《Waifu Wars》3 - Training Arc
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Well, another day.
We walked into the classroom.
A nap sounds pleasant.
"Hey Juyo-San," a voice yelled out to me. I raised my head from my desk and rubbed my eyes. I looked around the classroom. Trash-Chan was sitting next to me, but in front of me was a large, round figure.
"Hello, Tanaka-San, what brings you to class so early?" I asked. I had been sure that we would have arrived long before everyone else this morning, just like every other morning. Yet, here was Taku Tanaka to wake me up from a nap. I rubbed my eyes a second time and yawned involuntarily.
"Listen here, Taikutsu Juyo," Tanaka-San banged his hand on the table while he yelled out, "Tell me, how did you get a waifu!"
"Huh?" Tanaka-San was a large guy with a round face and thick glasses that always seemed to hide his eyes. He frequently wore shirts with waifu's on them and typically had a pin or two with an additional waifu on his bag. Basically, he was the typical portrayal of an otaku that would show up in anime.
Like I was at the beginning of the story, Tanaka-San did not have a waifu. He hailed from a well-off family that had high demands for their children. When he became an otaku, he was immediately kicked out and shunned. Since then, he had sought a waifu to regain his honor or something like that. Honestly, I only know all this because he once sat next to me and gave me his whole life story. It seemed, at the time, he thought we were kindred spirits because we both lacked a waifu. Having Trash-Chan here must seem like a betrayal.
"How could you do this to me? You promised we would get a waifu together." Tanaka-San began to wipe his tears with his arm. I would like to point out I made no such promise.
"Main-Kun? Who is this?" Trash-Chan decided to enter the conversation.
"Ah, he's Tanaka-San..." I wasn't sure what to say. I had never really spoken to the guy, and any conversations we did have consisted of him doing the exclusive talking.
Tanaka-San banged both of his hands on the desk.
"Juyo-San," he said in a somewhat harsh voice, "Please help me get a waifu!" He slid his hands straight off the table and went hit the floor in a dogeza.
"Hey, Tanaka-San..." I tried to say something.
"Hmph, you want a waifu!" Trash-Chan suddenly cried out. She was standing on top of my desk and pointing down at Tanaka-San before I knew it.
"Trash-Chan..." I said.
"Stand up; I will drum the proper way to get a waifu into your head!" she proclaimed.
Tanaka-San was immediately on his knees. He looked up at Trash-Chan and clasped his hands together as if in prayer.
"Please, my queen, teach me the ways to get a waifu."
Trash-Chan jumped off the table and smiled. She gently pulled Tanaka-San up off the ground and, with an open hand, slapped him back and forth across his face several times in rapid succession. She let go, and he staggered a couple of steps backward.
"Your first lesson, Otaku-Kun, is not to call a waifu "my queen" so flippantly. There are more than enough trash waifu's that would gladly take advantage of you in your current state." She pointed at him as she spoke.
"Technically, you're the only trash waifu I've ever heard of..." I interjected.
"Different kind of trash, Main-Kun," she said back before clearing her throat, "Anyway, I see you are in need of a serious training arc if you want a waifu. Lucky for you, I have an excellent training plan to help you succeed."
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"Oh, Trash-Sensei!"
"Yes, the Aim to Pass American Dream-"
"Trash-Chan, please come up with a more creative training plan name."
"Ahem, I meant to say the Simp No More Plan! Guaranteed to get you a waifu, or your money back."
"Your charging for this... Trash-Sensei?"
"No, she's not," I said.
"Of course, Main-Kun here is very poor. He's forced to pay outrageous rent to live in an apartment that's like a cardboard box! Why the only thing different between it and a cardboard box is that the rent was cheaper!"
"Please don't recycle my inner dialogue from the last chapter."
"Oh, Juyo-San. We were friends, and I had no idea that you were struggling so much." Tanaka-San began to wipe tears from his eyes. "I will pay whatever it takes to help you out."
"I already have a job to cover the bills. I don't need any money from you."
"No, I understand. It's hard to admit when you're financially struggling. Don't worry. I can spare some change to help you out." Tanaka-San reached into his pocket and pulled out a large stack of cash.
"Some change?" I asked in utter disbelief.
Trash-Chan walked up to him with a smile. She grabbed him by his shirt and proceeded to slap him again. He stumbled back once she finally let him go.
"You've already failed the first exam!" She pointed at him while she yelled. "You should not be so ready to give up your money to such a sketchy proposal so easily!"
