It's going to be next weekend before Charlotte gets her new prosthetic back. She could have it sooner but her mum can't get the time off. We are all competing in a big swim meet this weekend though, a full-day event. Kind of boring to be honest but at least Becky and Charlotte will be there. Weirdly, so will Andrew. I don't quite know how I feel about that, I suspect Becky will be trying to chat him up all day, or perhaps the three of them will talk about computer games. I suspect it might suck.

"We're here Kelly." Mum says startling me out of my reverie, I look around dumbly trying to place myself.

"Sorry, I was in a world of my own." I mumble as I slip out of the car. "See you tonight."

"I'm picking you up from Rebecca's house, remember." I'm glad she reminded me. I wave as she drives off.

We seem to be early so I sit on the wall and wait for my friends in a weird role reversal. I wish I had brought my headphones, I have absolutely nothing to occupy me until they arrive. I flick through my chemistry textbook again, I have a list of every experiment we are doing this year and for the life of me, even with every chemical we will be using in one place, the best option is something containing potassium permanganate because it's a great oxidiser but there isn't anything great to react it with, I could mix it with ethylene glycol or glycerol if we used them but fire is boring. I want something that goes bang! If we used magnesium or aluminium powder at all then I could make flash powder like they used in photography back over a century ago. Perhaps I could file down a can but then it would be obviously contrived.

I put my book away in disgust just in time to see both my friends wandering down the road at a sedate pace. They certainly aren't in a rush.

“Hey.” I call, waving at them from the other side of the street. They wave back and stand waiting at the crossing. I sit back down since the lights take ages. Perhaps if I look at the material safety data sheets for all the chemicals we use I can work something out.

"What are you all frowny about?" Charlotte asks me when they eventually make it over the road.

"Chemistry." I mutter, not wanting to elaborate right now.

"Hmm, not my favourite subject, but not my least either." She agrees, misunderstanding my frustration. "Anyway, Becky was telling me you are coming over tonight. Fancy doing something outdoors?"

"I have to stay near Becky's house, mum often finishes early so she could pick me up any time." It's one of those double-edged swords, sometimes I'm glad to get home and others I am loath to leave. "Otherwise I'm keen, as long as it stays like this." The weather is cold but bright and dry, a fine late Autumn day.

"Cool, I'm looking after the sprogs so we could play Kerby or something?" Both myself and Becky look at her in confusion. "You bounce a football off the kerb from across the road? You've never played?"

"I'm wondering what sprogs are." Becky admitted.

"Oh, I deduced they were her siblings, I've met them so I probably had an advantage. I've never heard of Kerby though. I guess it's free and little kids can play it?" I think possibly free is a big one. We are all saving up for Christmas presents, I don't think Charlotte gets quite as much pocket money as us either.

"Yeah, and Becky's house is on a really quiet road." Charlotte confirmed, "I'm looking after them for an hour or so until dad gets home."

"As long as it isn't raining I'm in." Becky agrees and we do our normal wander around the school before class.

Mostly the day proceeds without any drama, amazingly I am managing to stay out of detention fairly consistently now. I'm learning to bite my tongue, mainly because I don't want to miss out on socialising in the breaks. Classes are so boring though, if it weren't for the social aspect of school I'm not sure I could drag myself out of bed for it.

I do manage to half-inch the A5 folder containing the Material Safety Data Sheets, judging by the dust on it, I doubt anyone has looked at the thing in years. I doubt they will be of any use though, on the quick flick through I happened to notice that the first aid suggestion for ingesting sterile water was 'Wash out mouth with water and give 200-300ml of water to drink. Obtain

medical attention if ill effects occur. Do NOT induce vomiting as a First-Aid measure.'

So, if you drink the water, drink some more water. That doesn't inspire confidence in the rest of the content of the folder.

Shaking my head at the weird nanny state first aid instructions I make a decision, "Hey, Becky? I'm going to visit the library, you okay without me for last break?"

"Oh, I have absolutely no idea what I will do with only a bunch of cute boys and Charlotte to keep me company!" The sarcasm was not needed.

