Sometimes it seems like all she has to do to fall ten feet deeper into the hole of what the hell am I doing with my life is blink.

The girls seemed to become comfortable with each other and their rooms faster than she did. She remembered the first time she walked into her dorm room with Knox, before that moment she hadn't considered herself 'one of the lucky rich kids'. Truth is, she still isn't. She could see that in her now torn up yellow suedes and the moments where she had nothing to contribute to conversations about travel and exotic cuisine. She was like a fish out of water.

She expected things to be different in a couple days, and those 'couple days' turned to two weeks. She had yet to speak to Charlie and she was beginning to contemplate why she even attempted to have something beyond a friendship with him so early on in the year with nothing motivating her but her immaturity. He's always been mean in that obnoxious way, he's always been a runner, he's always seemed to cower down to his mother in the moments where he needed to defend himself the most. She couldn't stand next to him when he himself hadn't formed a clue of what he stood for.

The only person she seemed to be on speaking terms with was the Theresa Dalton, who talked her ear nearly off of her head with sugarcoated apologies and how to get her son back without making it seem like she was still prying into his business. Sigrid had to give it to her, Theresa is an extremely dedicated woman.

She just wished she didn't have to dedicate herself to ruining other people's lives.

Todd set Sigrid aside a couple days after he had the displeasure of hearing Richard's poem to confront her about his assumptions. A ball formed at the bottom of her throat as she watched him put two-and-two together, she felt even worse when she saw the betrayal and secret judgment behind his eyes. She knew Todd was a normally understanding person, that look in his eyes seemed like a goodbye to their friendship. She didn't know if she could afford to lose it.

She couldn't help it. There was an unspoken understanding of each other between Richard and Sigrid. After that day it was awkward for both of them but Richard didn't mind listening to whatever it was she had to say. Richard made it seem like he supported all her decisions. Sigrid, making idiotic and irrational decisions, liked the feeling of being 'right'.

A caring Richard came with a toll. And most of their conversations ended with their clothes on the floor and Sigrid in his scrawny arms as he talked about his day.

Magnets. She had compared him to a magnet.

She promised she'd stop.

But her lips continued to breathe poetry into his lungs.

Which leads to the following sequence of events: Charlie knocking on the door as her bed squeaked and Richard threw both of her legs over his shoulders. The knock made her gasp but Richard put his hand over her mouth, the creaking making the knocking deaf to his ears. "Be quiet, you're doing so good," he whispered lovingly before kissing her calf.

She let out a louder gasp as he reached a spot she couldn't reach herself. He removed his hand as he leaned down to kiss her neck, her vision blurred as tears rolled down against her will. "Lori," he grunted before smiling widely. His hair stuck to his forehead as his mouth opened and he feverishly went in for another kiss.

She whined against his lips, her first inquiry of the person at the door taunted her tongue but her brain uttered 'Richard' instead, each time stuttered more than the last. "Richard the," the knock on the door stopped her this time, her eyes rolled to the back of her head. She shook as her hands grabbed his biceps to push off but she end up pulling him on top of her even more.

Her legs slid back to his waist, their eyes remained on each other. Richard gently got one of her hands off his biceps to kiss her knuckles, her quivering motivated him to go faster. She smiled as she pushed his hair to a side then set the bomb, "There's someone at the door," all the mascara once coating her lashes successfully camped to her cheeks. His thrusts got slower - yet deeper, as he realized what she had said. He put her hand back where it was and held her chin up.

"I'm sure they could wait a little longer."

"Richard," she whispered again, sniffling as her mucus started to melt from all the crying, "I think we should get changed," her eyes moved side to side as she searched his features. His jaw clenched subtly as his head tilted to the side, "They've been knocking for longer than a minute."

The knock was audible this time and it caused him to fall off the bed. Sigrid put her hand over her mouth to prevent a loud laugh threatening to spill from the bottom of her throat. She'd never seen someone change and throw themselves out the window so fast in her entire life. She almost replicated his pace as she changed, looking at the door in horror, almost as if it was transparent. "Who's there?"

