~published on November 26th, 2018~

A/N:

I am not cheesy romantic.

I am not cheesy.

I am not romantic.

*

Forth blinks. He is stunned when he opens the door and finds Beam standing in front of his room. "Wh... why are you here?"

Beam blinks. "Picking you up. Pha invited you to a drinking party. Did you miss the invitation?"

Forth takes a long deep breath. He leans on the door frame. He is still wearing his jeans from today, even the black T-shirt. He just cared to take off his blue jacket even after dinner and watching TV. "I'm... not in the mood for drinking."

"Yeah, I can see that." Beam glances a second to the beer in Forth's right hand.

Forth grins. "Busted."

"Seems fun."

"Not really. I only had two beers. This is my last," Forth says.

Beam looks at Forth in the eye. "Still have plenty for two, for a proper party, I see."

Forth returns Beam's gaze with a blank one. He blinks.

"Would you share it with me?" Beam asks.

Forth gives the beer to Beam.

Beam takes it and gulps it. Just once. And gives it back to Forth.

Forth takes it. Still locking his eyes on Beam, he gulps his beer again.

Beam blinks seeing some beer escaping Forth's lips. And tilts his head when Forth cleans his mouth with the back of his palm.

Beam looks at the beer. And then to Forth's shoulder that is leaning over the door frame. "Won't you invite me in? Your party seems fun."

"I was just watching TV series," Forth says.

"Cool."

"The chips have already run out."

"Even better."

Forth blinks. He then takes a step back and gives way for Beam to walk into his dorm. "Suit yourself."

Beam walks into Forth's room. He takes off his shoes and closes the door. "What a nice dorm you have in here, P'... better than the one above the dinsum place."

"Thanks." Forth sits down on his couch. He plays CSI Season 1 Episode 7.

Beam sits beside Forth. "Your party is really a blast, P'..."

Forth chuckles. He put the beer on the table.

Beam takes it and drinks from it again. And then he leans his back to the couch. He just blinks when Forth takes the beer and drinks from it again after Beam drinks from his bottle.

Twice.

He drank after Beam from the same bottle for two consecutive times already.

Then Forth puts the beer back on the table, just within Beam's reach.

"Rewatch?" Beam asks.

"Hm."

Silence.

"I am actually coming from the bar." Beam breaks the silence.

Forth turns his attention from the TV to Beam. "Yeah? Then why are you here?"

"Park and Lam started acting all lovey dovey when there are already two other couples at the table. And the rest is Max and Tul. I'm a ninth wheel," Beam says with a grin in his face.

Forth laughs.

"It's funny how Lam finally touches a human." Beam says.

Forth chuckles. "Maybe Park is not human."

Beam laughs.

Another silence.

"Rather than Wayo, if you are gay, Lam is more likely to suit you." Beam breaks the silence.

Forth looks at Beam in shock. "Huh?!"

Beam smirks. "We were talking about the possibility of if you actually ever had sex with Lam. And seriously, how can you be gay and not look at him? I mean... you two are always together and he is more than good..."

"I was not gay back then. And he's like my brother."

"You're not gay since highschool?"

Forth shakes his head. "Never even asked myself there's another option besides a human with boobs."

"Trying a new thing after steps in the university, huh?"

"Not really," Forth says. "I liked someone who is waaay out of my league and tried to heal my self in the worst way possible."

Beam blinks.

Silence.

"The girls at the bar were stressed tonight." Beam breaks the silence again.

"Yeah? They tried to kill each other to get to you after the long wait?" Forth grins.

Beam laughs. "No... there are eight handsome men sitting together and all of them are gay."

Forth bursts into laughter. He can picture how the girls see the table. Two Campus Moons with their cute boyfriends, and two pairs of wolves. Yeah...

Beam grins. And then his grin turns to a tender smile. "They are brave, actually. Even Kit who tried to deny it, finally found his courage."

Forth smiles. "Yeah..."

Silence again.

It was hard to keep the conversation going.

"I was actually questioning myself once," Beam says almost in a whisper.

Forth looks at Beam again. "About what?"

"My sexuality," Beam answers.

Forth blinks. "Yeah?"

Beam nods. "It was Pha's fault actually."

Forth gulps. "You like Pha?"

Beam looks at Forth. He laughs. "Yeah? No, he wishes," he says. "He made me flirt with a man once."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. He thought I can help him that way. To distract this man so Pha could get what he wants. And he did," Beam says. "But I played with fire. I got burnt. Even the next day when I have two angels eating me, I couldn't get it up and ended up having to run away from them."

Forth is silent while looking at Beam.

Beam looks at Forth. "Maybe you don't remember. But I stumbled upon you when running from that empty room. The girls stopped running after me because they were ashamed on knowing you saw us."

Forth blinks.

"That's long time ago though. You must have forgetten it. It was the third day after the Campus Moon and Star competition started during our first year," Beam says.

Nope. Forth remembers it like yesterday.

