a few fly aways in my face, but I swiftly pushed them away. I sat on the living room balcony of Giovanni's condo, on my macbook, watching videos.

"Today is the day my oldest daughter walks down the runway for the very first time. Of course, I took my paid-leave for this moment. I'm super proud of her and I'm happy that this is making her happy. Plus it's in the beautiful Milan, Italy. Korin are you excited?"

The sound of my mom's voice made me close my eyes and sob. I was up at the crack of dawn watching videos of my mother because she'd appeared in my dream last night, but I couldn't hear her voice. She was talking to me and all I heard was silence. It scared me so that I woke up, but I then realized that I didn't remember what she sounded like. Her voice had faded from my memory and it made me feel like a horrible person.

It also reminded me that she was no longer alive. For the past month I'd been solely focused on my work along with Gio and I's relationship. I hadn't given myself time to fully grieve her death aside from the few days before the funeral. Now I was being hit with the hard truth again. My mother was gone and because I hadn't talked to her often before she died, I'd lost the memory of her voice.

"Hey, you alright?" a voice came from behind me. I turned around to see Pete. "You need me to get Gio?"

"No, don't bother him. I'm fine. I just came out here to watch a few videos to avoid waking him up." I wiped at my eyes.

He looked over at my laptop. "One of those mornings huh?"

"...I couldn't remember what she sounded like." my voice cracked a bit. "I don't know how I let that happen."

"I'm pretty familiar with what that's like." he leaned against the door frame. "I was raised by my grandma and a few months after she died I couldn't remember the sound of her voice. I didn't have videos to look back on because she hated cameras but I remember it tearing me apart. I just couldn't understand how the voice that always made my day vanished from my memory."

"You remember it now though right?"

He shook his head. "Nah. I wish I did though. I could use it right now."

"So this is going to keep happening?" I covered my mouth, more tears streaming down my cheeks.

"You have videos to look back on. You can listen to her whenever you want to. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's normal."

"I don't remember this happening when I lost my dad. Oh my God....I don't even know what he sounds like anymore."

In that moment, I fell apart. Pete sat on the edge of the chair, wrapped his arms around me, and allowed me to cry into his shoulder. My father died such a long time ago that I hadn't realized his voice wasn't with me anymore. Two of the first voices I'd ever heard weren't able to withstand the test of time. To know that I couldn't keep their voices alive with memories made me feel like a horrible daughter. Like I was disregarding their existence.

The entire time I cried, Pete said nothing. He simply held me tightly and let me coat his shirt in my tears. It was what I needed. I didn't want anyone to tell me that it was okay because to me it wasn't. Nothing about it felt okay. It'd only been a month since my mother's death so to hear 'it's okay' would make me feel like whomever was merely saying anything. It wasn't okay that I didn't take the time to honor her life and grieve the fact that she was gone. Gone without a chance of returning.

"You're gonna have to take it day by day, Korin." Pete said after I calmed down. "Grief can take months or years. Each day will get easier to deal with the fact you lost someone, but the pain is real so you have to take care of it. Acknowledge it for what it is."

"Knowing that I went two months without calling her or at least sending her a text because I was annoyed, makes me feel like shit. That was time I let go to waste over emotions."

"You can't beat down on yourself for making a mistake. You can regret it all you want but don't let it eat you up. Guilt is a demon to be reckoned with."

"I just wish we had more time. It was so much that I didn't get to say to her."

"Just because she isn't here physically doesn't mean she can't hear you. I'm sure her spirit is with you all the time. Speak to it."

"Thank you for this." I deeply sighed.

"It's nothing."

"Everything good out here?" Giovanni's voice croaked from behind me.

I raised my head from Pete's shoulder and wiped my face clear of any tears. "Hey, what're you doing up?"

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I sniffled and pushed my hair back.

"You don't look fine." he stepped further out on the balcony, causing Pete to move away from me. "What's going on?"

"It's nothing. I'm fine. I just had a moment." I closed my macbook.

Giovanni gave Pete a look which made him go inside. Gio slid the balcony door shut behind him then sat down at the bottom of my chair, "Korin what's going on? And don't tell me nothing when you're out here crying to Pete."

"I just had a moment. He heard me and came out here to see what was wrong."

"And obviously you needed some consoling so tell me what's going on?" he grabbed my hand.

I sighed, not wanting to repeat the statement. I didn't feel like crying again. "I couldn't remember my mom's voice."

"And you didn't want to tell me that?" he tried his hardest not to furrow his eyebrows.

"I don't want to cry anymore. I also didn't want you to tell me everything will be okay and how you're here for me. It's appreciated but I don't want to hear any of that right now because I know. It just doesn't feel like it."

"It doesn't feel like I'm here for you or like everything is going to be okay?" he couldn't stop his 'brows from furrowing this time.

"Like everything is okay. It is not okay to forget—" when my voice started to shake I stopped myself from speaking.

