Wen Reian

2019 years after The Long Night

Huichâng Province

“Shouldn’t it be warmer?”

Lan Kai-Le’s question was accompanied by the tightening of his fists and a slight shiver.

Wen Reian was shivering too…

“There’s no way for sunlight to get in,” the healer shook his head, pulling his arms tighter around himself and closing his eyes.

“It’s only going to get worse if the winds pick up outside. All these tunnels will carry it straight to us.”

They had landed in a pit deep underneath the desert, aware of the passages that surrounded them by the winds they carried, but there was no use walking into one. Lan Kai-Le had tried that a few moments after they’d arrived, Reian still groaning and clutching at his bruises. Every tunnel went on for what must be miles in every direction, and they had no way of knowing which direction they needed to go.

“We could walk for days and freeze to death, or stay here and starve. I don’t really like either opti-”

Reian was interrupted by Lan Kai-Le suddenly shifting, curling up on the freezing stone floor like Reian had seen him do in the forest that night, except this time the man had his arm outstretched. To him?

Reian blinked…

“Mmn,” Kai-Le only nodded. “Keep warm.”

A part of Reian wanted to, a survival instinct and the genuine fear of freezing to death. As he weighed his options however, it was blazingly clear that freezing would be the least of their worries if they made it to morning, what with no way out and no food or water in sight.

“But-”

Once again Wen Reian was interrupted, this time by the other man grabbing his wrist and pulling. Lan Kai-Le tugged gently, and the warmth of his hand was just enough to remove all doubts from Reian’s mind.

Almost too eager to stop being cold, Wen Rei laid down beside the other man, too wrapped up in how desperate he felt to finally feel some heat returning to his body, that the healer didn’t even realize Lan Kai-Le had wrapped both of his arms around him, pulling Reian’s back flush against his chest…

He sighed at the feeling. The hunter’s body was blazing hot, like the fire at The Wanderers’ camp. The fog in Reian’s mind gradually lifted, being replaced by a sudden wish for more. He felt his hands shake, finally able to feel just how freezing his fingers were as the core of his body warmed.

“Here…”

From around him, Lan Kai-Le’s hands carefully took Reian’s own, holding them and then bringing them up. The sting and pangs of needles in his fingers as Kai-Le squeezed, and softly exhaled onto his skin, caused the softest, most imperceptible sigh to escape Reian’s mouth.

After many minutes of this, Reian was at last able to sort through the past few hours and their current predicament. A knot began to settle deep in his throat that had nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with how trapped they were.

No one knows where we are. These tunnels could go on forever, all the way to the sea, or they could be dead-ends. Even if we did find a way out eventually, we’d probably just expend all our energy searching… without water, we could last perhaps a week? If we’re lucky, which we’re clearly not!

Reian frowned. We might die down here and I would never see my family again. They might never know what happened to me… Yi-jun, Songcai, A’Jun. I will never get to visit Jingshén again, or speak to my old friends? Apologize-

“Still cold?”

Lan Kai-Le was reacting to feeling Reian shaking again, however the healer wasn’t shivering. Exhausted and overwhelmed by the weight of his emotions and even more than that, his regrets from what he now feared might be all the life he ever lived, pushed and pulled at Reian until he began to softly weep.

Lan Kai-Le might be the last person I ever know, ever speak to. The last person I could tell my secrets to, and the last one to ever see me cry…

Reian was almost glad about that last part. The man with him now had not, and would not judge him for his tears, Reian knew.

He doesn’t judge me for anything, everything he’s seen me do. He just stares at me and tilts his head like he’s as curious about me as I am of him. Curious, no longer afraid-

Reian’s tears dried on his face, his voice coming out quiet and heavy with emotion as he said; “Can I tell you something, Kai-Le?”

Against the back of his neck, Reian felt the other man exhale, and then Reian’s hands were squeezed gently, a silent yes.

Reian drew in a steadying breath and closed his eyes. It was more than a little difficult for him to admit these things to himself, yet he was afraid this would be his last chance.

