up the next day. I turned over to see Giovanni at the edge of the bed talking on the phone. It made me wonder if I'd missed breakfast with Justice if he was up and having phone conversations already. To check, I reached over for my phone and raised it up for the time: 7:15 am. I was still in the green so I shot a text to Justice to let me know whenever he was ready then I sat my phone back down.

The sound of it hitting the dresser made Gio glance over his shoulder. When he saw that I was up, he gave me a smile and pulled at my foot. It was his way of saying goodmorning without interrupting whoever was on the phone. I took my foot from his hand and climbed from the bed to get my personal hygiene bag. I then disappeared into the bathroom to start my morning.

For starters, I looked way better than yesterday. The bags underneath my eyes weren't as bad but they were still there nonetheless. I first brushed my teeth then followed my morning skin routine. In the midst of me patting my face dry, Gio stuck his head in and looked at me thru the mirror.

"How'd you sleep?"

"I feel pretty rested so I'm guessing good." I opened my vitamin e oil and began putting drops on my face. "What about you? You were up pretty early."

"I was kinda in and out but I'm not tired."

"Why were you in and out? Too cold because it was cold in here last night."

"Nah, you were crying in your sleep. I kept thinking you were up but you wasn't."

I looked over at him. "I was? I don't remember having a dream."

"Well something was happening. I'm glad you were able to sleep though because these right here." he pointed to my under-eye bags. "Need to skedaddle."

"So is this going to be an everyday thing? You coming for my appearance?" I then applied face cream.

He laughed. "Nah, I'm messing with you. But I was thinking we all go out for breakfast."

"Justice invited me to breakfast. Apparently he wants to apologize to me face to face and talk." I told him.

"Word? When did this happen?"

"Last night. I'm hoping that it goes well but you never know with him. I just wonder what made him want to apologize."

Gio cleared his throat. "I may have went to see him."

"You what? Why did you do that?"

"I just wanted to know what his deal was. I chopped it up with him and I guess he realized what I was saying was true."

"I'm guessing that's who told you about me being pregnant — which I don't even know how he knows. This is ridiculous. The only time he chooses to apologize to me is when you talk to him, but not when I'm begging him to hear me out."

"Sometimes it takes that one outside source to make you realize something. Don't meet up with him mad about this."

I sighed. "I'm not. I'm just going to be grateful that this is even happening and hope that it turns out well."

"Good." he kissed my head. "I'm about to go back to my room and see what Eli them have planned."

"Okay, and thank you for staying with me last night. I really appreciate it."

"Once again you don't have to thank me, Kori. I'm always here." he put on his shirt then his shoes and grabbed his phone. "I'll see you when you get back."

The room door loudly closed behind him and I continued to get ready. To make me feel a little better about myself today, I chose to do my makeup. I never did more than the bare minimum because I wasn't good with eyeshadow, but I always thought it did pretty well. Once my face was complete, I pulled my hair up into a high ponytail in which I fishtailed.

My phone started to ring from the room so I jogged over to see who it was. It was Khloe. "Hey Khlo."

"Hey...." she sounded down and out. "Are you busy right now?"

"Um actually getting ready to meet up with Justice. You not doing so good this morning huh?"

"No. I don't see how y'all two aren't flipping out."

"We're pretty familiar with death. That doesn't mean it gets easy or that we're okay but we know that eventually we will be okay. You just have to take it day by day. You'll never get over it but you'll learn how to cope with it."

She began to cry. "I just don't understand why. She was healthy. She took care of herself and out of all things a heart attack?"

"I know, Khlo." I pouted. "Somethings just happen and they're out of our control but I promise you it will get better.

"Can you come to the house with me tonight? My boyfriend gotta go back to campus and I don't want—"

"Yeah, yeah of course."

She sat on the phone with me while I continued to get dressed, not saying much of anything. I was sure she just wanted to company and I completely understood. She was barely a month old when my father was killed in the line of duty and when Courtland died it never really hit her. This was her first real experience with a close death and she didn't know how to handle it. But I was sure to be there for her anyway possible because I knew what grieving alone felt like. Shit.

When I finished getting dressed, I turned to the mirror near the door and struck a few poses. It was necessary in order to decided whether I truly like it on me. The fit that I was sporting for today was a sky blue high neck top tucked inside of slightly baggy, black mom jeans. A pair of white heels were strapped onto my feet to match my white mini back that hung from my shoulder.

"I'll talk to you later lovebug. Call me if you need me."

"I will. I'm probably going to go back to sleep for a while."

"Okay. I love you,"

"I love you too."

I closed my room door behind me and ended the phone call. While I waited on Justice to text me, I went down to Jeffery's room. I'd told him to cancel everything other than the red table talk so I wanted to hear an update. I knocked on his door a couple times then took a step back.

