It's Monday, another day of class. I trudged into class slowly today, I couldn't sleep at all last night. Teddy is bound to pop any day and all she does is bitch and moan about how awful it is, I don't blame her, I'm sure it is awful, but that doesn't make it any less annoying.

She wakes up just about every two hours to go to the bathroom during the night and she doesn't walk quietly, no, she wants everyone in the house to know that she has to take a piss. She's been so unagreeable, which isn't like her. This morning I made breakfast, trying to be nice and all, but she yelled at me for making eggs because apparently she has developed an aversion to eggs.

Poor Nick is getting the brunt of it, she keeps telling him it's his fault (I mean it is) and that he is a bigger pain in the ass than the baby. He just apologizes and goes back to being compassionate and comforting, never standing up for himself. I can't tell if he's being so well-behaved because he's just an angel or if he's just as afraid of Teddy as I am.

I make it into the lecture hall and see Sam waving at me and gesturing his hand down to pat the empty seat next to him. God, he's painfully adorable. He's wearing a navy crewneck sweater with a white button down underneath and a pair of light wash jeans.

Like I said before, if I wasn't such an idiot I would totally go for him. Unfortunately, I am dreadfully awful at flirting and even worse at taking social cues.

"Hi Pheebs," his friendly smile fades as I sit down next to him, "Yikes, you look exhausted."

I shoot him a dirty look and roll my eyes, "What a greeting."

See that, that right there, is why I could never get a guy like Sam. What I should have said was something along the lines of, 'yeah, long night,' or, 'thanks to Teddy.' Even those responses are less than mediocre but at least they aren't bitchy. But no, I decided that God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everybody's problem.

His lip juts out slightly in a pout and his eyes flinch down to his white sneakers, "Sorry, that was rude."

I shake my head, "No, I'm sorry. It's just that my sister is driving me nuts."

He lets out a laugh through his nose and his pale brown eyes meet mine, "That bad, huh?"

I nod and begin pulling my notebook from the pocket in my backpack, "That bad."

The professor makes his way up to the front of the lecture hall and starts his lesson. I jot down notes, mostly due dates and things I already knew. He continues to drone on and on about things we've already been taught and the most uninteresting topics. He in no way even attempts to make his lessons interesting. I notice out of the corner of my eye that Sam keeps flicking his eyes at me to stare, what is he doing?

"Psst, Pheebs, do you need a ride home?" He whispers trying to move his mouth as little as possible.

I turn my head to glance at him, "I was counting on it."

He nods and turns his attention back to the professor. I bring my pen to rest between my lips and let my eyes wander over the features of his face. His kind eyes and pale pink lips are so intriguing. His nose slightly flat and bulbous at the end, his jaw sharp and cheekbones hollow. God he really does remind of me of a ray of sunshine, so bright and heartwarming. His kind personality is exemplified by his radiant appearance.

It's just like that for some people isn't it, they have a warm heart and a beautiful body. Their external beauty is a mirror image of their interior value, their kindness radiates through their skin.

Other people though, their exterior is a mask, a mask that hides their malevolence. Their rich brown hair and rigid face, their mossy irises and plump lips, they're just a guise--a guise meant to deceive. Their beauty draws you in, leaves you entranced, unable to think about anything else. It makes you question how such a beautiful person, someone so beautiful that it feels impossible for their beauty to just be external, can seem so cruel.

My gaze shifts from Sam to the stained glass window. It's also full of beauty, it portrays biblical stories through pictures. So pure and full of innocence, I'm not religious in any capacity, I grew up in a household completely void of it, but I can still see the beauty of a religious story.

How does one simply give themselves for the benefit of those who have done none but damage? Maybe that's what fascinates me, the idea of a selfless being, because it just seems inconceivable.

I have met very few people, even fewer men, that are completely benevolent in nature. Bob, the only true father I have, being one, and Nick being the other. I feel it goes without reiteration that I wouldn't be the person I am today without either of them.