"I thought I started liking men too. But I used to mock Pha a lot about his obsession with Wayo, our junior in high school. And Kit will only make it as a teasing material. So I had no one to talk to. And I tried to let it slide," Beam says. "Besides, I am not cute. And I learnt that he likes a cute type. The least I could do is convince myself that I am straight. Not gay even a little."

Forth gulps.

Beam takes the beer and gulps it once. And then puts it back to the table. "Moreover I know how he played it. He is a one timer like me. So..." He frowns. "I think I am no different than Park, Lam, Max or Tul. Just... do nothing and enjoy the moment, I guess."

Forth blinks.

"I was glad I did nothing. The truth had spoken. Even when he tried to settle, he choose a cute one," Beam says in a soft whisper.

Forth nearly says something, but Beam cuts it.

"... hey, that makes me remember something we talked about suddenly. Lam said you don't kiss your sex partners? It made Park's heart stop, he thought you and Lam had sex and that's how he knew it."

Forth blinks. "No. I don't..."

"Why? I don't understand. You swing both ways, you must have done it a lot of times. Why not kissing?" Beam asks. "Sorry, it's personal, but I am really curious."

Forth looks at Beam. "It's..." he gulps. "... it's too intimate."

Beam blinks. "Huh?"

"I..." Forth coughs. "During high school, there was this girl that kept saying that what we had was special because I kissed her during our one-night stand. It was hard to explain to her that it was just in the heat. And she ranted about this intimate thing about kissing, and all about indirect kisses thing.

I was so stressed that I asked my older brother's girlfriend and she actually shared the same thought about kissing and how everthing about it is intimate, like sharing feelings, so... I stopped kissing anyone and anything that's related to the indirect kisses thing like sharing anything that has ever touched other's lips," he explains.

Beam blinks. "Feelings, huh?"

Forth nods. "Feelings. Intimacy."

"Then why did you stop eating the shabu when Wayo dipped his chopstick in the pot? You have feelings for him," Beam says. "It's more like you have some kind of OCD."

"It is what it is," Forth says. "No feelings."

Beam gulps. He looks away from Forth.

"N'Beam..."

Beam looks at Forth again.

Forth nearly say something, but again, Beam cuts it.

"Then what's with that not moving on, stop playing, and even cutting your friendship with Pha?" Beam hisses.

Forth gulps. "Hey, you know how it is to have feelings for a one timer. Scary, right? Better enjoy the moment? Was thinking that Wayo had the quality... a small part that reminds me of that special someone who I always want to keep around. But turns out he is not. And Pha... he just made it worse. I was trying to keep him close but he was stubborn."

"You like Pha?" Now Beam asks Forth the same question.

Forth cringes in disgust. "If I wanted him, I would only need three minutes to take him to bed. But he's ugly. He's a cool friend but not worth my dick."

Beam squints his eyes. "He's a Campus Moon, P'..."

"The judges are blind, N'..."

Beam grins.

Silence. Again.

Forth looks at the gear bracelet in his right wrist.

"N'Beam..." Forth calls out Beam.

"Hm?"

They look at each other in the eye again.

"What is it, P'...?" Beam asks.

Forth blinks. "The way you look for something more stable when you are an inpulsive person, doesn't add up," he says.

Beam sighs. "How so?"

"You left two years of Education for something stupid. You left your new Education in the end for no reason. There's no stability in your actions. Doesn't add up."

"The adrenaline rush covers the pain, P'..." Beam says. "It's how I survive."

Forth looks at Beam.

"A different approach from you, na, P'...? You never change," Beam says. "How you were with Pha... it's Pha who changed, not you. Even with Wayo, it's the same too. And Ming, Kit, Lam, Park, Max, Tul.... You keep it stable. And even when I gave you headache, you didn't change your attitude towards me."

Forth blinks.

"Still the same...?"

Forth nods. "Since the first day I met you," he says.

Beam blinks. "Until when?"

"To the last day that we meet."

"When will it be?"

Forth shrugs. "I don't know. When will you stop seeing me?"

Beam tilts his head.

Forth takes the beer from the table and gulps it.

Beam blinks. He lost count of the number of times Forth drinks the beer after him. "How about never?"

Forth puts the bottle back on the table. He looks at Beam.

"Did you take SOTUS seriously?" he says out of the blue without answering Beam's question.

Beam nods.

"Every aspect of it?" Forth asks.

Beam nods again.

"Nothing from it that you joke about or find it irrelevant?" Forth asks again.

Beam nods. Again.

"EVERYTHING?"

Beam nods.

Forth gulps. "You are a Beam Baramee. You know you are very good and can have anyone you want, right? I mean it when I say it. Literally, EVERYONE."

Beam tries to breath in and breath out slowly to calm himself down. "I don't care about everyone. If I don't get that one particular person I want, then it means nothing. It is just another face, another hole, another night. It's boring."

"You sure he's good enough?" Forth asks.

Beam gulps. He maintain eyes contact with Forth with the remaining guts he has. "Not even close actually," he says. "He is awful. He didn't respond or return my flirting back then. He made moves on other boys but not me. He fucked so many others but not me. He doesn't even know where I live. And don't make me talk about his feelings. He has locked his heart someplace safe."