"Who is it?" he called from the other side.

"Korin."

The door opened and of course he had his phone in hand with a call on hold and his laptop set up on the bed. He allowed me to step inside as he continued the phone call. It was pertaining to one of his other clients so I sat off to the side and waited on him to finish up. To pass time, I responded to messages from yesterday until I no longer wanted to then got onto social media.

I was going to use my Instagram as a release platform. Since I didn't have a journal with me to actually write out how I felt, I chose to do it in the caption space. I scrolled thru all of my videos until I found the one I wanted to share. It was from earlier in the year when she received a copy of my Essence cover. I wrote:

Friday evening while backstage of a Milan show, I was told that you'd suffered a heart attack. I wanted to leave so bad but I kept a professional face and hoped that you'd be okay but you weren't. By time I made it back to the states, you were gone. I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't get to give you one last hug nor kiss and that is what hurts the most. I wasn't there for you. I hadn't even heard your voice in over a month because we were at odds, but I want you to know that I love you! We may have had our issues but you were an inspiration to me. You kept me going and I just hope it's better up there than it is down here. Say hi to Dad and Court for me. I now have three guardian angels. RIH Mommy🕊

I dabbed at my eyes after sending the post then reassured myself that it was going to be okay.

"Hey, you okay?" Jeffery sat his phone down.

"Yeah. I just came to see what the update was on everything. Were you able to cancel everything?"

"A few companies didn't want you to cancel and chose to reschedule for next month, a few were pissed with their insensitive asses, and the others were fine with it. Jada also called and asked whether you wanted to postpone but I told her you were down for the count."

"I am. I can't wait to sit at that red table. I just wonder why my story of depression is different from Kid Cudi's. I'm not sure the angle she'll work but I'm excited!" my phone then pinged with a message from Justice telling me that he was downstairs. "I have to go but we'll talk more later. And if you have leave to handle your other clients go ahead. I know I have your love and support but they need you too."

"You sure?"

"Yes! I took you for like a month between Paris and Milan. Go cater to them and keep your coin rolling."

"I promise I'll be back for the funeral."

I gave him a smile. "I know. Safe travels, Jeff."

««»»

, I sat in a booth directly across from Justice. He was in his uniform so I knew that he had to be to work sometime soon, meaning we needed to get the conversation rolling. However, he sat with his hands folded together staring out of the window. We'd already placed our orders and were merely waiting so this was the perfect time to talk, but it seemed as if he didn't know exactly what to say.

"So are we going to sit in silence rather than talk?" I spoke up. He slowly turned his head my way. "I mean that was the whole purpose for this."

"I know." he cleared his throat. "I just...I'm a real fucked up person."

"Don't worry about that. Just tell me what you want to tell me and we go from there."

"I, um, I owe you an apology. Over the years I always thought that you were being dramatic and wanted attention from Mama but last night I watched a few of your panels and... I'm sorry Korin. My perspective was always jaded because I was angry with you, but last night opened my eyes and I was able to see what really went on in the house.

"And it's sad to say but I remember you telling Court and I how you felt down and out, you couldn't understand why you were here and you couldn't control the feeling. I remember it and I guess I chose not to remember it because I wanted to be mad at you. That same night we laughed at you and blew you off. And it was the same day you stopped talking to us. You would write in your journal and ignore all of us and we hated it so we would bother you.

"I remember you being so mean and angry and I now know it was because you felt abandoned by us – like we didn't see you. And in all realness we didn't. We missed it all. So your blow up with Courtland seemed unnecessary to us but really you were mad at your bestfriend for turning a blind eye. He knew you better than anyone so how couldn't he see that you were hurt. I get it, Korin. I'm sorry for putting the blame on you for all these years. You didn't deserve that. It was so fucked up of me because he was just as much as your brother as he was mine. I'm so sorry."

There were tears crawling down my face at a rapid speed as I took in every single one of his words. He'd recognized his wrong, my call out to him, and was fully acknowledging it with an apology. I could feel so much weight rise from my shoulders that I couldn't stop crying. He came over to my side of the booth and gave me a hug that caused me to sob.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't able to recognize all of this before, but I'm here now. I'm here with you." he rubbed circles on my back.

It took a couple of minutes to stop the waterworks but once I did, I went to the bathroom to get my face together. If I would have known I'd do that much crying, makeup wouldn't have been an option. But when I got before the mirror I realized that it wasn't that bad. Nothing a few dabs couldn't fix.

Once I was put back together, I returned to the table just as the waiter sat our plates down. "You good?"

"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "It's just I waited so long for you to stop hating me. Usually when I didn't have Courtland, I had you but when he died I didn't have you anymore. I was left to myself and that hurt so bad. Especially because I knew that my frustration from dealing with the depression was what got us there. This meant a lot to me, Justice."

