Chapter 15

After I showered, I was introduced to the next few days of freedom. Well, for me, freedom could mean leaving the house without having to be supervised. But hey, I wasn't limited to just my bedroom anymore. Luke let me do whatever I wanted around the house because he was watching me the whole time. But now, a few days later, I was completely okay. No craving drugs, no pain, no fucking handcuffs.... Yes, that's right. No more handcuffs. He still found a different way to do it though - which was just to lock me in the bathroom from the outside. Which made me panic slightly because I was still trapped; at least it felt so much better than the handcuffs.

Now that my withdrawal stage was over, I have to admit, I felt stronger. Better and more powerful because I didn't have to rely on drugs to help with the stress. So yeah, you can imagine I was a little snippy and nervous now that I was off. But Luke reassured me that feeling would go away and I would get use to the weight of my own feelings.

So, now that I was off the crazy withdrawal stage - and after spending a few days in the house with him just to be safe - today was the first day we were going somewhere. And I was getting excited, if you can believe it. Being in that house... even if Clare wasn't around, the house still had the atmosphere I hated so much.

"So... how much do you plan on getting?" Luke asked me in his new white truck - and not the cop car. Which sucked because there was nothing more badass than going to the mall in a cop car.

I smiled as I looked out the window. Now that he just said that, I was determined to get even more things for myself. "Depends. How much money did you bring?" I asked.

He groaned, glancing over at me and giving me an 'are you serious' look before moving his eyes back to the road. "Not enough for whatever it is you want."

"You have tons of money. Better watch your back. I could steal it all and run," I joked.

He scoffed. "You think you can steal from a cop? And get away with it?"

"Well hell yeah I can!" I said in a light voice and made him laugh. But really, I thought deeply about running away again now that I was completely off the drugs. I wanted to do it. I was so sure that any day now, Clare would get me alone and hurt me badly. But more than that, I wasn't going to be her bitch again, even under Luke's nose. I didn't want to be here. Where everyone knew me, knew me as the psycho bitch and would harass me for it. Don't get me wrong; I didn't let them push me around. But it still sucked ass. Plus, I would have to attend 11th grade with kids I didn't know instead of 12th since I was gone a whole school year. So, that sucked even more ass. And my friends - who would eventually find me... well, lets just say they would not be too happy with me considering I kind of screwed them over. Now, that sucked so much ass, the taste wouldn't be able to leave my mouth.

I wanted to get out of here. Even living elsewhere on the streets was better. Despite the deal Luke made with me - even though he kept Clare away from me - I was still determined to get out of here somehow. After he starts trusting me more and letting me sleep in my bed again alone, I would make my move. To be honest, I didn't like the fact that I would be breaking the deal and run away. I liked Luke and yeah, I guess you could say we are friends in a strange way. But I needed to get out of here more than I needed a friend.

My thoughts snapped back into reality when Luke turned into the parking lot of the mall and pulled into an empty parking spot. When he shut it off and removed the keys, he turned to me with a smile I never saw before and it made me want to laugh. "So... Are you ready to go on a shopping spree, girl? It's going to be just fabulous! We can talk about boys and buy you some new dresses!" He said in a very high and light girlie voice, toying with me. You can only imagine... how I would react to that.

I don't think I have ever laughed so hard at anything he had said before. It was kind of a tease actually for the fact that he knew that was the exact opposite of what I would be into. It was still strange to see him act fun and open like this. I mean, in the past few days, he opened up a bit on his personality and became a little more comfortable with just joking around and being himself. And I'll be honest, I wasn't disapproving of it.

"Oh my god," I said as my laugh died down. "As long as it's with your money, I can't complain."

He smirked at that as we got out of the car. Walking through the sun beating weather, we headed towards the doors of the mall - where I was sure would be hell within five minutes for us both. He didn't know it yet but I was more than a little popular around here. Not in a good way either. He was about to find out now that we were in a public place - especially a place that most of the kids from school come to. Now, a good day could turn bad. But hey, at least I was outside of the house right?

