As I lay me down to sleep

I will not scream, I will not weep

~

~

Y/N had no idea what day it was. It felt like an eternity had passed. Time seemed to move slower - or rather it seemed to stop to exist. And it wasn't even like she was being kept and tortured, because they needed information out of her or anything like that. Not that she had any information. But the fact that she knew that she was here just because they wanted to get back at Shouta...

It was like it didn't even matter what she did. There was no way out for her, there was nothing that would make it better for her, she was just here, tied up, on this dirty mattress. She had no privacy whatsoever, since everyone was staying in the same warehouse hall all the time.

They fed her and gave her water, though. How well they'd feed her would usually depend on which of the guards was watching her. Some of them were a little more lenient than others, but Y/N couldn't remember their faces or names or anything about them. Every time she saw someone she started panicking.

It was impossible to know whether she was going to be fed or if someone was just looking after her or if she was in for more beatings. Y/N couldn't even remember how much she had gotten beaten, since she was brought here. She felt like her entire body was just one huge bruise.

They didn't really let her shower or wash herself, but sometimes they would bring her outside and pour a bucket of freezing water or two over her. Y/N wasn't even sure whether it would be worse not to get cleaned at all or whether the water was worse. It was cold all the time anyway. All she knew was being cold. And the water stung and hurt on her wounds and made her bruises feel ten times worse.

The only tiny shred of sanity she could hold onto was thinking of Shouta. Shouta who used to hold her and tell her he loved her and he wanted her to feel safe and comfortable. Shouta who would kiss her tears away and treat her like she deserved to be loved. Thinking of him was the only thing that gave her some temporary relief. Until she remembered that he had probably already forgotten about her. She had no idea how long she had been here and whether he even knew that she was missing, but she doubted he'd lose much sleep over her.

She was just some useless whore after all. He had probably found someone else that he could waste his money on. She just couldn't imagine that he would still think of her. And even if he did, he would probably be disgusted by her right now. She felt disgusting. She was a shaking, shivering mess, barely able to get out any words. Despite getting water poured over her, she was dirty and had bruises and wounds all over her body. Most mornings it took her way too long to remember who she even was and why she was alive. Some days she wasn't sure if she was alive.

The worst times were when Chisaki decided to show up. Y/N could get used to the constant beatings, the burns from the cigarettes, the rape... as long as it was somewhat predictable. But whenever he showed up, she knew that something new was going to be introduced and that she would really suffer from it.

She hated seeing his face, she hated hearing his voice, she hated hearing his footsteps approaching. It hadn't taken her long to know exactly what they sounded like, because she was just so afraid of hearing them. Not that she could do anything about what was going to happen to her, except mentally prepare herself for a new painful experience. Chisaki liked to get creative.

She was starting to shiver, as she heard those same footsteps again. She crawled back into a corner as well as she could with her tied hands and feet, hoping that maybe he hadn't come for her, maybe he wouldn't see her. Which was stupid, of course, but it was an instinctive reaction for her at this stage.

"Sounds like you'll really be unlucky today, girl." one of the men watching her said with a slightly apologetic grin. Y/N didn't say anything, she just stared at him, her eyes wide with fear.

"Yeah, he was not in a good mood this morning. Seems like your boyfriend hasn't reacted much to what we sent him last." the other guy replied. Y/N started feeling nauseous. Sure, they were joking about it. They could joke about it, it wasn't happening to them after all. Y/N would have cried, if she hadn't been so dehydrated all morning. And then the door opened and he came in.

He did look angry. Y/N had never seen him this pissed and she just wanted to press herself more into the wall behind her, hoping that maybe she'd disappear somehow. If they wanted to get to Shouta, why didn't they just kill her? Why did she have to suffer like this? It didn't make any sense to her, but then again, nothing in her life made much sense at all. Her two guards greeted Chisaki with a nod.

"Get her some water. And some food. She'll need it." Chisaki said to them. One of them nodded and quickly disappeared. Chisaki bent down in front of her mattress and grinned at her. Y/N could only see half his face through the face mask, but she could see his sadistic grin in his eyes.

Y/N was still trying to press herself more into the wall. She didn't like the look in his eyes. She really didn't, it was freaking her out and she couldn't stand it. It was scaring her so much to see him like this - angry, but with that strange twinkle in his eyes. She didn't want this anymore, she just wanted to die. But of course Chisaki wouldn't be kind enough to just let her die.

"How are we doing today, Y/N?" he asked her. Y/N was so frozen in fear, she couldn't even process what he had said. She wouldn't be able to respond to his questions even if she wanted to. All she could muster was a pathetic little whimper. Chisaki didn't seem to like that, as his eyes looked angry again.

She felt a sting on her face, as he slapped her hard. Y/N whimpered, bringing her tied hands to her cheeks and holding them, tears stinging in her eyes. She didn't even know what she was supposed to say to that. She didn't want to say anything to him at all, she just wanted it all to be over.