"But... But It was to help Juyo-San!"
"Main-Kun clearly stated he we well off, and we wouldn't charge for service."
"When did this become a 'we' for this training plan?" I said.
"But you were just ready to throw your money away! What if this was a scam? We could have just taken your money and run away with it, leaving you with nothing. I mean, do I look like a reputable waifu?"
Tanaka-San began to cry and fell on his knees.
"Trash-Sensei, please forgive me. I have forsaken your training. Please accept me as a student, and I won't let you down."
Trash-Chan put her hands on her hips and nodded.
"Yes, very good. I will teach you yet."
I decided to stop commenting. Those two weren't listening to me anyway.
"Um, excuse me? May I start class?" My teacher asked. My face burned as I realized the entire class had already entered while Trash-Chan and Tanaka-San were going back and forth. I put my head down as class started.
I didn't lift it back up until it was lunchtime.
"That was quite a display this morning, Tai-San." Shin-San walked over and turned the bench in front of us around. He slid in and began to open his bento. "You sure like getting everyone's attention, huh?"
"Please don't..."
"Your waifu is not with you today either?" Trash-Chan asked. It had been a couple of days since she had first seen Junkers. Trash-Chan was very interested in meeting her.
"Not today either. Junkers normally would be, but she had business with my parents today. I'll introduce you properly next week."
Trash-Chan frowned. She had decided to talk to every waifu and husbando in my class in the last couple of days. Only Junkers was left, and she wanted to meet her. Trash-Chan told me it was to meet everyone. I think she was just hoping that Junkers would have some funny stories about me like Estouls did.
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"Hello everyone, how are you today?" Speaking of the devil, Estouls walked up to greet us with a beautiful smile. Tomo-San remained at her desk. She didn't bother looking our way. "So, you are helping out Tanaka-San after school?"
"Yes, we are!"
"No, we aren't." Trash-Chan and I spoke in unison. Estouls looked back and forth at each of us before giving a cute laugh.
"Well, have a good afternoon." He said through laughter while he walked away. I sighed as I finished my lunch.
The class was over before we knew it. My old habit kicked in, and we were the first out of the door. I stopped once we had stepped out of the front of the school.
"Juyo-San! Wait for me!" Tanaka-San yelled from behind me. I turned around to see him running to us. He stopped in front of us, breathing heavily. It took him a few moments before he could speak. "Don't forget about my training," he said through his heavy breaths.
"Look, Tanaka-San..."
"Yes, very good. I can see you have a passion for training," Trash-Chan said with a proud smile.
"Trash-Chan, we can't just give him a false promise of getting a waifu..." She didn't listen to me. Instead, she whisked Tanaka-San and me to a beach.
We stood at the top of a hill, looking down at the sand. The beach was covered in piles of trash. Wait a minute, where was she going with this?
"Okay, your first task will be to clean this beach."
"Yes, Trash-Sensei!" Tanaka-San happily ran onto the sand and began pulling on some of the bulky trash that lined the beach.
"Trash-Chan isn't this..."
"Shush Main-Kun. Our Otaku-Kun is going to train hard!"
"Wasn't this training supposed to get him a waifu?"
"It's multipurpose training!"
"Aren't you worried people will realize this training method has been used before?"
"Exactly! I'm recycling!"
Tanaka-San continued to pull the trash off the beach for a couple of hours. He collapsed down on the sand once it had become spotless. All the waste had been bagged and properly disposed of by him alone. The cleaning went rather quickly. I thought it would take a couple of days. I guess I underestimated him.
Then Trash-Chan dragged Tanaka-San, and me, off to the next training sessions.
She had him climb up an oily pillar.
She had him compete in a dark martial arts tournament.
She had him run through the swamp while carrying the two of us on his back.
She had him go to a camp to perfect his cooking.
She had him climb a mountain and train to be entirely still.
She had him enter a video game where he collected cards and trained his aura.
She had him watch films while making sure to avoid being punched.
Finally, at the end of what seemed like a very long day, we all sat down at a comfortable bench in front of a convince store. Tanaka-San was, of course, very out of breath. I am sure one of those training sessions was not like the other, but I decided not to say anything.
"That... was the most... intense afternoon... of my life..." Tanaka-San said through gasps.
"You bet. Now, we can put you on the path to get a proper waifu." Trash-Chan said with a smile and thumbs up.
"Oh... yeah... I had almost forgotten..." Tanaka-San gasped.
"Alright! That was a good break. Let's go to the next training!"
