face as they ran around the room, talked over one another and tried not to have a panic attack while backstage. I stood stage left, popping my knuckles repeatedly until they were sore as I awaited my cue to emerge. It was New York Fashion Week and I would be walking my first runway since the death of my mother. The night before I had trouble sleeping and I'd thrown up all morning while preparing for this moment. A fear of getting bad news after returning backstage for the second time loomed over me.

For this very reason, I almost didn't make it in any of the line ups. I'd purposely slept through a quarter of my scheduled casting until Giovanni brought it to a stop. He knew that I had castings back to back and he was excited to see me on the runway. I wasn't as excited so I stayed at my place to avoid him being in my ear to change my mind if I chickened out. It didn't work because Jeff got a hold of him to see what was going on and he snatched me from my bed and drove me to every casting I had left. I wasn't mad but I wasn't grateful either. All I knew was that if I walked any runway I was liable to have an anxiety attack.

Out of the seven castings I attended for NYFW, I was only able to book two; Laquan Smith and Oscar de la Renta. They both were the last shows of the day but it was enough to get my feet wet again and to satisfy the people around me. Since I'd taken a minor career hiatus and had been in the tabloids for attempted suicide I hadn't been coined as no-casting needed. Last year, I'd only had to audition for two of fifteen shows but this year was completely different. I had to earn my spots again.

From where I stood backstage I could see the model that cued my time, approaching the line of demarcation. I shook my hands to try and release the overwhelming nerves then took a deep breath. Before I knew it, I was stepping into the spotlight in my outfit of the night — a see through, diamond studded dress that resembled Rihanna's CDFA dress. I only wore a pair of nude thongs underneath so my titties were out.

As I took my first few steps down the runway, I could feel the eyes and camera's on me. It was intense. I felt like everyone could see how nervous I was. But things started to change when I picked up on the various commentary through the viewers in the first two rows. Some were about the dress and others were about my body or beauty. The compliments made the fear I had shed like dead skin. I strutted down the catwalk like I owned it and was sure to turn on my heels with confidence and intention.

"C'mon now!" Gio snapped as I bypassed him in the front row. It ached me not to laugh. His voice was way louder than it needed to be.

I was able to make it backstage without breaking face but when I did it was to release a much needed sigh. The feel of empowerment was enough to bring me to tears. I'd made it to the end and back without a hiccup and I didn't return to any groundbreaking news.

"No tears. No tears." I fanned my eyes, pacing back and forth. I could not risk ruining my makeup when I had to do the final walk in five minutes.

"You okay?" asked one of the other models.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you though."

She gave me a head nod before disappearing. I used the pads of my fingers to dab at the tears threatening to fall over my water line. A few inhales and exhales later, I was calm enough to get in the final line-up and walk down the runway one last time. All of the models cheered and clapped in excitement when we made it backstage.

"We did it ladies and gentleman! We did good right, Laquan?"

"You guys did amazing. Thank you." he blew us kisses.

I practically tuned everything out to focus on getting out of the dress and back into the clothes I arrived in. It took about fifteen minutes for me to be able to leave. Laquan gave a speech and gave everyone mini gift bags before allowing us to leave.

When I did exit the back door I had to squint my eyes to protect them from the bright lights and camera flashes. There were paparazzi crews lined up against the gates that protected the cars of models and staff members. I reached into my purse for a pair of shades and quickly pushed them over my eyes. I then walked around the building where I knew Giovanni would be waiting for service car to pick him up.

As expected, he stood with Brit and Chazmon. He and Chad stood off to the side while Brit got her picture taken by some guy. I walked over to them, waving at a couple people along the way. When I reached them Brit instantly screamed.

"Biiitch! You looked good as fuck in that dress! Ass poked. Titties perked. How do you feel?"

"I feel good." I smiled. "Yeah, I feel really good."

"That's amazing." she gave me hug. "I have to get going though. I just wanted to see you before the night was over. I'll call you later, alright?"

"Yeah of course. Goodnight y'all and thank you for coming. I meant a lot."

"Always." she blew me a kiss. "Goodnight y'all."

She latched onto Chad's hand and they walked down the sidewalk. I turned my attention to Gio who looked at me with raised eyebrows, "How was it?"

"I was terrified." I stepped closer to him for warmth, wrapping my arms around his arm. "I almost didn't walk out but when I got out there it was over. I was like I'm that bitch, what am I tripping for?"

"And there was no bad news right?"

"No bad news." I confirmed.

"I told you you had this in the bag. I know it was hard for you to do but you killed it, baby. I'm proud of you."

"Don't make me cry."

"I'm not trying to." he chuckled. "I just know how scared you were and if I didn't know you like I know you, watching you walk I wouldn't have thought you doubted yourself for second."

"Aw, thank you babe." I gave him a kiss. "I'm still skipping out on Milan, though. But I will be doing some of London, all of Paris, and Miami Swim Week."

