《A Different Destination》No one likes my puns
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A young man was walking down the road, suitcase in hand. As he turned the corner, he caught the sight of a slightly older man who stood near a tree, axe in hand.
"Hey Dion! Nice day out, isn't it?" The man exclaimed cheerfully.
"Yeah Roger, it is," Dion's body seemed to visibly stiffen, before he turned to look at the middle-aged man.
"Can I axe you a question?" Roger didn't seem to mind Dion's visible discomfort and prodded him on.
"..."
The corner of Dion's mouth started to twitch as he gazed at Roger.
"So?"
"Sure," Dion sighed before muttering, "Annoying asshole".
"Hey! Don't throw shade at me!"
"..."
Dion immediately turned and started to walk away. Before he could get too far, however, Roger shouted at him, "Have you found a wife yet? You already have twenty-tree rings, one more wouldn't make much of a difference!"
Dion threw his hands up in exasperation when suddenly, a sentence planted itself in Dion's head.
Don't say it.
Don't say it.
Don't say it.
Alas, although he wanted to resist, he couldn't.
"I'm leafing!"
Roger's eyes widened as he looked at Dion. His finger pointed towards him, trembling.
"Y-you..."
Dion laughed triumphantly before he noticed that Roger wasn't looking at him. He quickly turned around and saw a large, round, green thing approaching from the distance. The furthest parts of the thing were brown, long, and thin. The closer part was wide, round, and green, slowly tapering to a point on the closest portion. The more he looked at it, the more it felt familiar.
A moment of realization led him to exclaim, "Is that a giant leaf?"
As Dion gazed at the giant leaf in awe, the leaf started to grow in size. No, it wasn't growing larger, it was coming closer! Before Dion could react, the leaf loomed over him.
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Dion broke into a sprint as he frantically started to run away. Unfortunately, he could only run a few meters before the leaf caught up.
The sharp tip of the leaf pierced into Dion's back, causing his entire being to ache in agony. His body was propelled forward while further impaling itself on the leaf. The sharp edges of the leaf sliced through his bones and flesh as if it was made of paper.
Blood started to gush out of his wounds along with a few chunks of flesh.
Foam started to drip out of Dion's mouth as he stared down at the ground from high up.
"Tch. No one likes my puns..."
His consciousness slowly started to fade into darkness.
...
A large, golden bridge floated high above a sea of clouds. Long, thin branches pierced through the clouds and stretched up to the sky.
A long line of humans walked in a straight line, heading towards a bright light in the distance. Some of them wept in sadness. Some of them roared in anger. Some seemed to be...humping thin air? All these people, however, had two things in common. For one, they were semi-transparent, as if ghosts. Two, they were all floating across the bridge, towards the bright light. Regardless of whether they were sitting down, standing still, or...humping, they were ALL floating towards the light.
Suddenly, near the end of the line, a semi-transparent human man poofed into existence.
Strangely, this man didn't seem to be as mindless as the ones around him.
"What happened? The last thing I remember is a giant leaf punishing me for my puns," Dion's expression wrinkled in confusion, he looked around at the countless floating humans around him.
"Am I in heaven? Am I dead?" Instead of being depressed over his situation, he felt a strange feeling of relief. He shook his head before trying to talk to the floating humans near him, to no avail. All of them, except for him, seemed to be mindlessly repeating the same actions.
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Maybe they are all going through the actions each one went through before they died. But that doesn't make sense. How can so many people be crying when they died? Isn't 'death from grief' a relatively low cause of death?
He thought about this for a few more minutes before closing his thoughts and trying to move his body. He found that, although he couldn't move his body, he could control the direction he floated in. This discovery greatly excited Dion.
Ever since mankind laid its eyes on the birds that flew up in the sky, a seed of curiosity had been planted. What would it be like to fly? This simple, yet impossible desire manifested itself in planes, gliders, and even superhero comic books. Nonetheless, these creations can not be considered as 'true flight'. To date, no human could fly with their own strength. Well, no alive human, anyway.
"Hahaha! I am flying! I am flying!" As Dion flew over the line of humans, he briefly considered what to do before he made his way over to the light. He figured that there must be a reason all these humans were moving towards it. If it got too dangerous, he could just fly away.
When he got closer to the light, he saw a table stacked with piles of paper. A man sat behind the table, writing stuff down on a sheet of paper. Each time the line moved forwards, he would take a sheet of paper, look up at the human, start writing things down, picking up a strange black medallion, pressing it against the human without even looking. Then, the human would start flying towards light. Right before the human disappeared, a black light would shine, shrinking the human's body to the size of a baby before disappearing.
"Did that man just turn into a child? Brings a new meaning to the word 'Man-child'! On a serious note, that black medallion somehow turns adults into children. That child then flies into the portal. Man to baby, baby to man. Is this where people go to reincarnate? I assume that the black emblem erases their memories and the light sends them to a new body. I do want to reincarnate, but I don't want my memories wiped. How do I go about doing this?" Dion looked down at the man behind the table.
A moment later, his eyes lit up with an idea. He sneakily cut in line ahead of a man in a suit. In his opinion, he had just committed the strangest crime ever: cutting ahead in a line of dead humans.
After a few more humans entered the light, his turn had come. The man behind the table raised his head, staring at him with dead eyes. After a few moments, he started to write on a new sheet of paper. His hand reached towards the medallion and pressed it against an arm before picking up another sheet of paper and writing stuff down.
Dion smiled before flying towards the light. Right when the man behind the table wasn't looking, he had taken the arm of the man in the suit and made him get stamped instead. Then, he pushed him back before leaving. Looking back only to shoot an apologetic glance at the man, he somersaulted in the air before entering the light.
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