“Do you remember what I told you? About the friends I had, who were like my brothers?”

Only Lan Kai-Le’s even breathing told Reian he was still there. Darkness settling around him, the warmth of another, Wen Rei’s only tether…

His memories were still tangled. Confusing, and not something he trusted. Anything that had happened to him before the rebirth of Hêi’àn City, he definitely took with a grain of salt, feeling as if he couldn’t trust his mind, not with all its missing pieces.

“Well,” Reian sighed as he began. “When I lived in Jingshén, that’s where I’m from, I couldn’t remember much, or the people there, all who said they knew me. Half of my life I could no longer claim as my own, and because of that a lot of my friendships were lost. There were these two boys my age; Xie De and Jin Yu. Everyone says that before I lost my memories, we were the closest people in the world, nothing could separate us. Eventually, they told me what happened between us, what I said to them. I told them in essence, that there was something I loved and wanted more than them, and I just up and left. I don’t remember any of it, and it felt terrible being held accountable for something I don’t recall. But they, especially Xie De, never forgave me. After a while, I stopped trying to mend our friendship, to remember. Then I moved away. The thing is though, I did remember a few things, I just never told them. I remember murdering a man in cold blood, to protect Jin Yu. And the fear, love, and devotion I felt in that one horrible moment for my friends, is truly all I have left of what they meant to me, and that made being around them so awful. Not only was I reminded every second, what evil, cruel thing I had done, but I was forced to feel how much I used to love both of them, with no other memories surrounding it. My brotherhood with them, in my mind, is sealed inside my greatest regret; taking a life…

“The knowledge that I sacrificed our friendship and the part of me that loved them, without ever being able to know what I’ve lost? It’s almost too much sometimes. Who was I before? I must have been a terrible person. I murdered someone, betrayed my friends and family, stole, lied... I even committed the gravest sin of all. Suicide. Wondering, all the what-ifs are what hurt the most. And seeing my friend’s reactions to who I turned into, watching as they discovered their brother had been stripped away, by his own hand. What I did... can never be undone. I can never be forgiven-”

By the end of his story, Wen Reian was sobbing violently, almost to the point of feeling sick. He didn’t even realize that Lan Kai-Le had turned him over and tucked Reian’s head against his chest, not until Reian felt his own fists gripping the man’s shirt.

Between gasps he was also partly conscious of Kai-Le’s fingers gently stroking his back, clearly meant to soothe him…

Wen Reian’s cries turned into bitter laughter, as he grimaced and tried to calm his breathing. Inhaling deeply Lan Kai-Le’s scent of smoke, and something else that reminded Reian of the forest near Jingshén, he eventually ended up with his shaking fingers upon the man’s collar.

Blinking the tears from his eyes, Reian was able to partially see the black lines and swirls of ink on Kai-Le’s left shoulder. More tattoos?! How many does he have? Swallowing, he heard his own raspy voice cut through the silence; “Did it hurt a lot?”

Reian’s fingers were tracing the tattoo, imagining the pain the man must have been in while enduring it. Lan Kai-Le’s response came slowly, as if he was trying to make his words say exactly what he meant…

“Other things hurt worse.”

Reian understood. He understood, and he pitied and admired Lan Kai-Le for surviving everything he’d been through. Reian continued staring at the tattoo, tugging at the hunter’s shirt to reveal the full design; across his shoulder, chest, and halfway down his arm. It was oddly… beautiful.

Realizing with a soft sigh that he was actually pretty lucky not to be down here alone, Reian glanced up at Kai-Le’s face. The man’s eyes were closed, but Wen Reian could hear and feel his breath still faintly stirring the air.

The healer swallowed, “Do you want to know one more secret?”

Kai-Le’s response echoed through his chest; “Mmn…”

Reian closed his eyes again and pressed his cheek against the man’s shoulder as he exhaled-

“Your arms around me feel like the best thing in the world.”