The doorbell rang as my foot hit the bottom step to the staircase.

Perfect timing.

It rang again as I crossed through the living room, making my way towards the front door. And a third time as I made it to the foyer.

I let out a laugh, unlocking the front door to reveal Lily. She was innocently smiling up at me, as though she hadn't just incessantly rang my doorbell.

"Sorry," Kayla apologized, with a laugh. "She has a thing for doorbells."

"I just like the sound that they make," Lily defended.

"Well aren't you going to give your Aunt Sophie a hug?" I challenged.

Lily barreled into me, wrapping her small arms around me with a squeal.

"I've missed you," I said, lightly pressing my lips to the top of her head.

I ushered Kayla and Lily inside, closing the door behind them.

"So let me see the ring," Kayla gushed, dropping her purse on my dining room table.

I held out my left hand, Kayla letting out an excited squeal as she saw my engagement ring. "Why is he so perfect?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Far from it. But I am lucky to have him."

"He's lucky to have you," Kayla countered.

I dropped my hand, letting it graze the necklace around my neck as it dropped back down to my side.

The two of us laughed, heading out into the living room, where Lily was sitting on the couch, her game console in her hands.

"I blame Clayton," Kayla said, with an eye roll.

I let out a bit of a forced laugh at the mention of his name.

"Leave him to babysit your kid and this is what happens," she said, gesturing towards Lily. "She turns into a gamer."

"I just have to beat this one level mom," Lily countered.

"How many times have I heard that?"

"Is Clayton enjoying it out there in New York?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," Kayla declined. "I think he's still trying to find his niche."

"Uncle Clayton is here," Lily spoke up.

I raised my eyebrows at Kayla.

"He's visiting his parents this week," Kayla filled me in. "But remember Lily, I told you that we weren't going to have time to visit everyone."

Lily's head immediately shot up from her game console, her eyes widening. "But we have to visit Uncle Clayton."

"We aren't going to be able to."

Tears began to fill her eyes.

"Oh here we go," Kayla muttered.

Without any kids of my own, Lily was like the daughter I didn't have. I sent her birthday and Christmas presents, and she came and visited me whenever they were in South Carolina. And I couldn't bear to see her cry.

"Well maybe there's something we can work out," I said to Kayla, with a small smile.

"You spoil her rotten."

"I can't help it," I defended. "Look at her face."

"I do. Every single day. And I'm telling you that I told her this morning that we weren't going to be able to fit everyone into our schedule today. So Clayton's out. We see him plenty anyways."

"But we haven't seen Uncle Clayton in a long time!" Lily wailed. "And you promised."

"I most certainly did not."

"Well what if you ran your errands and I took Lily to see Clayton?" I bargained.

I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. The words tasted bitter on my tongue, and Kayla just sort of stared at me for a moment.

"Sophie, you don't have to do that," she said, in a low voice.

Seeing as though I hadn't seen Clayton Johnson in 8 years, this had come as just as much of a shock to her as it had to me.

"Oh please Aunt Sophie?" Lily begged, wrapping her arms around my legs. "Oh please, oh please, oh please?"

It felt as though someone was stabbing my heart at the mere thought of facing Clayton Johnson.

But I couldn't ignore Lily's wide-eyed pleading. Clayton had her heart, and I was mere putty in her hands.

"It's fine," I said, my voice hoarse.

"I love you Aunt Sophie!"

"Sophie," Kayla warned.

"Really," I said, my voice more sturdy this time. I shot Kayla a convincing smile. "You go and get done what you need to, and Lily and I here will go see Clayton."

Kayla shot me a dubious look, but just kissed Lily's forehead, promising to be back in a couple of hours.

After making Lily promise to behave, which she always does because she's a perfect angel, Kayla only left after offering me one last out.

"But you have to spend time with me first," I said to Lily, with a teasing smile. "So pretend you love me more than Clayton for just another hour and then we'll leave."

"But I do love you Aunt Sophie," Lily said, with a sincere smile.

