Wen Reian

2006 years after The Long Night

Jingshén

Reian had finally got the little ones to stop clinging on him long enough to go down to the kitchen. Tonight he was supposed to be there helping clean up, but had been delayed by tiny hands grabbing his robes and the youngest disciples begging to play with him for “just a little longer!”

As he went inside, the steam and scent of freshly baked bread hit him at once. That was something Reian was finding he liked about living in Jingshén; how it felt that once you’d stepped through those big double doors, you were in a place that felt like home. What he didn’t like about it?

“You’re late.”

Wen Reian felt his head start to hurt the second he realized Xie De was standing by the oven. The boy, once his senior and best friend, had not taken… kindly, to Reian’s memory loss and subsequent personality change. Reian felt suffocated whenever he was forced to be in close quarters with the boy, and apparently that time was now.

“Sorry,”

Already hurrying over to fill a bucket with soap and water, Reian got to work washing the floors, scrubbing off all the muddy footprints and spilled flour that would cover it on a daily basis, as countless people came in and out.

As he did so, he sometimes felt Xie De’s eyes on him, but the other boy didn’t say anything until Reian went to take the water out back to dump it.

“What are you doing?” Xie De mumbled, “Just throw it out the window…”

By now Reian was used to this. It had stopped being every day and now it was every week that someone would say, “what are you doing?” as if his actions and words really were so alien that others needed an explanation.

Reian didn’t remember that they dumped soapy water out the window. The thought crossed his mind that it would be bad for the plants growing out there, but since he was used to others commenting on these types of things, correcting him gently, he just did as he was told.

Struggling with the heavy bucket balanced precariously on his knee as he tried to open the window with one hand, Reian suddenly heard a laugh. It was Xie Die.

The boy didn’t turn around or stop what he was doing, still dividing up the loaves into baskets based on how many disciples there were and of what age.

“You really believed that?” He sighed.

Wen Reian lowered the bucket to the floor with a huff, already far past his wits end. Xie De usually ignored him, or he stared at him with barely concealed disdain, and sometimes there would be this… the older boy picking on him, picking at the scab that was Reian’s lost memories and not caring if it hurt.

Usually, Wen Rei would take it. For god's sake, he was out here suffering everyday by not being with Yi-jun and Songcai by choice! What was that pain compared to a little teasing now and then…

He got teased and asked prying questions by the others, of course he did. But as always, it was Xie De that made Reian so furious, he sometimes wondered how they could have ever been friends.

It’s like, all the love he once had for me turned sour after I changed… he resents me for it, I know he does. And I resent him for not just letting me go already!

Taking several seconds to calm down, Wen Rei took a deep breath, and then forced himself to bring the bucket outside. Upon returning to the kitchen, he found that while he was gone, Xie De had somehow spilled an entire bowl of flour on the floor. The older boy was already cleaning up, and clearly it wasn’t on purpose, but for some reason Reian felt anger rising inside him nonetheless.

“You should have done that before I cleaned up-“ he fumed, storming over to where Xie De was trying to sweep up the mess and forcefully taking the broom from him.

Reian caught sight of a very small flicker of surprise in the boy’s eyes, and then it hardened once again to that familiar annoyance. It was like no matter what Reian did, whether he was quiet or loud, kind or rude, everything was wrong! Reian felt like his very existence frustrated him… and maybe it did.

Xie De stood back and crossed his arms, watching while Reian cleaned again. After a moment, he chuckled once more and despite himself, Reian looked up.

The older boy was staring past him, seemingly off into space, as his monotone and supremely irritating voice spoke.

“Why are you even here?”

Wen Rei bristled at his tone, but answered anyway.

“It’s my turn to-“

“Not that! Why are you in Jingshén? Isn’t what you want in Hei’an City?”

Reian stood, closed his eyes and breathed deeply, but then Xie De laughed and said;

“Ah, my apologies. Maybe your precious King changed his mind, now that Jin Songcai is back in the picture…”

For a moment, a brief moment, Wen Reian thought about dropping the broom and leaving. That moment came and left, when he heard Xie De’s next words.

“Yi-jun gets his castle, his kingdom, his lover… and what did you get?”

Reian turned bright red as he shouted;

“Why do you care so much?! Yes, I gave up some useless memories for the person I love, but why does that mean I’m still forced to listen to you all the time?!”

Instead of yelling back, Xie De hmmphed and continued staring off at nothing, voice even and distant, as if he didn’t care at all.

“You gave yourself to the man you love, and I lost my brother forever. Do you think those two things are equal?”

Reian’s heart lurched, his body feeling as if he’d been punched. Xie De still didn’t look directly at him, and his expression mirrored indifference. How could Reian feel sorry for him when his “brotherhood” looked like this?!

Wen Reian barely knew what he was saying as he set the broom aside and went for the door, calling back-

“Maybe I was doing my past-self a service. Having a brother like you wasn’t a blessing.”

Expecting Xie De to stop after that, Reian was more than a little startled when he heard the boy suddenly shove half of the baskets off the counter.

Wen Rei was almost out the door when the other boy finally shouted-

“Then get the fuck out of here and go find your blessing! You want him so badly, why the fuck aren’t you with him? It makes me sick, Wen Reian! That you gave it all up and are still here, miserable! Your family is somewhere else! Why aren’t you with them?!”

Reian clenched his teeth and bit out-

“I don’t even know…”

He did. He was giving Yi-jun and Songcai space. He was giving them space to be together, to be with their daughter, Song-jun. The little one wasn’t even two years old yet, how could Reian disrupt their lives now? And yet.

Some of what Xie De said, made a bit of… sense? To a hidden, shameful part of Wen Reian, he didn’t deserve nor want to be separated from Yi-jun and Songcai for any length of time. It wasn’t that he felt they owed him, never that, it was that in the act of sacrificing himself for the both of them, Reian had been doing what he believed would make him happy, which was, seeing them live.

Reian had told himself this again and again when he’d decided to remain in Jingshén. That he was happy Yi-jun and Songcai were alive, and that he’d had a hand in it. He believed he could love them from afar. But Xie De was right. Reian was miserable. How was it that in a place of strangers, this boy who he hated knew him best?

Xie De scoffed as Reian lingered by the door.

“If you’re not happy, then leave-“

“Maybe I will,”

“Maybe you should!”

Wen Reian saw a loaf of bread out of the corner of his eye. He heard a few other disciples running down the stairs, and Xie De’s angry breathing. And that was it, before Reian left.

He’d send for his things next month.