[ZERO SPACE]

A triangloid strutted through dreary catacombs, twirling a glowing halberd. Its crystal blade flooded dark corridors with shimmering rainbow light. HIs armor was beyond appraisal; numbers didn’t go up that high. It was the work of a master craftsman, or possibly several. No man or monster could scratch it, or even get close enough to try. This was a Zero Space legend, a Haven myth, and on the forums, a spicy meme.

Zero Space’s greatest player approached the catacombs’ greatest treasure: a golden shield with the image of a dragon on it. It stood on a decorative mantle, placed within a suspiciously large room. This was prime ambush real estate, but no man or monster dared impede him. That shield was as good as his.

Strolling up towards the treasure, he reached forward --

-- Hot pink spikes erupted from the ground, puncturing his armor like wet paper. Several protruded from his gut, a few from his limbs, a couple from his eyes, and one from his groin.

The triangloid convulsed, then fainted. The bottom half of his fractured weapon dangled from his hand. A river of blood crept through fissures in his armor.

[THE HAVEN]

A man in a business suit ripped off his Zero Space helmet.

“What the fuck was that?” yelled the man. “Who made these spikes?”

Developers gathered around a darkened cubicle, watching with anxious eyes.

“I will ask one more time,” yelled the man. “Who is responsible for this?”

A lone hand shot up from the crowd.

“I did the art, Sir!” said Super Duper, adjusting her fedora. “Do ya like the color?”

“I hate the color,” said the man. “I hate everything about these spikes!”

The man scowled at huddled programmers.

“Which one of you implemented this?” the man asked.

Coder Joe stepped forward.

“I did, sir,” said Coder Joe.

The man’s eyes narrowed.

“They were programmed to spec, Sir,” said Coder Joe. “Zydan designed it.”

The man grew silent. He exhaled a deep sigh, stroking his icy gray goatee.

“I should have known,” said the man. “Take me to my idiot son.”

***

“It’s fine Dad,” said Zydan.

“It’s not fine Zydan,” the man said. “And don’t call me Dad here. You will address me as Sir, Development Director, or just DD, like everyone else.”

DD adjusted his tie.

“Now explain to me why my max level character was killed instantly by something I couldn’t see.”

“These spikes aren’t a gear check,” said Zydan. “They’re a knowledge check.”

DD scratched his head. “In a language I can understand please, Zydan.”

Zydan cleared his throat.

“Players beat content faster than we can make it,” said Zydan. “This grind prolongs content churn, allowing us to catch up on development.”

“Huh,” said DD, stroking his goatee. “I do suppose we’re always a little behind.”

The junior designer Kyle shoved his way to the front of the group. Coder Joe planted a firm hand against his chest.

“I know what you’re thinking,” said Coder Joe. “Don’t do it.”

Kyle held his tongue.

“Consider this a retention feature,” Zydan continued. “Players will need to come back to this dungeon multiple times to complete it.”

“Huh,” said DD. “I suppose we don’t want players beating this on their first try.”

Kyle shook with rage.

“And finally, it brings our community together,” said Zydan. “Players from all guilds will need to come together to solve the mystery.”

DD nodded, stroking his goatee.

“All valid points,” said DD. “Huh. I underestimated you Zydan. I knew there was a reason I made you my lead designer --”

“Bullshit!” yelled Kyle.

Silence fell across the crowd. Coder Joe facepalmed.

“Hardcore players will blast through our content, no matter how hard we make it,” yelled Kyle. “And everyone else will struggle!”

All eyes focused on Kyle.

“Those hardcore players won’t share info with anyone else,” said Kyle. “They’ll keep it to themselves. Because we don’t have a community. We have a warzone!”

Zydan tapped his rings against his desk, glaring at Kyle.

“Prog guilds are just a small part of our user base,” said Kyle. “Everyone else is suffering. Look at our metrics: ninety percent of players never even make it past the Goblin King.”

Kyle turned towards Zydan.

“And you know what happens when players get frustrated?” asked Kyle. “They stop playing.”

DD’s eyes widened in horror.

“Fixing the whole game will take time,” Kyle said. “But we can start here. With these spikes.”

Kyle pivoted to Coder Joe.

“Joe, give those spikes a warning state that lasts three seconds,” said Kyle. “And lower their damage to thirty percent.”

Kyle spun towards Super Duper.

“Super Duper, create a visible decal under those spikes to telegraph their location,” said Kyle. “And make them brown or something. You know, logical spike colors.”

“You got it boss!” said Super Duper.

“I’m boss,” said Zydan. “I’m lead designer --”

“Actually Zydan, I am the boss,” said DD.

Zydan shut his mouth.

“We’re moving forward with this new design,” said DD. “Now everyone, get to work!”

