final chapter orz T.T -X

{ 44 }

Dara was left inside her apartment. Bom accompanied her the other day to the hospital to remove her leg cast. Since she was feeling better, she coaxed Bom to go back to work. Bom missed a week of work because of watching over her.

It had been a long time since she had been alone. Either one from TOP or Youngbae would always be around to help her when Bom’s not around. Not to mention Wooyoung, Sohee, and Donghae who were always visiting her. There were also the bodyguards whom Jiyong stationed outside her house.

Jiyong... she thought and sighed. She had thought of what TOP told her last week, and she came down to a plan. Only, she’s sure that none of her family and friends would be too thrilled to hear it.

Cautious knocks were heard from the door and she frowned. She wasn’t expecting a guest. She walked over to the door and opened it, surprised to see a flustered Jiyong. Her heart started racing as she took him in. He was still nervous, as if he was expecting her to scream at him and make him go away.

“Dara...” He muttered. “Hi.”

“Hello,” she answered weakly. “I...” Not knowing what to say, she opened the door wider. “Come in?”

He stepped inside her house. Dara could feel the thick tension surrounding the two of them. She was about to go to the kitchen to get them drinks when Jiyong pulled her down with him in the couch, trapping her in a hug. “Stay.” He said, his voice shaking.

Dara didn’t bother holding herself back. She embraced him back tightly, not caring about anything else. Her heart was aching to see him again, but she didn’t want to interfere with him. She knew that Jiyong had a definite reason why he was being busy, but it didn’t stop her from feeling bad that she hadn’t seen him for weeks. “Jiyong-ah, I missed you...”

“I missed you too, babe,” he replied, kissing her temple. “I still miss you now, even though you’re right beside me.”

She smiled gently, happy to know that she wasn’t the only one. She sat next to him and she gingerly cupped his face. “Are you okay? You lost weight. You haven’t been eating on time again, right?” She shook her head. “Aigoo, what are you gonna do when I’m not around?”

Jiyong held her hand tightly, his face vulnerable. “Are you... are you leaving?”

Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Jiyong, I–”

To her surprise, he suddenly covered his ears with his two hands, averting his gaze. “NO. I don’t want to hear it.” He said and started making unintelligible noise to block out Dara’s voice.

She gently placed his hands on her lap, playing with it. “Jiyong, listen to me.”

He stopped making noises, but he was still not looking to Dara. She sighed before continuing. “Ji, a lot of things happened. Your company’s facing problems, and I... I was under PTSD.” Her voice tightened as she remembered the unfortunate events which happened. Jiyong’s fists were being clenched and unclenched, obviously angered at the thought of someone hurting Dara. “Don’t... don’t you think... we need...” She nervously glanced at him before continuing, her voice above a whisper. “Time?”

This time, his fists didn’t unclench. They remained like that as he started absorbing Dara’s words. “Do you want to leave me?” He asked, his voice clipped.

“NO, JI! God–” She held his face and made him look at her. His face was blank, but his eyes betrayed his poker face. They were pained, and she felt that her heart was also aching that his pain was caused by her. “I don’t. I... I just think we need time. Time off to... put our pieces back together. To think about everything that happened. You need to focus on your company, and I have to focus on myself.” She sighed once more. “Jiyong, I need to be better. I may have cured the part where I was scared when I see you or Yuri, but... there are still times when I have nightmares about it. I remember the things they did to me... and,” she breathed deeply, not wanting to cry. “It’s so hard. I still see their faces in my dreams. I can’t continue like this, not when I’m afraid.”

Jiyong kept silent the whole time he was listening. There were tears glistening on Dara’s eyes, but it was as if he cannot find the strength to even lift his fingers and wipe it away. “Can’t we get better together?” He asked in a small voice, his eyes trained on hers.

“Ji, please understand.” She pleaded. “I’m not only doing this for you. I’m doing this for my family, our friends... I need to do this alone. I want to be my own self. Ji, my life revolved around you. Even in the five years you weren’t there, my life was constantly about you. I cannot date, because I’m always comparing them to you, thinking how they cannot hold a candle to who you were. Ji, when that night happened...” She swallowed before continuing. “I thought it was my last night alive. And then as I thought about it, our lives can be taken just like that. I want to see the world, Jiyong. I love you, I love you so much, but I want to be my own self. I can’t forever live behind your shadow.”

“Dara, you know that’s not going to hap–”

“Don’t deny it, Ji. When we get married, I will always be Mr. Kwon Jiyong’s wife.” She squeezed his hands, willing him to understand her point. “I love you, Jiyong, but I want to be Park Sandara too.” She finished softly.

Jiyong wanted to understand. And he does. But he can’t help but feel betrayed, thinking how easy it was for her to leave when he can’t even breathe when he thinks of a second without her. “I don’t fully understand,” he answered truthfully. “But I love you, and if this is what you really want, I’ll let you.”

