial677 Chapters
Ranker's Return
In the early days of the virtual reality game, Arena, meleegod was the strongest ranked player! He deleted his character and suddenly left. In order to restore his bankrupt family, he returned to Arena!"Do you want to create a character?"
8 1719 - In Serial1525 Chapters
Monarch of Evernight
Qianye rose from hardship but was felled by betrayal. From then, one man, one gun; he tread the path between Evernight and Daybreak and became a legend. Even if Evernight was destined to be his fate, he still intends to become the ruler who dictates.
8 22867

