I can't escape this hell

So many times I've tried

But I'm still caged inside

Somebody get me through this nightmare

~

~

Y/N was starting to feel exhausted from being scared. She could feel her body going into a panic reaction, but it was like she was getting too tired to even do that. Like her body was just reacting, doing its own thing, while her mind was completely elsewhere. Sometimes she felt like she was looking down at her body, glad that all this wasn't really happening to her, but someone else.

She wasn't really sure what was real anymore. Had she really spent her last night in the old building scratching Shouta's name in the wall with little rocks? Was Shouta even real or had she made him up to be able to deal with this? She wasn't so sure anymore. She wasn't sure of anything.

Was all of this really happening? Or was this maybe just some elaborate nightmare? What if she still was in her parents' home, waiting to get yelled at for some small and stupid mistake she had made or for acting out or whatever they were mad about now? Maybe none of this had ever been real. But then why did the pain feel so bad? Why was she still here? Why couldn't she seem to stop dreaming?

Y/N tried to stop thinking about whether this was real or not and instead to focus on the situation at hand. She thought she'd be moved to a different location. She had prepared herself to be put back in her little box where she would barely be able to breathe, barely able to move and barely able to do anything against the pain. But when Chisaki had woken her up this morning he seemed to have other plans.

He had gotten her up, and told the guards to tie her down in the chair with her legs apart. At first, Y/N thought that maybe he wanted to fuck her, but then he disappeared again, while one of the guards was making a fire in some old trashcan. Y/N couldn't make sense of what he was doing and it was difficult to focus because the other one kept eyeing her up and she was sure he was going to beat her or rape her any second. He seemed like one of the more sadistic ones.

But then Chisaki was back with something that looked like a fire poker and Y/N had a good idea of what was going to happen to her. A fire and a fire poker? He was going to heat that thing up until it was glowing and then somehow torture her with it. Y/N didn't even want to think any further than that, because it would make her sick and she was too tired right now to manage feeling sick again.

She tried to distract herself somehow by thinking back to some good memories she had. Not that there were many of them. Shouta was one of them. Assuming he was actually real, then he was probably the best thing that could have happened to her. But he had also put her in this situation in the first place, so Y/N wasn't even sure how to feel about him anymore. Did he even know?

And if he knew, was he sorry? Was he trying to find her? Did he even care? Y/N couldn't believe that Shouta might have forgotten about her. She hated thinking about it. She much preferred imagining how he would somehow rescue her from this place, rescue her from Chisaki.

She didn't really know how it would happen, but he would somehow kill them quickly, make sure they could never hurt anyone ever again. And then he would hold her and never let her go again and make sure all her wounds were taken care of. And then he would take her home, so she could get some rest. That's all Y/N really wanted. She wanted to be held and she wanted to rest, be able to heal.

But right now she had no idea where Shouta was and she didn't even know if he actually existed or not. It was like her mind was playing tricks on her and she almost wasn't certain whether she wanted to escape Chisaki more or if she would prefer to escape her own mind if she could.

Thinking about Shouta wasn't really helping right now. It just made her that much sadder. She felt like she should focus on something much more immediate. Like the pain in her entire body. Focussing on all the parts of her body that hurt was somehow really calming. Her back was first. She felt the little cuts that Chisaki had made all over her back, every single one of them. They didn't hurt that much, only when she was moving could she feel them stinging.

The next one was the pain in her fingertips. It was a dull and throbbing pain. When Chisaki tore out her fingernails it hurt worse than anything Y/N could have imagined at that time and it really hurt for a long time after, but once the initial shock was over, all that was left was a dull pain, almost as if her finger tips were swollen. Y/N was really afraid that her nail beds would get infected, because she wasn't exactly able to clean them out and sterilize them and bandage them to keep dirt away from them. As if she didn't have anything else to worry about.

The other thing she could focus on was the pain from her bruises. There were a whole lot on her shoulder and her thighs. There was one around her neck from the time when Chisaki had been choking her, because he was angry about something else and she was the only one around at the time. The other ones were from several beatings she had gotten. She couldn't even remember who she got them from. Everything was just a huge blur and she couldn't even tell the days apart.

The last thing she could focus on was the pain in her wrists and ankles from the rope she was tied up with. Y/N wasn't sure she knew what it felt like not to be tied up anymore. The rope was still cutting into her wrists and ankles, rubbing against the old wounds and opening them again, hurting even more. But there was nothing Y/N could do to escape the pain from the ropes.