"This is me." he pointed to the Suburban truck that pulled up.

I kept my hold on his arm as we squeezed through the crowd of people to get to the truck. He gently pulled me in front of him and used his arm to open my path. He reached out, opened the back door and helped me climb inside. I slid over to the other side and waited on him to climb in after me.

"Are you attending the after party with me? I know you've been at workouts all morning."

"You're going alone?"

"No, Eliana's meeting me there."

"I gotta sit this one out. I'm tired as hell."

"That's perfectly fine. I'm crashing at your place though so leave the key out for me?"

"Just call me when you're down the road."

Silence fell over us as I rested my head against the headrest. I needed to rest my eyes for a few moments. Especially if I was going to be energetic and outgoing at the after party.

"What shows are between now and the 22nd?" Gio broke the quiet.

"The Oscar de la Renta show is tomorrow then my London shows end on the 18th. You won't be able to see any of Paris. But honestly this show was enough for me. I needed the support for this one."

"You know I'll be in London with you because we gotta celebrate Valentine's together remember."

Giovanni wasn't a big fan of Valentine's Day. He believed that there shouldn't be a set day for people to be loudly in love. It should be an everyday thing. The same thoughts went for Mother's and Father's Day. I, however, never celebrated a Valentine's Day and was excited to have my very first one. I mean I've always received gifts from anonymous admirers but I never celebrated with a partner. Now I had the chance and I was itching to do the most. Gio, on the other hand, wanted to just spend the day together doing much of nothing. I wasn't down for it so he decided to let me have my first V-day then next year we'll chill.

"I'm glad you remembered. But just so you know I'm not doing anything wild. Everything will be inside, pretty relaxed but we're not just laying down watching movies all night."

He shrugged, "Sounds cool to me."

The two cups of wine I drank in celebration of tonight were coursing through my body like viagra. I was nothing short of hot and ready, and I was trying my best to find a way home. Eliana was trying to stay longer and enjoy the wonderful DJ but I was trying to get home to my man. I needed to be touched before I exploded in hormones.

"Eliana you have five seconds or you're getting left." I said once more.

"Why are you being like this? We're having fun."

"I am horny and need to leave. Are you going to eat my pussy? I don't think so, so let's go now."

"You can go but I want to stay." she chugged down the remainder of her Patron. She had been chugging drinks all night.

"Are you okay? That was like your fourth cup."

"Oh, me? Yeah I'm fine. You know just enjoying being a single woman again. Haha. Ain't that funny? He dumped me because he couldn't live with telling his unborn child that I was the woman he chose over Morgan. Like I'm some hoe off the street."

After the New Year's party, things got rocky between Eliana and Pete. I watched them fall apart at the hands of guilt. Pete came over to Gio's to vent about Morgan's pain, his familial beliefs, and Eli's lack of empathy for children. Eliana came over to my place to invalidate Pete's feelings. They had been at war with their emotions. But it finally came to an end when Pete called it quits last week. He decided to choose the single life and focus on the child he had on the way.

It crushed Eliana because she felt like she saw it coming but kept denying it which allowed her love to run deeper than it should have. Now she was devastated and left to amend the broken heart she'd given herself by choosing to love an already taken man.

I knew it was a dangerous game to play in the beginning but I couldn't tell a grown woman what to do. I could only be there for her when things don't play out they way wanted them to. Much like I've been these last few days.

"Eli--"

"Aht." she shook her head. "I'm fine. What goes around comes around. I'll take this one on the chin because I did it to myself. Like I always do."

"I think you need to be home."

"If I go home, I'll end up calling him so I think I should stay. Maybe find a new dick for the night to kill my sorrows for a few hours."

"Yeah, that's not a good idea. Let's go." I pulled her toward the exit.

With a deep sigh, she allowed me to drag her toward the exit where the uber I called should have been waiting. I opened my phone to find the car's description: a 2018 GMC. I scanned the line of cars waiting on drunk socialites and celebrities to exit the party. I spotted the GMC and made my way toward it with Eliana slugging behind me. I tapped on the window, asking him to roll it down.

"Korin Alexander?" he glanced at the phone he had propped on the dashboard.

I nodded before opening the back door and pushing Eliana inside. Once we were both buckled, I gave him Eli's address to have her dropped off first. Due to heavy traffic, the thirty minute trip to her place lasted a bit longer and caused her to fall asleep on my lap. I found myself getting sleepy as well and prayed that traffic would clear up so I could get in the bed.

"I'll be out in five." I told the driver while helping Eliana from the car after we reached her place. "Come on, Eli."

"Thank you for tonight, Kori. I know we haven't hung out much but tonight was fun. I've missed you." she admitted.

"I've missed you too. You got your keys?"

"It should be open--" she was cut off by her front door opening. Pete stood with concern written all over his face. Eli barged passed him, "Don't say anything right now. Just pay Kori what I owe her."

"How much is it, Korin?" he started to reach in his pocket.

