《Pay me in Venison》26. The Joys of Constipation
Advertisement
The three elves counted seven different wolves going in and out of the den. They left in groups of two or three to hunt. They came back with meat from kills. There were probably two or three mothers about to give birth or who had already given birth.
The elves spread out in the trees surrounding the den entrance. They began to pick off the active wolves with arrows, one by one. In a day, all seven were dead, and we were seven gold pieces richer. Before they left, Cloud Eye started a large fire using charcoal at the mouth of the den and then felled a tree to block it. The tree would keep the remaining wolves inside, and the charcoal fire would exhaust all the good air in the den so the mothers and cubs would die of the sleeping asphyxiation. We didn't claim any credit for the wolves trapped inside the den since we had no proof we had killed them.
"Funny thing about those wolves," Cloud said that evening as we packed up to leave in the morning. "They were red wolves. I've never seen red wolves this far west before."
"How far west do they usually roam?" Cat asked.
"Osterius," Cloud rolled up a pair of stockings. "Red wolves don't like our drier climate. They like the big forests with the trees that lose their leaves every year. The blue wolves are the ones who like our evergreen forests and high plateaus."
The Goblin Queen had sent one of her hobgoblin soldiers with the horses. They called them horses, but from an elven perspective, they were ponies. If Motley Owl didn't use the stirrups, he could brush the ground with his toes.
It took a bit of maneuvering to get Cat on one of the horses. He was too short and not strong enough to mount on his own. Motley Owl finally walked over, picked Cat up, and put him in the saddle. Cat pouted for the rest of the morning. Owl sometimes forgets how touchy Cat is about being short and weak.
Advertisement
The hobgoblin was just a taller version of the goblin farmers but with a far worse personality. Our hobgoblin was called Tweed, and he was unpleasant, to be charitable. He wore leather scale armor and an iron helmet. He had a short sword hanging from a scabbard on his belt, and a round shield slung over his back. What one could see of his face reminded me of a potato, only colored green.
Tweed didn't like the black masks my hunting party wore that covered everything but the mouth. He also took an immediate dislike to Cat Rider. "Stinks like human excrement," Tweed would mutter every chance he could get, making sure he was within Cat's earshot.
That remark displeased me. Cougars have good noses; not as good as dogs, but certainly better than goblins. My boy smells like elven soap. Trust me on this. Tweed didn't even acknowledge I existed. I think he was convinced I was some kind of pet.
As we left the hospitable goblins of Cedar Stands, Wren rode up alongside me, since I didn't get a horse. "Look, Fuzzy," Wren pointed back at the palisade of the village while wearing an evil grin. "They took your decoration suggestion." I turned to look. Several goblins were using their magic to make every pole in the palisade a different color.
"Petel sent a message to all the neighboring villages telling them about this," Wren chortled in a most sinister manner. "Whoever knew what a great influence you would have on goblin aesthetics, Fuzz." Wren was greatly amused by this.
We passed through three villages before we stopped for the night at the fourth. The village head escorted us to the guest house and ushered us in. Owl and Cloud started to lead the horses around back. Just as I was putting my paw on the front step, a boot lifted my chin and pushed me backward.
Advertisement
"Animals stay in the shed," Tweed declared.
Everyone froze as I tumbled backward. I picked myself up, out of the dirt, and shook the dust off. I sat down and took a deep breath. Then I let it out slowly. I relaxed my shoulders and looked at the hobgoblin with a death wish.
"Fuzzy! No!" Cat shouted.
I sprang and took Tweed down, a paw on each shoulder.
* My hunting party has five members: three fighters and two mages. I am the second mage, and I like sleeping on mattresses. * I stepped over him as I walked inside. There were no more incidents like that one, but Tweed's attitude didn't change.
By the end of the second day, I was out of patience with the ill-behaved hobgoblin. I cast the healing spell to cure constipation on Tweed when we stopped for the night in another small goblin village. I'm sure it was not a nice thing to do, but whoever said I had to be nice to people who insulted my boy as frequently as breathing?
Tweed had the runs so badly by morning that we had to leave without him. It was such a shame. We cheerfully took his map and the road pass and went on our merry way. For the rest of the day, Cat kept giving me these suspicious looks. I can't imagine why. I was doing my best to appear completely innocent.
I found the goblin kingdom to be a pleasant place. The little green people with round heads were peaceful farmers. Once they got over their initial caution, they were friendly. They liked that we were here to hunt down dangerous animals. The only downside I could see was their terrible taste in decoration which only got worse the closer we came to Kizdangengar.
In the larger towns, the houses got taller, where every outside wall and every story was a different color. So a four-sided two-story house would host eight different colors, with contrasting shutters, of course. I also noticed one other strangeness about the colors of goblin buildings: they never used green.