Her ice blue eyes pierced my soul, and all I could do was smile back. Because her eyes were like home to me.

"Don't tell Uncle Clayton this, but you're my favorite."

~*~

The familiarity of the drive was almost too painful.

I pulled up into Clayton's parents' driveway, Lily singing along to the radio in the backseat, oblivious to the eccentric beating of my heart.

It wasn't too late to back out.

"Do you think Ms. Clarissa and Taylor are here?" Lily asked, already tugging off the straps of her carseat.

So much for backing out.

I glanced around the empty driveway.

We'd be lucky if Clayton was here. But Kayla said that she'd informed him Lily was coming, so I'm sure he was.

"I'm not sure," I declined.

I stepped out of my car, my legs like jello beneath me. I laid a hand on the side of my car, using it to steady myself as I took in a deep breath.

Lily managed to open the car door, jumping out. "Come on Aunt Sophie!"

"Right behind you."

I placed a hand on my nervous stomach, following Lily to the front porch.

She pressed the doorbell, bouncing on her heels as we waited for Clayton.

And then she pressed the doorbell a second time.

"I think he knows we're here," I said, a small smile finding it's way onto my face.

"One more?"

"Okay, one more."

She pressed it twice quickly, flashing me a devious smile.

And then the front door opened, a chocolate lab bursting out the front door.

"Kenny!" Lily shouted, reaching after the dog.

"Dammit," a familiar voice cursed.

I turned to see Clayton standing the doorway, a frown stretched across his face. "He got excited at all the doorbell chimes. I wonder who that could've been?"

He was taller than I remember, which is strange because I thought that people stopped growing in high school. But sometimes males continue growing in college. He had a tanner complexion, his hair taking on a lighter shade of blonde. But he still had the same shade of green eyes, and an unfamiliar smile spread across his face as Lily began to laugh.

Lily continued to excitedly giggle before Clayton scooped her up in his arms.

"Are you going to go and chase down my dog?" Clayton asked her.

"No."

"Well someone has to."

I turned to see that Kenny was long gone.

"Let's go," Clayton said, dropping Lily back down to her feet.

HIs eyes ran over me for a few moments, and he cleared his throat. "Um, I was expecting Kayla?"

"Yeah me too. But here I am."

"Aunt Sophie said that we could come see you!" Lily informed Clayton, excitedly. "Because mommy was busy."

"That's really nice of her," Clayton said, with an easygoing smile. "You better give her a really big thank you hug."

Lily barreled into my legs.

"After we find my dog," he added. "Let's go."

And so the three of us began trooping down the sidewalk.

"Does this happen often?" I asked him.

"Kenny just gets excited when gets come over," he muttered. "We're working on it."

And then we fell into a silence.

8 years of separation can do that to you.

Clayton was a painful reminder of my past. Of what I used to have.

Everything about him was familiar. I knew what his likes and dislikes were, I knew what ticked him off, I even knew what he liked and didn't like for breakfast.

Being here with Clayton was excruciatingly painful.

It felt as though someone had shoved their hand through my chest and was physically squeezing my heart.

If it was possible to die from a broken heart, I would've done so long before now. But I'd almost forgotten what it felt like, to wake up every morning empty, with nothing but a throbbing ache in my chest.

Being here with Clayton brought everything back.

I glanced over at him out of the corner of my eye, seeing if he felt anything that I was currently feeling. Seeing if my presence affected him in any way.

His hands were shoved into his pockets as he watched Lily skip down the street, shouting for Kenny at the top of her lungs. His face was a blank slate, as he'd perfected doing so long ago. He was a master at controlling his facial expressions.

"Kenny!" Lily suddenly shouted, taking off running.

Clayton and I both took off running after her.

Sure enough, just around the corner there was a chocolate lab sniffing around a rose bush. His head snapped up when he heard his name, and he let out a sharp bark, his tail wagging when he saw Clayton.

