《Rabid Animals, Fantastic!》Epilogue 10.3: Actually, This Friendship was Pretty Likely
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--Two weeks after that night--
It was an unlikely meeting. Two people depositing checks at the local bank, happening to cross paths and instantly being displeased. After that, on a very painful suggestion, they agreed to get lunch.
“So, you’re paying, right?” Honey asked as she sat down.
“No, I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to be,” Lance said, setting his hat on the table. “You got paid way more than me, right? That means you foot the bill. Anyway, you asked me here.”
“The hell are you talking about? You’re the one who asked me if we could come here.”
“No, not at all. It was the complete opposite.”
“Did something happen to your brains? Because I think you might actually have dementia.”
“Shut the- oh, why hello,” Lance said, instantly changing gears as the waitress approached their table. “I’ll just have water for now, thank you.”
“Same.”
Once she was out of earshot, they continued the back and forth of berations.
“Where was I?”
“You were about to explain why you’re so stupid.”
“Huh? No, that definitely isn’t right. Maybe I’ll just explain how stupid you are.”
“Did you just try and flip my insult back around? Ha. How pathetic.”
“What? You’re the worst.”
“Then what does it make you, paying for the worst person’s lunch?”
“I’m not paying, you are.”
“Noooo~pe.”
“Don’t try to act cute. I can’t afford a place like this.”
“Then why’d you choose it?”
“I didn’t choose it, you did!”
“Nope. I said we should go get gelato. You were the one who wanted food.”
“You’re just making up whatever you please at this point, aren’t you?”
“You only now realized this? How long have we been going head to head?”
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“Gah! Crazy woman!”
“Meh. Clueless cowboy.”
The waitress returned with the waters, and the two sat in complete silence, staring daggers at each other. As if the waitress could sense the tension in the air, she smiled weakly and set two menus down in front of the customers.
“I-if you need anything,” the waitress said. “Just wave me down. Oh...I recommend the daily special. Ok, bye.” Then hurried off.
“And look at that, your craziness scared her off. The worst.”
“No, if she was scared off by anything, it would be your creepy eyes. Don’t lie, I can tell when those lecherous beads are having a time.”
“Huh? What? Seriously?”
“...”
“Wait, were you really being serious?”
“...no, I was actually joking. But the way you just took it makes you seem like an actual creep. You’re not looking at me in a weird way right now, right?”
“Huh? No way! Not at all.”
“That doesn’t sound very convincing...I’m starting to get worried…”
“What are you worried for? What kind of person do you think I am?”
“Well, if you’re other personalities are something to go by…”
“How do those assholes have anything to do with me!? You’re not actually lumping me in with those guys, right? Please tell me you’re not.”
“To be fair, some of them are pretty great. I wouldn’t mind seeing Hippolyta more often.”
“Hippolyta doesn’t speak…”
“Duh. That’s exactly why I’d rather have him around than you.”
“Evil woman!”
They chatted on for longer, mocking each other and sparing verbally until their food came. Then they kept going on, one person lambasting while the other ate. Any onlookers would have wondered why two great enemies would be doing something like this, but while their words to each other were quite sadistic, there wasn’t much malice between the two. Eventually, once their plates were cleaned, the conversation had died.
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“Still, I can’t believe I actually thought the two of you were Jackal,” Lance said, staring out the window. “When you showed up to Loren’s room that night, I was totally confused.”
“Haha. Why would you think we were Jackal?”
“Because you showed up? Anyway, I couldn’t imagine it. Nobody knows anything about Jackal, and he’s way too secretive. Leaves bloody messes of people and stupefied bodyguards. Vanishes without a trace, like the entire scene was caused by a ghost. I’m a little disappointed that I didn’t get to face off against him, but also a bit glad. It would’ve been sad if Loren died.”
“Wow, I didn’t realize you were so obsessed with Jackal. Would you turn ‘em in to the police if you ever caught ‘em?”
“Of course,” Lance said. “Someone like that is just too much. You guys may be bad, but at least you’re not as evil as Jackal.”
Honey blinked.
“Right. Well, anyway, I gotta use the ladies’ room, so I’ll be right back.”
She left him with the bill.
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