"Right, whatever, have fun and use protection." I wave and leave her laughing at me as I walk quickly to the library. Other than getting shown the location in English the first week I have never actually been here. I expected overbearing librarians and lots of shushing but actually, there are just small groups of older students at tables separated by bookshelves. They are all talking amongst themselves but it isn't obtrusive, probably because the bookshelves buffer the noise.

I grab one of the tiny single desks along the side wall, every second one of these has an antique beige computer sitting on the desk. That was the other project I had planned, hack the school network, I hadn't thought the chemistry one would be so hard though. Looking at the computers I suspect the other project will be technically easy but difficult not to get caught, the computers face the general population so everyone can see what you are doing.

I had barely opened my purloined folder when someone startles me by loudly dragging a chair from the computer desk and sitting beside me.

"Holy shit Mae! You scared the crap out of me." My heart is still beating fast.

"Obviously you must be up to no good then!" She says jokingly before glancing at my folder, "What is that? I don't remember anything like that in first year." Before I can stop her she yanks the folder off the table, "MSDS?" She asks reading the front cover.

"A little light reading for chemistry." I say, trying to keep my voice neutral. Judging by the look she is giving me I failed. "I'm studying ahead?" I try, somehow making it a question accidentally.

"Right." She flicks through the folder before giving me a big frown, her chocolate brown eyes narrowing. "I'm going to pretend I didn't see this, but only if you tell me why you have a folder clearly marked 'Do not remove from chemistry lab 2' on the cover."

I sigh heavily. "I wanted to see if anything we use in first year could be made to explode." I say, not meeting her eyes.

If anything Mae's frown deepens, "You see, that's the sort of explanation that means I really should dob you in." She closes the folder with a thump. "Why?"

"It was just a challenge I set myself at the beginning of the year. I thought it would be easy, mix a few chemicals, get them to go whomp and give off a cloud of smoke, make everyone laugh. Turns out we live in this nanny state country where every possibly slightly dangerous thing is banned." I sigh again. "I have learned a lot from researching it though, and I wasn't planning on making nitroglycerin or anything." I pause for a brief second, "Though, if I could get concentrated nitric acid…"

Mae just looks at me, the frown still vaguely there, we sit like that for an uncomfortable length of time, "Okay. How about this? If you find a way to do it, come see me so that I can check how dangerous it is. If I hear you tried something without me okaying it then I will tell your parents."

"Okay." I say in a small voice, "Can I keep the folder?"

She looks at me with a look I can't place, her lips are pursed and she might be angry but I'm not sure. "When is your next chemistry class?" She asks eventually.

"I have one Thursday and again on Friday." I tell her.

"Okay, return the folder on Thursday." She gets up and moves the chair back, "And don't get caught, stealing important safety equipment would be a really bad thing on your record." She turns to leave before obviously having a thought, then says over her shoulder, "Grab a fourth-year chemistry textbook from the shelf near the door and look up energetics and the Born-Haber cycle, I think there may be some useful things in there for you. Nice to see you at last." And then leaves, I release a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Somehow nice quiet little Mae is seriously scary when she's in her prim and proper school guise.

I wait a full thirty seconds before grabbing the textbook she suggested. It takes me the rest of my break to work out that she thinks I am more intelligent than I really am. Holy crap the stuff in there about ionic and covalent bonds is way over my head. We are only just starting to cover that stuff in the simplest terms in class, hell even the maths is beyond me, there are all these triangles and squiggly symbols that I have no idea about. I check the book out anyway, along with the second and third-year texts. All together I think I have more than doubled the weight of my bag.

“Get what you wanted from the library?” Kelly asks me as I sit down in our guidance class. It's the last class of the day thankfully but almost the most pointless class in school.

“Yeah, I got a book someone recommended along with the rest of the series.” It's the honest truth, even if I’m being a little obtuse.

“Well, let me know if they’re any good, I might have to get them out myself.” I manage to hide my smile when she says this. I can just imagine her studying chemistry because I thought it was a good read.

Guidance was an exercise in embarrassment, they honestly think we are useless little children. Today started with a video on personal hygiene! I swear they are teaching to the lowest common denominator… hey, that's maths I understand!