The developer crowd dispersed.

“Huh,” said DD, nodding at Kyle. “Not bad. Seems you’ve got a future around here.”

DD rustled Zydan’s hair.

“Better watch out Zydan,” said DD. “This new guy might replace you.”

DD laughed and walked away.

“That seems unlikely,” Zydan muttered.

[ZERO SPACE]

Lanzer tore through an oversized drumstick.

“Yum yum yum!” said Lanzer. “No one makes meat like Shield Tavern!”

Shae squirmed in his seat. It wasn’t just the wooden bench that made him uncomfortable; he questioned the source of that meat.

“Oh oh oh,” said Lanzer. “Exciting news. Since the dragon requires eight people, Sizey is making me a part of his team!”

Shae washed down the news with a swig of ale.

“I’m surprised he didn’t include you Shae,” said Lanzer. “Next to Chief, you’re probably the strongest Feather Bird. And you’re kinda famous now too!”

Other tables caught wind of Shae’s presence - his outfit made him hard to miss. Shae ducked his head behind a pile of mashed potatoes, avoiding whispers and stares.

“Matt doesn’t want to work with me,” said Shae.

“He might have to,” said Lanzer. “Especially if we take on the tower. That mission requires sixteen people!”

Lanzer licked his teeth clean.

“Anyway anyway anyway,” said Lanzer. “I guess you probably invited me out for a reason.”

“Yeah,” said Shae. “Something bad went down. I need your help.”

“Shae,” a voice interrupted.

DangerFace869 stood to Shae’s side, appearing out of nowhere.

“Sorry I couldn’t make Asira’s thing yesterday,” said DangerFace869.

“Don’t apologize to me,” said Shae. “Apologize to her. What do you want?”

“Sizey’s taking me on a practice mission,” DangerFace869 said. “We need a fourth.”

“I’m busy,” said Shae. “Go bother Umi.”

“Umi can’t make it,” said DangerFace869. “Personal reasons.”

“Then find another Feather Bird,” said Shae. “I’m not your mentor anymore.”

“So you admit you were my mentor.”

“No!” yelled Shae. “Go annoy someone else.”

“I’m sorry I annoy you,” said DangerFace869.

“Wait, that’s not what I --”

“Danger Face!” yelled Sizey from across the courtyard. “Hurry up and pick a mission!”

DangerFace869 gave him a blank stare, then hurried away.

“Hold up,” said Shae. “Danger Face!”

Too late; DangerFace869 was gone.

“Ughhh,” Shae groaned.

“Well well well,” said Lanzer. “That was awkward.”

Lanzer took a swig of foaming mead.

“I need to find an exotic,” said Shae.

Lanzer spit his mead all over Shae’s outfit.

“What what what?” asked Lanzer. “An exotic? Where’d you hear about that?”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Shae. “This is really important.”

“Fine fine fine,” said Lanzer. “But travelling between servers is kinda a big deal!”

Lanzer grabbed a bread roll.

“Here here here,” said Lanzer. “ Think of this bread roll like our server. We live inside this bread roll, and it’s impossible to leave.”

Shae nodded.

“But you’re a premium account user,” Lanzer continued. “That means you can move between bread rolls. Erm, servers.”

Lanzer grabbed a fork.

“Think of this fork like a pathway,” said Lanzer. “We devs just call them paths.”

Lanzer jabbed his fork into a bread roll.

“Paths go between servers.”

Lanzer impaled a second bread roll.

“See see see?” asked Lanzer. “They’re connected by a path!”

Shae nodded, sipping ale.

“Only premium account users can use paths,” said Lanzer. “The one I know about is next to Stone Tower.”

Shae spat ale across Lanzer’s face.

“Stone Tower?” yelled Shae. “That’s all the way past Sunlight Forest!”

“Yup yup yup,” said Lanzer. “It takes a whole day to get there!”

GONG

“Trader Town’s night feast begins in six hours,” said a mechanized voice.

Six hours until night? That was barely enough time.

“We should leave now,” said Lanzer. “There’s no party limit. Take everyone you can!”

Shae opened his palm interface:

FRIENDS LIST Friend Name Status Asira Online Bander Online Dalli Online DangerFace869 w>+gr5vY?q2=e 9..`..?qw> 4 Lanzer Online Umi Offline

Shae and Lanzer sat in stunned silence, staring at DangerFace869’s entry.

“No no no,” said Lanzer. “Please tell me he didn’t...”

“That idiot,” said Shae. “He entered the glitch mission!”

Shae rose, spinning both pistols.

“Wait wait wait,” said Lanzer. “Shae, don’t tell me you’re going to --”

“I have to,” said Shae. “He’s going to get himself killed!”