The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

~

Trigger warnings: mentions of abuse, toxic relationships, rape, human trafficking, sex, cynicism, confusion, showering together, feelings of guilt and worthlessness, language, smoking, alcohol, sadness

~

Y/N was suddenly not really sure just how to feel anymore. She was convinced she didn't enjoy sex. She was convinced she wasn't going to enjoy this either. But... it felt good. He was so gentle and he said all those things about making sure she was safe and... it made her feel so safe.

She had never really felt safe in the presence of men, not until she had met her boyfriend at 15. Of course he was years older and all, and it really should have rang all the alarm bells in her head, but... she was 15. She was dumb. She had no idea what was happening and before she knew it she was being trafficked and abused and raped at the age of 16. And once again she couldn't trust men.

This went on for about two years, before she got sold to this place. She had met the owner through being trafficked and he felt sorry for her, so he bought her off her former boyfriend. And she had been here ever since. It was much better than before, she couldn't deny that. She had a small income, she had a place to live, she had a little bit of independence back. But she was far from a good place.

So when she suddenly felt comforted and safe when Shouta had pulled her closer, she was confused. She didn't know what to do with those feelings, so after she had realized it, she pushed him away from her, giving him a panicked look. What was he trying to do? Was he trying to get her to trust him? So he could pull some sick shit later? Was that why he had been so nice?

"What's wrong?" he asked when she pushed away from him and moved to the edge of the bed. What was this? What was he planning?

"What... what are you doing? Aren't you... going to leave, now that you're done?" Y/N wanted to know.

"Do you want me to leave?" Shouta replied. She thought about him leaving her and it felt wrong. She didn't want him to leave... she had no idea what she wanted. She wanted to feel warm and safe and loved and she wanted to have a hot shower and sleep and wake up somewhere else.

"I... I don't know." Y/N told him, feeling terribly inadequate for whatever this was. It was like there was something she was missing out on and had never learnt how to do. Shouta looked at her warmly and the fear that she was going to get punished for doing something wrong slowly dissipated.

"How does a shower sound?" he suggested. Yeah. Yeah, a shower was good. She nodded quickly, but when it came to getting up... she just felt tired and exhausted. How she was supposed to go back down and work was beyond her. Shouta got up from the bed and took the condom off, before tying a knot in it and throwing it in the bin beside the bed. Y/N still wasn't sure how to feel about him.

"I'd like a shower." she said. He walked around to her side of the bed and bent down to pick her up. Y/N squealed a little as she was lifted up in the air by his strong arms. She had no idea what was going on, but she knew that if he wanted to hurt her he could have done so a long time ago.

"Where are we going?" she wanted to know.

"To the shower." he just answered, as he carried her into the bathroom like a groom would carry a bride. Y/N wasn't sure how to feel about this. Sure, it was nice, but she didn't trust this man being nice to her. No one was ever really nice to her, they all wanted something. On the other hand she wanted to trust him. He hadn't given her a reason not to trust him so far...

"Do you take all your hookers to the shower?" Y/N asked, her voice sounding cynical, as he opened the door with his shoulder and carefully let her down inside the bathroom. He didn't even answer her, he just grabbed two towels from the shelf and climbed into the shower with her, turning on the water and turning it to hot.

Y/N wasn't sure what was going to happen or why he was taking care of her like that. She didn't know what was expected of her and how she was supposed to behave and it was stressing her out. And it apparently showed, because Shouta was drawing small circles on her back.

"It's all good. Just relax." he said to her. She had no idea how she was supposed to relax, but the hot water did kind of help. Maybe she just needed to think of something else. Y/N really had no idea what to think of.

Maybe this was what she had always imagined when she was a young girl when she thought of being in love with someone. It had been such a long time since she had thought of anything like that. And she knew this wasn't love. People like her didn't love other people. But maybe this was the closest thing she'd get.

Shouta's hands stopped drawing circles on her back and all of a sudden she felt self-conscious and covered her breasts with her arms. She had no idea why she felt weird, after all they had just fucked and there was no reason to feel ashamed to be naked right now. Maybe it was the whole intimacy of this. Y/N wasn't used to it. Clients usually left right after they were done and she hopped into the shower, redid her make-up, got dressed and went back downstairs.

Someone staying longer was a thing that almost never happened. After all that meant paying extra. This guy probably really hated his friend. But somehow Y/N was glad that she wouldn't be completely alone after this. She wondered how long he'd stay here with her. Would he want to sleep with her again? Was that what he was getting at? Or did he maybe just really like her company?