Kerby turns out to be one of the simplest and most frustrating games invented! We spend most of our time retrieving a ball or dodging traffic, not that there is a huge amount of traffic. The aim of the game is to bounce a football off the edge of the kerb and catch it, then you move to the middle of the road and do it again, you score points for each bounce and catch, if you miss the bounce or the catch your go is over. Charlotte plays it with an extra rule where if you miss from the middle and the opponent catches it they can throw it at you and if you are hit before getting to the other pavement you lose all the points you got on that go. It is devilishly hard to catch the ball when it bounces back and you only get points when you do.

Charlotte's siblings are terrible at the game but they love it anyway, mainly the dodgeball bit, they giggle like lunatics whenever they get to throw the ball and scream if they have to run away. We have two games going at once between the six of us, I’m pretty sure Becky is taking it easy on the kids, not me and Charlotte though, we’re all about the winning.

My mum turns up early for once but then has the decency to wait until my game is over, I well and truly trounce Becky.

“Ready to go?” Mum asks once we finish.

“Yeah, I guess so.” I pick up my heavy bag from the porch and wave goodbye to everyone.

Mum is again listening to her thrash metal or whatever she calls it, the volume is turned up to earsplitting. Charlotte would love it. We don't say much to each other until we get home which suits me fine but is a little odd.

“I guess you should go do your homework.” Mum tells me, seeing me struggle to heft my bag to my shoulder.

“It's just some reading for chemistry, I can do it after dinner.” I tell her, she gives me this ‘oh really?’ look and I shrug. “Fine, I can start it now.” I guess at least that gets me out of peeling vegetables.

As I walk past Anne’s open bedroom door I hear her on the phone, she is talking to Abby who she obviously just left an hour ago at most. From the small snippet I hear walking past, they are all getting harassed at school for being Jo’s friends, all tarred from the lesbian brush as it were. Oh well, at least there was truth in the rumour when it came to Anne and Abby. Perhaps she should just come out and be done with it. That said, I can’t honestly say that I would be happy telling Becky and Charlotte, let alone my other friends. Damn, why does life have to be so hard?

I lie in bed with a pen, paper and my big folder of chemicals. First I remove all the chemicals I know we use from the binder and then put them together at the front. By the time dinner comes I am done. It is a disappointingly short list.

Calcium

Reacts with water or acids to create flammable gas calcium hydroxide

Violent reaction with: strong oxidiser, Strong acid cobalt chloride

Boring. Copper Sulphate

Boring Hydrochloric acid

Acid but still boring Magnesium

This material in sufficient quantity and reduced particle size is capable of creating a dust explosion. Flammable solid. May react with acids or moisture to form explosive hydrogen gas. Potassium Permanganate

Strong oxidizer. Contact with other material may cause fire. Some oxidizers may react explosively with hydrocarbons(fuel). May accelerate burning if involved in a fire. Containers may explode when heated. sodium thiosulfate

Contact with powdered potassium, sodium metals, alkali, and oxidizing agents produce violent reactions sodium hydroxide

Violent to explosive reaction with (some) acids. Reacts violently with many compounds: heat release resulting in increased fire or explosion risk. Violent exothermic reaction with water (moisture): release of corrosive mist. Reacts exothermically on exposure to water (moisture) with combustible materials: risk of spontaneous ignition.

There were other things in the sheets that were interesting so I might have to take photos of them on my phone but ultimately, none of the descriptions fill me with hope. Perhaps I need to learn some more chemistry to find out what mixing them will actually do. The heavy textbooks lurk menacingly from my desk on the other side of the room.

“Kelly! I’m not going to be happy if I have to call you again!” Mum sounds really pissed off. Thinking back to the silent treatment in the car I kind of wonder if I have done something bad. I can't recall anything specific but perhaps she heard about all my detentions. Oh god, I hope not.

“Coming!” I call down as I put the folder on my desk.

“Sorry, I was just finishing my homework.” I say as I slip into my seat, my palms sweating slightly as I anticipate some kind of telling off. Oh yum, another salad. Why oh why did she have to be early today, I had been looking forward to dad cooking!