“Thank you, Jiyong-ah.”

“But you have to be back within six months.” He sternly reminded. “That’s that. That’s all I could give, Dara.”

“Jiyong!” She whined.

“WHY?!” He exclaimed. “God, six months already feels like six centuries, Kwon Dara! How much time would you want me to give you?!”

“A year.” Jiyong gasped, wanting to protest when Dara cut him off. “That’s all I’m asking you, Ji. A year. I’ll teach there, try a lot of things.”

“We can try a lot of things together too, Dara...” He said weakly.

“Jiyong...”

He sighed. “Where will you go?”

“America...”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” He cannot help himself. He bolted to his feet, looking incredulous. “DAMN IT, THAT’S CONTINENTS AWAY, SANDARA!”

“Why?! Where did you think I’d go?!”

“Busan! I don’t know, anywhere I can see you in a span of an hour!!!” He yelled frustratedly. He cannot believe that Dara was actually wanting to go abroad.

“Jiyong, please, trust me on this.”

“Where will you stay there? How will you find a job? Who’s going to take care of–”

“I called Chae already. She and Bae will prolong their stay there for a bit so they can accommodate me, and help me find a job.”

Jiyong was speechless. He didn’t want her to go, but he didn’t want to imprison her. He wanted to give her freedom, but it just hurts so much that he feels like he’s going to explode. “Dara...”

Dara hugged his waist and looked up to him. “Please, Ji? Hmm?”

“It’s so hard to let you go.” He breathed. He raked his hands on his hair in frustration before letting his gaze fall on Dara. He stole a peck on her lips before speaking. “Come back, okay? Or I’ll harass jangin eoreun and jangmonim.” He threatened crazily.

She grinned as she hugged him tightly, burying her face on his chest. “I love you, Kwon Jiyong.”

“Damn, Park, I won’t do this if I don’t.”

--

There had been a million discussions, fights, and word wars before Bom allowed her to go. Her family was more lenient, telling her that she will be allowed to go as long as she will call everyday and come back after a year, nothing more but preferably less.

“God, Sandara, do you even hear yourself?! You barely survived that ordeal and now you want to go to US alone?!” Dara was sure that Bom was taking a lot of will power not to clobber her with the sofa. “ARE YOU FREAKING CRAZY?!”

“Bommie, I told you already.” She patiently answered. “I need this to myself.”

Bom was about to launch on another tirade when TOP stopped her. “Bommie, let her go. Chae and Bae will be there to help her.” He explained. “Besides, she already explained the reason why. Dara noona needs this, Bommie. We can’t keep her forever.”

To their surprise, Bom started wailing loudly while sobbing incoherent curses to Dara. “I hate you, Dara! You’re always making me cry and worry for you!” She yelled as she hugged Dara tightly, not wanting to let go of her best friend.

Dara only smiled. “I love you too, Bommie-yah.”

“You pabo.” She said as TOP started wiping her tears. “Don’t talk to strangers there, arasso? Don’t go wandering around at night, you might get kidnapped! Call us every day and email me everything, or else I’d fly there and harvest your internal organs to sell it to the black market!” She threatened. She reiterated a long list of Dara’s do’s and dont’s as soon as her plane lands on the land of the free and the home of the brave.

“Arasso!” She nodded, humoring her. She knows how much Bom worries for her. She was her sister from another mother, although there had been occurrences when people actually believe they’re siblings because they’re both weird and crazy, not to mention their misleading surnames.

Bom hugged her tightly again. “Take care there, arasso?”

“Neh, Bommie.”

--

The day of her departure finally came. The Park family, Bom, TOP, Yuri, Jaejoong, Wooyoung, Sohee, and Donghae all came to see her off. They were all speaking at once, telling her the things she should and shouldn’t do at America even though they already practically told her those things a million times.

“Yah, won’t Jiyong come?” Bom asked when a final call was heard for Dara’s flight.

She shook her head sadly. “Ani. He already told me.” Jiyong texted her a while ago: I won’t come see you off even if you hate me. If I do I’d probably kidnap you and we’ll live on top of Hallasan Mountain so that you won’t leave again.

She chuckled then as she remembered his message. She tried calling him but he cancelled it, and she received another message: Don’t let me hear your voice, or else I’d run to the airport and bribe the staffs to give your flight to someone else.

She waved one last goodbye to her tearful family and friends before entering the boarding gate. Later, when she was settled on her seat inside the airplane, she tried checking her phone one last time. She was surprised to see a message there. Her finger hovered above it for a bit before finally mustering the courage to open it.

Kwon Dara, always.

_______________________________________________________

*sniff* Might post the epilogue a day or two from now. Thoughts? ^^

-X