She slipped on a pair of flats and fixed herself in the mirror like the President was on the other side. Her make up took longer to remove than last time, she needed to stop wearing so much mascara. She resembled a raccoon.

"Charlie," that name alone made her heart sink to hell. Realizing what she had been doing as he stood outside she felt ashamed, she scolded herself as she repeatedly hit her forehead. His eyebrows furrowed as he heard her mumblings. He decided to continue, now looking down at his feet nervously. "Marvette told me you'd be here," he realized that was the wrong thing to say after it had left his mouth. "You don't have to open the door, you've been busy studying like Ette said. I'll leave you to it. I...I just wanted to say hello."

Sigrid combed her hair quickly, looking at the door.

"But I suppose I already said that though," she heard his lips smack, "I'll get going now. Don't tire yourself too much with that Latin homework."

"No!" left her lips before she second-thought it. Her eyes closed with unexpected surprise. "No, I was just finishing up."

He put his hand to the door subconsciously with a smile, "Great!" it widened. "Oh that's awesome. I was wondering if I could talk to you outside?"

This is what she had been waiting for but strangely enough, hearing those words weren't as comforting as she once thought. "What...what about?" she fixed her denim jeans' cuffs before putting on her new favorite pink headband on. She walked toward the door awkwardly, her hand touched the doorknob as she waited for an answer.

"Us."

The answer was short but opened a million wounds. It was enough for her to open the door. His hand removed itself from the knob, now looking at her and her puffy eyes. A millisecond of confusion overtook his features when he realized she had been crying. She looked away to rub her eyes making it seem like it was just allergies.

"Charlie," she bit her lip nervously as she started, an eyebrow soon quirking upwards. She let go of her lip, "I think that ended a long time ago."

His frown deepened, "No, it hasn't," he didn't sound convinced with himself. He blinked rapidly before kissing his teeth, "Sigrid, look at me please."

She couldn't.

He bent down to get her to look at him, a small laugh left her lips, "Sigrid, please."

She retaliated. Hesitant to make eye contact but the moment his eyes melted into hers her breath hitched and she walked outside, closing the door behind her. She frowned as she watched him play with his thumbs the way she did when she was skittish. He closed his eyes, sighing in tiredness he hadn't realized had crept up on him.

"Would you be more comfortable talking somewhere more private?" his eyes met hers for a second before they widened more and shot to his hands. His voice was breathy, she noticed his foot tapping lightly. It ticked her off in its own sweet time. "I know I wouldn't want to share every detail of our relationship out in the hallway. But if you're more comfortable in front of your door...I could bare the embarrassment."

Her tongue stuck to the side of her cheek, "Sure," she mumbled to herself before repeating with a nod in a louder tone, "Sure, yes. Let's take a walk...a long walk. Yes, that'd be splendid."

She took off her headband to fix her hair one last time before sliding it back on and walking. Charlie watched in amusement before picking up his pace, he jogged next to her then steadied his pace when she shifted her gaze to him. He'd look down at the same time, she gave a nervous smile, he merely squeaked at the proximity.

They walked in silence in the hallway, he held the door for her and they were met with the dampened grass once again. Their first fight replayed in their mind as their shoes smudged dirt on the beaded grass, that abysmal hole began to form in their chests again. "There's a bench in the forest we could sit at if that's enough privacy for you."

"Yeah, I know the bench. That seems fine," she mumbled. She looked around as she got closer to him, bottom lip shivering as the breeze nipped at her exposed arms and the small space between her cuffed jeans and shoes. Richard was walking toward the benches in the field where Peter, Stephen, and Gerard were screaming at their friends to run faster for the soccer ball. She laughed in disbelief, "Can you believe that?"

Charlie looked in the direction she was facing and shrugged, "Richard getting out of the dorm or the boys cheering on the girls team?"