It was a very interesting day. Going into the stores, looking through clothes... I was more focused on Luke as he tried to help look for clothes for me because it was kind of amusing. When he grabbed something off a rack on a hanger and approached me, my eyebrows shot up instantly as an act.

"How about this?" He asked, holding up the black sweat shirt with our states name on it. Printed in white letters, Ohio was written across the front. It was kind of plane - which was exactly what I was looking for.

"I like it." Now time to mess with him. Don't blame me; it was in my nature. "So what's the size?" I asked, moving closer to him to get a better look. Finding the tag in the sweat shirt, I looked at it and found he actually had my right size. He didn't know that though. "A medium, eh?" I asked, pursing my lips and glaring at him, giving him a hard time.

His relaxed facial expression collapsed. Regret and a sorry expression filled his face in an instant and it was hilarious. "I'm sorry," he struggled and I crossed my arms, trying to hold my pissed off expression. "I- I didn't know that wasn't your size." Seeing how much regret was in his face, I knew the exact same thing had occurred before with Clare. Except, she had been actually very pissed off like I was only pretending to be.

I kept the act up. "So what exactly do you think my size is then?"

"Small," he answered immediately without a thought, his eyes looking panicked. Oh yes, I was sure this happened before now. Clare must have beat him with the fear in his eyes. This was too funny. With how quick he was to say it, as if desperate for me to not be offended again, it made my lips tilt up just slightly in amusement.

He was watching me, slightly confused at why I was smiling. With the sweat shirt he was still holding, I took it from him and put it in the large black bag the store allowed for their costumers to carry for clothes. Looking back up at him after he saw I put it in the bag, and wanted to buy it, he realized I was only joking around about the size. He shook his head with a scoff, the right side of his lips tilting up slightly.

"I hate you," he said lightly after an exaggerated sigh.

"I know," I grinned as we continued to look in this section of the store, my eyes following the racks of clothing. It was mostly sweat shirts, which was all I really wanted. Even during the summer, in public, I wore sweat shirts. Or really just anything with a hood. I stuck with dark colors as well. Now, it sounds like I'm suiting up to be a depressed loner but, even though that was mostly true, I dressed like that because I don't want people recognizing me. Which was why I was feeling uneasy wearing Clare's clothes right now. Nothing covering my head and my black hair in a bun.... I just felt exposed really.

After we were able to find four more sweat shirts in this section, we moved onto the lighter tee-shirts and tank tops on the other wall. I was surprised how well Luke was with helping me. He knew my taste I guess. He didn't know why I liked the dark sweat shirts so much and was getting so many but he didn't say anything about it yet. Besides that, now that we were just looking through regular shirts, he seemed to understand my style. He found me a very plane green v-neck tee-shirt, a few different color Cami's with the same design, and a button up grey and faded red plaid tee-shirt. No writing on them, no stupid flowers or butterfly's, no over the top design on them. Just average, which was what I liked wearing around the house and anywhere else that wasn't too public of a place.

"I'd swear you've been a girl yourself before, Luke. You have the perfect taste for a guy who wears the same ugly uniform everyday."

"Well, I usually go shopping with Clare. I don't like it but she likes my opinion on things. And it's not like I want to wear a uniform or have a say in how it looks."

I nodded, glancing up at him as we moved down the isle towards where the pants were. "She wants your opinion, huh? I bet you spend a lot of time in Victory Secret, right horny boy?" I asked.

He chuckled lightly under his breath, shaking his head. "You know, you have a pretty dirty sense of humor for a girl your age."

"I think I get the dirty part from my mother. That's not a good dirty either, by the way."

When I found pants for myself, it took less time because pants were always easy for me. And it's not because I pull mine down all the time either so don't get the wrong idea, pal. I had wider hips than most girls my age, more curves - which was what I think was attractive to the guys that have been with me. I looked older, more mature looking because of it - or so that's what they had said. It was funny too because for some reason, blue jeans and any other pants were easy.

