What just happened ?

Han Shangyan was heading back to his bedroom, his feelings mixed between relief, confusion but also shame. Shame because he now knew that everything was his fault, that what Tong Nian went through was because of him and a poor decision he made ten years ago. He was not sure he could even look at her in the eyes. To him, he was the cause of all her pain. Without him, she would still be happy, somewhere, living her innocent life with her friends. But because of him, she had to go through something that no one should ever experience. He had failed her. He had betrayed her. And that was something he was not able to live with. There would not be enough time in this life to apologize to her. And there was nothing he could do to erase the past.

So what was he supposed to do now ? Act as if everything was all right ? Leave her to make sure she won't ever suffer because of him ? No of course no. The thought of being far from her, even for one minute, had always broke his heart. There was a reason why, at the beginning of their relationship, he asked her to join him after that awful video session with that journalist. There was also a reason why he asked her to marry him, so quickly, when a few months before, he would not even look at one woman. She was his life, leaving her would mean that he would die, literally die. But what was killing him in that moment was this impossible situation. At one point he would have to tell her why did this man attack her, and he had no idea how.

It looked like his inside rambling in the corridor, in front of his bedroom door was taking too long. In front of him, a worried Tong Nian showed up, opening the said door.

"What are you doing?", she asked, confused to see her husband not moving from the entrance.

"Huh?" was his only answer. His eyes were staring at the floor, he knew he would not be able to hide his pain. She could read in him like an open book. He never needed to talk for her to understand him. And that's why he loved her so much. She had never asked him to change, to become talkative and to share everything with her.

"Why are you not coming inside?", she asked again, this time taking his hands to lead him in the room. Without a word, she made him sit on the sofa, and grabbed the aid kit she had previously prepared on the table. She then started to carefully clean up the blood on his face. With a concerned look, she also check his destroyed hands because of the amount of punches he gave to the man. She put a bandage on his right hand, and a sticking-plaster on his eyebrow. She didn't say a word while doing this and Han Shangyan could see how worried she was, again, because of him. After a few minutes, he decided to break that heavy silence.

"How did you know?" he finally asked.

"Hum?" she answered, not sure about what he meant.

"The aid kit was ready before I even entered the room... How did you know that I would come back... like this?", he said, pointing his hands and his scratched face.

"Oh... That's because you are so predictable honey", she said, trying to joke to light up the mood. But this time, it didn't work. Han Shangyan was still not looking at her, and definitely not ready to even share a laugh with her. "Solo told me you that you were mad, and that you two had a fight. He also told me how you left him to find that man... It was not hard to figure out that you were not going to play some videogames", she continued, half serious, half playful, but also angry at her husband. Han Shangyan loved this the most about her. Even when she was mad at him for some reasons, she was always softing him up. Even when he told her those awful words during their breakup, she was the same sweet and caring young girl with him.

"What happened then?", he asked. "What did you mean by 'I got your back'?"

"Oh baby I am upset you didn't figure it out yet", she said, sitting next to him on the sofa, never leaving his hands to be in contact with his skin since he was refusing her any eye contact. "I am a tech genius, I hope you never forget that", she continued, pretending to be annoyed.

That's when he finally turned his head towards her, tears starting to invade his eyes, not able to say a word but pleading with his whole body for her to tell him everything. "After Solo warned me about what you were about to do, I hacked your phone - and before you get mad at me like that one time I entered your computer from my home, let me remind you that today was an emergency. Anyway... I was able to take control of it and I opened the recording app and turned it on... And while you were both fighting, I called the police officer that took my statement, so that he could hear everything live, directly from your phone. And then he called the local police department to ask them to arrest him. And voilà!".

Her proud tone and cheerful voice was contrasting with Gun's pain. He was back at staring at the floor. He was doing everything he could to hold his tears and to erase the lump in his throat. His hands were shaking. He was so scared to ask her one last question, the one that had been haunting him for the last hours.

"Did you hear everything he said?" he finally whispered, his voice almost inaudible.

"I did", she simply answered. Two words that broke him even more. She did hear everything, it meant that she knew he was the cause of all of this. At this thought, he completely lost it. It was just too much for him to take. He bursted into tears and took his face into his two hands to hide it. But there was nothing he could really hide : not his face full of tears, not the pain in his chest, not the shame.

"I'm sorry", was the only thing he was able to say. "I'm so sorry", "I'm sorry", he told her, again and again, still not looking at her. Never had Tong Nian seen him like this, not even the day he made peace with Solo and cried in her arms in front of a grocery store. This time was ten times worse. Seeing him in such pain made her shed a tear too. A tear that she quickly wiped from her cheek because after all he did for her the past few weeks, it was her time to be the strong one.

