There was nothing left of the nest but glowing embers. To my surprise, I was still able to loot the corpses as if they had fallen to my flail instead of arson. The bizarrely unburned legs and venom sacks popped into my inventory while I rummaged through the ash. Another sixty copper pieces went into my pocket. I was approaching five hundred in total, but I had no idea if that made me rich or just not quite as poor as Harold the Beggar. Though reluctant to do so, I turned my attention to the grand prize. There was no waiting chest to bypass the cheating victory. I’d killed this thing outright. Pride and revulsion waged war in my soul.

Corpse – Shinara the Spider Queen

I was grateful that the dark tresses masked her death rictus. She was a monster, yes, but she had once been a princess. Heiress to a kingdom. A beloved daughter to a doting father. Now she was a hybrid creature out of darkest nightmare and I consoled myself with her final look of acceptance. Deep within, she must have retained a sliver of her humanity. That had to be why she smiled faintly as her life ended. I prayed she might reunite with her lost family in whatever afterlife they believed in. My finger triggered the looting.

Item – Ring of the Duskthorne Dynasty (rare)

Type – Jewellery (finger)

Description – A ring bequeathed to Princess Shinara by her father King Dalton Duskthorne. Hung from a necklace of finest gold until she came of age and could finally don the family sigil. As a final insult, the dark witch Cloris Vonner left the bejewelled trinket with her vile creation. It served as a reminder of what Shinara might have been had the king listened to the accusations of abuse brought against his brother, Prince Alex. Instead, King Dalton chose family honour over justice and in so doing doomed his only living heir.

Requirements – Int 3 Wis 3

Effect – + 3 Dexterity + 3 Charisma

Misc – None

Item – Lock of Shinara’s Hair (rare)

Type – Fetish

Description – This hair, as black as night, was taken from the Spider Queen herself. Containing the tainted magic of Angaxx the spider god, it imbues the wearer with arachnid gifts. Tie to jewellery or keep on one’s person to gain benefits

Requirements – None

Effect – Provides immunity to web adhesion.

Provides ability - Arachnid Setules to wearer

Misc – None

I had no idea what setules were, so I left the severed strands in my pack while I looked over the rest of the gear.

Item – Spider Queen Venom Sac (rare)

Type – Weapon augmentation

Description – The purest form of concentrated spider toxin. Distilled by centuries of hate and rage, this venom has a chance to incapacitate almost all low level biological enemies as well as apply poison debuff.

Requirements – Int 6 Wis 6 (Augmentation Lvl 4)

Effect – Causes paralysis. Causes poison.

Misc – Will not work on non-biological entities.

Item – Spider Queen Silkweb Gossamer (rare)

Type – Crafting

Description – A stronger version of the common threads drawn from webspinners.

Requirements – Int 6 Wis 6 (Crafting 5)

Effect – Can be crafted into powerful items

Misc – High resistance to slashing damage ???

Item – Resurrection Scroll (rare) x 2

Type – Non-mana spell

Description – This scroll allows the reader to resurrect any biological entity

Requirements – None

Effect – Once cast, will revive any biological creature

Misc - None

The haul was prodigious and I marvelled at the valuables. The ring was sized for a lady’s finger, but in my hand it magically grew in size, fitting me perfectly as I slipped it on.

“Ok, that’s clever.”

The pointless chain became a simple gold necklace that I could sell to any trader. I discovered a hundred silver coins that joined my copper stash. If I’d had to carry them properly, I would eventually be dragging a sack behind me the size of a family car. That would scupper any chance I had of moving quickly or approaching with stealth. Beside the grunts of heaving the bloody thing along, I’d jingle so hard I could be heard in other worlds. As amusing as that might be to the aliens watching, I could only assume they had binned the idea as unconducive to an entertaining spectacle and sized our pack accordingly, like Mary Poppins.

Standing amidst the destruction I’d wrought, I wondered what came next. Without any pointers, I ran up the curved stone and jumped for the web. Catching hold of it, I began to climb.

“Mark, what are you doing?”

Bart’s voice caused me to flinch and lose my grip. I rolled down the same curvature of stone I’d just ascended and came to a stop by his feet.