“I’ve spoken to your sister and she is going to look after you after school tomorrow. Abby is coming around to keep her company. Don’t make life hard for her, you hear me?” She scowls at me and I reflexively huddle down in my chair.

“Erm, sorry?” I say, not sure what I’m apologising for.

“It’s okay Kelly, your mum is just mad that she has to go to a ‘stupid American bullshit baby shower thing’ on Friday for Myta at her work.” Dad even does the air quotes. “And Jane, settle. The girls didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, I know.” She sighs and puts leans her head in her hands. “I just don’t even like the woman and I hate these stupid Americanised customs. Next thing we know people will be setting fire to cities to tell people the sex of an unborn child.” She huffs and picks at her salad like a petulant child.

I look at dad and he shrugs, then he passes me the raspberry balsamic salad dressing. He knows me so well.

“So, Abby’s coming around tomorrow? That’s nice.” I say, gently ribbing my sister, “Any plans?”

“Homework, just hanging out really.” She says with a slightly shifty look. I know that as soon as they are alone they will be all over each other. Not that I blame them.

“Perhaps we can watch a movie? After homework of course.” I say the last bit to appease mum who I can see is still fuming.

“Yeah, something like that.” She agrees, brushing me off. I'm fairly sure she knows I am taking the Michael.

"Are you going to come to my swimming competition on the weekend?" I ask Anne hopefully, "I'm sure dad will drive you home if you only want to stay a short time."

She looks at me for a long time, "I think I'm busy." She eventually says and goes back to eating. I don't know why but I get this ball of angst which sits heavy on my stomach. I thought maybe she might come this time, we've been getting on so well.

"Can I leave the table?" I ask mum, I'm suddenly not hungry.

She looks at my half-eaten plate and sighs, "Fine, no snacks tonight though."

I nod and get up, not trusting my voice suddenly, I don't know why but this time Anne's rejection has really upset me. I sweep my leftovers into the compost and put my plate in the dishwasher before heading to my room, my eyes feel moist but I really don't want to cry.

I end up laying in bed with the lights off and the curtains shut listening to dad's Pink Floyd CD. It fit my mood and happened to already be in the CD player. I suspect mum will ask me to turn it down though, it's loud enough that I'm sure they can hear it downstairs. Laying in the dark I can't stop the tears, they feel weird flowing out and down the outside of my face. I can't even say why I'm so upset, it isn't like this is the first time Anne hasn't come to support me. I think about calling Becky, or perhaps Charlotte, then I think perhaps I should message them but I really don't want them to think I'm soft. God, I hate myself sometimes.

Sometime before the end of the album, I must have fallen asleep. When I wake I find someone has put a blanket over me, I'm still fully clothed though and I didn't brush my teeth. I'm not sure why mum wouldn't have woken me, she really is a stickler for oral hygiene. Deciding I can't be bothered I remove my clothes and get under the covers naked. It feels weird not to have pyjamas on, the bedclothes touch me in odd ways. It's sort of nice in a forbidden, rebellious way, it makes me feel sort of grown-up. I fall asleep pondering that feeling.

When my alarm goes in the morning I have a moment of confusion at my own nudity. Then I have a further conundrum, do I put my clothes or my PJs on to get to the bathroom? I decide on clothes but no undies and shuffle off down the hall with the rest of my clothes in hand. Anne's betrayal feels like a lifetime ago.

Before I even realise it, the week is over, school flashed past for once and mum is already outside when I get to the road. I managed to put the folder back in the chemistry lab without anyone noticing so I feel pretty relieved. I wave goodbye to Becky who is going to hang out after school with Charlotte. I can't say I'm not jealous, and yes I mean jealous, I would rather it be me or it not happen, Charlotte was meant to be my friend, I don't want my two best friends to hook up and forget about me, or even just to become better friends and not want me around as much. God, I'm insecure.

Mum is listening to Ramstein again, I sing along because although I complain about it, I do actually enjoy the music. Now that I know Charlotte I don't feel as bad listening to mum's music, dad's is still a cringe-fest though. It seems like mum has cheered up, she's singing too and there are two bottles of fizzy wine and a wrapped present in a bag at my feet.