So that turned out to be a fast stop in the large store. We added four pairs of jeans to the bag as well as strayed further back towards the shirts, which also had different pants. We found two pairs of jean shorts, grey sweat pants, plane cotton and faded red shorts, and a pair of olive green shorts. By the time we were done with that, Luke offered to take the bag and carry it since it was getting full and heavy. Of course, I gave him a little attitude over it and how I am just as capable to do it as any man. For some reason, that made him laugh. He ended up carrying the bag.

We did pretty good for just the first store. Yes, that's right. First. I gaped at him when he told me that this was only our first stop in the mall. I expected one store, two at the most. But this was just the first. As in, we were not done shopping. Not done spending money. Spending his money on me. Now, if it were Clare's money, I would be buying every thing I see over the price of a hundred dollars - and would buy something retarded to piss her off. But this wasn't Clare or her money.

"You're joking," I said as we were waiting in line to pay and he told me his plans for the next places we were going.

He looked down to me, eyebrows dipping in confusion. "What happened to 'how much money did you bring?'"

True, on our way here, I basically said I wasn't holding back when shopping and wouldn't take into consideration how much he would spend on me. But... that was because I figured we were just coming to this one store - the biggest clothing store in the mall. I didn't think we would get anymore than what he was already buying for me. But hey, why complain? The man wanted to buy for me, let him.

"Hey, your money dude. Just surprised you would spend so much on me."

He rolled his eyes, scoffing as if what I just said was silly. "I got you out of jail, out of community service, am keeping Clare away from you for your health, promised you a fun summer, got you off drugs and gave up hours and hours in my day to watch you. And now, you're finally surprised I would spend some money on you?"

Jesus, why did he have to bring up all those nice and helpful things he has already done for me? I was leaving and running away when he started trusting me again to sleep on my own. That made me guilty enough - and I don't like feeling guilt. But now... knowing I would reject all of that and betray him.... I admit, it would be hard to run after he did so much for me. But I would do what is best when the time comes.

Pushing those thoughts away, I said, "I just figured that what you were getting me today would be enough. But hey, if your willing to buy... don't be surprised when I buy out the whole store."

After he paid for the clothes and the woman put them all in a big plastic bag for us, we walked back around the store and towards the entrance to the rest of the mall. The entrance to where there were more people, more chances someone would recognize me.

It's not like I fear people being mean to me and noticing me. What I didn't like was how pissed off it made me. How it reminded me of my life being a joke people enjoyed laughing at. And that was just before, when I was just 'crazy out of my mind.' But now, a year later, my title changed. I am the crazy girl out of my mind that went missing and made even bigger news around this town. More people knew of me, knew more about me. I'm waiting for the day that I get my own wiki page of all that 'accurate' information on me.

As Luke and I walked closer towards the mall entrance, I swallowed. I forced myself to man up and convinced my mind that I would just deal with the attention I knew would come to me. I was good at hiding my real feelings most of the time - which I did, walking with a neutral face as we walked more into the public's eye.

"Which store are we heading to next?" I asked. I took the time to quickly glance around us. Nobody was looking directly at us as we walked. We were lucky today it seemed. But I knew it was only time until someone recognized me. Passing a familiar looking nail salon and an old lady candle store, we rounded the corner and I could only hope where he was taking me wasn't too much farther.

"Anywhere, really. Do you want to finish getting your clothes or move onto some things you like or want, maybe stuff for your room...?"

