MALACHI II

The Princess had fallen asleep almost right after I started touching her hair. She must have been really drunk. Her abnormally rosey cheeks told me everything I needed to know. Not that her speech could have concealed it. Her words ran together ever so slightly, a sign of too much wine. I smiled to myself remembering the things she said. I wondered if she would be embarrassed when the night came. I kept running my hand over her long hair. I found it hard to stop. The strands were soft and silky to the touch. It was almost the same color as hers. Orla’s hair had a reddish undertone to it though, and was much shorter. Orla never let her hair grow past her shoulders. Iara’s was almost to her waist.

This would be the first night I spent in bed with someone other than Orla. I knew my relationship with the maid would be short lived, and so did she. I had always known I would be marrying a princess. I knew all other connections would have to be cut off eventually. It didn’t stop how close Orla and I grew though. I had almost told her I loved her. The memory filled me with regret. I missed her. I missed her dearly, but Iara was my wife now. Even if our relationship was different, Iara brought me a similar sense of peace. I knew she wouldn’t hurt me. I don’t believe she could have. This soft human girl in front of me couldn’t possibly be capable of it. Her round face only showed me the sweetest mind.

I found it difficult to fall asleep after. Her soft breath so close to me kept me up. I had been close with people before, but not ones who could read my every thought with a simple touch. I was far too aware of how dark and unorganized my thoughts could get. I hated to see her face contort in horror again because of it. And the thought of her seeing how badly I missed another woman while in bed with her sent dread though my chest. So I just lay as still as I could. I don’t think I ever fell asleep fully, but time seemed to pass by in a blink. I was jarred up by a knock at my door.

I lurched out of the bed. I noticed that I had never even taken off my coat from the night prior. I sighed at how disheveled I looked. Hopefully my visitor would be no one important. When I opened the door, I saw Elisif. I couldn’t help but notice the fresh bite mark peeking out from her uniform collar.

“Is Iara still sleeping?” she asked.

“Yes.” I stepped aside for her lady-in-waiting. “You may wake her if you need to.”

“She will likely want me to,” she replied. She stepped in and scanned the room. She made a whistle noise and put her hands on her hips. “I knew Orla would clean this place up in the time we needed.”

“You really asked Orla to do this?” I snapped.

Elisif glanced at me over her shoulder. “I thought it would be a good way for her to say goodbye.”

A pang of guilt hit my chest. Orla deserved closure. “What do you need Iara for?” I quickly changed the subject.

“I would rather let her decide if she wants to tell you.” The blond woman crossed her arms over her chest. “How have you been? I haven’t talked with you in ages.”

“I have been better recently,” I told her. Elisif and I were ten years apart in age, but she still spent time with us when we were growing up. She had always been a caregiver to younger people. It was just in her nature to be kind and caring. She was one of the only people I’ve ever told about my true thoughts. The woman had talked me out of a lot of stupid decisions. I was really glad when she offered to be the Princess’s lady-in-waiting. I think she knew how much it meant to me too.

She gave me a warm smile. “That’s great. I think Iara can really help you. She’s strong.”

“She’s strange,” I corrected.

Elisif rolled her eyes at me and turned to the bedroom. “Let the women talk,” she huffed and shooed me away. I snorted at the comment. Taking a line right from Lunette’s book.

I sighed and sat at the tea table once more. I picked up one of the untouched apples from yesterday and took a large bite from it. Crunchy and sweet. Apples were one of my favorites. I would take this over a cup of blood any day.

Soon after Elisif went to the bedroom she came back out with Iara. Iara sat down where she had last night and Elisif sat next to us.

“Since this is about Iara’s mother, she didn’t mind if you heard it as well,” Elisif said.

“Alright.” I crunched into the apple again. Princess Iara’s mother? I heard plenty of rumors about the famous Princess Alys of Sherwoods. I heard even my mother say what a powerful and awe inspiring witch she was. It was rare for humans to be strong in magical crafts as well. Beyond that, the whispers about the woman got dark and almost outlandish. I tried not to take any of the rumors too seriously. The people of the palace like to gossip more than they should have.

“My mother didn’t have much to say honestly. Sorry if this is kind of anticlimactic. All she said was she heard a rumor that Princess Alys was cursed.”

“Cursed?” Iara and I asked in unison.

She nodded. “My mother is kind of a gossip so don’t take it at face value, but I don’t think she would say such a crazy thing to me about a princess. Especially when she knows I am your handmaid. She claimed it was a curse by Leda herself.”

Iara bit her thumbnail in thought. “There’s no way a goddess places a curse without a reason,” she mumbled. Her hands landed on her lap. “There’s no way my mother was cursed. She was a kind woman.”

