ALEC

It had been a few hours since we got back to the Institute. I tried to stay as close to my parabatai as possible, but with me running the Institute and all it was hard. I still felt that empty hole in my heart even though I could feel Jace. I couldnt just see my parabatai though. I needed to touch him. I needed to physically know he was alright. I sighed and tried to get back to work.

I began to fill out the stack of paperwork that was lined up on my desk. As much work as I had to do and as much energy it took out of me, my mind still was focused on Jace. I tried to concentrate as hard as I could just to get even a minute to not think of him, but it was no use.

After three hours of complete torture, I finished the stack on my desk. I was completely overwhelmed and decided that it was late enough for me to stop working and get a good night's sleep.

I rubbed my tired eyes and dragged myself to my room. I closed the door behind me and headed straight for the bathroom. I turned the handle of the shower as hot as it could go. After a few moments the steam fogged the mirror up completely. I discarded my filthy clothes and hopped in.

I felt the water cleanse me from all the sweat and blood that was shed from the day. While the heat soothed my aching muscles, it didnt soothe my ache for my brother. I stood in the shower with the water running down my skin. My thoughts were running just as quick as the water. I sighed deeply and twisted the handle again, shutting the it off. I dried off, changed into a pair of clean clothes, and headed off to the comfortable bed.

I felt like I was sinking into the bed as I laid down. I couldnt even remember the last time I actually slept. I closed my eyes and tried to let my body rest. But like all the nights before this one, I couldnt. My body was asleep, but my mind was just as active as if I was hunting. It was constantly going over strategy plans, my own troubles and worries, the next downworlder meetings that were going to take place, Izzy, Max, my parents, Magnus, and especially lately, Jace. I tried to tune it all out, but it was impossible.

This carried on for at least another three hours. My mind was completely focused on Jace. I kept seeing our rune disappear and I kept feeling the pain of him gone. I tried to keep my breathing even, but it became harder and harder as I kept imagining more and more.

I was suddenly distracted from my thoughts as I heard a small creak from my door. My gaze led me to the entrance of my room. It was slowly being cracked open. I squinted from the light that immediately entered. When my eyes finally adjusted, I saw a masculine figure standing in the doorway. "You awake?" He whispered. "Jace?" I asked. His response was him walking in and shutting the door behind him.

"You ok?" I asked him with concern slowly creeping into me. "No." He replied. Fear ran through my entire body and I almost jumped out of my bed to inspect him for anything that was going to kill him. "Why? What's wrong?!" I asked quickly. He sighed. "Because you're not ok." He replied. I relaxed only to tense up again. I slapped myself internally. I had forgotten that he could feel every emotion I was feeling. I was so caught up in my thoughts I completely forgot about Jace's feelings. I sighed. "Sorry. I'll fall asleep soon." I replied while adjusting myself so that I could lay on my side. He shook his head at me.

"Alec. I know when something is not right with you. Please dont shut me out. What's really wrong with you?" He asked me. "Nothing is wrong Jace. I'm fine." I told him.

"Alec." He said with sadness in his voice. "Please?" He begged me. "I want to be there for you as you have been there for me. Please?" He asked again. I inhaled sharply before explaining.

"I cant get you out of my head Jace. I cant get the pain out of my head. I cant get the fear of losing you again out of my head. I...I just..." I paused to take another deep breath. "I can't lose you again Jace." I ran my hands through my hair anxiously. "I still feel that empty feeling of when you were gone. I still feel like you aren't ok. I know you are and I know that you're alive, but I just cant shake the feeling." I explained.

He gave me a small smile. "You should have told me... I would have come in earlier." He said to me. I stayed silent and he crawled into the bed with me. "What are you doing?" I asked him. He chuckled. "Remember when we were kids and whenever one of us got hurt, we would always have to feel the other to actually know that everything was ok?" He asked me. It finally clicked into my mind.

"We haven't had to do that in years." I replied. "Well.... we grew up a little. We dont get into as much trouble as we used to." He said with a smile. I shook my head at him. "No. You still get into trouble." I said. "Hey! So do you." He said jokingly. I chuckled with him.

"You know I feel the same as you right? Its been eating away at me not truly knowing if you were alright." He said with worry behind his eyes.

"I don't think I can deal with this for much longer." I muttered to him. We chuckled. "I feel the same." He replied. Without my permission a couple tears slipped from my eyes. His expression softened. "Come here." He said to me. I nodded and burried my head into his chest. More tears came out of nowhere. "I though I lost you." I cried into him. "I know." He mumbled. I wrapped my arms around him and he did the same. I felt relief wash over me. I had waited so long to be able to know my brother was alright.

"Please don't leave me again." I said with desperation. "I promise you. I wont leave." He said.

We laid the whole night finding comfort in each other's arms. My anxiety and fear slowly drifted away from me. My brother was alive. He was ok. He was still with me and I still had him to lean on. I still had my parabatai with me.