"Look at me", she said with authority. But he didn't. "Look at me", she ordered again. Because he refused to move, she decided to take his face in her hands, forcing him to raise it. Trapped between her tiny fingers, he had no choice but to finally share a gaze with her. He was so sure to find anger and disappointment in her eyes. He was so sure she would not forgive him. But instead, he only saw softness and calm on her beautiful face. And, without thinking about it, he hugged her, wrapping her tiny body with his strong arms. It was a desperate hug, as if his life was depending on it, as if he was scared to let her go. And again, he said between two sobs : "I am so sorry".

"It's ok, hey it's ok", she said, calming him like a mother would do with her little kid after a nightmare. "Shhhhh, it's ok", she continued, tapping on his back, comforting him the best she could. She was the one to break the hug, but only to wipe the tears on his face. And like she did that one time in front of her parents' house, when they were in his car, she gently caressed his forehead, between his two eyes, to erase all the tension in him. A simple gesture that didn't need any word. A gesture that was made to make him understand that she was not angry at him, at all.

"I know what you are thinking", she told him, still touching his face. "Don't", she added.

"It's my fault", he answered, finally letting go of the words he was so scared to pronounce.

"Don't", she ordered again. "Don't do this. Don't blame yourself. I know you. I know you better than you think. And I know exactly what you are feeling right now. I am pretty sure you even thought about leaving me, just like you did after my mother asked you to (yeah, of course she knew that too...). So I am asking you, don't do this. Everything in this world is not your fault. You are not responsible for what that man did to me, or to your team..."

"It would have never happened if you had never met me"

"Yeah, a lot of things would have never happened if I had never met you", she answered, making him confused and scared. It looked like indeed, he couldn't hide anything from her because she immediately continued her sentence, seeing how panicked he was. "If I had never met you, I would not be your wife, which means I would not wake up every morning with your face smiling at me. It means that I could not pretend that I don't know that you watch me in my sleep, or that you always let me have the red candy in your little box because you know they are my favorite. It means that you would not be the first and only man I ever kissed. It also means that I would not be living with a man who started wearing white clothes after I told him that he only wears black. If I had never met you, Han Shangyan, my pain would be ten times worse than what this man did to me. It would be a hole in my chest. You told me once that I taught you how to love. But you don't know how thankful I am that you let me do it. I am glad that you were never ashamed of my childish side and crazy behavior. So don't you dare blaming yourself for this. And yes, I went through hell lately, but even in hell, there was some piece of heaven. You are my heaven."

Han Shangyan knew how much his wife loved him but she had never told him such words. He hugged her one more time, even stronger than the first one. "I love you", he whispered to her. "I love you so much", he was desperate, his tone was imploring, he had been so scared to lose her. He kissed her, deeply, his hands fully attached to the back of her head. It was a kiss like one would rarely share in his life. A kiss full of despair, passion, tension, tears but most of all, full of the purest love.

"Gun?"

"What?", he answered, not wanting to stop kissing her.

"Actually, there is one thing I blame you for..."

"What?", Gun immediately went back in panic mode. A panic mode that quickly disappeared when he saw the smile on her face.

"How could you let him mess up with your hot face", she joked, checking on the black eye that was becoming visible. "And those sexy hands...", she continued, caressing his bandage. It made him laugh, for the first time since what looked like forever.

"Gun?" she called him again.

"Yes?"

"Promise me you will never fight again", she pleaded. They were still both sitting on the sofa but her face was now resting on his shoulder, and his arms were wrapped around her.

"I can't"

"What?"

"I can't promise you that I will never fight again. What I can promise you is that I will never fight again for another reason than you. I made myself the promise that I will always protect you. A promise I also made to you and to your parents. I will fight again, even stronger, if it means protecting you."

"Fine, I won't clean up your wounds next time", she told him, faking her annoyence.

"Of course you will, you just told me I am hot and sexy, I suspect that you love my bad boy side." She laughed, as they were both starting to fall asleep on the couch, finally free from all the tension. Now that the man had been arrested, his team would be cleaned from the cheating scandal, and both Tong Nian and him would finally be able to move on, to go back at their soft and beautiful life.

"Gun?", she said one more time, half asleep, her head becoming more and more heavy on his shoulder.

"Hum?"

"While I was waiting for you to come back to our bedroom and since I still had access to your phone, I changed your lock screen."

Han Shangyan grabbed his phone and saw that his KandK Team screen had been replaced with a selfie of them, taken after their wedding day.

"It's perfect", he said, closing his eyes and falling asleep at her side.