《1984》Chpt. 17

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After my warm, relaxing shower, I stepped out of the tub to find a towel and brush lain out for me on the edge of the sink. I quickly dried myself off and took the brush, running it through my hair a few times in the mirror before setting it back down.

I looked so different, messy even. This was the first time in I didn't know how long I could actually stop and look myself over. Before, I had half my hair shaved. It looked like it was at an angle, so it was longer by my right eye, and shorter in the back. Now, it grew out and was now past my ear and almost to my shoulder. It was a little long, messy looking on my shorter side.

My body, however, once almost frail looking, now appeared very healthy. I didn't have any muscle, of course, but I wasn't fat at all.

I haven't looked this good since the 1830's...

I actually smiled at how good I looked. It reminded me of a long, long time ago.

- As an adolescent, I was even more aggressive, assertive. If anyone did the smallest thing wrong, I made sure to call them out on it in the harshest way possible. Depending on the person, this would include yelling, taunting, laughing, hitting, or simply making them so uncomfortable with a glare, they left the room. I really thought I was almighty.

Hmm. I think by then, Edmund had given up on trying to actually discipline me and just kept me company. He would quietly follow me around, always having his nose in books of his. Every now and again, he'd reply to a question, make a joke, or give advice. Something in him had changed. Something in him seemed.. broken...

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As an older teen, at every ball that was held, I'd pick out one or two girls I liked. With my power, I would manipulate them into bed with me. I couldn't even tell you an estimate of how many children I've probably fathered.

When or if they wrote to me, telling me they were with child, I'd write back to them to run away with me. They were all so stupid, they actually ran away from their home to mine. Unfortunately for them, I never planned on settling with them, let alone being a father, so I killed them all. More food for me. That's how I viewed it. Food with a fun twist to it.

When their parents came to me without their child, asking me if I had heard anything, I'd simply shrug my shoulders (to which Edmund would usually leave the room). My family and I were so well respected, no one ever questioned any further. They may have even been scared. If they did, I would've probably had them and any trace of them erased.

You may think of this as sad, depressing, but I state this as simple fact, nothing more: I've never had romantic feelings. I don't even believe in "romance" or "love." There is only lust and instinct. Humans and vampires alike were not meant to stay with one mate. There is no such thing as getting married for love. There are only perfect economic matches and foolish fantasies.

Even my parents, who seemed perfect together in every aspect, were really just friends. That's why they only had three children. They didn't lust over each other at all. My siblings were just assets to the estate and I was a mistake. My parents were simply arranged and it just so happened they mixed well. Nothing more. -

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