played Pop Smoke while I worked on my swing in the batting cages. I stood before Pete adjusting the placement of my arms. He was my ball man for the under flip drill so he waited until I was ready to flip the ball to me. I swung the bat, sending the ball flying to the far right. I quickly got back in position, Pete flipped me another ball, and this time it went soaring to the left. I growled.

To prevent myself from getting frustrated, I rolled my shoulders and popped my neck. Pete sent me another one once I was ready and this time it shot down the center like I wanted, but was too high for my liking. I walked in a circle, shaking my arms to loosen them up.

I'd been in the cages for about thirty minutes to work on my hits. The feel of a bat felt foreign after months of not playing nor practicing. I was in here battling with myself trying to get back to where I used to be as a hitter. I knew it would be a challenge because of my injury — which played a part in how I attacked the ball, but I was going to leave with some sort of achievement. Whether that was knowledge of everything I needed to work on or a few good center ball hits.

"Last round." I said more to myself than Pete.

He waited for me to give him a nod that said I was ready before he flipped me another one that I sent straight down the center. We continued to complete the round and I was only able to get three of the balls to stay true to the center. There was no doubt that the cages would be a top priority for the next couple of weeks as I adjusted my form to my injury, and worked on my swing.

"I say you did pretty well at keeping form and not causing any pain in your leg. You didn't feel any pain right?" Chazmon asked from his seat on the side.

"Nah, I'm cool. I gotta work on my swing though. I was hitting way too many hooks." I replied while helping Pete pick up all of the stray balls.

"You gotta couple good hits in each round. Keep coming back and you'll have your killer swing back." said Pete.

"Thank y'all boys for coming with me. I know y'all have y'all own stuff going on right now."

They waved their hand at me.

"All I've been doing is laying around a hotel room. I needed to step out and get some air." Pete scoffed.

"Yeah, what is up with all of that? I never really got the full run down on what happened. All I heard was you and Morgan was done for. What did you do?" questioned Chad.

"I was out here being low man." Pete responded shamefully.

"You didn't cheat, Pete. Peteee. Pete Daniels."

"I know. I'm not proud of it."

"Was it a random? When did you cheat? Don't leave me without the details man."

"Kinda a random but not really. And it lasted all of September and half of October."

Chad grabbed his head, "Noooo. Why my dude?"

"No self control. I let my feelings get the best of me."

"So you have feelings for whoever this woman is?"

"I do. But I want my family. I rather be with Morgan and our child instead of someone new."

"Tell me who it is. Show me a picture or something."

"I don't have a pict—"

"Stop fucking lying. Pull it up." Chazmon demanded. "I'm tryna see whether she was worth the damage you caused. Ain't no woman worth it but she better look like something."

Pete smacked his teeth while pulling out his phone. Within seconds, he was handing Chazmon his phone. I wanted to he nosey and see whether he'd be truthful. On the screen indeed was Eliana posed in a mirror.

Chazmon's eyebrows instantly furrowed together before they shot up on his forehead. "Ain't this the same woman you were staring at when we were at Gio's awhile back? What's her name? Uh, Something with an E or I right?"

"Eliana." I answered.

"Wow Pete. And this in your camera roll dawg? From...two weeks ago. Y'all still messing around ain't it?"

"No." Pete took his phone. "It's only in my phone because she asked me to take it. I gave her the run down of everything this day and we're done."

"Just like that? She doesn't have any feelings for you? You were fucking her for two months and want me to believe she just let you walk away? Nah."

"Well she did. Anymore questions, Chazmon?"

"You're better than this. I don't know what struck to make you go and step out on Morgan repeatedly, but it ain't you. Y'all have a kid on the way."

"I didn't know that at the time—"

"Does it matter? Y'all were trying. You better fix this because I want to be able to see my niece or nephew."

"It's definitely a girl." I commented.

"Fix it. Whether ya'll get back together or you're still put out. Just make sure she's comfortable enough to come around and remain apart of the family. You idiot." Chazmon ended but gave Pete a comforting hug anyway.

"Thanks for the talk, Chad." Pete muttered.

One thing Pete hated was for Chazmon to get on his case about anything. He felt as the oldest, Chazmon shouldn't have to school him on anything. He believed it was his duty to be the blueprint for Chad. Therefore, when Chazmon was the voice of reason for him it bugged him. He did appreciate the advise but he felt like he shouldn't have to be advised by his younger brother. But I always made reminded him that Chazmon was wise and would advised and school his parent if given the opportunity.

"It's nothing. I still love you big bro."