"You'll have to learn some fucking manners. Answer me when I ask you a question. If you don't talk to me, we can cut out that stupid tongue of yours, since you're not gonna need it anymore." Chisaki growled. Y/N felt more tears running down her cheeks. She was too scared to move or to say anything, but she knew that she'd have to talk to him or... she didn't want to think about it.

"Now, let's try that again. How. Are. We. Doing. Today." Chisaki repeated, staring her down. Y/N's mind was racing, she needed to say something, anything... fuck, fuck, fuck... her breathing got heavier and she opened her mouth, trying to get something out that was more than a whimper.

"P-peachy..." she managed to get out and almost immediately felt the impact of his fist on her face. He wasn't holding back at all. Y/N could feel her mouth filling with blood. She coughed and spit it out to her side, just before Chisaki grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him.

"Don't get fucking smart with me, you stupid bitch!" he growled and Y/N heard something clicking. She tried to scramble away from him, but she could barely move with him holding her face and her legs and hands being tied together. She glanced down and saw a knife in his hand. He was bringing it up to her throat and held the cold blade against it, turning it a little. Y/N could see the light reflecting from it, as she tried to hold in a choked sob. Chisaki grinned at her.

Thankfully, someone arrived with some water and some food for her. Y/N hoped she would be able to keep it down. Somehow she doubted it, but she was really hungry and even thirstier. She gulped down the water as quickly as she could when the jug was being held up to her lips and she hungrily devoured the meager little sandwich someone had made for her. It wasn't much, but she felt better after that.

"You're probably wondering what we're going to do today." Chisaki said to her as she was finishing the last bits of her meal. (Breakfast? Dinner? Lunch? - She didn't really know what time it was. And she doubted she was being fed very regularly anyway.) Y/N looked up at him, not sure if she really wanted to hear it while she was eating. But of course he wouldn't care about that.

"See, Aizawa hasn't really reacted to the little video we sent him yet. So I figured it might be nice to send him a little gift. Something nice from you. So he can always remember you." Chisaki replied and grinned. Y/N wasn't sure what he meant by that. It sounded harmless, but she knew it wouldn't be. She knew it would be something cruel and she was trying to figure out what it might be.

"W-what's g-g-going to happen t-to me...?" she asked, right after she had finished eating. As soon as she had opened her mouth, she had felt the knife back at her throat, cold and sharp. She gulped, not daring to move even the slightest bit. Chisaki moved the knife down to her collarbone, before drawing it over her shoulder. Y/N didn't feel much at first, but then she felt the cold air hit the wound and as she glanced over she could see where the knife had broken her skin in a thin line, little droplets of blood forming over it. She whimpered, tears back in her eyes.

She was going to die today. They were going to cut off her arm or her finger or any of her limbs to send it to Shouta. As a threat. And she was going to die from some infection or from losing too much blood. She was going to die slowly and painfully and there was nothing she could do.

"That little cut's making you cry already? You're a pathetic little whore, you know that?" Chisaki scoffed, before cutting the skin on her arm again. And again. And again. They were all very thin and fine cuts, none of them really deep. They still hurt like shit and Y/N didn't dare to move, in case she'd accidentally make him cut deeper into her skin. She was so focussed on the pain, that she hadn't even realized that he had asked her a question and was waiting for an answer.

She realized it, as soon as he was punching her guts again and she toppled over from her kneeling position, immediately feeling him slash into her back with the knife, leaving small and painful cuts all over her back. She wouldn't be able to sleep on her back tonight, that much was clear.

"I thought I made it clear that you'll answer me when I ask you a question. You want me to cut your tongue out, you stupid whore?" Chisaki yelled at her, before pulling her head back by her hair, forcing her to look up at him, the knife against her throat again. Y/N couldn't stop herself from panicking. She didn't even really know when she was panicking and when she stopped. It was like she was constantly on high alert. Nervous and anxious and scared all the time.

"N-no... N-no, p-please don't..." she begged him. She could see his face relaxing underneath the mask and it almost looked like he was smiling at her now. He nodded slowly and let go of her hair, making her drop to the floor immediately. Y/N remained there, just looking up at him to see what he was doing.

"Good girl. So smart. You know exactly how much I like to hear you scream and beg..." he replied. Y/N felt sick to her stomach. Of course that was why he was happy. Because it was easier to see in how much pain and agony she was, if she could still talk. Y/N wanted to jump up and attack him, because even though she knew she had no chance to overpower him, at least she'd be killed by one of his bodyguards. But she had no strength left to even get up on her own.