He gave me a smile. "I promise I got you from here on out. If I don't understand I promise I will sit down and listen."

"Promise?" I held up my pinky.

"Promise." he hooked his pinky onto mine. "I love you."

"I love you too." I started to cry again which made me smack my teeth and for him to laugh. "I swear I'll stop crying eventually."

"You've always been emotional. It's the cancer in you."

I chuckled. "Mama would be so happy right now. This is all she wanted from us and it's sad her death had to do it and she didn't get to see it."

"Yeah.... She wanted me to tell you not to stress over not being around when she died. You were out in the world doing what dad taught you to do best, and that's chase your dream at all cost. She's proud and she hopes you keep pushing the agenda."

I closed my eyes and nodded to myself. I needed those words. I needed to know that she wasn't mad at me for being so far when she was about to take her last breath.

Justice reached across the table and grabbed my hand as I continued to sit with his words. Of course, more tears were falling down my face but I found myself reaching a space of peace. I was at peace with my brother. I was at peace with my mother, and it was all I ever wanted. My soul was happy.

"Eliana yelled to the top of her lungs for absolutely no reason.

I raised my head from my phone to look at her with furrowed eyebrows. "Yo, why are you yelling like that? My head's not even in your way bro."

"Yes it is." she pulled my head back and raised her phone so that she could snap a picture of herself. "Thank you."

"Who raised you, dawg?"

Noelle laughed and shook her head. We were in a car headed back to the hotel after we'd had breakfast and roamed around the city for a bit. I was more than ready to escape Eliana because I'd forgotten just how irritating she could be with her dramatics. Noelle was pretty cool — quiet for the most part but when did choose to speak it was obvious she was a sweetheart.

"Shut your face. Is the picture cute?" she handed me her phone.

I observed it for a few seconds. "Yeah, you actually look better with your mouth closed."

"Aha gimme my damn phone."

Just as I was about to pass it back to her, it vibrated in my hand with a message. I glanced at it to see 'Pete Daniels' was the sender and pulled it back. I pressed the message to open the thread but she quickly snatched it from me before I had the opportunity to read their exchanges.

"Nah, who raised you to be going in people's messages." she frowned at me.

"You serious bro? What you and Pete got going on?"

"Pete and I have nothing going on." the shadow of a smirk said otherwise as she typed away. "He's creating the template for my new tattoo. I came his drawing on the gram and asked him could he do a tat template for me."

"Yeah aight. Don't be out here messing with a committed man, Eli. You're way better than that."

"There is nothing going on, Gio. Damn. We're just associates." her phone vibrated again and she burst out into laughter while blushing.

I looked over at Noelle who was shaking her head with tears building in her eyes. When she noticed me looking at her, she turned her head toward the window. Her reaction peaked my curiosity but I chose to leave it alone for the moment. But her hurt feelings caused for the remainder of the ride to be silent since she ignored every attempt Eliana made to talk to her.

When the car came to a stop, I climbed from one side while they both climbed from the other. I took that moment to strength my body out. I hated being in the backseat of small cars because I need a lot of leg room and cars like Camry's didn't offer me that. After my stretch, I adjusted my shirt just as I heard Eliana questioning Noelle silence for the third time.

"My problem is you always disregarding my feelings, Eliana." Noelle gritted obviously not wanting to be heard. "You say all this bullshit to me when it's just us but then go out and entertain every nigga possible. You need to choose because I'm getting tired of your games."

"Noey what are talking about?"

The uber began to pull off so I stepped around the back of it to be out of the way. Once again, Noelle and I locked eyes causing her to wipe away her fallen tears and walk inside of the hotel. Eliana turned around to me, "What just happened?"

"Looks like you're having woman problems to me. I didn't know you went both ways playa."

"I don't." she gave me a stale face. "Noelle and I aren't a thing."

I pursed my lips. "I'm sure she wouldn't be crying about you texting and blushing over Pete if that were true. Something is there between y'all and she mad."

"I am not attracted to women, Gio."

"Okay. If that's what you're going with then cool." I held my hands up. "But she doesn't seem like the type of person to be delusional so...."

"Yeah well you hardly know her, and I said what I said." she rolled her eyes at me and walked off.

"What was that about?" Korin's voice came from behind me causing me to turn around.

I didn't expect to turn around and see her in full glam mode. I licked over my lips and gave her a smile. "I don't know. You look gorgeous though. How did it go with your brother?"

"Thank you" she grinned. "But it went well. I'm actually really happy right now and I hope we can rebuild our relationship."

"That's what I like to hear. But boy am I glad that you got back right after we did. Eliana is so dramatic and over the top. You can't take her nowhere."

She laughed. "Aw, are you saying that you missed me Giovanni?"

"I di...." my words were caught in my throat the minute we stepped inside of the hotel lobby.