"I love you too." Pete nudged him.

"Aye, what's been going on with you big dawg?" Chad asked as I tossed my bag over my shoulder so we could leave. "How you and Korin doing?"

I scratched my head, "We're not really talking right now."

It was the the truth. Two days had gone by since Korin phoned me to tell me she still wasn't ready to talk. I didn't like it but I had to respect her boundaries. Especially if I wanted us to recover.

"Don't tell me you cheated too?"

"Nah, nah, nothing like that. We just got into it and now it's quiet. We'll be back on track in no time." I said aloud in hopes of manifestation.

"Well not to brag or anything. Things are going exceptionally well for Brit and I. Just thought I'd throw that out there to lighten up all the dark you two have going on. I finally expressed everything to her the other day and we've been great."

"Congratulations man. I'm happy you opened up to her."

"Where we about to go? My spot or Gio's?" Chad changed the subject, glancing between me and Pete.

"We can go over to yours. Pops probably trying to sleep right now anyway. It's his day off after going hard two weeks straight."

"Mine it is."

I climbed in the backseat of Chazmon's car and made myself comfortable. I took my phone from my pocket to check out my social media feed. Instagram was still my only social media app but it was growing profusely day by day. Aside from being on the field, I didn't think people cared to see what I did. People requested behind the scene videos, for me to go live and talk them, and more. It took me by surprise, yet, I was flattered that my life outside of the game mattered to some people. It made me feel a bit appreciated.

When I did log on, what I didn't expect to see were two minute long videos from Korin. She wore an oversized hoodie and no makeup. It wasn't unusual for her to post videos in that element, but what was abnormal was the weary look upon her face.

"Today is November sixth and I'm not my best today. I didn't plan on making a video because I'm in no mood to as you can see, but I need to. I'm on these apps and stages telling everyone to take care of themselves. Find an outlet. Be responsible for your happiness and I've finally come to a realization that my outlet is no longer around. As many of you know, my mother passed away back in September and though we weren't always on the best of terms when I needed to unplug or come down from an anxiety attack, I could phone her.

"I don't have that outlet anymore. And I thought I was fine. I really did, but these past few days have shown me that I'm far from fine. I've had two panic attacks, which I haven't had in months. My anxiety has been through the roof and I've been struggling to get out of my bed. I'm saying all of this to say, I'm not selling you guys bullshit. I go through the ups and downs of depression just as much as the next person. Yeah I know it's hard and I know it sucks. But just like I've been telling myself, tomorrow holds an even prettier sunset that I deserve to see. We will be okay."

I exited the app and went over to my message thread. As I typed a message to send, Pete asked, "Was that Korin?"

"Um, yeah." I tried to focus on gathering my thoughts.

"You might want to call her bro."

"Pete I know! Please." I unintentionally raised my voice.

"I can drop you off if you want. Her spot is in the same direction ain't it?" offered Chad.

"Yeah, if you don't mind." I opted out on sending the message.

The next ten minutes consisted of me sitting in the backseat attempting to find the right words to say to Korin. I knew me popping up on her would probably make things worse than they already were, seeing as I was apart of the problem. But the idea of me not showing up at all didn't sit well with me. As her man and her friend, it wouldn't be supportive to ignore her pain even if we weren't on speaking terms.

Chazmon pulled up in front of the lobby doors and let me out. I let them know I would get up with them later before going inside toward the elevators. Once I reached her floor, my nerves started to get the best of me. I didn't want to pull us lower than we already were but I really wanted to check up on her. Not through the phone. I wanted to look into her eyes and see if she was okay for myself. Especially after she said for herself that she wasn't fine.

I knocked a few times then waited to hear her footsteps. "Hold on, someone's at my door. Who is it?"

"Me." I lifted my head, giving her the perfect view of my face through the peephole.

"I didn't say I was ready to talk."

"I just want to see you. Korin, please open the door for me."

"Eliana let me call you back okay?" a few seconds later, she opened the door. "Now what?"

"I saw your videos... I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I know you're not ready to talk but—"

"Come inside." she stepped over.

I entered to see the sink piled up, bags of chips lined across the coffee table, all of the lights were off and the blinds were closed. The average person would think she hadn't been up yet and had a long night, but I knew depression. I knew she was in here closed off in the dark, soaking in all of her feelings. She took a seat on the arm of the couch while I grabbed a bar stool from the breakfast bar to sit on.

"Whatever you're ready to say, you can say it."