She felt his hands on her back again, as he gently rubbed some soap into her skin, on her shoulders and all the way down her back. He knelt down to wash her legs for her and all Y/N could do was just stand there and let him do what he was going to do, because she didn't know how to react. She closed her eyes, taking in the feeling of every gentle touch, as if it might be the last one she'd ever get in her life. And the truth was that they might be the last gentle touches she'd get.

"Can you turn around?" she heard him asking softly. Y/N opened her eyes and quickly turned around to him, her arms still covering her breasts. It hadn't been weird to be half-naked the entire time and she hadn't felt weird while they were having sex, but now it was like something was off. He looked at her so gently and softly and it made her uncomfortable to be looked at like that, but she also didn't want it to stop.

"Why are you hiding? Everything okay?" Shouta asked her. Y/N gulped and looked down at her feet, before slowly taking her hands away from her chest. She felt his eyes on her face, as she looked down at her feet again. Why couldn't she get it together? This was kind of embarrassing. She was a damn stripper and a hooker, she'd think she'd be able to deal with a man's attention. But this was different.

"I don't know, I just... no one's ever done anything like that... for me... is this some weird kink I've never heard of or something?" she wanted to know. She felt dumb for even asking that, especially when he smiled at her and chuckled a little. She probably sounded really stupid.

"Are you saying no one's ever taken care of you after...?"

"No. Why would they?"

"I don't know. I guess I'd feel kind of bad if I didn't." he said and shrugged, before moving her under the hot water again. Y/N was dumbfounded. She wasn't sure if she should feel flattered or weirded out.

"But... I'm just a whore. Why would you feel bad?" she replied, as he motioned for her to turn around, so he could wash her hair. She got shivers down her spine with the way his fingertips softly dug into her scalp.

"You're still a human being." he simply told her. Y/N let out a bitter chuckle. She didn't want to sound cynical or sarcastic, but she just couldn't help it. What kind of a do-gooder was this guy? Judging from the scars on his chest, he was involved in some shady business, since you don't get those kinds of scars from any normal job. But he sure didn't talk like he was involved in anything bad.

"Sorry, I... I guess you don't really fit in much with the crowd that usually comes here." she answered. Her? A human being? Maybe she was that at some point. But that was a long time ago.

"Probably not. I don't usually go out much in the first place." Shouta admitted. Y/N smiled a little, wondering whether he'd come back or not. He didn't really seem like the type that enjoyed strip clubs, to be honest. But somewhere at the back of her mind she really hoped he'd come back. And that he'd come back for her.

"So I might not see you again then?" she said after a long pause. She wasn't sure whether that was too forward or not, but it was worth a shot. Maybe... if he kept paying like that... maybe she'd be able to stay a little longer. But it was probably hopeless anyway. Why would he come back?

"Maybe not." he just replied, before turning off the water, opening the shower curtain and grabbing the towels. He handed her one of the towels and quickly dried himself off with the other one. Y/N couldn't stop watching him in absolute amazement. What the hell was wrong with her? It was usually so easy to hate all these men that fucked her like the whore she was. But it wasn't easy with this one.

"I guess we better enjoy the rest of the time we have left, then." she heard herself say, before she could stop the words from coming out of her mouth. What the hell was she suggesting? She gulped nervously and looked up at Shouta who had tied up his wet hair and had the towel wrapped around his waist.

"I was hoping we could just... have the rest of that wine and relax. Is it okay to smoke in the rooms or...?" he wanted to know. Y/N nodded. She'd have gone insane already if it hadn't been okay.

"Yeah, I wouldn't mind a smoke either. How long are you going to stay?" Y/N asked him. He shrugged.

"Either until you close up or until Hizashi breaks down the door to get me, because he doesn't like me spending his money anymore." he replied with a grin. Y/N laughed and shook her head, before wrapping the towel around herself and tying her hair up in a loose bun, before walking out of the bathroom and opening the window fully. She went up to one of her drawers and got a box of cigarettes out of it. She held it out to Shouta, her eyebrows raised.

"You sure? I've got my own." he replied. Y/N rolled her eyes and took out two cigarettes. She put one in her mouth and handed the other one to Shouta, before grabbing the lighter out of the drawer and moving up to the windowsill. She sat down on the windowsill and waited for Shouta to sit down with her.

"Won't you get cold with your hair all wet?" he asked. Y/N just shrugged, as she lit her cigarette. Yeah, she'd get cold. Maybe she should put on an oversized hoodie or something and wrap her hair in a towel.