She looked up at Chisaki again, her eyes dull and empty. He was grinning at her, the fire poker still in his hand. The tip looked like it was glowing slightly red. That meant he'd probably do whatever he wanted to do soon. Y/N hoped it wouldn't take long. If it was over quickly, he'd probably leave her alone for the rest of the day. That was the best Y/N could hope for.

"Excited, Y/N? We're going to move to another place today." Chisaki announced. Y/N wasn't sure how to respond, but she knew she'd have to say something or he would actually cut out her tongue. He had been threatening her with that before and she had no doubt he'd actually do it.

"Doesn't look like we're moving." she managed to croak. Her throat was so dry, she could barely speak properly. Chisaki chuckled.

"Nice to see you getting your fighting spirit back. Makes it more fun to break you over and over again. I like it." he replied. Y/N wasn't sure what he meant by that. She didn't feel like she had much of a spirit left at all, let alone a fighting spirit. Just because she made a snarky remark didn't mean that she was trying to keep her morale high. It was just the best thing she could come up with.

"But we are moving today. I'm literally just preparing you to be moved. See, we'll have an eye on you, of course, but I gotta make sure you won't even think of running away. So I'll mark you as my property now. Before we leave this place. Really, it's more of an honour for you than anything." Chisaki told her snickering as he took the fire poker out of the fire and looked at it.

Y/N's face turned pale when she heard that... he was going to brandmark her, wasn't he? Y/N had no idea how much it would hurt, but there'd be permanent scarring from it. Not like it mattered much. If she ever got out of this alive, then she probably wouldn't be able to keep living for much longer. She was just too tired to try and pick up the pieces on her own at this stage. There was no point. She had been broken and she wasn't going to be able to fix herself again.

She wordlessly watched Chisaki, as he took the fire poker out of the fire and walked up to her. It was really unceremonial how he just looked at her and then at her spread thighs, before he grinned sadistically and pressed the hot end of the metal poker against her skin. Y/N opened her mouth to scream, but everything that came out of her mouth was a strangled breath.

And then it soon stopped hurting. It was the strangest sensation. Chisaki was still holding the iron pressed against her skin, but the pain had mostly subsided. What was worse was the smell of burning skin and flesh. Y/N felt sick from the smell, but she was surprised the pain was almost non-existent right now. Maybe she was dreaming all of this up? She had expected this to be worse... but then again she'd have a permanent scar that would forever remind her of all this.

"Well, well, well. You were taking that pretty good. Such a good girl, I almost want to give you some sort of privilege, but I know you'd just abuse that, so... sorry." he told her. He took the fire poker off her skin and Y/N could feel the pain again, around the edges of the huge burn scar. She'd be lucky if this didn't get infected. She looked back up at Chisaki who was whispering something to the guard that had been eyeing her up earlier, the one with the sadistic smile.

He nodded and Chisaki turned back to her with a grin, before walking out. The guard waved to the second one, as they walked up to her. This was weird... Y/N didn't like this at all. What the hell was even going on? Why were they... why would they come towards her like this? She tried to struggle against her restraints.

"Boss said to make you unable to run away. And to do as little damage as possible, so I suppose one of them will do, right?" the cruel guard asked. Y/N wasn't sure what they meant. One of what...?

"I... I don't understand..." she muttered. The sadistic one grinned at her, his hands wandering over her body, before he untied her. Y/N knew better than to try and run. There were always two people outside the warehouse and two people with her. She'd have no chance to get away. Not in her state.

"It's alright, doll, I'll make it quick. You hold her down and I'll do it, okay?" he said, talking to the other guy at the end. Y/N wanted to panic and struggle against it, but she was just so tired, it was easier to let them do whatever they wanted to do. She'd only make it worse by fighting back.

They put her down on her mattress, one of them holding her down and the other grabbing her leg. Her leg? That was odd, what were they...? Y/N started to panic, when she felt him twist her leg backwards. She felt like her leg was about to be ripped out and she finally knew what they meant... if her legs were broken, she couldn't run away. Of course. She should have figured that out much sooner.