"Um." I cleared my throat. "I was wrong for how I went about everything. The food thing was stupid. And you won't ever catch me dancing with anyone else. I was trying to make you mad but it was stupid too. I made a lot of stupid decisions that day and I'm sorry."

"You still don't think ripping my necklace was out of line?"

"I don't. He had underlying motives. No one just gives an ex expensive jewelry like that."

"If they have their own jewelry I'm sure they would. I could see the big deal if it was something outside of jewelry but he makes it for a living so it was nothing special. No thought was put into it."

"Maybe to you but that's money coming out his pocket. That was damn near fifty thousand dollars he forfeited to gift you. Not okay. He meant something by it."

"That's all you wanted to admit to me?"

"Did I miss something?"

"I don't know did you? You didn't say how or why you did any of it. I mean aside for the dancing part."

"I already told you why I got mad at the Cafe. You want me to repeat it?"

"Yes."

"For what?" my face scrunched together. "My mama made me feel a way that's it."

"But everything else wasn't because you felt like I was trying to leave you?"

I scratched my beard, "Where would you even get that from?"

"Your mom mentioned your loneliness which stemmed from being abandoned and you kept asking me was I trying to leave you."

"You're tryna say I have abandonment issues?"

"Yes."

"I don't have abandonment issues. Yes, they left me and so did Melanie and my uncle Langston but I'm not afraid of people walking out of my life. I was only asking because if that's what you wanted at the time then you could have done as much."

She looked down at her hands, "And now you're lying. Can this be an open and honest space for communication? I'm not here to judge you. We all have issues from growing up. It's okay."

"No it's not! We shouldn't have to grow up with issues. Why the hell is that a standard thing? I had both of my parents for majority of my life, but those ten years without them did a fucking number on me. That is not okay! This shouldn't be normal!"

"Okay. Can you try not to yell at me?" I took a breath and nodded. "So you do know that you have abandonment issues?"

I smacked my teeth, "Of course I know. Both of my parents left me. I was in the care of someone who thought taking their anger out on me for losing their sister was okay. Then I was in the care of a man that acted like life was boot camp. When I went off to college, he never called me. Never came and visited me so I was on my own. Yes I know all that affected me."

"Why be in denial about it? You know it controlled you that day unless you're going to tell me otherwise. If you were triggered say that."

"Yeah...Asani set me off. I got scared alright. Then you got all upset about me breaking the necklace and that made me feel a way too. And when you said you wouldn't call and you didn't I felt unimportant. So the party was me tryna get your attention and it was stupid yeah I know."

"You embarrassed both of us, Giovanni. Sure no one knows we're a thing really but my friends do and I do. I don't have a problem with you dancing with people at an event, but you were damn near having sex with her. It made me feel like I was a joke."

"You danced with that nig—"

"For all of two seconds. I couldn't even do it because I knew how stupid I looked. Aka why I left."

"I'm sorry Korin. I am. I didn't want or expect any of this to go this far. We haven't talked forreal in days and it's eating me up. I love you, baby. Yeah, I'm scared of us falling apart and I get separation anxiety but I've had control of it up until now."

"What's so different about me that you can't control it?"

"It's not even just you. After ten years my parents are back in my life. You're back in my life. A good third of everyone I lost years ago are back in my life and it's a lot emotionally. I love all of y'all with everything in me but it's hard adjusting and not overthinking the why."

"The why?"

"Why now? After so long, why did all three of y'all come back at once? You feel what I'm saying?"

"I think we should talk to someone. I don't think we'll be the best for each other until we do."

Giovanni's eyes the moment those words left my mouth, made me want to snatch them back. However, I could not because it was the truth. He was in a hard place with having both of his parents return to his life, and us crossing paths didn't make it any better. He'd abandoned me much like they did him and in their absence we shared traumatic experiences that triggered us both the minute we saw one another.

I needed to see someone for myself to help me ease the trauma of my teen years and now the death of my mother. Our time apart gave me the space to realize that I wasn't okay. Maybe that was why I really chose to get into a relationship with him, to make me feel like something was going right. But now that things were coming to the light I could see that I had no business trying to love someone. Not until the love I had for myself no longer had terms.

"Korin...." he took a pause. "What are you really saying?"

"That we should take some time apart to get ourselves together emotionally. You're—" he started to laugh, which made me stop speaking.

"I'm what?" he rested his fist under his chin.

"You're in a difficult place emotionally with like you said, three people from the hardest time of your life popping back up. I'm not okay emotionally myself. I can't seem to process my mom's death, you keep triggering my attacks. Something isn't right."

"And that something is us?"