"Both."

Charlie got closer to her, he looked down with a grin, "Nature is healing," he joked, she playfully punched his shoulder. He winced, her eyes widened, "I'm sorry!"

"No, no," he pretended it hadn't hurt him, "It didn't hurt at all. Come on."

He grabbed her hand as they made it past the trees. Sigrid looked at Richard for a few beats before starting to run. Charlie kept stumbling as he tried to keep up, their laughs replicated those of a small child who finally got the toy they wanted. Charlie fell back onto the bench as she sat down slowly. They looked at each other with grins, truly enjoying the little moment of carefreeness they shared. Her hair was a darker shade of red than he'd last seen her in. Of course, he still saw her in class but he hadn't been this close to her in over a month.

She looked so different. She seemed more composed, like she'd broken the shell without him. And it made his eyes glossy. He romanticized every second of his life he was with her. It saddened him to think the time he was supposed to be with her were discarded for moments he couldn't be a part of. Her cheeks still managed to be that welcoming shade of pink and her lips were still coated in strawberry lipgloss and a tint of cherry stain.

He swallowed thickly as they both stopped smiling. He croaked out, "I need to apologize for a lot. And if you'd just listen I want to think I can fix this. Would you...just sit there and let me explain?"

Timorous. His bottom lip was trembling.

It caused her to nod, eyes flickering to her chapped lips as he spoke.

"I want to get emancipated," he started, an intense starter at that, "Being part of my family is starting to feel like a cult and I don't want to suck you into our dysfunctional system. At first I was thinking of running away, that seems to be the only solution in my head nowadays. But now I want to be fully responsible for my all my actions and be away from my parents. I knew she picked you out the moment you both turned around and looked over at us. She thought you were smart, you were pretty, and for the most part you were polite," his rambling wasn't helping. "So she wanted to sculpt you into some perfect wife for me, which you are not."

Sigrid seemed insulted, he quickly overturned.

"I mean-you are perfect to me, just not the way my mom wants you to be perfect. Look, I love everything about us. I love this comfort, this familiarity, this sense of finally being down to earth and unashamed. That is my version of perfect. Her version of perfect is obedience, cowering, and fear. She wants you to be afraid so the only direction you could run towards is me. And I just can't stand by that," he gripped her hand. Her breath hitched, "As much as I want for us to have this relationship and fully confide in each other I can't win you over with my mom's threats. You need to have options. Whether that's me, some boy you meet outside of school, no one at all, or Richard," the last option was a joke that did not make Sigrid laugh. Not genuinely at least.

"I want you to be secure. Sigrid, do you feel secure around me?"

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out, he understood.

He brought her hand to his lips, asking for permission with his eyes before placing a small peck on each one of her knuckles. "I'm sorry for not defending you the way I should've. I'm sorry for avoiding you all these weeks because I was afraid of how you'd react. I...there's so many things I want to apologize for but I was to start by saying that from now on I'm resigning the name Dalton. I can't associate myself with them anymore, not while I've found my carpe diem."

Theresa was right about Charlie head diving into all his relationships. It honestly scared Sigrid how fast paced everything was going between them, especially when there was such a rude pause in the middle of it. Calling someone your carpe diem is an intense statement, but as Charlie looked at her side profile he realized how he meant it. He did consider her someone to get him through his days. He tried to separate her from the idea of not being associated with the Dalton's, she had opened his eyes, but he didn't want his mother to think she was the gateway to his downfall - and the downfall of their family.

"Charlie, you don't have to do that. Not everything in the world revolves around a relationship. Don't turn your back on your family. I'm just a girl, I'm just some brooding girl that you think is worth a while in high school. When you go off to college I still have an entire year here. There's going to be things that separate us, can't you see that? Doing this right now...while the wound is still trying to heal could just end up in me completely disappearing from your life. It could end in you not getting what you wanted," Sigrid tried to get him to backtrack but he had already made up his mind for a week.

