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I suppressed another groan as Poppy stopped walking abruptly again. We were only a few feet away from our hotel, for God's sake. Turning back around, I caught her as she lost her balance again and took in a breath, waiting for her to come back to her senses yet again. 

She stared at me and then groaned. "Why is it taking so long?" 

"We're almost there, come on," I chuckled. 

She grabbed fistfuls of my shirt, pulling me into her. "Carry me," she demanded. 

I paused, staring down at her, and lifted my brows. "Carry you? Really?" 

She nodded eagerly. "My legs hurt and my head hurts so bad, I'm dizzy," she complained. "Carry me." She stuck her arms out, resting them on my shoulders. 

Fuck, she's going to be the death of me. 

I held onto her arms loosely and spun around, turning my back to her. "Hop on then." I bent at my knees, catching her as she pulled herself up, letting out a satisfied hum as she rested her chin on my shoulder. I picked up the pace, hoping to get to the hotel as fast as possible so I could tuck her in and get away from her. 

I liked her, helplessly so, but that doesn't mean we were a good idea. Our jobs would be in jeopardy and the problem is, we have nothing else to turn to. Our jobs are all we have, there's nothing I would have left if I lost this job and it's the same with Poppy. We didn't have backups, this is all we've got. And it goes beyond that. 

The thought of hurting her one day and breaking her heart, or her breaking mine, scared me. I didn't have any faith in love, not one little ounce of it because not once in my life have I seen any two people so genuinely love that it doesn't ruin them both. Nobody. Not my parents, not anyone else around me growing up, not even Jenny. She and Colton argued all the time before Blake was born and while they don't argue as much now, they still argue sometimes. 

I mean, how does anyone know that one argument won't be the last one because it'll bring your entire relationship crashing down? Getting romantically and emotionally involved with someone, giving my heart to someone is something I've never done, never even imagined it, and nor have I ever wanted it. It's not a risk I'm willing to take. Physical and emotional attachment are drastically different and the first one I can afford but the second one I escape. 

As we stepped into the elevator, I gently set her onto her own feet and held onto her to steady her. She leaned against my arm, closing her eyes and sighing softly. I glanced down at her, my heart skipping a beat as my gaze dropped to her lips. 

I wanted to kiss her so badly. I wanted her. I told myself repeatedly that I shouldn't, I couldn't, that I didn't. But I did. 

I do want her. I want her so much, it scares me. 

The way she rested her head on my shoulder, I was barely breathing because I didn't want to disrupt her comfort by moving too much. I was supposed to hate her. I did. I groaned softly, facing ahead while clenching my jaw. 

"Can I ask you something?" she mumbled drowsily. 

"Will you promise to answer?" 

"No," I mumbled. 

"Please?" she asked softly, lifting her head and staring up at me. 

I swallowed, watching her for a beat. "Fine." 

"I never did anything to you. So... why?" She huffed, "Why did you hate me so much?" 

I stared at her, not knowing whether I should answer her. She was fairly drunk, maybe she wouldn't remember it. I was hoping she wouldn't remember this, at least. "Because you're all I think about," I answered. 

She frowned in confusion, blinking, and then gently pushed me into the wall, keeping her hands on the wall on either side of me, glaring up at me. "And why is that such a bad thing?" She came up on her toes, resting her hands on my chest instead. 

I grabbed them, slowly pulling them away. "Because there are too many risks and consequences." 

She rolled her eyes and pulled away, taking steps back and leaning against the wall across from me, staring at me as the elevator dinged, the doors opening. Despite that, neither one of us stepped out. "There are consequences and risks to everything, Josh," she sighed, "you don't deny the things you want just because of that if you really want them." She walked out, stumbling a bit as she began walking down the hall and to our rooms. 

I pushed myself off the wall and walked behind her, close enough to catch her if she fell. 

She stopped at her door and looked down where her purse would be but stopped when she realized I had it. She spun around and faced me as I stopped in front of her and held her purse out for her. She took it and dug around for the key card before unlocking the door. The first step she took inside, her purse fell out of her hands, everything spilling out onto the floor. She whined, leaning against the door before sliding down and sitting on the carpeted floor, hugging her knees. 

I chuckled, watching her in amusement before kneeling down in front of her and holding the purse open for her while she shoved everything back inside grumpily. I caught her hand before she threw more of her things in there and took them from her, placing them back inside and zipping it up. "You don't have to take your anger out on your purse, Poppy." I stood up and held out a hand for her. 

She grabbed on and I pulled her up, taking her into the room, closing the door behind me. 

I set her purse on the TV cabinet, still holding her hand before ushering her to the bed and seating her on the right side. She fell back, groaning, and went to lift her legs but before she could, I caught them from where I knelt beside the bed and tugged her shoes off. 

She put her hands in her hair, tugging softly, mumbling, "My head hurts." 