Advertisement
- In Serial8 Chapters
Primordial Evolutions
The High Heaven Realm, a realm that has experts as numerous as trees in a forest. At this place, there lives an 8-year-old boy. This boy is called Jing Guanyu, a physically crippled boy who cannot has a crippled body and no energy system, preventing him from embarking on the paths of Essence and Energy Cultivation. The only path left to him is the path of Divine Cultivation, a mystical cultivation path that focuses on the soul and forming contracts with the Spirits of powerful Spirit Beasts that have taken human form. However, when he spends over 4 years trying to sense the spirit force of his first Spirit Beasts Spirit Realm, the rest of the clan deem him as a complete waste. One day, when the young man was 13, he met his first spirit contract, and his Legend begun there. The Legend of the creator of the ultimate cultivation Scripture in history. The creator of the Primordial Evolution Scripture, Jing Guanyu! The Primordial Emperor! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The inspiration for Book (brackets say roughly what I got inspiration from) Do note: I do completely copy anything from any books. All of this book is original and all the books mentioned below are simply inspiration that gave me the ideas in regards to whats in the brackets. It may seem similar (like with MW I also use the E-E-D cultivation but my definitions and cultivation realms are different from the inspirations) > Martial World (Cultivation Paths) > Lord Xue Ying (Non-Generic Plot) > Stellar Transformations (Unique Cultivation Technique) > Consuming Earth, Devouring Skies (Character Development) > Ancient Godly Monarch + Invincible (Martial Spirits + Own touch to this idea) > The Storm King + Lament of the Fallen (The Soul Realm/Soul Domain) -------------------------------------------------------------------- Final words: Ok, I will just say that there are several reasons why the MC's cultivation speed is so mediocre despite how "talented" he is. There are logical reasons and they will be explained when necessary. Just remember that cultivation speed isn't everything. Hope you enjoy. I will take constructive feedback and logical criticism. However, I will not even reply to illogical criticism, rants or salty people who got pissed off because the main character didn't get "that divine medicine" or "this divine sword" or whatever. Note: I have marked all 4 of the content warning boxes due to a uncertainty in how dark, gory, descriptive or traumatizing my story will get. Btw, the cover isn't my property but was gotten from a website on mythology (greek I think). IF they ask me to take it down, then I shall. IF NOT, then IDGAF. LOL
8 152 - In Serial120 Chapters
Memories of the Gluttonous Sage
Cain wakes up like any other day--well I guess it would be night now. He discovers that with the nocturnal life, very few options for food are available. As such, he orders food, follows his daily routine, then takes a nap. Only to find out it was no normal nap, but a transdimensional nap. He wakes up in an unknown world filled with many fantasy like features. However, unlike fantasy games, novels, and tv shows, this is real life. This fact just excites him all the more. Despite feeling scared, worried, or panic. He just feels... free. No longer bound by the rules of the previous world, he can finally chase his dream. His dream that others called absurd and even crazy. But who cares? To him, it was one of the very few things that will always be fun, no matter how much time passes. Boredom is an eternity spent in a second, an eternity he never wants to experience again. Even if it means passing time by mindlessly. Watch the journey of Cain as he explores the unknown, gets kicked out of a few restaurants for eating too much, hibernates (sleeps) for 14 to 24 hours, and wreaks havoc in this new world. No one shall restrict his freedom any longer, and to those who do, he'll annihilate the obstacles and use the people or organizations in ways we can't even begin to imagine.
8 126 - In Serial26 Chapters
Tale of Lolicon in Another World
Preface : Fanfiction yet Original. Fanfiction because there'll be a lot of character and town name that taken from popular game/manga/novel. Only the character name is same. Character personality is following mine (Author) dream. Original story created by me. Based of my unique dream 10 years ago. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Synopsis : 5 years after the dissapeared of his father, Ryousuke Akira got a mysterious package from him. He then knew the existance of the another world Edea. With the help the item power he then train himself untill limit. 10 years after that he meet the self proclaimed goddess in the hospital room after 2 months hospitalized because of traffic accident. Using the ability he got toward the goddess he then obtained a 'cheat'. Using his cheat he 'collect' his dream as a gentleman (Lolicon). Starting the journey with destroying a Kingdom that hunt him, he leisurely go tourism while adding more harem member to go to the promised place Midgard
8 161 - In Serial17 Chapters
Eternity's Prophet
This is the story of an ordinary college student who lives in a world of super heroes. He too wants to become a hero but he was born with a rather useless ability. So he decided to be a normal working citizen that may benefit society. But that took a huge turn when his new roommate arrived which opened a new route in his life, the life of adventure, a life that involves beasts, demons and gods.
8 146 - In Serial161 Chapters
1:24 am//poetry
Exploring the depths of my oh-so complicated brain / poetry / quotes
8 136 - In Serial15 Chapters
Won't Tell a Soul
Nino runs head long into the biggest and most dangerous secret he can imagine, but now that he knows the truth about Marinette he had to do everything he can to help.
8 351