"I'm doing this for both of us. Don't you want to be at peace for once? I've been living with her for seventeen years and this always happens, I should know better than to tell her what's going on in my life but she's my mother and she's conditioned me to love her. She's managed to brainwash me and my brother. I tried talking to him the other day about what happened and he immediately reported to her. Everyone around me feels like they're spying on me. I can't breathe, I can't walk, I can't even catch some rest without feeling someone over my shoulder. It's becoming too much. And I thought I could live with this on my own, knowing she does it because no one loved her in her childhood and this is the only way she knows how to be protective but the moment you came into the picture I realized this wasn't the life to live."

"Cha-

"Can you just listen?" his voice unexpectedly raised. She cowered down, avoiding eye contact. He hadn't noticed she was backing up into a corner the way she did when she was with Theresa. He was too angry to notice her teary eyes. His voice continued to raise as he spoke, shaking the leaves off trees surrounding them. He stood up, she looked at him with wide eyes and shaky knees.

"She hit you, she lied to you, she became this picture in your head just to destroy your perception of everything later! She brought new girls to change you for like they were new pairs of shoes and actively called you all these vile things. I bet by the time Thanksgiving comes around she's going to make sure you don't make it back to Welton! She is a threat, to you, to me, to anyone she decides to hyper-fixate on. Hearing that from her son needs to mean something to you! I either get emancipated, or I run away. I already made my choice!"

He was shaking he was so aggravated. His accent becoming more prominent the more he spoke and a throbbing vein popped out of his forehead. He paced around, not being able to contain himself, he breathed so hard he was sure he was closer to crying than composing himself. Charlie wasn't the type of boy to let his emotions take him over when he was trying to get his point across, but there was so engrossed his mouth went completely dry.

Sigrid noticed his posture, the way he slouched slightly. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, she felt sorry for him. This wasn't a time to think about herself, or her new forming relationship with someone he detested. She stood up to stop him, he came to a halt in front of her before his face scrunched up and he pushed himself into a hug. "Where are you going to go?" she whispered as she put her arms over his shoulders in a tip-toe.

He breathed in deeply as his face went to the side of her neck. "Massachusetts. Uh, Boston," his hair tickled her neck but she fought back the thrashing instinct to continue to hug him, "I have family there who completely separated from my mother a while ago. I got in contact with my cousin Jonah, they say they could help," he let go slowly, his hands now going over her shoulders. He examined her face before he made eye contact. There was still hints of mascara on her bottom lashes, "I was hoping you could come along with me. Start fresh. Wouldn't that be nice?"

"What about school?"

"What about it?"

"Charlie, what about your friends? You can't just leave everything. Life doesn't work that way. You can't just pack your things and leave. People here care for you, don't you think they deserve...at least a notice?"

"Neil knows, Todd knows, Gerard knows. They all know, trust me they're in with me on this one."

"I can't run away with you!" she put her face in her right hand as she sucked in a breath.

There was an unsettling silence between them. They'd give everything to get a glimpse of each other's thoughts, her mind was running a mile a minute and his was so scrambled all the voices meshed into one. She wanted to hug him again but they felt like the same side of the magnet. Polar.

Charlie licked his lips while turning away from her, her eyes sunk in low-spirit. He sensed her behind him, reaching out to touch his arm, his eyes closed once her cold fingers wrapped around the inside of his elbow, "I know this is too much for you. Me coming here suddenly with these strong ideas and wanting to jump all in...but I missed you too much to lose you again."

"You have absolutely no right to bring that up right now, Charlie," she sighed, "Don't pull the 'I missed you too much' card on me. I missed you. I really did. I missed you so much it made me sick to my stomach and I couldn't sleep the first nights. You won't lose me, you can't lose me at this point, there's always going to be something that brings us back to each other. This bond....we know we'll be there for each other no matter what and we'll get through this together. But I can't run away with you; that's the one thing I can't do."

"Why?"