I glared up at him, the room still spinning. “You could’ve appeared before I tried to climb out.”

“Sorry, Mark.” He held out a hand and pulled me to my feet. It was unsettling to feel the awesome power in the arm when it looked like a pale, liver spotted twig.

“What now?”

“Let’s head back to the safe room, shall we? You deserve a drink.”

“You can say that again.”

“Might I suggest we refrain from alcohol this time?” he cautioned.

“I can’t promise anything. I’ll never have another hangover, so what’s the harm?”

Bart shook his head. “I see your point. Here we go.”

Everything flashed white for a split second and I found myself back in the warm bedroom.

“There aren’t any spiders in here, are there?”

Bart conjured a pest control certificate. “None at all. This is an insect-free safe room.”

I sunk into the soft chair by the fire and summoned a double brandy. “I can’t believe I made it.”

“Point one percent.”

I sipped at the amber liquor before turning towards him. “Excuse me?”

“Only point one percent of you made it through unscathed.”

I paused with the glass at my lips. “Point one percent?”

Bart nodded.

“Wow.”

“Wow indeed, Mark. My superiors are extremely happy with your performance so far.”

I thought I’d give it another try. No harm in asking, right? “Any chance we can call it a day?”

“No. But you’re one step closer to the goal. How do you feel?”

“Honestly? A bit numb. Like I’ve woken from a dream and I’m not quite sure what’s real and what’s not, you know? That weird few seconds where the mind tries to hold on to the fantasy while the real world asserts itself.”

“That sounds quite bizarre.”

I took a larger gulp of the brandy, letting the heat blaze a trail down my throat. “You don’t dream?”

“No. And the way you describe it, I’m quite glad.”

“Oh, Bart, you have no idea what you’re missing. They can be bloody awful, but also the most beautiful things in the world. You can be someone incredible. You can be the guy who gets the girl. You can have the family you always wanted.” I’d often dreamed of my own upbringing and how it would’ve been if I’d actually had parents that cared for me. I downed the rest of the liquor as my mood soured.

He frowned. “But it’s all an illusion.”

“Not when you’re in it, it’s not. It’s as real as this room. As real as you and me. The dreams, both good and bad, stay with you forever. They can change you.”

Bart’s expression shifted to one of reflection. “I can see now why your species creates such wondrous fantasy.”

I finished off the brandy. “When life hands you lemons, you create magical worlds to escape from them.”

“I’m not sure that’s how the saying goes.”

“It’s how mine goes, Bart.” I conjured a fresh tipple and turned to him. “What happens now?”

“My advice would be to open all of your achievements and see what you’ve received. Then it’s a simple case of picking your first world after we go through some basics.”

I remembered the pages of hidden worlds. “What’s with all the ones hidden by question marks?”

“They will reveal themselves as you increase in power and skill.”

“Aren’t the eight enough?” I was weary beyond words at the thought of fighting through another realm, much less seven, and then dozens more.

“I can’t make that decision. I’m sorry.”

“Can I get a supervisor down here? I need to make a complaint.”

“Any complaints must be made through me, Mark.”

“I was jo… wait, did you say I could make complaints?”

“I did.”

“Will they make any difference?”

He pulled a face that said; what do you think?

“Fine. But I want to see my dog. And Cris.”

Bart pulled his vanishing trick again. Except this time Honey appeared with him. She whined in fear until her deep brown eyes locked on mine. Darting over, she jumped into my lap, knocking the glass flying from my hands. I was drowned in doggy kisses, laughing like a madman the whole time. Her rump was wagging so hard she slipped from my lap. I caught her before she could fall and pulled the soppy pooch into a tight hug.

“I missed you, bubs. Have you been a good girl for Mrs Atkins?”

She chuffed softly in answer.

“Has she been bribing you with my chicken?”

Her head cocked to the side at the C word and she licked her chops.

“I don’t have…” I’d forgotten where I was from the joy of seeing her. A small plate of shredded breast appeared on the arm of the chair. She wriggled around and sat back down, waiting for my signal. “I think I’m going to feed you this time, bubba, ok?”

I was entirely forgotten now the perfectly cooked meat was waiting. I spent the next five minutes feeding her like I had when she’d been sick. Even though she was wildly excited, Honey took each morsel from my fingers with delicate care.