Elisif shrugged. “She did run away with the princess that the Bloodtides were promised.”

“Would something like that warrant a curse?” the Princess countered.

I bit into my apple again and both women shot me a look. I sat forward and sighed. “I can ask around about the rumor as well. There are plenty of people who can tell me if it’s true or not.”

Iara rubbed her forehead. “Thank you.”

“Do you need anything else from me, my Princess?” Elisif asked as she stood.

“I suppose not,” she replied.

“If you do, you may send for me. A breakfast tray will be sent up shortly. I’ll write up a schedule for you later tonight but you don’t have anything to do for the next few days. Since the wedding was such a whirlwind, you have some downtime.”

Iara nodded, relief playing in her face. “Finally, time to myself.”

Elisif smiled as she headed to the door. “I will see you two later,” she sang. The door closed softly behind her.

“Well, you have your free time. What do you want to do?” I asked.

“Read,” she replied quickly.

She went back into the bedroom and shut the door behind her. Her clothes must have been moved into my room last night. When she came back out she wore a simple green dress. It ended just below her knees. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, tucked behind her round ears. I was surprised ears that small could contain hair that long. “Do you want to go to the library with me?” she asked. Her lips twitched into a sheepish smile.

“Are you asking because you want my company or because you don’t know how to get there?” I questioned in an amused tone, raising one eyebrow.

“Both,” she admitted.

I couldn’t help but smile. I stood and shrugged off my coat. I threw the wrinkled garment on one of the chairs I passed and headed for the door. I hoped I didn’t look too messy. I offered her my arm and we walked to the library together. She started pulling any books down that mentioned curses by gods. There weren't many titles that struck her interest though. I didn’t know if it was because she had read them before or if they weren’t thick enough. The only books that made it out with us were four particularly thick tombs. Each was bound in leather, dusty and old. Once record was written that Iara was borrowing them, we headed back to our room.

Our room. The thought was foriegn to me. I had never shared a room with anyone before this. Even when I took trips with Mother, we slept in different rooms. Now I would share my space with someone who couldn’t possibly be more different from me. She seemed so bright and kind. Dazzling. As soon as she entered a room, you couldn’t help but watch her. Every expression she made almost rubbed off on me. I couldn’t help but smile when she did. Would I really be deserving of her company?

She sat down in one of the chairs around the tea table again. The books found their place on the low table next to the breakfast tray for two. The Princess sat in one of the chairs, her legs folding neatly under her. She reached for the thickest of the books and a scone off of the tray. As she took a bite, the book cracked open in her lap and she began to skim the table of contents.

“Would you like to be alone to read?” I walked around her chair to reach for one of my own scones. I found myself hoping she would say no. I wanted to stay with her.

She hummed in thought and looked up at me. “Usually I would like to be alone,” she admitted. “But if you would like to stay, you can.” Her face quickly went back down to her page, but I saw the redness creep up on her cheeks.

She wanted me to stay. I found it unbelievable that she wanted to spend time with me. My heart skipped a beat when my mind replayed her confession. Since she had been so drunk, I tried not to let it get me flustered. But was what she said true? I bit my tongue for being so giddy at a confession like that. Just from her saying she liked me, I felt my ears getting hot and my stomach fluttered. I forced myself to sit before I stood motionless for too long. I hoped I didn’t look rigid or awkward.

“Then I’ll help get through your reading material,” I offered. I reached my hand out to the pile of books and grabbed the one on top. It was the most used looking of the four. The spine was cracked and the edges frayed. It smelled of old paper and leather when I opened the cover. Skimming the list of topics on the first page already bored me. I’d never admit that to her though.

Princess Iara poured us both a hot cup of tea and smiled at me. “Thanks. Let me know if anything sounds interesting.”

I nodded and took a sip of tea. I’m sure nothing would be interesting to me, but I flipped to the first page regardless. I’d read a thousand boring old books if I could stay next to her.

Everyday we would read books in our room together. We would have our meals brought up to us and we ate alone. Every morning she would ask to go walk through the woods. I would take her and she would make offerings to the gods or forge for plants. The offerings usually consisted of food, wines, or small jars she made. The vegetation she gathered would be pressed in her notebooks or put in glass jars. The jars seemed to be multiplying, dotting almost every table surface in our room now. Some nights we would go down to the beach and pick things up from the sands. Every child-like reaction she had to something sent joy through my chest. She wasn’t held back by anything. She was only herself and I felt myself falling in love with it. Every night she would sleep in my bed, but never too close. I think she was just as worried about touching me as I was of her. She hadn’t touched me since the day of our wedding.