"There's... more?"
"Of course!"
Tanaka-San didn't say anything. He just stood up and took off at full speed down the street.
"Oh look, Main-Kun, he's gotten so much faster. I'm so proud of him." Trash-Chan wiped a tear from her eye.
"What was the purpose of all that?"
"Step 1 of the patented Trash-Chan training program! First, you make him complete hard tasks so that he will gain a little self-respect."
"Your patented method sure used a lot of already existing ideas in it..."
"You see, Main-Kun, while he may want a waifu, he does not have any self-respect for himself. I suspect he has been wasting away his money on waifus that would never love him instead of going out to get a waifu of his own. He most likely thought he couldn't get a waifu or perhaps even wasn't worthy of one. So, I thought it would be best to show him what he could accomplish if he tried!"
It should be noted that this was only Trash-Chan's perception after knowing Tanaka-San for a day.
"If you wanted to teach him that... wasn't there a better way to go about that? You ended up making him run away?"
"There might have been, but that wouldn't have been as fun."
"So, the truth comes out."
"Besides, he is only temporally running away. Once he has time to reflect on it, he will come back with full force, ready to train again!"
"Nope, look, he is still running." I pointed to Tanaka-San, who was still heading down the street.
"Yes, but he slowed down. I bet he's thinking about turning around."
"No, he's just exhausted from your training from hell."
"Look, he's coming to a stop."
"He probably is out of breath."
We watched as Tanaka-San stopped running and stood in place. It was clear he was gasping to catch his breath, even from the far-off distance where we were standing.
I sighed and began to walk to Tanaka-San. He didn't move at all as I walked over to him. I put my hand on his shoulder as he was still wheezing.
"Hey... I'm sorry Trash-Chan put you through all that you don't have to do any more..." I wasn't sure what to say to him. I had let this whole situation get a little out of hand, though. I should at least try to comfort him.
We stood there in awkward silence for a moment while Tanaka-San caught his breath. Even after he did, he didn't say anything. Then he started running at full speed again.
"Wait, Tanaka-San."
"Wait, Otaku-Kun."
I didn't bother chasing after him, but Trash-Chan ran to catch him. I took off into a sprint after her.
"Trash-Chan, leave him alone!" I tried to yell at her, but she continued to chase him.
We ran down the city streets after Tanaka-San. The sight must have been odd to anyone that saw it. Eventually, we came up to the cleaned beach where Tanaka-San stopped and sat down on the steps leading down to the sand. We caught up to him while he gasped for air.
Trash-Chan sat next to him and gently patted him on his back. I shrugged and sat down as well while looking at the sand. The beach was now spotless from his previous cleaning.
"I'm sorry that I am such a bad pupil, Trash-Sensei," Tanaka-San finally said.
"Hmm, oh, you actually did pretty well, Otaku-Kun. Most people would have given up right away."
Despite it all, Trash-Chan's training seemed to have inspired Tanaka-San. I could see what looked to be determined eyes under his thick glasses.
We all stared out at the beach as some people were walking down it. The group resembled a gang of delinquents. The group consisted of 5 guys, each with progressively worse looking hair styles that consisted of spikes, swirls, and odd-colored streaks.
One of them pointed at us. Or, more specifically, Trash-Chan.
"Hey, look, those losers have a waifu with them," the guy shouted. The rest of the gang looked our way. They threw aside some bottles and junk they were holding and walked up the stairs to us. In a matter of seconds, they had us surrounded.
"Hey waifu, why don't you come with us? I'm sure being with these losers is boring," what appeared to be their leader stepped forward to say. He had a smirk across his face as he spoke to Trash-Chan.
I had heard of this situation before. Delinquents would try to steal a waifu away. Apparently, it was just a fun activity for them. They would surround a person and try to convince their waifu to leave them. There were reports of schisms forming between people and their waifus if they did a decent job. Seeing these guys in person, I don't know how they could ever do a decent job.
"Um, Main-Kun, they want me to go with them."
"That they do."
"Aren't you going to try to intervene and stop them?"
"Even if they took you, it wouldn't be that long before they gave you back."
Trash-Chan's training regimen had made it clear that she would make it difficult for anyone that tried to take her.
Tanaka-San suddenly stood up. He faced the apparent gang leader and pointed back to the beach. The gang looked to the sand, then back to Tanaka-San.
"Can we help you?" the leader asked.
"You guys, you just threw your trash on the beach. You need to go clean it up."