“Where’s Cris?”

“I was only allowed to bring your canine companion.”

The chicken was gone so Honey set to work on the plate itself, licking it clean. “We call them dogs, Bart. May I ask why you wouldn’t give me a few minutes with Cris?”

“I just couldn’t. I have to return Honey now too.”

It hurt to lose her again, but the short visit had soothed my soul in a way I couldn’t describe. Perhaps it was the fathomless love from a creature that had no ill will, no ulterior motives other than sharing their heart and short life with whichever human they chose.

“Bart, do I keep the powers once I’ve finished everything?”

“I don’t know the answer to that. Why?”

“Because there are a whole bunch of animal abusers that I’d like to set my rat swarm on. See how they like getting attacked.”

“And eaten,” Bart added helpfully.

“I was just going to take a limb or two, but now you come to mention it, I think I’d like to let my minions do their worst.”

“Mark, it’s time. Honey, here girl.”

I was about to warn him that she didn’t do well at obedience unless food was involved, but she gave me a quick lick and went to Bart’s side as if he was the damned dog whisperer. “Traitor.”

She doggy grinned and then they were both gone. I expected the ache of separation. What I hadn’t expected was her visit to light a fire under my arse. Somewhere in the chaos I’d forgotten about the lives of those who couldn’t speak up for themselves. Call me a pussy. I don’t care. I was an animal lover. Maybe the word love was too strong for Chihuahuas, more a grudging respect. I don’t know if I had some kind of anti-huahua-pheromone, but the little sods hated me. I’d lost count of the amount of ankle nips I’d suffered while walking Honey. The owners were distraught and assured me their beloved little ball of hell hadn’t done anything like that before, and I was inclined to believe them. I mean, my calves are good, I’d just prefer they not end up with tiny little needle punctures from Peaches the snow-white demon floof.

Bart snapped back into existence in his favourite chair. “Have you checked your achievements and loot?”

“You were gone like two seconds, Bart. My previous girlfriends might say I was quick, but not that quick.” Why was I on an ex-girlfriend one all of a sudden?

“I’ll wait.”

“Thanks. Then I’d like some answers about what’s coming if you can share that information?”

“Perhaps,” he replied, vaguely.

“You suck.”

“That’s what she said.”

I side-eyed Bart.

“No?” he asked.

“No.”

“Very well.” He straightened his posture in the chair and stared at the fire.

I returned to the achievements and was hit by another wave of scrolling tabs.

Achievement Unlocked – Dungeon Complete – Lair of the Spiders

Description – You have completed the second tutorial dungeon. Good work! (Honestly, no sarc!)

Reward – Basic Loot Box (Bronze)

Achievement Unlocked – Tutorial Dungeon Complete!

Description – You have finished both levels of the tutorial dungeon. Great work!

Reward – Basic Loot Box (Bronze Superior)

Achievement Unlocked – Arachnid Exterminator

Description – You destroyed the Spider Queen Shinara. The people of Eshudin will rejoice that they may walk safely in the night once more.

Reward - Boss Loot Box (bronze)

Achievement Unlocked – Cold Hearted

Description – You murdered every baby in the tutorial except for lootable companions which you probably wanted to kill too. You evil son of a bitch.

Reward – Chillguise Pendant

Achievement Unlocked – Wrecking Ball (No Death Run)

Description – No Miley this time. Only you. No licking! You are a one man killing machine, destroying everything in your path with ease. Your enemies tremble, as if the very hooves of the Four Horsemen are clattering towards them instead of cheap moccasins.

Reward – “Fated” tattoo

I wasn’t too keen on the tattoo and said as much to Bart.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s like your magic ink that only shows up under blacklight. Except it’s not. Your thoughts can make it visible or not as you command.”

“So I can think it off?”

“Yes.”

“Does it summon a dirty great meathead covered in practice tats to put it on me?”

Bart scowled at my bizarre remark. “No, it just… appears. Like magic. But not the ink. No blacklight needed.”

“Take a breath. You’re confusing yourself.”

“Give me a break. I’ve been on your world a day.”

I winked at him to show I was kidding. “Do I get to choose where it goes?”

“Umm, no.”