Maybe someone like me, a scandalized person from birth, is only meant to have platonic benevolence. Maybe that's why the idea of being with someone like Sam, a naturally benign person, is unimaginable. How could a gentleman love a wench's child?

My attention is brought back to the lecture when the thoughts in my head are vocalized by the professor. "How is it that those exact opposite of you are those you're most intrigued by? The lamb to the lion? The honorable to the disgraced? That's what I want you to tell me. No limits, just write, due by this day next week. Class dismissed."

My brows lower in shock, how absurd that I am thinking of the exact topic of an assignment. I'm delighted by it, a limitless assignment on an abstraction I have yet to wrap my mind around, I can't wait to start. I jam my supplies back into my bookbag and zip it roughly before whipping it around to sit on my shoulder.

"Woah, eager to go are we?" Sam chuckles out.

I turn to him and dignifiedly lift my chin, "Like an adulterer to a whore house."

He shakes his head with a look of delight mixed with disgust. His expression mirrors that of a witness to a horrific car accident, mortified but mesmerized. "Alright then, let's head out."

I essentially skip out of the old church and to Sam's truck that rests parked far out in the lot. As soon as the audible click hits my eardrums I am swinging the door open and jumping into my seat. I pull the door closed and shove my bag to rest at my feet. I look eagerly at Sam, looking slightly frightened. He turns the key in the ignition and the engine fires up loudly.

He takes his hand to rest on the backside of my seat as he looks out the rear window to back out of the spot. He maneuvers out of the lot and to the road, I dial the radio until I find a station I am content with. We belt out eighties' rock at the top of our lungs as he speeds down the roads.

The way I feel with Sam is childlike. I have this carefree nature and am just completely energized by his aura. He doesn't ridicule my singing the way that Teddy would, he just follows along happily. I find myself feeling lost in his presence.

He pulls into the drive of my house and I hop out of the car. As I go to close the door, I make a choice I never thought I would. I open the door more and lean over the passenger seat. "Hey Sam, I just realized I don't have your number. I should really have it if this little routine of taking me home is to continue."

His face lights up for a moment, his brows raise and his lips curl into a wide grin, before he attempts to conceal it with a nonchalant expression. "Yeah, for sure."

I smile and take a scrap of paper out of the front pocket of my bag along with a pen. I scribble my number and my name onto it before extending my arm as far as I can to hand it to him. He meets my reach to grasp it and his fingers brush against my palm as he retrieves it.

"Thanks Pheebs. See ya Saturday." He glows.

I pull back over the seat and wave mildly, "Bye Sam." I close the door and make my way inside the house.

As soon as the door shuts, I let out a shriek of pure joy. I can't believe I just did that, I actually gave my number to a boy. Yes, that's the first time I've done that. I've never been in a relationship before or really had a crush even, I never saw the point. Why would I dedicate myself to one person when I've barely experienced life? That's not fair to me or the other person.

A grumpy Teddy waddles out of the main bedroom and into the living room. She gives me a glower and I immediately feel terrible. She must have been taking a nap before her shift later, my bad.

"Sorry Ted, I didn't realize you were sleeping." I apologize, my voice full of pity.

Her annoyed moue doesn't loosen, her eyes narrow even further. "Whatever you're screaming about better be good."

I can't help the smile that spreads across my cheeks, "I gave a boy my number, a really, really cute boy."

Her pathetic pout disappears and her eyes widen as her mouth falls open, "You, Phoebe Mae-- the eternal spinster, gave a boy her number?

I nod keenly, I can't contain my excitement. I normally would take offense to Teddy's spinster comment but I'm just too proud of myself. She shuffles over to the couch and yanks me down to sit with her, "Tell me everything. What does he look like? Does he have a nice name? Cool car?"

And that's exactly what I do, I tell her all about Sam. His adorable puppy-dog face, his red truck, his kind heart, everything. She lights up like a firefly when I spill all the details. She gushes about how much this reminds her of herself when she met Nick. That embarrassed me a bit, she was insufferable when she met Nick, she was so giddy. Her excitement turns to frustration when she realizes how long I've known him.

