2.5.2

Irrevocable

Terrell stood flanked by two Guardians, in addition to Suza.

Astrid flashed her eyes to Anders. The officer then pulled the white-armored guards into an interview with himself and Tenya. Away, and by the doors, so Terrell could cross to his fellow Channeler unattended.

Astrid found the impulse to rush to him, to hug him and find joy in his safety, denied by a hardened scowl set in his brow.

Terrell kept his distance, and a distasteful glare dragged over her armor from her boots to her face.

“Terrell…” she began. “I’m so sorry.”

“I never thought we’d see you again.”

Instead of pleased, he sounded annoyed, and Astrid swallowed under his stare.

“I wasn’t allowed to say goodbye. It all happened so fast.”

Her childhood friend crossed his arms. A tense moment passed, and Astrid’s nerves chilled under the abrasive reception.

“But I can help now,” she continued. “That’s why I’m here.”

“I’m surprised you even remember where to find the place.”

“Of course, I do. This place was my home.”

“You were free. You are free.” Terrell tossed a hand as if to shoo her. In his clear hum of energy, she felt a sadness. Buried under a mountain of resentment. The hot-blooded Terrell showed himself cold to her. “Just go. We’ll deal with this ourselves.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Astrid pressed him, perplexed by his ire. “It’s not just me, there’s Statics on the outside that will help. We can do something about this, that’s why I left! Why are you being like this?”

Astrid felt slapped. The hope she meant to bring turned rancid on her.

“Who are you kidding?!” he retorted. “You left because it was the only opportunity that was ever going to come, and you took it. And I don’t blame you, Astrid, I don’t, but don’t come back and make yourself a hero, like you aren’t glad to be gone. Maybe if we’d been allowed to follow this wouldn’t have happened!”

“I could do something about it if you’d just tell me—”

“Harlowe is dead, Astrid!” Terrell’s voice rose as he pointed roughly to the ground beside her. “He was killed, right there. All our trainers, the Guardians, supposedly here for our safety, all dead! And it meant nothing!”

Harlowe had been only seven when Astrid left. A shy, timid boy who would’ve rather hid than fought. Her crystal bloomed at the assault Terrell poured over her. Guilt and rage and desperation for blame.

At the outburst, the Statics along the perimeter roused, but they kept their distance.

“Why did it happen?” Terrell threw to her.

“You’re asking me?! That’s what I’m here to find out!”

“Decades of constant monotony, and within a year of you being on the outside, this happens. So yeah, I think you know more about why than we do.”

Astrid’s blood raced in her veins and her body’s temperature rose. It took all the restraint she could muster to redirect the rising energy.

“Terrell, I’m going to find them. I’m going to track them down and get our people back!”

“Leave it alone, Astrid. You’ve done enough. They’re probably better off.”

Astrid took an involuntary step forward, shaken by his words.

“How can you say that?! After what you saw happen here?! You don’t even know these people!”

“Whoever did this, they could have just killed us all. They didn’t. They took them with. Maya. Finn. Neema. Nigel. Opal. Kids, Astrid! That’s a lot of work and care to just execute them the second they get out of here.”

Astrid stood, wild-eyed, while he assailed her.

“Wherever they are, they’re alive. And if they get loose on their own, maybe that’s the best and only chance they’ll get to finally be free. If you get to them, you’ll just bring them back here. To this!”

“Terrell, there are people out there that want us dead! Look around you!” Astrid shouted back now, appalled at his words. She gestured to the damage done to the Sanctuary, even to the armor in which she clothed herself, the signage of human-made-weapon. “This is what waits out there! I’m doing my best to change it. But now, right now, here, at least they’re safe!”

“Obviously not. And I don’t think you get a say in what’s best for us anymore!”

Their voices shot across the courtyard like gunfire. Astrid no longer cared for those that watched. Neither did she notice all other conversation around them died. She grew hot inside her gear. The hairs on her neck stood on end.

“You’re saying our people were kidnapped by the same people that spilled blood here, and instead of helping, you judge me? You’re glad they got taken?! Like it’s a good thing?!”

“Fuck you, Astrid! For assuming you could have saved them, like I chose not to-”

“Terrell, I-” Astrid’s voice ran raw, but he proved too furious to listen.

“You weren’t here!” A storm of wrath rolled from his bellow and over her. “You want to talk about this mess around us? You look at it! Why do you think it’s here, Astrid!? Why do you think they chose us?! It’s because of you, isn’t it? Because of what you’ve done! And you were out there! You were the one safe, while we got terrorized. And you weren’t here to stop it! So, don’t you fucking dare pass judgement on me!

“Go back to your new life and leave us the hell alone!”

Astrid’s heart erupted while she seethed, and unbidden, tiny arcs of power lashed the ground under her toes. Her skin lit while she gnashed her teeth against his indictment.

“Well, look at you,” Terrell sneered. “All-powerful and losing your shit. And whose stepping in to stop you?”

He gestured broadly to the Guardians around, the men and women stunned and confused as to whether they even maintained the authority to interfere.

“Guess the rules are just bullshit after all, huh? Hypocrite.”

Oh, how she wanted to hit him. For a second, she could imagine how good it would feel to punch him. To show him just what she learned about standing up for herself on the outside. Her pores itched with energy that fumed to be used.

“Specialist!”

At her officer’s commanding bark, Astrid allayed herself. Anders pierced her madness, but still, she could not rip her eyes from the young man in front of her.

Her energy fizzled and seeped back into her skin and to her core. Her brightened pendant fell dull, and Astrid summoned a steadying breath while she pinned Terrell under a glower.

Terrell’s eyes shifted to the armored soldier who halted her, then back to her irate expression. The edges of his lips twisted in a tiny smirk that made her gut twist with them. She didn’t want to hear what snide remark coiled on his tongue.

“Fine,” she growled. “Be useless. I’ll find them myself.”

She turned away from his smug expression.

“So, you do answer to someone!” Terrell mocked after her.

Channeling her inner Rue, Astrid erected her middle finger to him over her shoulder. Maybe the trooper had some things right. Not everyone’s words warranted respect.