“So it could appear on my face like Mike Tyson?”

“It could cover your entire face, and head, and body. It’s random.”

“You’re not filling me with hope here,” I muttered.

I had so much loot to go through but the tattoo had me intrigued so I pulled it up.

Item – Tattoo – Fated (Level 1) (epic)

Type – Body modification

Description – The symbol of the Fated. One’s whose destinies are ordained to be greater than mere mortals. Mediocrity fades. Legends live forever.

Requirements – Having skin

Effect – The Fated tattoo allows you to drain a portion of the life essence of any living creature to restore your own.

Misc – Can only be used once per day.

“Once per day? What a crock.”

“If you could drain everyone you came across you’d be immortal. A god.”

“I don’t see the downside.” I replied.

“Try telling that to the millions of corpses you could leave in your wake.”

“What would they care? They’re dead.”

“Are you being facetious?”

“What’s poo got to do with anything?” I grinned.

“Facetious, not faeces.”

“I know, I know. Yes, I’m messing around. Don’t panic. I’m not going to go all Grim Reaper on the universe.”

“Thank goodness. You had me worried there for a moment.”

“So I just activate it and hope for the best?”

Bart nodded.

“Please not Mike Tyson. Please not Mike Tyson.” I figured if I begged hard enough, it might listen as I triggered the process.

For once my efforts paid off and it went to the second worst place for anyone seeking gainful employment; my hand. A dark red spot appeared on the skin with the feeling of a pinprick. I started to waft my hand when a burning sensation spread across my previously unblemished skin, taking the crimson ink with it. I watched in painful fascination as the unseen artist created his masterpiece. The whorls ended partway down my fingers, looking like tiny wrapped snakes. Dead centre on the back of my hand was a bleeding, open eye. I damn near fell out of the chair when it turned to look at me.

“What the shit?” I rubbed at it as if I could just brush it off.

“It signifies that they are watching you.”

“They who?”

“It doesn’t matter. All that matters is you’ve got their attention.”

I tried to avoid looking at it, but the bloody thing was looking at me! “Bart, do you know how off-putting this is? I’ve got to sleep with this!”

“Mark, just fade it out. One thought, that’s all it takes.”

I had a horrible feeling it would remain, even when I was doing… other stuff. Rubbing one out while a huge bloody eye stared at me was bound to put me off my stroke. My breath blew out in a grateful sigh when it seemed to drain into my body and disappear like a liquid. “Thank god for that.”

“Now for the rest of your gear,” Bart urged.

Item – Chillguise Pendant (rare)

Type – Jewellery (necklace)

Description – Legend has it this black chain was torn from the neck of Is’Tok the Chillwraith when he took corporeal form during the war for Adarim. Berrick Tharn, the brave commander who wounded the lord of the nether-realm, was encased in ice during the battle. To this day, his form stands proudly outside the Indriac Citadel, frozen until the magi can undo the curse.

Requirements – Str 12 Int 10

Effect – Offers high resistance to cold and cold effects

Misc – Chance to freeze melee enemies for 10 seconds upon being hit

I lacked the prerequisites, but the cold protection sounded awesome. My holiday preference was a Turkish resort with forty degree heat. Pools and cocktails. I’d tried skiing once. I looked like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, except bright, garish orange. Even with all the insulation I was freezing the whole time. Never again.

It was time for the loot boxes. I started with the basic bronze, leaving the best until last.

Item – Adventurer’s Helm (common)

Type – Clothing (armour, light)

Description – A leather helm fashioned from the hide of oxen

Requirements – Str 2 Dex 2

Effect – Provides low resistance to critical damage

Misc - None

Not the worst thing I could’ve had. It fit snugly around my head when I equipped it, smelling of the curing ointments. I moved on to the superior box.

Item – Iron Greaves (uncommon)

Type – Clothing (armour, heavy)

Description – Smith-forged armour deisgned to protect the lower legs.

Requirements – Str 4

Effect – Provides damage reduction to lower legs

Misc – Heavy armour types reduce stealth

With nothing to lose, I popped them on. They held in my fluttering trousers, but I felt instantly safer from any Chihuahuas I might come across. It was time for the boss box.

