I returned from the forest a while later with a successful bounty on my shoulders. Now then, before I tell you what it is, I want you to remember that I didn’t choose it due to its inability to flee from me. Nor did I choose it for its stupidity to charge towards me when I was hungry and starting to give up, thinking I might have to eat the magic assassin’s corpse and was pondering whether to get Sam to make it a broth in the hopes that it might smell nice.

Anyway now that you know that; I returned to the ranch with a twin tusked boar on my back the size of 3 Yura’s! That’s right, three whole units of me, crazy I know. So carrying a boar on I looked like some knight returning from my oh so noble hunt attempting to woo themselves a partner with an odor of sweat their strength and might for slaying such a beast.

Ooooh sooo dazzling and sexy~

In this case most of the strength came from my desire to devour something which didn’t have feelers. But the boar had come at a cost. Whilst swinging her mace to kill the beast so she could eat it was natural, the sticky icor from a certain bug on it wasn’t so much on the meal she’d planned out meaning she would certainly be going nowhere near the legs she had repeated whacked to bring the boar down. But there was one benefit from this; most of the inner juices had been wiped clean from the shaft and head. There were only a few tufts of hair on some of the spikes but the mace was clean and if it had a soul it’d be (relatively) happy.

“Yura!” roared a certain chef across from the campfire that had been set up. If one was to closely look at the fire, they might notice it was made up of numerous signs with Cockranch painted onto them along with some giant blue moths.

“Hey Sam” I cheerfully replied to my best friend. Nodding towards the fire “I guess Remy got the lot then?”

“Yeah I helped her light it up, the poor thing looked truly disgusted at what she’d had to touch and went for a bath. I can’t blame her; it is truly unfortunate Minotaur like her can’t melt off their flesh to cleanse themselves.”

“Sometimes I wish I was born a Frost Folk, there are just soooo many benefits!” I said thinking back to a certain yucky incident earlier in the day that might never truly wash off. Frost Folk were definitely some of the coolest people you’ll ever meet. They were a tribe of people who had adapted to living in the desert and overtime learnt to have complete control over their body temperature. Because of this they could bring their internal body temperature to subzero temperatures, forming ice and snow around their actual bodies. Over time this had caused most of the tribes actual body to turn into an almost crystalline state whilst they sculpted figures of ice on top of themselves with the cold produced. But that isn’t the awesome part. To bring their bodies down to such low temperatures; they spew flames from their body.

“It’s not that great. If you meet any tribe members it will always end up in an argument about how you should look. If anything they should aim for perfection and try to look as great as me” she said the flames flaring from her back in wings of crimson fury. And to be honest, I couldn’t say she was wrong about her rather narcissistic statement. Sam had the body of a gravure model and she was quite literally an ice queen with pretty much everyone but me. Well… as long as she wasn’t cooking or talking about food. She was a bit of a food fanatic.

As she continued Sam’s flames burnt a bit brighter in the night air “That’s before even considering all the tension with the guys who fled to the mountains”

“The Trail Blazers?” I assumed as a lot of my best friends complaints focused around them. They were from the same tribe as the frost folk long ago but moved to the mountains to practice their belief in a body of fire. It was safe to say the two opposites rarely got along nicely but fortunately it’s although both tribes are now widespread across the continent, there aren’t many of them and so it’s very rare they clash.

“Yup those traitorous hot heads” suddenly grinning she plucked the boar off my shoulders like it weighed nothing. “Anyway thanks for getting dinner, I have some special plans for what I am making this time, go grab me some milk and cheese from those Cream Behemoths and then have a bath afterwards, you stink!” She holds her nose with on hand and winks at me.

Ignoring the fact that an amalgamation of fire and ice can smell and the fact she’s now carrying the boar with one hand effortlessly, I ask the more important question “Cream Behemoths?”

Chuckling she just waves me away whilst saying “Fred should be in the barn with them, ask him to help you out” Accepting my fate as a lowly delivery girl if it meant I’d get to eat something nice, I trundled along to the barn I’d first arrived at the ranch by.

Before I entered the barn I noticed a certain body was missing and its previous location had smear marks leading away to a certain burrow in the forest. Deciding not to think about what flavour a cockroach ice pop would taste like I put the obvious conclusion as to where the body went out of my mind.