I ask one thing only: I ask for the right to hope, to suffer as I do. But if even that cannot be, command me to disappear, and I disappear. You shall not see me if my presence is distasteful to you. – Alexei Vronsky, Anna Karenina

It's lunacy to send a lone woman to confront a criminal mastermind with an entire organization behind him. Nick Alexander, September 14.

Predawn, March 30

Gradually, Felicity grew aware of light brushing softly across her face, an occasional brilliance flashing somehow around her sealed lashes. Echoing in her slumber-dulled ears, a chorus of soft flutterings confused her, and a sweet, piercing scent pervaded her steady breaths. Inhaling deeply, she stretched her arms wide and high, and slowly opened her eyes.

To her surprise, everything around her reflected varying shades of green off the filtered light of the sun. A low chuckle behind her brought her to her senses, and she sighed, not willing to expend enough strength to be irritated.

“Rest well, sleepyhead?” Jase teased.

“What time is it?” she rejoined, avoiding his question. With the sensation of his arms still around her, she didn't want to admit to him how completely comfortably she had slept.

“It's about 8:30. I hated to wake you, but we need to move if we're going to make it to the train before Briel finds us.”

“I don't think you woke me. I always feel tired and sore if someone wakes me suddenly.”

“Oh, I'm pretty sure I woke you,” he replied obviously entertained.

Felicity felt the heat of embarrassment rush to her face. His amusement made her uncomfortable as she imagined means he might have used to draw her gently out of her slumber. Certainly, she had felt only pleasant sensations. The fact irritated her.

“Let's get this over with,” she snapped, trying to rise.

His arms restrained her. “Relax,” he crooned. “There will be plenty of time for rushing and anxiety. Enjoy the slower pace for a few minutes.”

Of course, she might have held onto her irritation, but she had observed something about Jase. He would tease her, but he would keep his word, at least in regards to her physical autonomy. If she protested, he would react with rather more respect than she even expected. So, with a sigh of concession, she stopped trying to rise. Holding her with one arm, Jase reached for his backpack and placed it in front of her. He peered over her shoulder. “See if you can find the GPS.”

Distracted by her curiosity, Felicity began digging through the bag in search of the GPS. She spied the familiar silver spray can, two pine green parkas, and several of the energy bars that Jase had divided between them throughout last night's trek. An intimidating knife lay folded at the bottom of the bag, its folded length running the entire width of the backpack. Somehow, the GPS had managed to squirm to the bottom of the pack, and, gingerly pushing aside the other contents, Felicity removed the device.

“Thanks,” Jase said, his face brushing against hers as he looked over her shoulder at the GPS.

Biting her lip, she tried to turn to hand it to him, but he reached along her arm to restrain her wrist.

“What is this thing?” she asked. She had used the GPS in her car, but the little black device looked more complex.

“It's just a GPS. Hold on to it,” he insisted lowly, his voice in her ear. “I want to teach you how to use it.”

She brought the GPS up into her view and stared, somewhat intimidated, at its inexplicable screen. Though technology had never particularly scared her, she had absolutely no experience with trekking through forests, and she felt no confidence that the machine she held could offer any assistance.

“Press menu,” he commanded, releasing her wrist and pointing to the right side of the device.

As she did so, a list of options appeared on the screen, including an internet browser, she noted.

“See the compass, the barometer, the maps, the homing beacon: it has everything you need so you don't get lost. And it’s not traceable.”

Could have used that when I went searching for a computer, she mused.

“Now, move down to the map application. See? That's where we are, within a few feet.” He reached around her and showed her a small icon in the corner. “If you zoom out, you can see the city of Banff and the train station.” He touched something else and the screen went blank.

Easy enough, she thought, slightly abashed at her earlier apprehensions.

“This shows you which direction you're going. You want to keep the arrow in line with your destination.”

“Why are you showing this to me? You can just do it for me.”

“Felicity,” she felt his head drop. “Between here and the train station I can almost guarantee that we will run into Briel again. She's the best. When we do, there is a chance you may have to go on without me while I slow them down.”

Though Felicity wanted to protest, she held her tongue. She had wanted this outcome, hadn’t she? She wanted to get away. She needed to want to. Yet, she found that even more than her fear of trying to escape on her own, she did not want to be apart from him. He had grown important to her, and she counted on his consideration. She knew it couldn’t last, but she hoped it wouldn’t end. The realization hardened her even more.

“Don't say anything, Felicity,” Jase commanded, and Felicity had to wonder if he could read her thoughts. “I promise I will do what I need to when the moment comes, but until then, you don’t need to say anything. I won’t hold you back, and I won’t make up reasons to keep you with me – you have my word.”

“And what if Briel comes after me?”

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t.” He peered intensely into her eyes. “I will do what I need to do to stop her.”

Felicity pursed her lips but didn’t reply. “What happens if she had her team with her? What happens to you?”