"Dumbass dog," Clayton said, scooping up the puppy in his arms.

"Don't be mean," Lily scolded, reaching up and petting Kenny's head.

A smile played on Clayton's lips. "My bad."

Clayton gone soft. I never thought I'd see the day.

And so the three of us trooped back to Clayton's place. This time Lily talked our ears off, mostly about school and her friends and about the gymnastics summer camp she was going to start attending in a few weeks.

"Can I play with Kenny?" Lily asked, once we were safely inside Clayton's place.

"Of course," Clayton said, dumping him on the living room floor.

She and the puppy began to roll around together on the floor, Kenny clearly familiar with her.

"Want something to drink?" Clayton asked me.

"Sure."

He made me a glass of iced tea, handing it to me as I took a seat on one of the kitchen barstools

"Thank you," I muttered.

He nodded, sipping on his own glass as the two of us watched Lily in silence.

My eyes swept the fireplace mantle, where Clarissa had kept framed pictures of Clayton's childhood.

My eyes stuck on a picture in the center.

It was the picture from State Championships Clayton's Junior year of high school. Clayton was smiling, his head thrown back in laughter. And his arms were wrapped around none other than Bryce Harrison, who was holding up the State Championship trophy with a smile of his own.

I felt the air in the room grow thicker the longer I stared at the picture.

But I couldn't tear my eyes away.

"I smashed that picture frame," Clayton finally stated, breaking the silence between us. "If you look closely at it, you can see where I glued it back together."

"Why not just buy a new one?" I asked, my voice hoarse.

"Because it wouldn't be the same."

Nothing will ever be the same.

"You're good with her," I said, glancing over at Clayton.

He shrugged, his elbows resting on the kitchen counter across form me.

"I thought you didn't like kids."

"People change."

I believe that people can change. But just how much?

"So who's the lucky guy?"

I glanced down at the engagement ring on my finger, the lump in my throat growing.

"He's a doctor," I said, quietly. "We met a Duke."

"Bryce always said you'd save the world."

Hearing his name was like a punch in the gut.

"He always had ridiculously high opinions of me," I said, quietly. "I'm far from saving the world."

"Bryce's words, not mine. I never said I agreed with him."

There's the Clayton Johnson that I knew.

I couldn't help but smile. "I knew you were still in there somewhere."

"As I said, people change. Just not that much."

I let out a laugh this time, before taking a gulp of my iced tea.

"Do you ever miss him?" I asked Clayton, quietly.

"Who? Bryce?"

"Who else would I be talking about?"

"I don't know. Steven?"

"I don't miss that imbecile. He's my best friend's boyfriend, I see him practically all the time."

Clayton took a long sip of his iced tea, clearly stalling.

"I tend not to think about him," Clayton admitted. "It's just easier that way."

I couldn't relate to anything more than that in my entire life.

"And I know you do the same," he continued. "Because we both had pretty much the same idea after the funeral. Go our separate ways and cut contact."

"Except we have the same downfall."

"Unfortunately. Lily Manson has my heart. She asked me to be her Valentine this past February you know."

That had to be the cutest event to witness.

"She's the only kid I've ever been able to stand," he continued. "And she happens to be Kayla's kid. So I guess we were bound to see each other again sometime."

"She reminds me so much of him," I stated, quietly.

"It's the eyes."

I nodded, my grip tightening on my glass as tears pricked at my eyes.

"And she kicks ass at Destiny. So there's that too."

I couldn't help but laugh, feeling a sense of relief as I did so, as though I'd released some of the internal pain.

Not enough though.

Silence stretched between us, my heart growing heavy again.

I hadn't acknowledged Bryce Harrison in so long. And I was going to bust apart at the seams if I was left to internalize the conversation, if I didn't talk about it with someone.

"It doesn't feel right," Clayton finally stated.

"I know what you mean-" I started, the words bubbling up at the surface.

"I mean I know that Kenny is still just a puppy," he continued. "But I feel like he should be further in his training process you know? He still doesn't even sit. Is that normal?"