"I guess dad's driving tonight?" I ask her between songs.

"Nope, we are getting a lift there and a taxi home. It's your dad's way of appeasing me." Another good song comes on and mum cranks the stereo up even further. I just laugh and sing along, happy that at least mum isn't taking her displeasure out on me today.

Dad is already home when we arrive and mum rushes upstairs to get changed.

"I think she might be intending to get drunk tonight." I tell him conspiratorially, "You may need to stop her from saying anything rash."

He smiles and tussles my hair, "That's my girl, looking out for the olds!"

"Hey, if she gets sacked, how would I get to school?" I joke and he laughs before cracking open a beer.

"Perhaps I can save her by speaking my mind in her stead?" He suggests with a silly grin. "Hey, are you okay with Anne holding the fort tonight? I know she upset you the other night."

"Meh, I don't care if she doesn't come and support me." I tell him, not really wanting to open that wound.

"Really? Division bell at full volume in the dark tells me otherwise." He says knowingly. "Tell me it isn't an awesome album though?"

"Yeah, it is pretty good, especially loud and in the dark. And I was upset, but I got over it."

He nods and accepts my words at face value, "I must lend you tubular bells. Perhaps all three albums, I used to find they were all great to listen to in the dark."

"Were you a secret pot smoker?" I ask him jokingly, knowing that all those albums are known for their popularity with stoners.

"Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies!" He says, raising his beer to me as he walks away to say hello to mum. I watch him leave with a shocked expression, I'm sure I must be catching flies. Who knew, my dad the stoner?

Minutes later mum and dad were leaving, Anne and Abby had just arrived so I made myself scarce. I didn't really want to be there when they were making doe eyes at each other.

I occupy myself writing in my diary.

Mum and dad have left me with Anne and Abby, somehow they think that I am less trustworthy than them, I give it perhaps an hour before there is nudity and inappropriate conduct going on. That said, if I had a girlfriend it wouldn't take me that long!

I just found out dad might have smoked a lot of weed when he was younger, he totally didn't deny it anyway. Hopefully, that means he will be understanding when if I smoke pot.

Well, that took all of thirty seconds. I'm starting to wish I had that PlayStation I thought was superfluous now. Perhaps I should have asked to stay over at Becky’s house. That way I wouldn't be worried about what my friends are doing without me.

I grab my tablet and sit at the window, grabbing that little bit of wifi signal from next door. I normally only use it when I want to look up embarrassing things but today I’m feeling rebellious, I think I might go the whole hog and watch porn.

I fire up a private browser window and am as far as searching for naked girls when Abby calls me.

I’m not sure what I’ve done but her tone sounds like she is scolding a dog for messing the carpet. I’m pretty sure this is just some power trip since they are ‘in charge’.

When I get to the living room Abby tells me “Sit down young lady.” Oh god, this is going to be her telling me off for something. I honestly can’t think what I have done though. I sit obediently beside my sister in confusion.

What followed was by far the most embarrassing lecture I have ever had, it put mums ‘talks’ and the stupid health lectures in guidance class to shame. The only saving grace was that she was lecturing both myself and Anne. Apparently, some busybody woman (and I could hazard a pretty good guess which one) told Anne I was ogling the girls in the changing rooms. Abby seems to think she can teach me locker room etiquette! God what a bitch!

As soon as Abby finishes I run to my room, surprisingly Anne is following me, trouble in paradise? Man, I am fuming! I slam my door on the way in and dive up only my bed, pulling my pillow over my head. “Arrgggg!” I scream into the mattress, my voice muffled by the pillow.

The worst part is I can’t complain to mum and dad without telling them what the lecture is about. I sit up and punch my pillow, imagining it as Abby’s face as I work up the courage to go complain and shout at them.

I leave my room, stomping down the hall only to you overhear Abby talking to Anne. Apparently, she thought the whole thing was funny. She meant it as a joke or something. I pause with my hand on the door handle, I’ve had my fair share of jokes that people took the wrong way, perhaps I should give her the benefit of the doubt. Dammit! I don’t want to be the better woman here. I want to storm in there and speak my mind.