“It’s time to get you to that train. By this time, Briel will have reported back and more of Brendon's men will be looking for us.”

“Why won’t you answer me, Jase?” Felicity demanded. “What are you not saying?”

Frustrated at his obvious avoidance, Felicity did exactly what she had imagined before – she scrambled out the door of the little hovel. She expected Jase hot on her heels, but instead he just sighed and eased his way out after her.

“What is this about, Liss? I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“Nick said that Briel doesn’t work for ProtoComm. He said he had seen the company intranet for her company. How do I know that she’s not here to help me?”

Jase reached for Felicity’s hand, but she stepped away as he acknowledged, “I’ve known Briel a long time. It’s possible that she is just after the information you have, and then she will release you. In the past, I think she leaned toward the more ethical.”

“And now?” Felicity demanded. She did not ask which way Jase leaned.

“Before this? I would have said ethical. But I went to her for help when I found out about you, and she basically shut me down.”

The realization paused Felicity’s tirade. “It was you!” she exclaimed, suddenly overwhelmed at the ramifications.

“It was?”.

“In Briel’s hallway! Talking to her. She did some movement and sent you to your knees. I knew you could have gotten out, but not without starting a brawl. That was you!”

Jase ran his free hand through his hair, abashed. “I wronged Briel – a few years ago – and I know she has not forgiven me. But I had to try something…”

“But you were talking about me. You said you wanted to help me.”

Smiling, succeeded in grabbing her hand. “I did. And you were crazy to follow her.”

Felicity stared at Jase, completely unable to stir. Suddenly, she realized the significance of what she had just understood. Everything he had said from the beginning – all his claims about his concern for her – they were true. For the first time since Jase had shown up at her hotel room, Felicity believed his profession, that he wanted to take care of her.

The realization sapped the strength from her legs as relief, guilt, and fear mingled to enervate her. With Jase, she was actually safe. But safety was not her ultimate goal – her children had to be. Still, for someone she had just realized to be an honest man, someone willing to risk his own life to save hers, Felicity owed him as much transparency as possible.

“I just – Jase there’s something I need to tell you.”

Though she hadn’t intended it, Jase used their hands to pull her close. “Whatever it is, it’s okay.”

“But I’ve been lying to you. For quite a while now.”

For several breaths, Jase did not move, but she watched him steel himself before he spoke again. “What have you been lying to me about?”

“I’ve been in contact with Nick several times since we got to the cabin.”

“How?” he queried, and Felicity saw with what difficulty he refrained from expressing irritation.

“First the Henrys’ computer, and then Amélie’s. I’m pretty sure that is how Briel found me.”

Jase blew out a breath. No doubt he had some criticism for her, but he seemed not to care to share.

“I told you that I needed to contact Nick, and I could tell you were dragging your feet. It made me doubt…” Felicity cut herself off, not quite willing to admit what her mind had supplied of his motives, and she watched as hurt flashed across Jase’s brow.

“It made you think I was isolating you, that I wouldn’t let you go.”

“You drugged me, Jase. You have been in constant contact with my kidnappers since the day I was taken, and you were holding me on Bill Henry’s land.”

“I explained all of that!”

“You appeased me. And I believed you. I –” She couldn’t say she trusted him. She certainly couldn’t say that she wanted him, and the two had begun to be inextricably linked. Felicity had responsibilities. She had interests that he just could not compete with. Removed from the burden of her life, though, the pull began to shift. If she believed Jase, if she handed herself to him, she would be succumbing to her baser instincts. All the nobility she had clung to would dissolve under her betrayal of her children.

And that thought, more than any other, tore her away from Jase.

If the chance came, she would run before she got to the point where she couldn’t.

“Felicity…” Jase began, and Felicity opened her mouth to cut him off.

He interrupted her protest, though, when his head whipped away and his gaze focused on something Felicity couldn’t see. He placed his arm in front of her and pushed her back into a little grove of trees, spinning behind her and wrapping his arms around her, his hand over her mouth. She wanted to protest, but she could read his anxiety. A moment later, she heard the voices.

“The signal disappeared somewhere over there,” the male voice stated.

It was answered by a female voice, slightly closer to Jase and Felicity's hiding place. “Quiet, Liam!” it snapped in a tense whisper.

Felicity’s breath sped, and Jase lowered his hand, no doubt secure that she understood the need for silence. In contrast to her earlier thoughts, she closed her eyes and melted against Jase, desperate to borrow his strength while she could.

Though she still saw no one, she sensed footsteps moving quietly through the forest. Had Briel and her companion found them? Or were there more people who wanted Felicity dead? Considering the unlikelihood that anyone would want her dead, she wouldn't feel surprised to find more improbabilities heaped upon her life.

