Rockstar life, so much money it'll make you laugh, hey

These bitches they hate and you can't miss what you never had

~

Trigger warnings: mentions of violence and abuse, mentions of trauma and panic attacks, feelings of worthlessness, mentions of brutal rape, language, bullying

~

Y/N had woken up relatively early today. Most days she'd sleep until 12 or 1 in the afternoon, but today she had woken up at 10 in the morning. She felt tired and exhausted, but she was glad she had woken up earlier. She needed to do her laundry, she needed to clean her room and she really had to do some shopping.

She got up with a groan, grabbed her hoodie and a pair of sweatpants and tied up her hair into a messy, loose bun, before gathering up her clothes and lingerie and towels into a bag. There were some washing machines in the basement that they all shared. Y/N hated going down to the basement.

The basement was the place where you went for punishment. Working here was alright for someone like her - most of the time clients weren't beating them too much and they had much more freedom here than she had before. But if they didn't play by the rules, it was the basement for one night. Y/N shuddered when she thought back to the only time she had broken the rules and was down there.

Just going down the stairs to the basement and passing that room made her feel panicked and close to tears, but she had to go down if she wanted to do her laundry. And with her kind of job, laundry was unfortunately a thing that had to be done often. Going down there alone was the worst, but most days someone else was there or would go with her. No matter how petty and catty the other girls could be at times, no one liked going there alone and with certain things they had to stick together.

It took Y/N a good while until she had gathered up all her things that needed to be washed. She put on a pair of slippers and slung the bag across her shoulder, before moving out of the room and making her way downstairs. If she was lucky, Akiko was cleaning the bar - she was usually pretty early with that.

Akiko was like a safe haven for Y/N. She had started working at the club a year before Y/N had arrived and the two of them had hit it off immediately. Akiko was lucky to be extremely good at bartending and could take over that role. Otherwise she'd probably have been sold off already. She really wasn't a good dancer, no matter how much Y/N had tried to teach her. But she was a great people person.

When Y/N came downstairs, she could already hear the clinking of the glasses and the soft music Akiko had turned on in the background. Y/N stopped in her tracks and listened closely. She smiled to herself when she could hear Akiko humming to herself, as she was washing and polishing the glasses.

She remembered how she used to sit at the stairs when she was upset about something and just listened to Akiko humming along to her music, as she polished the glasses. It was so relaxing to Y/N at the time, but lately it just made her sad. She knew that she wouldn't be here to hear it for much longer, because she'd soon get sold and that would be it. No more time to spend with Akiko.

Y/N sighed and continued into the main area, smiling at Akiko, who looked up at her and smiled back. She put the glass she was polishing down and came around the bar, walking up to her with a big smirk, as she threw the dish towel she was holding over her shoulder. She looked more like a single mum than a stripper at this time of the day, and if anyone was a mother figure to all the girls here, it was Akiko.

"You're up early, Y/N." she said and pulled me into a hug. Y/N just closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the embrace. Akiko always knew how to give the best hugs. And Akiko always smelt of coffee and fresh bed sheets, no matter at what time of the day or the night Y/N hugged her.

Y/N had spent a lot of nights hugging Akiko, especially when she first got here. She had to have a thick skin as a stripper and even though she thought she was used to things, it took her quite a while to get used to this new place. So at night when she was exhausted and felt useless and worthless and dirty, she'd often shower in Akiko's room and then just sleep in her bed instead.

Akiko would brush her hair and cover both of them with a warm blanket, before holding her, until she had fallen asleep. Y/N often wondered if this was what being loved felt like, but of course she had nothing to compare it to. She only knew that she had felt comforted and safe when Akiko was there for her.

"I was going to do the laundry." she muttered, just before Akiko let go of her. She just nodded and threw her dish towel back onto the counter, before turning around to Y/N with another smile.

"Let's go then. How have you been lately?" Akiko asked her. Y/N just shrugged, as they walked up to the door leading down into the basement. She didn't even know how she was feeling. She had been numb for so long, Y/N forgot there was anything else she could be feeling. Except, maybe... maybe that pain she had felt when Shouta had left that first night... she had stayed with Akiko after that, because she knew that the thoughts in her head wouldn't stop otherwise.

"Don't know." she just answered.

"Seems you're still making enough money for the boss..." Akiko said with a wink. Y/N forced a smile on her lips. Akiko didn't mean it in a bad way, she meant it as a compliment, but she had no idea how much panic that thought instilled in Y/N. Because any day could be the day she wouldn't make enough anymore.