"I guess. Can you get me the hoodie that's by the bed over there?" Y/N said and pointed at it. It was the only one she owned and she loved wearing it to bed. It made her feel comfortable and warm. Shouta nodded and grabbed the hoodie, before sitting down on the windowsill next to her. Y/N took a drag from her cigarette before handing it to Shouta. She needed a free hand to get changed.

Y/N took the towel off and wrapped it around her hair, before pulling the hoodie over her naked form. She had to admit it was much better. She sat back down by the windowsill with Shouta handing her cigarette back to her, before grabbing the two half-finished glasses of wine. He gave her her glass and took a sip out of his own. Y/N watched him reach out for the lighter she had put down on the windowsill between them and light his own cigarette, his face lit up by the neon signs below. It was an almost romantic atmosphere and it made Y/N smile ever-so-slightly.

"Thanks for the cigarette." he mentioned, taking a drag and blowing the smoke out of the window.

"Aren't you gonna be cold?" she asked, gesturing to him sitting at the window shirtless. He looked down and shrugged.

"I can still make money when I've got a cold... but I should probably put on a shirt, you're right." he replied. Y/N was a little sad she wouldn't get to look at those sculpted abs anymore for now, but it was probably better if he didn't get sick. He did look incredibly nice, though. Maybe, if she wasn't a stripper but some sweet little girl working in a cafe or something... maybe he'd be the kind of man he'd be crushing on. But she was a prostitute and girls like her didn't fall in love.

Y/N had no idea how long they had been sitting there, not saying a thing, just smoking their cigarette and drinking their wine and wordlessly looking at each other. It was a good silence. Peaceful. Y/N didn't feel nervous with that silence, for some reason she wasn't scared that he would suddenly get up and start beating and choking her. It had happened before. But this wasn't a tense silence like this - this was a surreal silence. As if time didn't exist and as if reality shifted a little.

"So, do you work every night here or how does it work?" Shouta then wanted to know. Y/N nodded.

"Yeah, it's every night. I only dance certain nights, so I'd be dancing on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. If you come in any of those days you can still get some private time with me, but only after I'm done with my schedule. Unless it's a lap dance, I can do those in-between." she answered, before looking at him, her eyes scrutinizing his face for any hint about why he was asking.

"I see." was all he replied, before stubbing out his cigarette and finishing his wine. He looked back at her.

"Why do you wanna know? Planning to come back?" she asked with a smirk. She probably looked sarcastic and she didn't mean to, but it was all she knew. Over the years she had learnt to disdain the men that would keep coming back for her. When she was still really young, it was all still very normal requests. But over the years people wanted more and more heavy stuff. And she hated every single one of them. But Shouta... she didn't want to say that he seemed different, because it sounded so cliche and cheesy, but... he did seem different.

"I guess, you never know. I might. Or I might not." he replied and shrugged when they heard a knock at the door. Y/N raised her eyebrows and put down her glass of wine with a disappointed sigh.

"I'll go and look." she told him, as she walked over to the door and opened it just a tiny bit. She saw a tall man with blond hair standing in front of the door. He was wearing glasses and looked pretty thin and lanky. And he had a really weird mustache. Who the hell was this? Her boss knew she was busy!

"Hey, uhm, sorry to interrupt, but is Shou here?" he asked. Y/N raised her eyebrows, thinking about who the hell he was asking about until she connected the dots. Shou was probably Shouta. Then this had to be the friend who was paying. She looked back at Shouta who was sitting on the windowsill and frowning at the door.

"Fuck off, Hizashi." he shouted.

"Shou, it's time to go home. Come on, you burned through enough of my money. Get dressed and go home, I'm waiting out here!" the blond man replied. Y/N shut the door again and looked back at Shouta, who stood up and groaned.

"I suppose that was your cue to leave." she told him. He just nodded with a frown on his face, as he buttoned up his shirt and put his boxers and his pants back on. Y/N felt almost sad to see him leave. She had enjoyed their quiet time together and even though they didn't talk, he was so interesting to her. There were so many things she wanted to know about him. But all she could hope for was that he'd come back some day. And hopefully soon, so she wasn't... gone yet.

"I'm afraid so. I should go or he'll actually break down the door." he muttered, as he put on his shoes and grabbed his coat.

"Well, seems like this is goodbye then. What about the wine?" Y/N asked him. He smiled at her and caressed her cheek.

"Keep it. I enjoyed my time with you." he said, before opening the door and leaving without looking back. Y/N stared at the door for what seemed like an eternity. She felt like she wanted to cry.

"I enjoyed it, too." she whispered.