I turned to stare at him, my jaw dropping slightly.

"So you do think he should be able to sit by now? I thought so."

"What is wrong with you?"

"I don't know, I don't want to push him. He's just a puppy. I mean who really cares if he can sit or not, right? The only thing I really care about is that he doesn't take off running every time I open the front door-"

"Is this how you avoid a subject?" I challenged. "I mean, here I am ready to spill my soul to you, and you're talking about the training process of your dog."

"Hey I've initiated every conversation today," Clayton defended. "And I've said a lot of fucking shit."

His mouth immediately snapped shut and both of us looked over at Lily. But she was still playing with Kenny, oblivious to our conversation.

"So I'm pretty sure my therapist will be thrilled to hear about my progress," Clayton finished. "But if I recall, I don't think you've said much of anything. So I don't think your therapist will be too pleased."

"I don't have one."

Anymore.

"Well you should. Everyone should in my opinion, even if you don't think you're seriously fucked up. Even if it's only once or twice, it's nice to see someone else's opinion of the inner workings of your mind."

"Uncle Clayton, can we play some Mario Kart?" Lily called out, from her position on the floor.

"I don't think my parents have that," Clayton declined.

Lily let out a frustrated sigh.

"You can come over sometime next week and we'll play then, okay?"

Lily nodded, a smile spreading across her face.

"So how well is ignoring Bryce's death working out for you?" I asked Clayton.

He finished off his glass of iced tea, clearing his throat. "Pretty shitty if you'd like to know. Probably the same as it is for you."

"Well how do we fix it now?"

It's been so long, I honestly don't know if I can go back and fix the mistakes that I've made. I can't go back and fix the way that I dealt with Bryce's death, the way that I shoved away the people that I cared about most.

Because of that I got into Duke University. Because of that I met my fiancée. Because of that I am the person I am today.

That person is confused. And that person is scared. But that person isn't regretful.

I dealt with Bryce's death the best that I could, the best way that I knew how.

I finished off my glass of iced tea, feeling worse than when I came in here.

"I think that we both needed the space," I finally stated, glancing back over at him.

He glanced over at me in confusion.

"I think that if we'd tried to grieve Bryce's death together that would've been toxic for us. That we might've tried to lean on one another, that we might've tried to find Bryce in one another. And I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I don't seek your company in that kind of way."

"The feeling is mutual," he stated, with a wry smile.

I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"So even though we might've had shitty grieving processes, it was efficient in it's own way. And now we're both in a good place. A place that we can both call happy."

"I think your therapist would be pleased with your progress today."

"I'll ring him up."

"I still think it's a shitty idea that you're not seeing one. Especially-"

"Swear jar, swear jar, swear jar!" Lily sang, jumping to her feet. "Uncle Clayton has to put a dollar in the swear jar!"

Clayton rolled his eyes, pulling out his wallet and dropping a single dollar bill onto the counter. "I don't know where my mom put it."

"I'll take it until she comes home," Lily said, swiping it off the counter.

"I bet you will."

I reached down, pulling Lily into my lap.

"You know that I love you?" I asked, kissing the top of her head.

"I love you too," she said, dazzling me with her pearly white smile.

Clayton leaned across the counter, a smirk planted on his face. "But you love me more, right?"

"Well..."

I busted up into laughter as Clayton placed his hand over his heart in offense.

"I was your Valentine," he reminded her. "I bought you chocolate and let you eat the whole thing."

Lily giggled. "Can I love you as much as I love Aunt Sophie?"

"No," I declined. "I'm your favorite."

"I can settle," Clayton stated. "It's better than my original deal."

Lily nodded and I let out a frustrated sigh.

"Want some iced tea?" Clayton asked her.

She nodded again, and he grabbed her a glass, turning his back to me.

Lily cupped her hands around the side of my head, placing her lips against my ear.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

I nodded.

"You'll always be my favorite."