"Who knows for how long..." she replied.

"Hey, it might not be that bad. The last girl they sold off was to some rich old man who wanted a cute little trophy wife. You might get lucky." Akiko told her with a shrug. They both knew it wasn't likely.

"Yeah, or maybe no one wants to buy me." Y/N replied, hoping it was true. If there was no one who would buy her, she might be safe...

"Sorry to disappoint you, but... there have been quite a few lucrative offers. None of them good enough yet, but... if someone makes an offer that's big enough... let's just hope it won't happen anytime soon." Akiko said. Y/N would have been scared as hell at hearing this, but right now she was panicking, as they were getting closer to the room. That horrible, horrible room.

Y/N thought she could hear screams coming from the room and some low whimpering. She knew it wasn't real - those noises would only be audible during the night - but it felt so real to her. She felt sick to her stomach and her heart was beating faster and faster the closer they got to the room. She felt Akiko take her hand and squeeze it gently, which helped a little, but not too much.

And then, once they had passed the room, it all got better. Y/N could breathe again. She let go of Akiko's hand, after giving her a grateful smile. Akiko probably had much more reason to be scared of the room. She usually had to go and get the girls after their punishment was over. She'd take care of them, make sure their injuries would heal (mostly) and comfort them.

Y/N couldn't even imagine having to do her job. Serving the men that would go down there and... do God knows what to the poor girls... and then going down at the end of the night and getting them out of there, fixing them up, trying to get them somewhat back to normal... whatever normal was. A lot of girls were just completely out of commission for a week or two.

"It's okay, we're past it. I'm with you, baby girl." Akiko said with a motherly smile. Y/N nodded, feeling more numb than ever. She hated going down here. Why did they have to put the washing machines down in the basement? She was sure they did it on purpose. So all of the girls would constantly be reminded of what could happen to them, in case they didn't play by the rules.

"Thank you. I can't stand passing by that horrible place." Y/N whispered, her voice failing her. Akiko squeezed her hand once again, before letting go and holding the door to the laundry room open for her. Thank God, there was no one in there. Y/N didn't have the nerve to put up with any cattiness right now. The newer girls were usually especially bad for it, because they all thought they were special. They weren't. But it took a while for all of them to learn it. It had taken Y/N a while, too.

"I know, I know. They haven't had anyone down there in a while. Less work for me to do, I guess." Akiko said with a sigh. Y/N stood in front of one of the washing machines and started putting her clothes inside it. She was quite meticulous when it came to her laundry. A lot of the girls never bothered to sort it much, they just threw everything together and never even bothered with the settings. Y/N couldn't stand it. She had to sort everything out and use different detergent for every kind of laundry.

"Well, unless you get a very good offer, I doubt they'll let you go that easily. Not after you got this guy wrapped around your finger." Akiko told her, as she hoisted herself up on one of the washing machines, watching Y/N sort out her laundry. Y/N scoffed, as she heard that. Who was she even talking about?

"I don't have any guy wrapped around my finger..." she replied. She could hear Akiko's long fingernails drumming against the washing machine.

"Really? What about the black-haired one? Long, black hair. Dark eyes. Looks really classy. Booked you at the highest rate. And came back yesterday buying the majority of your lap dances and going up to your room after. Remember him?" Akiko wanted to know. Y/N could hear her smirk.

She knew exactly who Akiko was talking about. Shouta. Shouta Aizawa. After he hadn't shown up again for two weeks, Y/N had already given up on him, but then there he was, in the audience when she was dancing. And he went to ask for her, as well. He wanted to see her. She had been strangely excited about it. Y/N hadn't even known that she was capable of still feeling something like excitement.

"He was only back once. He doesn't seem like the type to go for a hooker. And that one time he only spent that much because it was his friend paying." Y/N explained quickly, before the thought that she actually might see him more often would fester in her mind. She couldn't let that happen. She couldn't get attached. That would make it all even worse when she had to face the fact that someone like him would never want to have anything to do with her. Sure, maybe for a night once in a while. But that was it. She definitely wasn't worth anything more than that.

"That's too bad. But you never know, he might be back for me. He seemed absolutely smitten with you." Akiko said with a shrug. Y/N sighed. Akiko didn't understand. People always came back for her. She was good at talking to them, she made them feel like she was listening to them, like she enjoyed their company. Y/N wasn't like that. She was sure that no one would ever really come back for her. Maybe her body. Maybe the dancing. Maybe the sex or the fact that she was cheaper than the younger girls. But her? As a person? Laughable.