"Now we'll go and get a little present for your boyfriend." Chisaki said and nodded at one of the guards. They grabbed Y/N's arms and pulled her up, carrying her towards a chair in the middle of the room. Y/N didn't resist, but she also didn't cooperate much with them. Maybe she could have made it a little easier, but she had no energy for that and she also didn't want to. Y/N was at the edge of breaking constantly, but there was still something inside her that refused to give up.

She was put in a chair and the rope around her feet was untied first. If it had been a little earlier in all this she maybe would have tried to resist or fight against them, but right now she couldn't. She could barely move from the constant pain she was in and she had barely enough energy to survive whatever torture Chisaki decided to put her through on any given day.

It felt good to be released from the rope, even if it was just for a little while, before her ankles were tied to the legs of the chair. Her ankles and wrists were completely sore from the rope tying them together all the time. There were bruises and bloody scratches from the restraints.

"Make sure to tie her up plenty. She'll probably squirm a lot otherwise." Chisaki told the guards, before walking away, presumably to get something. Y/N was wondering what he was planning to do to her. It was going to be painful, judging from what he had said just now. Y/N already wished it was over.

"Little tip, sweetie. Try not to make him angry. He might even let you have some medicine if he's done with you, if you're good for him." the guard said to her quietly. Y/N looked down at him, as he was undoing the rope around her wrists, to tie her arms to the chair individually. She gulped.

"W-what... w-what is he g-going t-to do?" she asked, her voice feeling like it wasn't even part of her, like it was something distant, some other person speaking through her body that was still somewhat in control.

"It's better if you don't know ahead of time." he just replied, as he got some extra rope, tying her torso to the back of the chair and fixating her arms and her legs even more. How much did they think she was going to try and fight against whatever they were going to do? The thought was scaring Y/N.

"Well, best of luck, girlie. You'll need it." the guard whispered to her, as she heard Chisaki's footsteps coming closer again. She looked at him. He was holding something in his hand and Y/N squinted trying to see it. It looked like it was... pliers? Why did he have pliers with him? Oh God, was he going to pull out her teeth one by one? What was he trying to do with that?

"Well, babycakes, time to send something nice to Aizawa to remind him that you're still here with us. Make sure that he doesn't forget you, right? Although he probably already has. Otherwise he'd have shown up and you could already be dead." Chisaki said with a grin. Y/N pressed her body further into the chair, trying to somehow put distance between herself and Chisaki, but there was no escape.

"See, sweetheart, at first I was thinking I'd cut off your fingers one by one and send him one each day, but... well, see I'd have to take care of the wounds then and it would be really nasty and it would be a hassle trying to keep you alive for that long. So I figured I'll do something else instead. And after all, if all of that isn't helping, I can go and still cut off your fingers." Chisaki explained.

"W-what are y-you g-going to d-do?" Y/N asked. Chisaki grinned.

"Why don't you have a guess?"

"B-break... b-break out m-my t-teeth?"

"Oh... Good idea, but wrong. Might keep that in mind for another day. No, I'm going to send him your fingernails. And for that I need to pull them first." Chisaki said matter-of-factly. Y/N's eyes widened in shock. No, he couldn't be serious about that, could he? He was going to... No, no, no, no, no. Y/N was shaking her head rapidly, her throat closing up as she was struggling to breathe.

"No... n-no, p-please don't do this..." she begged. Chisaki decided to ignore her pleas as he bent down and carefully touched her hands, running his fingers over them and along the spaces between her fingers. Y/N felt another wave of nausea roll over her. It was a constant thing at this point.

"See, there are two ways we can do this. Let me demonstrate." he said and grabbed the nail of her left pinky and ripped it out quickly. It had happened faster than Y/N realized, but the pain was insane. It wasn't just her finger that hurt, it was her entire being. She thought she was going to pass out and she was closer to throwing up when Chisaki held the nail in front of her face. It was covered in blood.

"We can do it really quick, like just now. It'll all be over sooner and yes, it'll hurt, but it's like pulling off a plaster, right? But see... the problem is, doing it this fast will damage the nail bed and then the nail might not grow back. And we don't want that, do we? Plus, it's messy, because it'll bleed a lot. Just look at your pinky..." he muttered. Y/N glanced down and saw a stream of blood running down her finger. She didn't even know fingers could bleed that much.

"The other way we can do it is this..." Chisaki then said and walked over to her other hand, taking the nail of her other pinky with the pliers and slowly and carefully pulling on it. It started out as just feeling weird and strange, kind of unpleasant, but then Y/N could feel the nail slowly detaching from her nail bed and it hurt. It hurt so bad and it took so long until it was over... Y/N wasn't even sure if she was screaming in pain or not, because she just felt like her mind had somehow left her body.

"See? Much tidier and neater. Which one do you prefer?" Chisaki wanted to know. Y/N wanted to get out some words, but she couldn't. She just managed to make a choked sound. Chisaki looked angry.

"Alright. If you're not going to talk to me, I'll decide. Slow it is."