"You've known about this saint for over a year and you just now are giving him your number?" She taunts apathetically as she grabs be by the shoulders and shakes me around like a rag doll.

I laugh hysterically at her and yelp out between shakes, "I know, I know."

She lets go of my shoulders and my head floats about from dizziness. I blink away giddiness to allow my vision to find its focus back on Teddy. She lets out a few quiet, broken laughs while I try to center myself.

We sat on the couch for a while talking about different things, the baby, work, Sam. I ended up rushing out of the house to sprint to Darcy's for work.

I get there just in time, Darcy told me that I'm always in such a hurry to get places that I never look back to see where I've been. I find this to be rather untrue, I usually take my time when going places, I think she only pays attention when she thinks I'm going to be late.

I put all my belongings in their normal spots and take my spot at the desk. I'm given the returns from this morning to check and return to the shelves. It was a rather small stack so I finished putting them back in about three minutes.

I go back to the desk and grab my notebook, I have so many ideas swirling around in my head. This assignment is the first thought provoking paper I've gotten all semester so I'm rather excited to actually put my brain to work.

'The lion and lamb, predator and prey, always placed together despite their qualities. As human beings, we're fascinated by the unnatural and mysterious. We look for the idiosyncrasies in others that we lack, we're desperate to learn how they live with what we live without.

A lamb, creature of innocence, observes from a distance, desperate to have the courage of the lion. For it is meek and mild nature hinders it from thriving, it's only able to survive.

A lion, creature of guilt, stalks the lamb as it passes, craving to have a taste of its innocence. For its overbearing and proud nature hinders it from thriving, it's only able to survive.

Both void of a quality thought to be compulsory to flourish, left completely unaware of their eccentricities that could allow them to do just that, flourish, in their own unique ways.

As for us, our mortal souls, we are no different. We are but the lamb and the lion, wandering in search of what we cannot obtain. We are unaware of our own individuality, so we praise others that we view it in. We can't help but be drawn in, hoping to find a fragment of each other's unparalleled peculiarities in ourselves.'

I've never been able to articulate those intrusive thoughts before, I've finally done it. I am in no way relieved, although I've been able to get these ideas onto paper, they'll remain a constant shadow in my mind. It will forever cast doubt onto me in times I beg them to stay away.

I helped close up Darcy's, cleaned up the desks and tables set around, vacuumed the old brown carpet, and put away the returns that'd come back throughout the day. We walk outside and she locks the door behind her, this is where we part ways. I'm going to Tiff's to get food for both myself and Darcy and she is heading home.

Something is off today, Darcy was not her regular cheerful self. She mopped about quietly and held a wounded expression throughout the entirety of my shift. Not once did she crack a joke or speak kindly of those who came in, in fact she barely spoke at all. She did accept my offer for dinner though, bananas foster french toast and a sprite, and requested two over easy eggs and toast with a black coffee. That's what Eddie always got from Tiff's, two eggs and toast, he ate that exact meal just about everyday, sometimes multiple times in one day.

I make my way to the diner and use my jacket sleeve to open the frigid metal handle, the icy air is unforgivingly numb tonight. The warm diner air gusts against my bundled body as I walk in. I go to the counter and wait at the cash register to order, I'm taking it out so that I can eat with Darcy.

I tap the toe of my boot impatiently as I glance around the diner, waiting to have my order taken. As I do, I see that unmistakable mess of dark curls attached to a hunched over body. He sits with poor posture as he takes small sips from a steaming mug, looking down at the counter.

My attention is brought back to the cash register when Teddy's companionable voice rings in my ear, "Hey Pheebs, what're ya getting?" That nap earlier appears to have done her well, she seems to be back to her sociable, kind self. I gave her the order, I decided to get Eddie's usual for myself as well, just felt right.

She looked at me dejectedly once I finished the order, "Poor old gal, today must be hard for her. I'm glad you're spending it with her."

"What're you talking about?" I ask in befuddlement. What's today's date? October 29th. October 29th. I'm a fucking idiot. My eyes widen and I slap my hand over my mouth, "Shit, I didn't even realize what today was." Immediate dread fills my system and I feel my chest tighten as nausea sets over my stomach.

