《The Love Abroad》Chapter 21
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The sign said Dead End.
I can't turn around and go back to the house.
So...I'll just sit here and wait.
Wait until I figure out how I'm going to fix this.
(Tom's POV)
"I can't believe that just happened, I was sure she would say yes." Sarah places her hand on my back, Emma and Rich outside looking for her.
"Maybe she wasn't ready, Tom." I look at my sister whose eyes show sorrow and pity. "But don't you question how much she loves you."
"Marie loves you very much," I turn around to see my mum back from her drive out looking for my runaway girlfriend. "She told me, before we opened gifts. Thomas, my son, she thinks the world of you but perhaps she needs reassurance from you."
I pace the family room, rubbing my head frustratingly. "I tell her everyday how much I love you, how beautiful she is. Sometimes I don't even need to tell her because she can tell when she looks at me," I hide my face from everyone as I lean towards the fireplace. My eyes begin to hurt. "I don't know what to do anymore!"
I pound my fist on the mantle piece; the tears begin to fall slowly.
"Find her. Bring her home."
(Marie's POV)
If Kris were here she'd slap me until I died for being such an idiot. I didn't even bring my phone with me so I couldn't even call her if I wanted to.
I lift myself up and begin walking back the way I came; hoping I'd remember which house was Diana's. The moon lights my path but the temperatures are dropping quickly. I could really use the warm hug of a Hiddleston right about now.
I get to the end of the street when I see a dark figure walking steadily towards me. As it gets closer to the light post, Tom appears looking worried and flustered. He stops in his tracks, staring straight ahead at me. From 20 feet away I can see him wipe at his eyes.
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He was crying. I thought. I made Tom cry. I'm such a terrible person.
I was jogging and crying at the same time, closer and closer I got to Tom, the harder I cried. I fall in his arms, he holds me tightly as we collapse to the frigid cement below us. No words - just us, like the many times before - our bodies did the talking.
Finally the silence is broken; with the sounds of Tom mumbling the words I so desperately needed to hear. "I'll never leave you." I try to talk but every time I opened my mouth, my words quivered and were muffled from the tears.
"I love you, forever and always, Marie. I will do anything I need to, to convince you that you are worth the love and attention." His chin on the top of my head, I can feel tears fall, finding the ins and outs of my now stringy hair.
"Why me, Tom? Why is this happening?" I say, pushing away from him staring into his cold blue eyes. "Why do I always try to find the negative in this? Our friendship? Our relationship? Is it so bad that I wish you were flawed, that you weren't the most perfect, kind man I've ever met?" My crying breaks up the tears, which are slowly drying leaving water trails down my cheeks.
"Why is everything feeling like something out of Romeo & Juliet...better yet...a fairytale? Relationships are suppose to be this easy, Tom! WHY CAN'T I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY!!"
My breakdown. An emotional breakdown, one I've never experienced. One I never thought would ever happen. I've succumbed to my lowest of lows; I've reached my doomsday, my kryptonite.
I'm exposed in a way that I've always feared. Someone seeing me at my most vulnerable.
He just sits there looking at me feeling defeated. He holds my hands bringing them up to his lips. "You're afraid to be happy." He says in the most calming voice. "You're afraid to admit your happy, to be in love. To show your love for another," he grabs my face in his hands, his right thumb wiping down the trickle of tears.
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"But I do love you, Tom. With everything I have, it's just...I can't...not now." The pain in eyes knowing that I rejected his proposal tore my heart into pieces. "I'm not ready."
It was then I felt like the characters in one of Tom's films. The Deep Blue Sea. I always wondered why I had grown fond of it when Kris first showed me it and now perhaps, the reason is most certain.
I'm a mix of both Hester and Freddie, a self-destructive pessimist who can't seem to give anyone the love they desire. Tom is like the husband of Hester, who simply watches as his marriage falls apart because of the two-sided mind of his wife.
Only there's no marriage.
"We'll work through it. We'll do what we've always done; just have fun and spend as much time together as we possibly can. Marie, I'll wait as long as I need to. There's only one Mrs. Hiddleston card and it has only your name on it."
He kisses me softly, his hands still holding my face.
"Let's go home." I say standing up, wiping the dirt off my jeans. Tom takes his jacket off and places it around my shoulders, his arm around my waist pulling me in for warmth.
The next few days were tense, staying in a house where I bailed after my boyfriend proposed to me. If his family loved me before, well they certainly hate me now.
Knock, knock.
I move my gaze on the door handle, slowly moving in a counter-clockwise motion. "May I come in Marie?" It was the voice of Diana, soft and sweet. "Sure."
She walks in with two cups of tea in her hand. She sets one across from me as she sits in the chair by the bed. "Everything okay?"
Quiet.
Just stay quiet and she'll leave you alone.
"If you think we all despise you, you're very misleading." She says, taking a drink from her cup. I look towards her, my head hurting from all this crying. "I'm not the woman your son needs to be with."
She set her cup down, crossing one leg over the other. "Sure you are," she smiles. "Of all the women Tom has been with, I've never seen him look at them like he does you." I roll my eyes at her statement in disbelief.
"I'm not sure exactly what you're feeling but you need to know that life forgives. Your view on love is screwed from the images of your parent's divorce at such a pivotal age, but not all love is like that. I Hamlet the phrase 'Doubt thou the stars are fire; doubt that the sun doth move; doubt the truth to be a liar; but never doubt I love.' comes to mind.
"Friends that slowly fell into the desires and temptations of cupid's arrow. That's the strongest love the world has ever known. Marie, it's okay to be scared of love, of being vulnerable. But once you let those guards down in front of someone who loves you, it brings you closer together."
I begin to cry again but not in the way I have been trapped inside my room these past few days. I realized that if it wasn't for Tom, for this overbearing need for him to love me, that I wouldn't be the person I am today nor would I have faced my own deep-seeded fears.
"So what do I do?" Diana scoots next to me, her hand grabbing mine like a mother comforting a daughter, "Tell Tom everything. Follow your heart dear, not your mind because in your case if you listen to your mind, you'll never be truly happy."
The question remains: Do I have what it takes to be a 'Mrs.Hiddleston' or will I fall flat on my face for the whole world to see.
It's not going to be easy but it sure beats chastising myself for ever letting him go.
"Where your pleasure is, there is your treasure: where your treasure, there your heart; where your heart, there your happiness."
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