He quickly nodded his head in understanding then kissed my hand. "Okay, I won't say it. You want to go lay down?"

"Yeah."

He picked up my macbook then waited on me to stand from the chair. He gestured for me to go inside before him. As soon as I stepped inside Mr. Jonas was emerging from his bedroom half dressed for work.

"Damn y'all still ain't sleep? Must be nice to be young and energized." he said instantly.

"Good morning Pops."

"Let me holla at you for a second." he waved Gio over.

While Gio went to see what his father wanted, I traveled up the staircase to his bedroom. I wasted no time climbing in the bed once I made it to the room. I laid on my stomach and stared into space, letting my brain run wild with its thoughts.

I was unsure of how much time had passed when Giovanni finally walked in the room. He sat my macbook down on the dresser then climbed in the bed beside me. He attempted to cuddle with me, but I pushed his arm away and scooted away from him. I didn't want his touch at the moment.

"Kor—"

"I don't want to be touched, Gio." I cut him off before he could say what I knew he was going to say.

There was a short silence on his side then he said, "But Pete can touch you right?"

"Gio please."

"Nah, I'm deadass serious." the bed shifted so I knew he sat up. "I come out to see what's wrong and you don't want to tell me but you told him. You were sitting there letting him hold you but I can't?"

"I don't want to do this right now. Please."

Silence took over again. Shortly after, his body collapsed on the bed and he turned away from me. I clutched onto the pillow and closed my eyes to get some rest. All of the crying I'd dome left me feeling drained, and it definitely wasn't how I expected to spend my morning after last night.

When I woke up a few hours later, the space beside me was empty and the house was quiet. I jumped in the shower and handled all of my hygiene before traveling downstairs. No one was here. Not in any of the guest rooms, the kitchen nor the balcony. I went back upstairs to retrieve my phone only to have a text message from Gio saying that he was out with Pete.

"Is he serious?" I frowned. I dialed his number and stood with folded arms, waiting on him to pick up.

"Yo?" he answered.

"Are you serious? You didn't consider waking me up before just leaving me here?"

"I didn't want to touch you."

"Grow up." I ended the call.

I slipped my feet inside the slides I wore from the airport and grabbed my things. I ordered myself an uber then sat down in the building lobby until it arrived. A scowl was etched across my face from Giovanni's unbelievable actions. Sure he could be upset about me not wanting him to touch me, but to just leave me in his empty place to be petty was childish.

Once I was back home I invited Brittney, Noelle and Eliana over to spend time with me. I knew it was risky to have Noelle and Eliana in the same room but I wanted all three of my friends. I was sick and tired of the divide. Whatever happened to take place as a result would just have to be. I needed them to be able to be cordial for a few hours at the least.

To pass time, I unpacked my bags and made myself something light to eat. In a matter of thirty minutes they all were arriving one by one. Their bright smiles and warm hugs gave me the joy that I desperately needed.

Eliana entered last and froze a bit when she saw Noelle sitting on the couch. She whispered to me, "You didn't tell me Noelle would be here, Korin."

"Yeah I know because you would have said you couldn't make it. I'm tired of this divide you're creating. Y'all can still be cordial."

She held her hands up and stepped inside. She gave both Brit and Noey a warm greeting then took a seat on the same couch I had been sitting on.

"So what's going on Korin? Everything okay?" asked Brittney.

"Yeah, I just really need a day with my girls for some fun and laughter. Is that okay with you Brit?"

"It's perfectly fine with me. I was just making sure everything was alright. That's okay for me to do right, Kori?"

I chuckled, "It is. But no I just want to laugh and gossip about what's been going on in y'all lives. You know y'all are more spontaneous than I am so give me the goods."

"Well while you were gone I waxed my asshole. It hurt like hell but now it is tongue ready. I also—" Brit started and was cut off by Noelle dying of laughter.

"Time out!" Noelle cued the call with her hands. "There is no way you just threw that out like that."

"Right. Went and waxed her asshole so she can get it ate. I didn't take Chazmon for the ass eating type." said I.

"Girl Chad would put his mouth on my intestines if he could."

"Must be nice." Eliana commented.

"You've never had your ass ate?" Brit frowned. "Who all has never had there ass eaten?"

Eli and I raised our hands. Of course I hadn't because my sexual experiences were at an all time low. Aside from my first time I'd only had sex a couple of times, and only one time wasn't with Giovanni. Over the years I've had a dude finger me but I'd never let them have sex with me. Back then I had the idea that if I gave them the cookie they'd leave right after. To avoid that, I made sure to never give it to them. From where I stood it was smart, and only two men gained my trust to be in a relationship with me and have the cookie. That was Asani and Giovanni.

"I've eaten ass but nobody has ever eaten mine. To be honest I'm kinda disappointed because I've heard nothing but great things about it." Eli admitted.

"Me too! We need to check that off our list asap. I can only imagine how good it feels."

"I'm super surprised you haven't had your ass eaten Korin. Gio looks freaked out. He looks like the type to fold you up and just do any and everything to have you hollering bloody Mary. And them types scare me."