I would let her tell me when she was ready. It was almost painful not being able to freely reach out to the one you cared for. I found myself reaching out to her almost every day. I would quickly remind myself of her blessing and recoil before our skin met. Iara noticed too. She would look at my hand, a look of surprise running through her eyes. When I would pull away, she would turn her face to the ground. The look of disappointment mirrored how I felt. Even with this restriction, I loved the time spent with her. Even if I read more books about curses than I ever thought I would in my lifetime.

One night she must have gotten bored with what she was reading. We had been laying on the bed, a tray of sweets between us. She tossed the book she was reading to the foot of the bed and rolled onto her stomach. “What are you reading?” she asked.

I blinked and looked down at the page I hadn’t been paying attention to. The books said mostly the same and I found it harder to reread the content. Gods put people under curses when they tried to change fate. This one said the same in more complicated terms, just like every other dusty tomb we read. I flipped the cover shut, keeping my finger at the page I was at. “Looks like this one is called Curses of the Otherworld; Volume 3,” I read dryly. She must have started to suspect my disinterest in reading. Jeremiah would have been shocked if I told him how many books I read in the last few days.

“These are all boring,” she said.

I breathed a sigh of relief. “I am so glad you have said it.” I slapped the book closed and sat it on my end stand next to me. “I know you want to figure out what happened to your mother. I will start asking around tomorrow if you like.”

Iara rolled to her back and sighed. Her hair landed across the bed in long tendrils. “I suppose it would be more informational than reading the same few books over and over.”

I took a drink from the glass I was holding and nodded.

“What is that?” she asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

I held up my glass and swirled the liquid in it. It was dark and viscous. “This?”

Her nose wrinkled when she saw the consistency. “Gross,” she muttered.

I laughed. “An immature thing to say,” I commented.

Her face fell and she let herself fall back down flat against the bed. “I know I should act more mature.”

I put my glass down and leaned forward. “Who told you that?”

She turned her head to look at me again, confusion playing on her face.

“Sometimes it’s annoying, sure, but it’s. . .” I searched for the right words.

“But it’s annoying,” she stated.

I frowned at her and shook my head. “I’m not saying it right.”

“Then give me your hand.”

My heart skipped a beat. I tried not to let on how much the thought of touching just her hand sent me spiralling. I only raised my eyebrows coolly at her. She sat up and pushed the snack tray out of the way.

“If you’re okay with it,” she added.

I positioned myself to be across from her. “Are you sure?” I felt my stomach flutter with my question. I took in a slow breath and readied myself. I thought only of her. I wouldn’t let anything else run across my mind.

She nodded and offered me her hand. I felt my face heat up as I brushed my fingertips to her palm. Whenever she touched someone her eyes would gloss over like she was lost. They would twitch ever so slightly like she was sorting through the haze that filled her mind. Then she would react to every emotion she ran through. First she blushed and gave a small smile. Then her face grew more red still and her eyes widened slightly. I felt my own face get hotter as I ran my fingers up her arm and pulled her closer to me. Her eyes focused on me then. I leaned into her and she let her lids droop down, but before I could kiss her she turned away.

I sighed and pulled my hands back into my lap. I didn’t want her to feel my embarrassment at getting rejected again. I didn’t want what I felt to sway her into doing anything she was uncomfortable with. Every sign she gave me made it seem like she wanted to do more, but every time she would pull away. I didn’t know if she was confused or I wasn’t reading her body language correctly. It made me feel like a fool, but I would never make her do something she didn’t want.

She let out a breath she had been holding and pulled her knees up to her chest. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice cracking.

“Don’t be,” I said quickly. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

Iara gave me a sad smile and let herself fall back into the pillows. She turned to her side and hugged one of the cushions to her chest. “Would you pet my hair again?”

“Of course.” I reached my hand down to gently brush her hair back from her face. I was careful not to brush against her skin. She closed her eyes and sighed as I stroked her head. She fell almost right to sleep.

The next evening I was woken up by another knock on the door. I dreaded who it would be this time. To my relief it was only Elisif. She looked concerned though. “I can get Iara if you need,” I said to her.

The maid held up a rough piece of parchment. “A courier brought this to me today. It was for Iara. It didn’t have a seal on it so I read it and. . . I-I just think you should read it too.”

I took it from her hand and frowned at her. I looked down at the paper and questioned if I should read it. It was clearly addressed to Iara. It had her name written on the outside in comically bad font. It looked like whoever wrote this picked up the pen for the very first time. I shook my head and offered the paper back to her. The look on Elisif’s face made me curious about what it said, but it made me equally as scared to know. “I don’t want to read it.”