"Yeah, I very much doubt that." Y/N replied bitterly. Akiko looked at her with her head tilted, after she had closed the door of the washing machine.

"Why are you so against the idea? Do you not like him?" she asked. Y/N scoffed. Did she like him? How the fuck was she supposed to know? All she knew was that she didn't want to like him, even though he seemed to be set on making that difficult for her. Plus, she had only met him twice. Sure, he was nice to her, he treated her nicely and gently and always made sure she felt comfortable, but... could she really say that she liked him? She did enjoy his company...

"He's very kind." was all Y/N answered, as she hung her head low. Why was she even feeling conflicted about this? He was a client. A customer. He came here to buy her for a night. No more, no less. He was just like the rest of them. Why would she even care about any of this?

"He's very kind? My God, Y/N, don't tell me you've actually fallen for this guy! You know that's only ever going to end badly." Akiko said with a gasp. Y/N gave her a sharp look, after she had turned on the washing machine.

"What are you even saying?" she muttered before hoisting herself on top of the washing machine next to Akiko. Falling for a client? That was the worst case scenario. They were clients. This was complete bullshit. Most clients weren't the kind of person anyone could fall for. Shouta Aizawa wasn't like most clients, that much was true. But that still didn't mean she was falling for him.

"Sorry, it just seemed like... nevermind. Forget I said anything." Akiko replied. Y/N nodded, staring at her clothes spinning in the washing machine. Shouta was really nice to her. And it had made her sad when he had to leave last night. Thank God, it was at the end of the night, because she would have never been able to go back out there afterwards. She felt a tear roll down her cheek.

"Hey, sweetie, what is it?" Akiko asked. Y/N hadn't even realized that she was looking at her. She shook her head and felt herself being pulled into another hug by Akiko. It made it all even worse. Y/N started sobbing against her shoulder, as she realized just how confused she was by all this. What the hell was happening to her? She had given up on life, she had made her peace with the fact that she'd be dying soon. She had never... this was not what she had imagined happening. Why did he have to be so nice to her? She could have dealt with this if Shouta had been a total asshole.

"I don't even know..." Y/N sobbed. Akiko rubbed her back gently and rocked her back and forth slowly.

"You do like him, huh?" Akiko wanted to know. Y/N nodded. She didn't know what else to do. Of course she liked him. How couldn't she? He was being so kind to her... he was treating her like she was an actual human being... and Y/N was embarrassed how much that basic kindness impressed her.

"Oh dear. Well, there is nothing you can do about it now. Except hope that he'll turn out to be an asshole eventually. What do you like about him?" Akiko muttered and kissed Y/N's hair. Y/N sat up again and wiped some tears from her eyes. She took a few deep breaths, before speaking again.

"He... he treats me s-so well..." Y/N muttered. It sounded like such a ridiculous reason, especially now that she had said it out loud like that. But the way he treated her was so different from how most other clients were treating her... it just left her not knowing what to do with that.

"He treats you well? Oh dear..." Akiko started, but stopped when she heard some noise. Y/N quickly wiped away her tears and did her best to look normal, as if nothing had happened. This had to be one of the other girls... The door to the laundry room opened slowly and another girl poked her head in.

"Oh... it's just you two down here." she said, before moving over to the washing machines and starting to sort her laundry. She glanced over at Akiko and Y/N, before smirking a little about Y/N's dishevelled state.

"You don't look so hot, girlie." she commented, a snarky grin on her face. Y/N sighed. She should have known she'd get comments from the other girls at some point. Of course they noticed. They noticed every damn thing...

"Don't feel too hot, to be honest." Y/N just muttered and jumped down from the washing machine together with Akiko. There was no point in hanging around any longer with someone else here. She'd have to come back down to get her laundry later. She wasn't going to sit around for over two hours until everything was washed and dried.

"Come on, Y/N, you can help me with cleaning up upstairs until your laundry's done." Akiko offered, as she held the door open for her. Y/N followed her. She had no idea what else to do with her day.

"You know, he won't get you out of here, Y/N. No matter what he promises and how nice he is, he'll never love someone like you." the girl said, just as they were about to leave. Y/N's breath hitched, just as the door fell shut.

"Don't take it to heart." Akiko just said, before walking back upstairs with her. Y/N nodded, but she knew that it was too late for her. She couldn't help it anymore. She did like Shouta. And maybe he was even someone she could fall for.