Only a couple of yards on the other side of the tree, Felicity finally heard the motion of her hunters. A snapping twig revealed the clandestine footsteps. Jase tensed, and Felicity opened her eyes to prepare for action. She caught her breath and held it, stealing shallow draughts of air when she couldn't refrain.

After several minutes of silence, Felicity nearly sighed in relief as Jase relaxed his arms. She spun toward him, burying her face in his sweater as she waited for her fear to ease. He gingerly caressed her hair, his warm voice assuring her she was fine.

It was the worst thing he could have done. It confirmed what she was beginning to suspect.

She couldn’t wait for him to get her to the train – she had to get away before he could make himself the target. How could she let someone sacrifice himself for her when she was just planning to abandon him irrespective of his desires?

Once her breath slowed, he leaned back and placed his hand on her cheek.

“Come on, Liss,” he urged, stepping back and lowering his hand to hers. “We really need to move, okay? I have to get you to the train station.”

He turned and began to lead her out of the copse and toward a path few yards away.

“Get me to the train station? What about you?” His words gave her a moment’s relief; maybe she wouldn’t have to get away from him after all.

Instead of answering, Jase stopped his forward motion, and his shoulders rose and fell. “I don’t think it’s very likely that we can lose Briel.”

Remember, you are leaving him behind.

“Do you want to give me a gun or something?”

Jase actually flashed her a huge grin. “Have you trained with a gun?”

When she stopped walking and tugged her hand away, he turned back to her.

“I don’t have a gun anyway. There are only a few situations where I carry. And, no. I’m not saying that about Briel because I think you will need to defend yourself.” He spun and continued his previous trajectory.

“Then what did you mean?”

“I’m going to lead them away from you. Throw some false trails.”

“So, you’re going to leave me?” She didn’t know why she said it. Didn’t she want to get away from him? And wasn’t she planning to leave him? Besides, his idea made sense, and her practical side approved.

“Felicity, I’m going to take the target off your back, or at least redirect it temporarily. I’ll get you as close to safety as I can, so you can make it far away from these people who are after you. I made some plans this week. It’s all in here.” He lifted the backpack, and Felicity dragged her step. “Don’t slow down. We have to get across this, and then you can ask me anything you want.”

Thanks to her own confliction, she couldn’t find it in her to argue, but she managed enough brain power to plan. This was not happening. Jase Hamilton would not prove his trustworthiness by making a stupid sacrifice for her. Damn him!

After traversing a short but vulnerable trek across an open clearing, he directed her onto a trail that ran behind a low row of exposed igneous rock. The location provided a visual buffer between them and any pursuers, but it also hemmed Felicity in. The stone was not just an outcropping – it was a crevice, somehow cut into the surface of the mountain and ridged with twelve feet of stone on either side. She could not scramble over the top with anything resembling speed, and she could not run fast enough to make it what seemed half a mile until the rock before her spilled back into the trees.

“Can I have a second?” she tried to turn to him, but he deftly redirected her shoulders so she could not turn.

“Push yourself for a few more minutes. This is either the best or the worst way to go.” Where Felicity had lost her stamina, Jase continued to pressure her from behind as he spoke – he didn't even seem winded. “Once we're on the path, there is no way to happen across us unless you know about the path. So as long as they don't know...”

“Okay, but what if they do? What if Briel has a map? Bill has owned property here for years. Isn't that what you said?” Felicity was growing more distressed the farther they got from the cabin. If she were to convince him to leave her, he could never know that she had let go of her suspicions, that she was willing to entrust herself fully to him. Felicity needed him to leave.

She would make sure that he had no idea how desperately she wanted him to stay. She was running out of time and distance to manage it, though, so she planted her feet, refusing to move forward.

“Liss, just a little farther. We’re going to get you on that train. I know you’re tired.”

“I’m not tired!” she contradicted, turning to face him. “I’m…I just can’t let you do this. It’s not right.”

“Do what, Felicity?” He gripped her shoulders. “What are you talking about?”

“I just – that’s not what I meant to say.” Now was the time to convince him. “What I meant was that I don’t want to go anywhere you want me to go. I don’t trust you.”

“Of course you don’t trust me. I would question your intelligence if you did! But I’m still getting you to the train.”

“Okay, but I don’t need you for that. Just point me in the right direction – show me relative to the sun, and I bet I can find it. And then you go back and stay safe in your cabin and let me go on without you.”

Jase leaned down to meet her eyes. “Safe in my cabin? Is this really about not trusting me?”

“It is!” she insisted with perhaps too much vehemence. “I don’t trust you. From the very beginning, everything you’ve done could be an attempt to manipulate. I mean…” She pulled away from him and paced a few steps away before turning back to look at him from a safer distance. “You sought me out at that party. You put cameras in my house. You drugged me. You sent your friend after me. Once you had me, you took me back to a cabin owned by the man who wants to send me into slavery. You toyed with my mind, tried to make me jealous with Amélie. You poured whatever meaning you needed to into Brendon’s actions – how do I even know everything you said about him is true? Maybe he had nothing to do with this? Maybe he is just a man who had an affair, and you are the one who works for Bill Henry!”

