He was shot, terribly. Wound size of a curled fist. Flowing streaks of wine dripped out of it.

Mind began twisting and turning in a whirlpool of chaos. What was the next step to take after my friend has been shot and in need of medical attention? I do not have such experience or knowledge. Will he be fine for the next few minutes? I do not know. What the hell can be done next? I do not have an answer. Get help? Keep fighting? What? What?

"It's your fault," the voice came from Chris. "Why did you fail me."

What can I say? What can I do? What do you want me to do?

"You never tried to see me after you dropped out. You thought that shutting yourself out was the best thing to do. Why?

Do not know. I do not know. Being alone was easy, comfortable, familiar. But never treated like it was the best path. Only what was deemed the least worst.

"That's the reason, man? Didn't you want to make yourself better for yourself? Didn't you want to do better? Instead you pursued quick gratification as a means to make yourself content."

What?

"You refused to take responsibility. You lost any purpose you once had. All you ever did was seek for easy pleasures and cheap entertainment to brighten your days. But that was all it ever was. The value that you held on was scrap, dirt and a sorry excuse for existence. Nobody will care to remember the Rob who did nothing. Nothing but spent his days either wallowing in his own self-pity or withdrawing into his own space.

"You understood this. You knew continuing the unremarkable days of expedience would not lead to anything, anything meaningful and close. And yet you did nothing. Why? Why did you stay like this? Why did you grow to become so accustomed to the patterns of life you used to despise? You let your resentment towards the world engulf the better of you. You shook your fist up to the sky and cursed it, only to receive not one reply. And from there you let it be. Neglected the will to change. Neglected yourself from making it better. Neglected the will to duty. Neglected it all as though you wanted to make your life a statement of the injustice that was cursed upon you. The indignation you suffer everyday. Yet that was nothing more than a pitiful excuse and a way to dump the responsibility off of yourself. Simple rationalization to not do anything on your end.

"Now your days are nothing but just another step whenever you walk. Every single day is another step. But a step towards what? Forward? Do not delude yourself. There is nothing waiting for you at the end. Nothing. Why should there be when you yourself are nothing. You cursed those who at least made an attempt to make a mark. Was that due to envy? Funny. A simple, sad and confused child. A child who believes the path towards nothingness is the answer. Let me make this clear: you are nothing, and you will stay as nothing..."

Brought back to the familiarity of my room. Still in the darkness. There was no light sneaking through the curtains. Was still the night outside.

Felt...horrid. Disgusted. There were too many awful emotions to list. Too quick to identify. Once one got the best of me another one took its place. Was though they were all competing for dominance, the next one more extreme than the previous. Thoughts were absent from my head, only the heat of fire burning inside of me.

There was no way. Was no way I was able to continue like this. Only...only...an answer. An answer to answer everything regarding myself.

Made my way out to the rooftop. Sky shrouded in darkness. Moon and stars were dismissed from tonight. City lights still glowed in the distance away. Nice sight it was. Especially now. The city's radiance gave an impression that I was near the gates. Felt very much alive. Even now.

Walked to the edge. Drop was a long one. Was no thought left in me. Emotions killed each other in the fight. What was left was ashes. I felt nothing.

Took a step off and that was going to be it for me...