"It's fine. Just take care of her."

"I will." he nodded. "I do love her, it's just complicated."

"Figure it out. Tell her that I'll call her in the morning."

He nodded and I walked away. I climbed back in the Uber and directed him toward Giovanni's. As instructed, I called Gio and told him to open the door once we reached the stop light up the road. The closer we got to the building, the more excited I got to be wrapped up in his arms for the night. Eliana had killed my desire to have my back blown out and now I just wanted to lay down and go to sleep.

The driver turned into the valet circle and put the truck in park. I looked up from my phone and spotted a half asleep Gio standing near the lobby doors. He walked out the doors and waited for me to reach him.

"You tired?" he asked as we stepped on the elevator. "All partied out?"

"Yep and it starts all over tomorrow."

"You ate something?"

"Not really. Did you make food? Please tell me you did."

"Nah, I can order something for you."

"That's going to take too long. I'll just jump in the shower and go to sleep."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." I stepped off the elevator ahead of him. I walked down to his place and opened the door to Willow laid on the mat. Had I opened the door a bit wider, I would have hit her with it. "Hey my love. You thought your daddy left you?"

I scooped her up with a groan and gave her kisses. Over the past month and a half, Willow had grown significantly. She went from weighing 37 pounds to 58 pounds. She was huge and wasn't expected to stop growing until she was almost two years old.

"I should've let her walk while I waited."

"You wanna take her for a walk now?"

"Yeah, because I'm trying to sleep in."

"C'mon." I grabbed her leash from the rack.

at nine o'clock this morning and left the airport for the venue Korin's first show would be. She had three shows today which had me on go and in different parts of London to be at each one. The flight was lengthy and I'd boarded after a night of workouts so I was a bit tired. But I knew once we made it back to the hotel I would not be getting sleep. She wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day together.

I didn't really care for the meaning of Valentine's day. It held no real purpose to me but I wasn't going to rain on Korin's parade over it. If she wanted us to be a little more loving in the name of St. Valentine then I was down for the count. At least this time. If it were up to me we would simple exchange a gift that wasn't necessarily expressive but thoughtful and call it a day. It would be a small way of acknowledging the day without celebrating.

"I can come in yet?" I called through the cracked door of the suite. Korin had me standing in the hallway for past ten minutes while she made last minute changes. I was ready to sit down.

"Hold on. Give me another two minutes."

I huffed and continued to scroll on my phone. I came to a stop when I saw Korin had made a Valentine's post. She hadn't tagged me but my face was on full display. We hadn't said anything about posting anything but I didn't have a problem with.

The post consisted of three slides; one of us in the seventh grade which was our first photo together, a picture of us during our last summer together, and a recent video of us being lovey dovey and Willow aggressively interrupting. I slid down to read the caption and it was longer than I expected it to be.

: as i organized the photos for this post i told myself that i wouldn't make this lengthy but i am who i am. this man -- Giovanni Senor Hoffman is way too incredible for me not to boast about. as you could see from the first two slides we've known each other for quite some time but it wasn't until last year he became the apple of my eye. it's hard for me to verbally express how i feel but i can write it without a problem and i'm choosing to do it here. Gio is a man of bravery, compassion and little too much understanding but i love/admire him for all of it. he's stuck by me during a time that was testing for anyone and i can't thank him enough to do it justice. he continues to listen to my heart like it's his favorite song out and he finds new ways to make it beat louder by just being him. he's found a way to be everything to me including the father of our furbaby. our first valentine's day with many more to come.

I found myself grinning at my phone and rewatching the video on a loop. When I finally scrolled back down, I left a comment and made sure to double tap it. I quickly went through my album of photos and videos together and posted one of my favorite pictures of us. It was from the night of my birthday party. We were stopped at a red light wearing grins a mile wide. I posted it with woman of my dreams as the caption.

"You can come in now!" she yelled.

When I pushed the door open I was met with mini candles and roses trailing the walkway. I closed the door behind myself and followed the trail to the living room. A palette made of hotel sheets and comforters was in the center of the floor with food, canvas and paint.

"Oh okay." I muttered to myself as I came out of my jacket. "This a nice set up, baby."

"Yeah? You like it?" she appeared in a mustard lingerie set matched with a cover up.

"Oh." my eyebrows shot up. She grinned and spun around to give me a view of everything the set had to offer. "Damn. You're painting in this?"

"I am." she walked over to me. "Will it be a problem?"

"Yes."

She laughed and grabbed my hand, "Have a seat sir. We need to eat and talk."

"Talk about what?" I frowned.

"Just have a real conversation. I've been doing a bit of reflecting and I want to talk to you about it. It's nothing bad."

"Alright." I took a seat on the palette. "What's the muse for today?"

"Since we're both mediocre drawers, I figured we'd be able to do this love birds painting. You draw the red bird holding half a heart and I draw the other."

"Cool cool." I pushed my sleeves up.