October 29th, that's the day Eddie passed away two years ago. I can't believe I didn't remember, no wonder Darcy seemed so grief-stricken. I'm so angry at myself, she probably needed me the most today and all I did was write shit down in my fucking notebook during my shift. God I feel so awful, I think I might be sick.

"I'll have John make your order first, you need to be with her." Teddy says as she brings her knuckle to swipe away tears from under her glossed over eyes.

"Thanks Teddy." I feel my lip quivering as my vision blurs from my tears. I'm such a horrible friend. I don't mean to make this about me but I'm going to, this is just another reason I couldn't hope to have a shot in hell with Sam, I'm such a blubbering idiot that I can't even remember important, heartbreaking dates.

I plop down in the seat nearest the cash register, when I do the seat squeaks piercingly loud. Harry's eyes shoot in my direction with a sour scowl that says, 'I want to kill everyone, even though no one has even bothered me.'

I tap my boots anxiously on the bar that sits at the bottom of the counter and twist the seat back and forth out of worry. Loud high-pitched screeches erupt from the stool as it's moved and I can't be bothered to stop, I'm too racked with guilt.

"Could you cut that shit out, it's bloody annoying," Harry grumbles as he slams the mug onto the counter.

I jump in my seat from the clash of the ceramic mug colliding with the countertop. "Could you keep it to yourself?" I retort.

Quiet, profanity filled murmurs come from Harry as his gaze shifts back down to the counter and he picks the mug back up.

Teddy brings out a bag of styrofoam take-out boxes and a drink holder with three cups. "Go on now, take it. Be quick, Darcy needs this."

I take the contents from her and rush out the door. Stumbling about trying to balance the drinks and food in hopes of not spilling them onto the sidewalk.

I have never in my life ran as fast as I did to Darcy's, I was like a colt, I ran clumsily but made it there within a few minutes and managed to keep all the food from hitting the ground.

I kicked the door with my boot and waited on the porch. Darcy opened the door with a miserable smile and let me in. As soon as the door shut behind the both of us, apologies and pleads pour out of my mouth like a steady stream. "Darcy, I'm so sorry." "I didn't realize what day it was." "I can't believe I was so stupid." "Please forgive me." "I'm so sorry, I'm such a conceited bitch."

She puts her hands up with widened eyes to stop my rambling, "Phoebe Mae. You are none of those things. I could never expect you to coddle an old woman like myself. There is no need to apologize, I'm just glad you're here."

I set the food down on the small side table next to the couch and pull her into a tight embrace, "Darcy, I'm so sorry." She pats my back lightly and whispers reassuring words into my ear.

We make our way into the kitchen, I apologize several more times on the way, which are followed by various cessations by Darcy, and put the food down on to the table. She takes her food and sets it out at her seat before taking the eggs and toast and putting them at Eddie's spot at the table. A small wince escapes her throat at the sight of the food in front of the empty chair, it makes my heart ache.

"I never did figure out why he looked those damned eggs so much," a sad smile spreads across her lips, "I'd make the same exact thing here at home and he'd say that it wasn't the same."

A tight-lipped smile pulls across my face and a short laugh blows out my nose. I can tell all she wants to do is talk about him, remember the happiness he gifted her. That's what I want her to do, anything that will make her feel better than she does right now. "Tell me more about him, I didn't know him very long."

Last year on this day, Darcy had her sister here to be with her. She's ill right now, nothing serious, just a cold. Teddy and I brought them home food from Tiff's and gave Dee our condolences. Now I know what they did, I want to be there for her when no one else can be.

"He was quite the flirt actually," her face brightens, "When I met him, I was about your age, he brought me a bouquet of wildflowers everyday for three weeks until I agreed to go on a date with him. I was always going to say yes but I wanted to see how long he would keep doing it for. I found out he was getting them from a nearby farm, just cutting them right off the stems. Quite the flirt, along with a man of petty crime," she joked.