She turned her back on him, unwilling to let him see the tears that threatened as she spoke.

Jase’s voice thrummed with urgency when he responded. “You don’t believe that, Liss, You can’t believe that. Your husband is a very bad man. No matter what you think of me, you cannot go back to trusting him. Your life depends on it. I just need you to trust me long enough to get you on that train.”

“That is exactly what I can’t do.”

For a moment, Jase stood frozen, riveted in some thought. Finally, he spun her around by the shoulders and gazed hard at her face. She stared at the ground unwilling to let him read the thoughts in her eyes, but, somehow, she failed in her deception.

“You’re a horrible liar, Felicity,” he asserted, too much understanding filling his tone. “You said it before; you want me to stay safe. You’re trying to get rid of me before I am put at risk. But Liss…” He shook her shoulders gently, trying to force her to reason. “…that is a ridiculous reason to leave me. I am better at this job than anyone you have read about or met. I can get you where you need to go, and the risk to me is minimal.”

“Of course you can, but why should you?” How had he confused her into saying the words? “I can’t let you put yourself in danger for me anymore. Don’t you understand? You’re not getting out of this what you hope to get. Once I am safe, you will never see me again.” Her voice broke, and her resistance deflated. “How can I let you take the risk when I only intend to abandon you?”

“You have no choice,” he replied in a hushed tone, and he reached down to pull her to him by their clasped hands. “Whatever your plans for the future, my plans don’t change. I do whatever I have to do to keep you safe. What you do after that is, as it has always been, your decision.”

The utter stillness of the air charged with energy as she raised her eyes to his.

Every decision she had made dissolved when she read his intention, his stubborn determination to stay with her. Don’t look at me like that! she complained, but her instincts swelled past her reason. As her hands raised to his face, shock flashed across his expression, and she sympathized though she couldn’t stop herself. Her hunger so long denied wakened a deep craving in her chest. When she slid her hand behind his neck and pulled herself up to her tiptoes, something broke inside Jase. His arms slipped behind her, lifting her off the ground as his mouth crushed onto hers.

One of his hands wove into her hair, and when he pressed her against the cold stone of the mountain, Felicity exploded into a thousand shards, more fractured than Jase’s colossal window after it was blasted with munitions.

From the moment he kissed her, time ceased to hold meaning, and she had no idea how long he had held her pressed against that stone. Too soon, though, she sensed his release, his arms extending as he stepped back and gently lowered her to the ground. She could not wrench her eyes from his face, his eyes downcast and his chest rising and falling with exertion.

What had she done?

Certainly, Jase seemed as confused as she, and when she spun on her heels, his attempt to grab her hand fell short. If he had held half of his normal ability or if less adrenaline had pumped through her system, she never would have gotten away. She did not know where her strength came from as she sprinted away from the most terrifying experience of her life, More than being laid in the car in Banff, more than waking in the back of a truck, more than running from the white-haired man at the cabin, losing control of herself to Jase terrified her. She ran through a literal stone tunnel, but her mind had entered a tunnel its own, and she would look back with only a vague impression of the ground over which she passed as she fled from him.

Her energy finally waned. Though Jase had called her name several times, she had managed to evade him, some animalistic survival instinct activated in her mind that let her accomplish more than she normally could have. The sun had risen high overhead and begun its descent by the time she settled onto a little boulder that stood several yards off the path. For all she knew, she had just lost herself in a vast wilderness, had sentenced herself to freeze and starve and become food for wild animals. Stilling her mind, she dropped her face into her hands. Jase had sounded so miserable as his desperation grew, and even through her mental echoes, his voice reverberated.

Not that she regretted running.

If she knew one thing, Felicity knew that Jase was not safe. Not safe for her. She believed him now, that he intended her benefit, but that did not matter. After what Brendon had done to her, after her utter failure to recognize her husband’s depravity, Felicity would not – could not – step into that kind of vulnerability. Her mind literally rebelled against it, cordoned off her thoughts from emotion so that she could visualize each choice without prejudice. It was the safe way for her to continue forward.

A few minutes of rest pulsed energy back into her limbs, though not the adrenaline-filled rush that had brought her to her refuge. Unfortunately, she could not wait for more strength to return. Like in Quido those several weeks before, thirst drove her forward, and she forced herself to her feet.

Somehow, she had ended up close to a path, though she had twisted and turned several times to disguise her route from Jase. She returned to the path in hopes that it would lead her somewhere.

Never in her most errant thoughts would she have imagined where it would lead.

After less than half a mile, she tumbled out of the path into an all-too-familiar stretch of space, and Felicity instantly regressed to a much darker place and time.