Noelle gasped, "He doessss."

"Well he hasn't so....What was it like for you Noey? I want to hear this." I sat back with folded arms.

"It was amazing. At first she was eating my pussy from the back and I guess she said fuck it, ya know? But when that tongue hit my asshole I almost fainted and I'm not even joking. She was fingering me at the same time too so I was out of there."

Brit's phone, which pinged a couple times as we spoke, started to ring out. "I'm sorry y'all. He's been blowing me up the whole time so I need to see what's going on. Hey babe, wassup?"

"Are you busy?" Chazmon's voice played aloud indicating that it was a facetime.

"Not really no. You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm cool. I just want to talk to you for a second. I came over to talk about it last night but we kinda got distracted."

She stood with a laugh, traveling over to the kitchen. "What is it? If it's serious we can talk about it tonight."

"That's the thing. I gotta fly back home to handle a few things with my family and I don't wanna wait any longer."

"...What is it?" she questioned with a bit of fear lacing her voice.

"I've been doing some thinking and I just want you to know that from this moment forth you have all of me. I'm not gonna lie, I was holding back. I was letting old shit get to me and you deserve better than that. You've given me plenty reasons to trust you and from the jump you laid all your cards on the table. It's my turn to do the same. So when I get back we're going to sit down and I'ma lay it all out for you okay?"

"Yeah, okay. Thank you for admitting that. And I'll be here waiting for you to get back. I hope everything is okay with your family."

"You and I both. I'm at the airport now so I'll call you when I make it alright?"

"Come back to me in one piece, Chazmon."

"I'm too fucked up 'bout you not to, babygirl. I'll talk to you later."

The three tones echoed before Brit came trailing out with a smile on her face. She eased back over to her spot and sat down with all of our eyes glued to her.

"What?" she rolled her eyes. "Can we continue the conversation please? I believe you were speaking Noelle."

played loudly from the kitchen as I sat in the living room. She'd asked him to come over to talk, and since we were out together I brought him over. To hear them in there arguing made me think of Korin. I hadn't heard from her since she called asking of my whereabouts around noon. The call ended with her hanging up and I made no attempt to call back or shoot her a text.

It didn't take rocket science to figure out that I had been upset about her confiding in Pete this morning. It also pissed me off that she allowed him to console her but wouldn't let me. To be there for her physically and emotionally were my top priorities. I took that responsibility as her man and friend seriously. So being denied hit a nerve for me. Especially knowing that her breakdown was because of her mother. She let me be there for her after she died which had me questioning what was different this time. Had I done it wrong the first time?

"Eliana? ELIANA CARTER!? my fucking co-worker?" the rage in Morgan's voice snatched me from my thoughts.

"Mor—"

"Stop talking. How did this happen?" she oddly grew calm.

"Um...she's friends with Korin—"

Morgan laughed, "And I'm pretty sure she, Gio and everyone else that's been in my fucking face knew!"

"No one knew."

"Yeah right. I don't even know who you are anymore Pete. And that breaks my heart so much. I gave you the opportunity to leave months ago and you told me this is what you wanted. I was your pick but then you do this. How long?"

"It happened three times."

"That's not what I asked you. How long did it last?"

The silence between them almost had chills crawling down my arms because I knew this was the end for them. If he answered this question truthfully, there was no doubt he would have to be out of here for another night.

"Two and a half months but it just started out with me designing a tattoo for her. There was no intention for anything else."

"But you let it happen not once but multiple times. You have feelings for her don't you? That's why you've been acting all weird for the past two weeks."

He said nothing in response letting another moment of silence fall over them. It was quickly broken, however, when glass shattered followed by other commotion. Pete started to shout for her to stop, Morgan spewed out strained expletives, and I knew they had to be tussling. I jumped up from the couch and went to stop them from doing anything they'd regret.

As soon as I stepped in the kitchen Morgan's hand collided with Pete's face. She started to punch him in the chest and each hit grew weaker and weaker as she broke down. He let her continue to hit him with nothing but defeat on his face. She hit him one last time then all she could do was cry. He attempted to wrap his arms around her but she pushed his arms away and stepped back.

"I'll be gone in the morning. I'll keep you updated on the baby but for right now leave me alone."

She stormed past me out of the kitchen. Pete muttered to himself then punched the cabinet. "You can go bro. I'ma just walk to a nearby hotel."

"I can take you."

"Nah, I need to walk right now." he blew out air. "I'll let you know when I get there."

"Alright. Be careful man."

I watched him for a few more seconds uncertain of his emotional state. But when he stood up tall I knew he was as good as he could be considering the circumstances. I turned out of the threshold and made my way out of the door.

By time I made it back to the city, nightfall had welcomed itself. Rather than go straight home I sat at a red light checking Korin's location. I needed to apologize for making things about me this morning when she was obviously having a rough time. It was the last thing I should've done in the situation.