"Maybe he just wants the best for you. He is not worthy. Why lose it all just for him?"

Beam blinks. "Because the most important should be what I want?"

Forth blinks too.

"... and he can offer everything better than what I have and want. That would do, no?"

"What kind of better?"

"Better sex, better communication, better money." Beam says.

"In that order?" Forth asks.

Beam nods.

"I can do that," Forth says as he leans closer. He hovers his lips in front of Beam. "Exactly in that order." He locks his gaze on Beam's eyes.

Beam blinks. And then he slowly grins. "Then what are you waiting for?"

Forth smiles. He pecks on Beam's lips. Just to make sure. And when Beam licks his upper lip instead of kicking him down, he tilts his head and pecks Beam again while continuing with his caresses over his nape, and deepens his kiss.

"Coward..." Beam hisses.

"In my defense, you are scary." Forth hisses back. He is already hovering his entire body above Beam on his couch after pulling Beam's legs up so he can lay on his back. "And... you are a bigger player than I am. You started it, so why did you not follow up...? Who's the coward...?"

Beam returns Forth's kisses with angry bites.

"Don't turn this into a massacre, N'Beam..." Forth chokes on Beam's neck lightly. "Behave."

Beam clicks his tongue. "Two fucking-YEARS, asshole. Don't tell me to behave."

Forth eyes glare instantly. "Don't you even care to say it first?"

"Now you care?!" Beam hits Forth's chest above him with both his palms.

Forth nods.

"Then you say it, moron!! I already said it to you and you only replied in my signature book! Don't expect me to say it again to you!" Beam glares in anger.

Forth sighs. "Looks like my stable life will be ruined."

"I bet."

Forth kisses Beam again. "I love you, N'Beam..."

Beam looks at Forth un-amused.

"What now?"

"You are awful inside out. Even your confession is awful."

Forth returns the gaze with the same un-amused look. "You know what...?"

"What?"

"I'll deliver your order," Forth hisses while unbuckling Beam's jeans.

Beam clicks his tongue. "Where?"

"Your ass." Forth smacks lightly on Beam's hips leaving his unbuckled jeans.

"You are the worst," Beam says coldly.

"What can I say and do...? I lost my touch the day you broke my heart. And I lost every will to even play during the days you were missing from my days," Forth whispers. "Too many misunderstandings. I don't follow which one is true anymore." This time his eyes look lost.

Beam blinks. He traces Forth's lips with his index finger.

"You had my heart in your first blink even before you took my water the first day we met," Forth says. "You broke it the day after when I thought you fucked those two Stars in that empty room."

Beam blinks.

"You are super straight. There will be at least three girls a day that can confirm it." Forth continues. "And the last time I checked, I have no boobs and no pussy."

"You like cute innocent boys..." Beam hisses.

"The least that reminds me of you."

"You tried to settle with Wayo."

"Because his sassiness towards Pha reminded me of you. Like having hope that maybe I can have someone like you."

"Wayo is someone like me?"

"Big mistake. Not even close."

"Then why did you make a fuss with Pha? You even stopped being friends with him."

"He made you take a side... his side! I tried to keep us friends but he stopped answering the drinking party invitations and he made you disappear from my life!"

"You could have just invited me for a drink!"

"When?! After you eat girl after girl for breakfast, lunch or dinner?! There were always girls by your arm!"

Beam blinks. He looks at Forth who now has a hurtful look.

"I stopped going to the bar," Forth says almost in a whisper. He looks at Beam. "I just stopped," he repeats.

Beam blinks. He knows. "I thought it was because of Wayo."

Forth sighs. He closed his eyes. "He's a good boy, but not that good."

Beam rounds his arms over Forth's shoulder. He pecks on Forth's lips and makes Forth open his eyes again.

"I am sorry," Beam says softly.

Forth presses his forehead against Beam. "This is so fucking awful. Even Park did it better while confesing to Lam."

Beam chuckles.

Forth starts to smile. He looks at Beam with a soft gaze. His fingers are trailing on Beam's cheek. "I love you so much...

Nothing could make me move on from you, no matter how hard I tried. So I just... let myself love you the way I know the best. In silence."

Beam looks at him dearly. "I love you, too..." And then he pauses for enough time before adding while winking at him, "... P'Forth."

Forth chuckles. "You're bad for my health, N'Beam. Do you know that...? You will make me die young."

Beam pulls Forth into his kiss. "I am bad...? Well, punishing a rebel freshman is one of the things that you do the best, isn't it, Mr. Head Hazer...?"

Forth grins between their kisses. "You really want me to turn this into a massacre."

"Indeed..."

***

A/N:

This is an innocent work. I will reveal the steamy night later on as an the extra, maybe. Or maybe not. Who knows. I promise nothing.

Thanks for the help proofreading it, @Darzls . May you have a wonderful day.

E/N: *throws fist in air* I so called this!