"I am in therapy for it."

Noah's words kept resonating in my head.

It made me realize I was being ignorant.

I wasn't the only one suffering. They were fighting their own battles, too.

Last night, I shouldn't have mocked Eveline like that. I should have respected their boundaries.They were mourning the loss of a parent.What right did I have to pour salt on their wounds?

Even though I hold no respect or affection for my father, I decided I would still go to his funeral out of respect for my siblings.

And who knows, it could give me closure, too.

If not that, at least, it would make Eveline a little less sad.

I didn't have much time left. It was a quarter to three, Stephen had said the funeral was at 4.

I had never been to a funeral before. Wasn't there a custom to wear black?

I rummaged through my bag, which still remained unpacked, for black formal clothes. It didn't take much time or efforts for I could count the number of clothes I had with one hand.

Back there, I didn't really have the luxury to go shopping. And the man whose funeral I had to attend didn't care enough to buy me new clothes.

Should I drop the idea of going then?

Eveline walked in my room, looking at me apologetically, "I knocked but you weren't answering."

I nodded, letting her know I didn't mind.

"Did you change your mind about going?" Eveline asked, fidgeting with a loose lock of her hair. A habit she often did when she was nervous.

"No, it's still the same." I didn't want to make her sad but I didn't have any clothes to wear there.

As expected, she looked disappointed at my refusal until her eyes fell on the clothes in my hand. She looked at them and then at my face.

"I got it!" Her eyes lit up.

She rushed out of the room and not even a second later she came back with a black dress, "You can wear this. It will perfectly fit you."

Was she pitying me?

But her innocent eyes held nothing but understanding.

"No thanks," I refused, regardless of her intention I didn't want to borrow her clothes.

"Why not? We used to share clothes when we were kids all the time." She asked, confused why I would refuse.

"That was before. Its different now." I reasoned.

"It's different only if you want it to be." She passed me a smile, letting me know it was my choice. She would understand regardless of what I chose.

"Alright," I sighed, "But this is the only time."

"Yes, Absolutely." Eveline quickly nodded, afraid I'd change my mind.

After I changed into the dress, she insisted on doing my hair. My hair was long, the same length as Eveline's. It was troublesome to style it myself, so I let her do it.

"We look the same," Eveline said, excited.

She was right. She had put my hair in a french braid, identical to hers. Pair that with similar black outfits and no one could tell us apart.

It was like looking in a mirror. Except for Eveline's ever-lasting cheerful smile which I lacked. I wanted that.

I yearned for that.

'But do you deserve to smile like that, after the sins you have committed?'

No, I don't.

'You shouldn't even be going with them.'

Just why couldn't the voices go away?Just for today.

"You don't like it?" Eveline asked, nervously, when I stayed silent.

"I can change it," She hurriedly said.

"I like it." She let out a sigh of relief.

Why was she walking on eggshells around me?

... ... ...

All my brothers were already downstairs. Ezra and Noah were playing a video game on the big screen. Kai was resting in the sofa, quietly reading a book.

"You two are late," Stephen reprimanded, disconnecting the phone call he was in.

"Awww, my poor heart! You two look so cute." Ezra exclaimed when he saw us coming downstairs, putting his hand on his heart for dramatic effect.

"More like creepy." Kai scoffed, closing his book. "The way she copied her down to every last detail."

Okay, that hurt.

"Don't be so mean, Kai." Eveline pouted, protesting.

"Let's go," Stephen ordered.

Noah immediately protested, "Can we finish this match?"

"You are going to lose anyway, brat." Ezra laughed.

"I beat you in the last 3 matches," Noah deadpanned.

"Do you want me to repeat myself?" At Stephen's cold reminder, Noah quickly got up and was the first to leave the house.

The funeral was held at Black family grave.Thats where all Black family members were buried.

It was an hour journey from where we lived. When we reached there I met some familiar faces. Matheo, the man who had picked me up from London was sitting in the second row. He had a detached expression on his face so I didn't go to greet him.

Jordan, on the other hand, waved his hand at me. I waved back. I wanted to go sit beside him but I am sure it would look discourteous if I left my family.

We all had our assigned seats in the first row. It was reserved only for family. I saw one seat was left empty even after everyone had taken their seats. Was someone else coming?

Stephen stood up and walked to the podium to deliver his eulogy. I had zoned out from it. Instead my eyes fell on the open casket. I could see his face from where I was sitting.

"Do you know why your siblings hate you?" Dad had asked me.

It was my birthday. Also mother's death anniversary. She had died while giving birth to me. Even as a six year old, I knew that much. They were visiting her grave today. Just like every year.

I wasn't allowed to. I had gone to Diego, my second eldest brother, in hopes he could persuade dad to take me.

"Big brother, will you take me with you? I want to see her." I asked, clutching the corner of his suit.

Before Diego could reply, Dad had butted in, asking me if I knew the reason of their hatred.

"They don't hate me!" I shouted. Even I knew it was a lie. But I needed to believe it. They loved Eve so they must love me too. All I need to do was be more like her.

"They do, little Lili. They hate you so much they want you to die. And do you know why is that?" Dad cruelly laughed.

The sight of my tears encouraged him to continue, "Because the first thing you did after coming to this world was take away their mother from them. You killed her, little Lili."

How could someone's eyes be so cruel?

I didn't believe him. I don't remember killing her so he must be lying.

"Big brother, dad is lying, right?" I asked Diego, who was standing with his fists clenched. He had a faraway look in his eyes.

It scared me.

"He's not lying." Diego snarled at me.

I didn't want to believe it. I always thought they hated me because I wasn't like Eve. So I tried. I tried to be like her. But they still wouldn't like me.

Maybe I just had to try harder.

I didn't kill mother. I couldn't have.

I found Stephen in front of the staircase. Bending down, he was tying his shoe laces. I rushed to him, crashing into his back.

Momentarily surprised from the force, he quickly returned to his senses. "Lili, you shouldn't run like that. You will get hurt." He scolded while picking me up in his arms.

See, they were lying. Stephen didn't hate me otherwise why would he care for me?

"Are you going to visit mother's grave?" I asked, putting my hands around his big shoulders so I wouldn't fall.

"Yes, sweetheart."

"Will you take me with you? I want to meet her, too." I asked, feeling dumb I didn't look for him instead of Diego.

Stephen gave me a smile. But his kind smile didn't match his next words.

"I think it's best if you don't go."

And at that moment, I knew. I knew Dad and Diego weren't lying.

I didn't expect this particular memory to resurface here of all places.

Diego was my second oldest brother. Also the brother I hated the most.

I felt a hand grab mine. My hands were trembling but the cold hands kept it stable. I looked at the direction to find Stephen watching me with keen but kind eyes. But I knew his kindness was just a facade. Just like that day.

He had finished his Eulogy. An old man had taken his place, saying something about the good place after death.

I snatched back my hand from Stephen's hold. Harsher than I had intended. It still hadn't stopped trembling. But I didn't need his kindness. Not anymore.

Pushing back the resurfacing memories, I stood up to leave this place. I didn't want to spend one more second here.