“You should,” Elisif insisted. She pressed her lips together and gave me a worried look.

I shook my head. Before I could say anything I heard a voice behind me.

“Hello Elisif. What brings you?” Iara asked. She came closer to see what was going on.

I stepped back in and the lady-in-waiting shut the door behind herself. “You received a letter,” she told her.

“A letter?” she asked. She saw it in my hand still folded. I handed it to her as Elisif crossed her arms. She gave Iara the harshest look I’ve ever seen come from her. The Princess unfolded the paper and read it. Her face turned red and her eyes watered. She looked at us in dismay. “Did you read this?”

“I did. Malachi didn’t,” Elisif informed her. Her voice had a chill to it that was alarming to me. Iara looked at her in a silent plea. She shook her head though. “If you aren’t going to tell him, I will.”

My chest constricted. Their reactions were much more alarming to me than anything. I shook my head and stepped back. “I don’t want to know.”

Elisif grabbed my arm. Her grip was tight but assuring. “No, you need to know.”

“I can explain,” Iara said. She stepped toward me and I stepped back the same distance.

“Tell him then,” she urged.

“It’s a letter from a friend back home,” she started.

“A friend?” Elisif shot at her.

I didn’t like how this was going. I stepped back again but Elisif didn’t release my arm. She tightened her fingers. “Malachi, she is already having an affair. How long have you been married?”

“Affair?” I asked. I kept my voice as calm as I could, my face a blank mask. I wanted to show nothing of what I felt. Even if I felt like I was punched in the gut. I had thrown away my only happy relationship for my marriage. It cut like a hot knife to hear I wasn’t afforded the same respect.

“I never thought he would write to me, I-I didn’t tell him I was here. It isn’t an affair,” Iara stammered.

“Sure looks like an affair. I still want you to be my future. I love you with all my heart,” Elisif spat.

“It all happened so fast.” Tears fell down her face and her lip quivered. She held the letter back up to look through the words again.

“Leave,” I said.

“Leave?” Iara looked up from her paper to me. She searched my face but I was confident she saw nothing. She tried to step forward again but I stepped back. I kept as much distance as I could. I didn’t want her to touch me.

“Leave. If you would rather be with another man, leave. You can break your promises to the gods for all I care,” I said briskly. I turned on my heels and swung my door open.

“I don’t want to leave you,” she cried out.

I slammed the door behind me without looking back. I regretted it as soon as I did it. I thought about opening the door again and talking to her. I thought about what the note said. I wanted to turn back and take her in my arms and tell her how badly I wanted her to stay. But I forced myself to move forward. Keeping my walls up would be the safest option in all of this. If she was having an affair, I didn’t want anyone to know how badly it would wound me.

Before I even knew it I found myself in the old, overgrown courtyard. My eyes went to the black stain along the northernmost wall. The vines and brush that didn’t turn right to ash were black ghosts of themselves. No one had even come out to investigate it. It goes to show how little people come this way anymore. On the edge of the charred remains sat my little brother. Jeremiah was leaned against the stone wall, a book in his lap. His hair was shaggy and wild, unkempt just like a teenager. He waved to me.

“I thought you’d be in the library,” I called over to him as I neared.

“I didn’t want to chance overhearing Ivar say something again. Thought it would put me at less risk,” he sighed.

“You could sit at a table and read instead of the holes in the walls you find,” I offered, a grin of amusement on my face.

Jer shook his head. “Then people would interrupt me.”

He had a point. No peace was ever offered to us. I sighed and looked up to the sky. The moon was waxing, barely a half yet. It lit the courtyard in pale light. The moonlight had always been more comforting than the sun, but I felt alone in it’s rays.

Jer slapped his book shut, gaining my attention again. “You don’t have your bow?”

“I suppose I don’t,” I muttered.

He stood, grabbing the bag that was next to him. “Then what are you doing out here so early?”

I felt my shoulders go rigid. I bit my tongue to keep from saying more than I wanted to. “A lot has happened tonight already. I’m ready for daytime.”

My little brother stepped over to me. “Well, do you want to hear some things I figured out about the egg?”

I tousled his hair in a show of affection. “You better not lift any more fire salts from the kitchen,” I warned.

“Yeah, yeah. Do you want to hear it or not?”

I gave him a smile. “Go ahead.”

Hearing my brother read me out passages in his notebook took my mind away from the events earlier that night. Jer had a knack for taking your mind off things that hurt. He was a good brother, one I would do anything for. He was one of the only people who had my trust. Completely.