The gang started laughing. I couldn't blame this gang; they probably never had anyone stand up and tell them to clean up. It seemed like Tanaka-San was serious, though. I suppose after cleaning the beach, and he was determined not to let his hard work go to waste.
The gang leader didn't say anything. He simply punched Tanaka-San across the face. While he stumbled back, I began to stand up. Trash-Chan put her hand on my shoulder to stop me. I looked back at her, and she just shook her head to indicate I shouldn't intervene.
I looked back at Tanaka-San. He managed to regain his footing and shake off the punch. Even still, the blow had looked like it hurt, and he had stumbled several meters away from us. I don't know if he had even been in a fight before. I tried to get up again, and Trash-Chan put her other hand on my other shoulder to hold me in place. She was determined to let Tanaka-San fight alone.
"Hey, Gang Leader-Kun, if you beat that guy in a one to one fight, I'll go with you," Trash-Chan told the leader. He made an evil smirk and walked over to Tanaka-San.
"You're going to regret that one, little waifu," he said confidently. He was probably right to be. Trash-Chan just motivated him to beat down Tanaka-San, and she was not going to let me interfere.
The gang leader delivered a series of blows into Tanaka-San's round stomach, then a final knockout blow to his round head. His glasses cracked as he stumbled back, but he didn't fall.
"Is that all you have? You're going to have to hit me harder than that," Tanaka-San suddenly declared. The gang leader laughed and shrugged. He walked up to Tanaka-San.
"So, you can take a hit, doesn't make much of a difference." He stopped with his face uncomfortably close to Tanaka-San's.
Tanaka-San grabbed the leader by his shirt. He slid his legs on the ground while turning his torso. The leader was suddenly lifted in the air, over Tanaka-San's shoulder, and thrown onto the ground. He landed squarely on his back. The leader was out cold.
"Hey, he got our leader!" The rest of the gang charged at Tanaka-San.
He knocked out the first with a simple punch to the face. Then he used the momentum to deliver a roundhouse kick to the second. Another gang member tried to hit him in the back of the head, but Tanaka-San ducked under the punch and swept under the gang member's feet with his leg. He sprang from the ground to deliver an uppercut to the last gang members' chin. The whole ordeal was over in a matter of seconds as Tanaka-San quickly and efficiently dispatched the gang. They all laid unconscious on the ground as he stood victorious over them.
Trash-Chan, having let go of my shoulder, stood with her arms folded and gave an approving nod.
"Yes, I see my training has paid off. I have nothing left to teach you," she said.
"Wasn't this training to get him a waifu?"
"Otaku-Kun, it is time you graduated." Trash-Chan walked over to Tanaka-San and placed a pin that resembled a dumpster on him. Tanaka-San wiped tears from his eyes.
"Thank you, Trash Sensei. I won't forget your teachings, and I will always look back on them with fondness."
"Didn't you just try to run away from her teachings earlier?" I asked.
"Very good. I am proud to have had a student like you." Trash-Chan wiped tears from her own eyes as well.
"Um, Tanaka-San..." I tried to interject.
"Juyo-San, you have inspired me. I will compete in the next Waifu Draft, and I will find the greatest waifu in the world. Will you and Trash-Chan go with me then?" he suddenly said.
That was quite something to ask. At least we were getting back to the main reason we started this training.
"The next draft is still a little while away. I don't know if I can promise anything so far out."
"Of course, we will go with you, Otaku-Kun." Trash-Chan went ahead and made the promise anyway.
Tanaka-San smiled and looked out at the ocean. Trash-Chan did the same. I looked back and forth between them and sighed and joined them. The sun was beginning to set below the ocean's horizon, and the sky was a brilliant orange.
"Juyo-San, I'm sorry to say, but I don't think I'll be at school for a while," Tanaka-San said softly.
"Hmm, okay." I'm not sure what he was trying to get at.
"You see, I think I need to train more in preparation for the draft. What Trash-Sensei taught me is important, but I still have some growing to do. I'm going to go on a quest of self-discovery."
"Ah, well, stay safe..." I had never had someone declare they were going on a quest to me. What exactly do I say in this situation?
"Well, I'm off." Tanaka-San suddenly began to walk away down the street. He gave one final wave to us without turning around as he disappeared in the distance.
Trash-Chan was in tears.
"Main-Kun is this how a mother feels when her little children go off into the world?" she asked me through tears.
"How should I know?"
"Don't you feel anything?"
Now that she had said it, I was feeling something.
I think it was just indigestion.
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