Suddenly the conversation I am hearing sinks into my brain. Anne is going to do some nude modelling for Abby! Oh my god. I have my ammunition if I want to get them in trouble. I suddenly realise I have been holding the door handle for ages. I slink away back to my room, as I go I idly wonder if perhaps I should learn to draw.

I hear doors opening and closing and Anne rattling around in the bathroom. I do wonder how much drawing will be done!

I grab my diary again, filling up the rest of the space.

Well, I was right about the nudity. I am going to have to get back at Abby, she pulled the most embarrassing stunt today. I am not even going to write what it was I am so mortified. Anyway, if I had a list, she would be on it. She is about to draw my sister, full in the buff nude. I am sure there must be a way to use that against her.

I sit for a minute, tapping my lip with my pen before flipping to the back cover. I write on the inside cover in block letters, ABBY ROSENBERG.

There, now I have a List. With the capital L!

Realising they will not be using the living room I sneak downstairs and lie down on the nice comfy couch with my chemistry textbook. God, I’m actually a geek! I bite my lip a little, concerned about this revelation. Perhaps if I read chemistry and listen to stoner music at loud volumes it might cancel out the geekiness? Probably not but I hunt out dads old tubular bells cd and put on his huge cup earphones with the curly wire. The bonus to this is that I won’t be able to hear the goings-on upstairs.

The next thing I know I wake with some kind of Klingon language tutorial playing in my ears and mum laughing at me, she looks pretty drunk.

Dad unplugs the headphone jack and suddenly we are all learning Klingon.

"Well, I can't dance to this!" Dad complains and ejects my CD. God knows how long it was on repeat for but I suspect I should now be fluent in Klingon. "Ah! Here we go." Lady in red starts playing, also at the same indecent volume I had been listening to tubular bells at.

Mum and dad do that ballroom dancing shuffle, acting all lovey-dovey, I suspect they had more than a bottle of wine each. I drag myself out of my comfy couch and rub the sleep from my eyes. "The baby shower wasn't too bad then?" I ask.

"Well, the baby shower was a snooze fest but we took some of my colleagues out to the nightclub afterwards. That made up for it." Mum says over dad's shoulder. "Be a dear and pour us another wine?"

Shaking my head I get up and go to the kitchen, there is a bottle of white wine in the fridge so I hunt out the stemless wine glasses we keep for drunk people and pour a couple of glasses. I take a swig from mum's glass too of course, yuk wine is this acrid nasty stuff. Other than getting drunk I can't see the appeal. That said I even out the glasses by drinking some of dad's.

"Here you go." I say, handing a glass to each of them.

"Mmm, this is good! Which one was it?" Dad asks, knowing my answer.

"White." I tell him.

"Oh yes, I do like white." He says with a smile. "How about you DJ for us Kelly?"

I groan but I quite enjoy doing this, I know their favourites. I spend the next hour cherry-picking songs from dad's collection, acting as barwoman whilst taking a liberal cut and trying to ignore my parents sucking face when they think I'm not looking. It was bad enough Anne doing the horizontal shuffle, at least I wasn't in the room!

Eventually, I call it a night, I'm feeling slightly tipsy and it's about 2 am, I'm not too tired but I did have a few hours napping.

I kiss my parents good night, on their insistence, and leave them to it.

When I get to my room I have a message from Charlotte on my tablet. She got her blade back early and wants to do something tomorrow… well, I guess today. Shit, I need to get to sleep! I reply saying I'm up for it if I can get there. Instantly a ping comes back, apparently, Charlotte is awake too. I spend a while explaining my drunk parents, she tells me her brother is up with a nose bleed. Yuck.

We chat for a while and by the time Charlotte tells me she is going to try and sleep I am wide awake again. Bugger. I notice that private tab I forgot to close, whoops. I still have one bar of wifi signal from the neighbours which is a miracle, normally I have to sit in the window and hold my tongue just right. Since I'm not tired I spend almost an hour making use of the internet connection, it's almost dial-up speed but I eventually find a website with erotic lesbian stories which I quite enjoy, even though I am fairly sure most of them are written by men. I put my tablet away with a warm fuzzy feeling and finally manage to sleep.