"You should sleep it off. Maybe have a painkiller tomorrow morning if it's really bad." I stood up, lifting the covers and tucking her legs under them. 

She rolled onto her side, watching me. 

"I'm going to leave, Poppy," I told her. 

She grabbed my hand quickly, shaking her head. "Mm-mm. Please, just stay till I doze off." 

I sighed, "And why should I do that?" 

"Be nice," she ground out. "You said you like me. Act like it." 

I paused and then sat beside her legs, letting her hold onto my hand still. "And what do you think of me?" I questioned. 

She chuckled to herself adorably. "I think you're such a dick." 

I laughed, watching her in amusement. "And that I am," I nodded. 

"But you're sweeter than you act," she said, nudging me gently. "And you're handsome," she mumbled, her eyes drooping shut. "I've always thought you were handsome." She groaned, "I even wanted to talk to you when I first met you but you denied me." 

"I did, huh?" 

"You did deny me," she accused. 

I nodded faintly. "I did, yeah." 

She looked at me before closing her eyes again. "And have I managed to change your mind?" 

"You have indeed," I replied honestly. "But that doesn't mean we should act on it." 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," she said, waving a dismissive hand before dropping it on the bed. When she got quiet, I figured she was really close to falling asleep, so I just let her hold on until she dozed off. 

I tried leaving a few times but every time I moved, she stirred and held my arm tighter. This was a horrible idea because the more time I spent with her like this, the more my feelings slipped out of control. I would act on it, it was only a matter of time until I did. 

Is it worth it? Risking our jobs, risking our hearts? Is she worth it? 

It didn't take me too long to come up with an answer. Yeah. She was worth it. I couldn't deny that even when I pretended to hate her, I had more fun with Poppy than I did with anybody else, even if that was just by bothering her and getting on her last nerve by dragging our arguments on to no end. 

Poppy was... fun. She was the only person I actually looked forward to seeing every day and I hadn't even realized that until today. Without Poppy at the office, I'd hate going there like I used to before she joined. I would force myself out of bed to get there. 

Poppy was like a personal little ray of sunshine. One that liked to argue and challenge my every word, every move. But it only made her better, it only made me like her more, want her more. 

I had started getting pretty tired myself but with her still refusing to let go, I couldn't move. I managed to kick my shoes off and climb over her legs and sit beside her. The moment she would fall into a deeper slumber, I would leave. 

I swear, I will. 

With each passing minute, she shifted a little until she hugged my arm and went still. It was only half an hour later that I dozed off myself, sliding down on the bed, letting my head hit the pillow. 

I'll just wake up before her and leave tomorrow morning. 

My brows furrowed in irritation when she shuffled again, mumbling under her breath. In the middle of the night, she started mumbling, whimpering, and shifting in her sleep, waking me up. I rolled onto my side, facing her now. "Poppy." I slid my arm out of her hold, rubbing my eyes and looking down at her. 

"No, please," she cried softly, kicking around uneasily. 

"Poppy," I said a little louder this time. 

"Please, Mom," she sobbed, a stray tear escaping the corner of her eye. 

I sat up, now wide awake and panicking in concern. I reached for her hesitantly, wiping her tears with the back of my hand. "Poppy, it's okay," I reassured her as best as I could. 

"Mom," she whimpered again, grabbing my sleeves tightly, clutching on. 

"Poppy," I called out, louder this time. I had to wake her up, I didn't know what else to do. I knew instantly that she was having a nightmare. A nightmare about her mom. 

What if... Poppy was there when she died? What if she saw it all? 

"Poppy!" I shook her harshly and she took a few slow breaths before opening her eyes forcefully. 

She groaned softly behind her palms and took a deep inhale before sighing. She wiped under her eyes before pulling her hands down and sitting up, still half confused. She realized I was still here and blinked, dazed. 

"Wh..." I trailed off, exhaling. 

She stared at the covers for a long minute before her eyes welled up with fresh tears. She let out a shaky breath before a sob racked through her as she lowered her head, her shoulders shaking a bit. 

"Poppy." I pulled her arms down, tilting her chin up. "You're okay," I reassured her. "You're okay," I whispered. 

"She..." She struggled to collect her words and spit them out, shaking her head. "I saw it all," she sniffled. "It was my fault," she cried. 

"It wasn't," I told her, shuffling on my knees and moving closer, thoughtlessly putting my arms around her. "It wasn't your fault," I whispered, hugging her. Her arms came around me tightly so quickly as she buried her face in my chest, still crying. "You're okay, it was just a nightmare," I reminded her. Running my fingers through her hair. "It wasn't your fault, I promise." 

She sniffled again, taking calmer breaths. I held her tighter, blinking in confusion. 

What happened to hurt her mother that terrified her so badly? 

"I'm here, Poppy," I told her, kissing the top of her head, keeping my lips there. "I'm right here for you."

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