"Well, I guess the furniture in my room isn't too bad." I admitted. After I got home, I discovered that all my things were gone and replaced. Or rather, Clare got rid of them and by the time Luke came along and saw an empty guest room, they filled it as a guest bedroom. But even though I missed all my things, the new dresser was nice and matched the headboard - even though I would always hate that headboard for obvious reasons. "But I use to have a desk and a computer and I would really like one again. I don't like the bedspread either but that's not why I want to get a different one. I think along with the sweat and puke, it's been through enough and we should put it out of it's misery. And Luke, sorry man, but the color of the walls in there are hideous. You have good taste in clothes. Just not colors for a room. Too bad too. The rest of the house looks amazing and designed great. But you just seemed to have given up on my room. I'm ashamed. I mean, come on! Yellow?" I asked, acting all worked up and overdramatic because hey, I guess you could say that was true. The house looked great with the blue and black and brown color scheme. Then, ironically, the one room he fucked up was mine.

"Actually, Clare planned the design for the house. She decided on the colors as well as the furniture, the walls and floors. She picked out the tile for the floor in the kitchen, the cabinets, and appliances. Did every inch of the house. All I did was the outside landscaping and your room because she really didn't want to bother with it." He chuckled harshly after that. "Wonder why," He muttered.

My eyebrows shot up for a second and I glanced quickly back up at him, seeing a scowl on his face and his eyes darken. I was surprised to hear him say those words. I knew it, knew he wouldn't be able to really forgive her for everything even though he told her he did forgive her. His words, his realization just now on why Clare didn't want to remodel my room, came to him; it proved he was still very much pissed off. Realized that Clare did everything but my room because she didn't want to bother, bother or rather didn't care for the fact that it was my old room.

I smiled at that. He wanted to be loyal (and he was by telling her he forgave her). But he couldn't help but not be skeptical. Not to mention, we just discovered something else. "So, wait, let me get this straight," I said. "She decided on the whole house - every room including yours and hers - and put your money into remodeling it the way she wanted. All except for the guest room - my old room. She made you do it for the fact that she didn't want to 'bother' with it."

"Yes. But... you know, maybe she just didn't want to bother with it because it brought back too many bad feelings and memories," he said, trying to use that to defend Clare. "Remember, she did say that she got rid of all of your things because she wanted to start over and new. Maybe that was why."

"Right. Or maybe she just didn't want anything to do with me - which was why she really got rid of all my things. Didn't want to remember me, deal with anything of me - even my old room."

He didn't say anything at first. Just looked straight ahead as we walked forward. Finally, he said, "She did it because she needed to. And that's what I believe." He spoke as if wanting to convince himself of that. The blind dude beside me looked down to my eyes, giving me a sympathetic look. "I didn't forget what you said to me that night. I am not going to give her an unfair advantage just because of my relationship with her. I wont sit in denial if you tell me those things about her." I remembered that night, when he handcuffed me to the bed the first time. I told him he was selfish and I didn't want to see what was in front of him. It was true. But at least he considered the words I guess. "I thought it over; I really have and put my relationship with her aside. But Albany, I can't get pass the papers. The doctors, numerous of them, have documented your condition."

I shrugged. "Yeah, I understand." I already knew all that; he wouldn't be able to get over the papers. I still think, despite his words, that he isn't looking hard enough. At least he thought about it I guess. But something else was holding my attention. "But you said she let you do my room... and the landscaping outside?" I asked. I noticed him leading us towards a JCPenny store. Thank god nobody saw me yet. But as of now, I wasn't too paranoid over that. Right now, I was more curious about the landscaping thing.

"Yes, why?" We entered the store and when we did, I felt my feet come to a stop, too focused on his words to continue for a minute. When I did, he stopped with me, looking down at me with a confused look.

"And, just let me guess here," I said, grinning harshly at the terrible thought. "It took a lot to convince her to landscape the yard, didn't it? She refused, paranoid with the thought of you landscaping and planting in the yard."

His eyebrows dipped even lower. He looked shocked and even more confused. His pretty green eyes grew bigger too. Looking down to me as I stared smug up at him; while the thought upset me, I was happy knowing I was right.

"How did you know that?"

"She was especially worried about you putting anything in the ground, right?" I asked, ignoring his question, wanting to see just how accurate I was.