Y/N tried to think of anything but the searing pain that started to spread in her leg, as the guard kept putting pressure on her leg. Why would her bone not already snap? Then at least it would be over. She just wanted it to be over, why couldn't they hurry up? Y/N clutched the blanket tightly, hoping that it would help a little. Waiting for the pain to settle in was almost worse than the pain, when she finally heard the sickening crunch of her bone breaking like a twig.

Y/N screamed in pain, because it still hurt terribly, no matter how bad the buildup was. Her leg would probably start swelling up and bruising. The guard let go off her leg and she wasn't being held down anymore. Not like she could go anywhere right now, anyway. Chisaki knew what he was doing.

"Sorry, babes, had to do it. But look, I only broke one. And I'm even getting you some nice medicine later. You'll feel better almost instantly, don't worry. Maybe you'd like to thank me someday." she heard his sleazy voice say. Yeah, right. Thanking him for what? Breaking her leg? Making sure she was put through some of the worst pain she had ever experienced. She was sure grateful for that.

"Come on, let's get a move on or the boss will get mad again. He's been in a foul mood all this time." the other one said. Y/N lifted her head up and looked him dead in the eye. What the hell was he on about?

"How the fuck am I supposed to get a move on?" she replied. She had no idea what it was, but something about the two of them was just pissing her off so much today, she didn't even care if that comment earned her another beating. They were being so fucking ridiculous, she couldn't stand it.

"That's what we're here for. And you better save the snarky comments for the boss. He likes to hear that kinda shit, so he can beat you back into submission." the guard replied and pulled her up by her arms. Y/N made the mistake of leaning on her broken leg and immediately folded down and collapsed onto the floor. What were they expecting of her? She could barely even move.

"Woah, woah, woah. Careful there. Come on." the other one said and grabbed her by her other arm. Together they helped her move towards the door. They still made her hop around on her working leg. At least she wouldn't be put back into the tiny box. Or rather it didn't look like that was going to happen. She'd be in a coffin soon enough anyway...

They maneuvered her outside and into the car. She was put in the back, in the middle seat, probably about to be squashed by two of Chisaki's bodyguards. But before that someone leaned over with a syringe in their hands. So that was the promised medicine then? Some other drug that would make her lose any connection to reality she had? Again? As if she hadn't lost that already.

At least it would numb the pain for a while. Y/N was getting sick and tired of being drugged all the damn time, but right now having something that would numb everything was a very welcome thing to her. She wanted to feel like she was floating on clouds, like her body wasn't even existing anymore and like she was surrounded by warmth and comfort. She hadn't felt that in such a long time.

Not since Shouta had last held her in his arms. She missed him. She missed him so fucking much, but she knew that he had forgotten about her. He had forgotten that she existed and she was damned to be in this hell until Chisaki decided that he had enough of her. She just hoped that he'd kill her quickly when that time came. She just wanted all of this to stop already.

She wanted to stop thinking of Shouta and how he had forgotten her. She wanted to forget how he had held her, how he had comforted her, how he had made love to her. She wanted to forget all the things he had told her - how he loved her, how she deserved so much better, how she was worth so much. It wasn't true. If it was true, would she be in this situation right now?

She could only be treated like this because no one cared about her. Because there was no one that thought she was worth anything. Because no one loved her. It was an ugly thing to think, but it was the truth. The cold, hard truth. After all, she didn't even care about herself all that much.

Or rather, she hadn't before meeting Shouta. She knew listening to what he said would make it all so much worse. She couldn't believe she had fallen for it, she had gotten any hope that maybe things could be better. Things weren't better. Not for people like her. Not for useless, stupid whores like her.

She sighed, as she noticed two more people getting in the car, one to each side of her. The bodyguards had arrived and they'd go to some new warehouse, some other place where she'd just be tormented and tortured more. Or would they kill her? Hopefully they'd kill her already.

Y/N couldn't stand this anymore, not even with all the drugs in the world in her system. And she rarely got anything to help with the pain. Only when they wanted to keep her quiet and sedated. Any other time she just had to deal with whatever pain was coming her way. But for now, her entire body started feeling dull. She started losing feeling in her limbs and she felt like she was wrapped in cotton candy.

Someone was saying something, but she couldn't hear anything. Her eyes were falling shut and she was just shutting everything out. She wasn't in her body anymore. That beaten hull - that was someone else. She was floating in her warm clouds, at least for now. Until they got to the next place or until the drugs wore off. Whatever was going to happen first. But for now, she got to enjoy the closest thing to the feeling of being in Shouta's arms again.