Item – Gauntlets of Spite (rare)

Type – Clothing (armour, light)

Description – Beside himself with grief, Shinara’s father sent Eliot le Chaleureux, the kingdom’s most elite ranger, to end her suffering. Instead, Eliot fell first to her beauty, and then to her venom. Once her children had hatched, Shinara returned what was left of the champion to the king as a warning. No further expeditions were mounted by the bereft monarch. Eliot’s magical leather gauntlets remained as her prize.

Requirements – Dex 6

Effect – Increased ranged critical strike damage

Misc - None

“Not too bad. If only I had a weapon to use.” Not that I had much experience shooting with a bow and arrow. I was more Legoless than Legolas. “I think that just about wraps it up, Bart.”

“Very good. It seems your efforts paid off.”

“If I’d come out of this with a broken straight sword I’d have been pissed.”

“A broken…”

“Never mind. What are these basics you were talking about?”

“Now that you’ve completed the tutorial phase, more of your interface will become active. You can level up, select a class, take on quests, and begin learning the non-combat skills related to the game.”

“You mean like using Shinara’s web material?”

“When you reach the required skill, absolutely.”

“I assume level up means picking stats to increase?”

“Indeed. Read each category thoroughly and decide in which direction you wish your capabilities to lie. You can spread them out, but that will limit you in other ways.”

“Jack of all trades, master of none kind of thing?”

“It depends how you approach the worlds. There’s nothing stopping you from boosting them all if you have the time to devote to the grind. My advice, for what it’s worth?”

“I’m all ears.”

“Specialise. Leave the other skills to someone else.”

I sat bolt upright in my chair. “You said someone else. Do you mean other volunteers?”

“No. I was talking about people within the worlds you encounter.”

“You mean the creations. The NPCs?”

A brief flash of confusion passed over Barts face. “Yes. Exactly. The NPCs. You are travelling to worlds of great danger. They will have their own active adventurers trying to help.”

“What aren’t you telling me, Bart?”

“Nothing. And that brings us neatly on to classes.”

I could tell he was lying, but what was I going to do? He’d given me the pleasure of spending time with Honey when he really didn’t have to. I was in his debt. “Paladins, all that stuff?”

“Yes. You can pull them all up once you hit the world and read through them. There’s no immediate rush to pick one. See what you feel comfortable with when you’ve had a chance to complete a few quests.”

“I’ve done well so far with the flail, so a melee class seems ok. But on the other hand, I’ve only made it this far because of my minion summons, so maybe a sorcerer would be better?”

Bart raised a warning finger. “No. Don’t conflate your summons with real spells. Even at a low level you can use them while being a warrior. It’s only the really powerful creatures that require a hefty investment into intelligence.”

“You make them sound pretty badass, Bart.”

“They are, but so too will you be by investing the points into physical stats like strength and constitution.”

“And dexterity. Did you see my rolls in the dungeon?”

“I did. Your agility will only improve as you put points into it. Not to mention your weapon skill.”

“You’re not making my job any easier here.” One of my biggest weaknesses was always at character creation. I’d fret over the most minute details, hoping to make as close to a perfect character as possible. I’d cheat my arse off and reroll in Baldur’s Gate until I got a ninety plus to allocate. I’d dig deep into each class, worrying about how they would fare across various encounters. The problem was that it was all unnecessary. A tiny weakness here and there was never game breaking, but do you think I could stop myself? Nope.

“You’ll figure it out, Mark.”

“I guess I don’t have much choice, do I?”

“No,” Bart replied. “Are you ready to pick the world?”

“Not in the least.”

“Ok, but you’ll still pick one?”

“You know I will,” I sighed.

“Did you want anything to eat before you leave?”

“If I did, I’d only throw it up. I’m scared shitless.”

“Just think of what you’ve already been through. Would the Mark of yesterday ever imagine being able to complete such a feat?”

“I guess not.”

“You didn’t get the Fated mark by luck. Your abilities are exceedingly rare. Point one percent.”

“Just call me Luke Skywalker.”

“I don’t know who that is. My point is you’re quite remarkable.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere.”

“Ready?”

I shook my head vigorously while answering, “Yes.”

“That’s the spirit!”

The room disappeared in a flash.