“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

―Lao Tzu

__________________________

The rusted chain cried out from pressure as he pushed the swing back and forth… each time going higher and higher like he was trying to reach something only he could see. It was weird, feeling at ease by watching him. I didn’t even know him well and yet; I said more to him than I ever did to the counsellor Nicole had me seeing.

“Can’t you figure it out yourself? What you must do, I mean?” He responded to a question I had asked after stopping the swing.

“Because I am a moron, so I don’t know!”

“You seem like a moron, and pout like a child. I could tell you what to do, but in exchange, you better do as I say.”

“Will it make me happy, your advice?” I asked.

“What is happiness?” The wind drifted his questioned towards me.

“I am not sure. Something where no one cries and gets yelled at. Where no one gets hit or has something thrown at them. Something like that. Maybe. Am I wrong?”

“I don’t know. I don’t believe I have ever felt anything other than what you’ve just described.”

“That’s unfortunate,” I said, and he laughed. Perhaps in ridicule.

“What about you? I like to think I know how your mind works. You’re likely the type who burden yourself, take the blame for what you cannot control, very much like what you’re doing now. It’s both refreshing and admirable.”

“Refreshing?”

“People only seem to care for themselves; I guess I can’t blame them, you know. That’s why it’s refreshing because you care enough to carry someone else’s problem.”

“You’re a strange person, to find that refreshing.”

“You think so? I thought you might have found it charming.” His laugh was pleasing to my ears. “Tell me if you find this even stranger. This thing calls happiness, maybe we could find it together.”

It amazed me he could utter such words.

“Why though?”

“You interest me. Maybe it’s the unique colour of your hair. The scent coming off your skin. Or perhaps it’s just your personality. Whatever it is. Something about you piques my interest. I want to find out what that might be. And along the way new friend, who knows, we might even find something greater in each other. Your answer?”

Like waves lapping a distant shore, his beautiful words washed over me, leaving me refreshed and renewed.

“Ok. Let’s try.”

“Like I thought…”

“What?”

“You’re cuter when you smile. It’s a shame you don’t do it often. I bet you didn’t realise you were just now. I like it. Makes me wonder what to do to have you smile more.”

My mind was usually filled with worry and anxiety, but in that instant, I felt something I never experienced from anyone other than Nicole. True serenity. It was almost like an out-of-body experience because of his expression, words, and voice calm me, I felt good.

Who was this stranger? Who sent him here, today, of all days? It mattered not; I guess. The important thing–he was there, talking with me and making my heart feel lighter than it had been in so long.

~*~_ ~*~

I returned from my reverie with a depressing sigh. It had begun. This makes it the same dream in about three weeks. Seeing the same dream so many times, I’ve started to remember the emotions I felt during them, like a fog beginning to clear. I held a special feeling, like that of a lover for the person in my dream, but when I wake, I couldn’t remember who he was. I couldn’t remember this person’s face. Lifting my head, I looked around. My classroom held a bored undertone as everyone sat, heads popped up on their palms. Mr Yuto Edwards continued to speak about his trip to Israel this past year. I enjoyed religious education class, but today, I was having one of those days—when I felt disconnected from all that should matter. Dissociation combined with brain static, as if someone else was looking out of my eyes. This feeling was becoming a regular, along with a forlorn I could not stomach.

The bell rang for last period. I yawned and stretched, then close my notebook and textbook with a bang. Mr Yuto lifted his gaze and directed it at me. He was a substitute, filling in for Miss Abby, who was away on maternity leave. Around me, chairs scraped the tile floor, students slipped on their bags. I bent to retrieve mine from the floor where I kept it since the beginning of the school term. From the corner of my eyes, I noticed my teacher striding to the entrance, stopping his student from leaving.

“Class is still in session!” said Mr Yuto to his students.

They ignored him and kept talking among themselves, relishing in the details of their weekend plans.

“I want to go home and that won’t happen if you girls don’t stop chatting.” I hissed at a group of girls.

“Back off, Ji-Hye!” said Alex Keys. “It’s not like you have anyone rushing home to see.”

“But you do, don’t you, Alex? I bet you can’t wait. Must be a real treat.”

“How did—”

“Best be careful. I am great at picking up information. Oh, don’t worry. I won’t tell.” I grinned.

Alex expression resembled a deer caught in a headlight. And now she worries because I knew her secret. It was disappointing she sneak around with a married man. The whole thing was cliché.

I was many things in my definition, but in your eyes, you’ll have a different opinion of me. I was about seventy-five per cent crazy because I was an unusual being, and because there was nothing I could do about it.

“I can stay right where I am, waiting for everyone to settle down,” Mr Yuto informed his class.

All eyes shifted in his direction. They realised no one could leave since he blocked their path. Relishing the moment, he pointed his students to their chairs. He crossed his arms over his chest and tapped the fingers of his left hand on his upper right arm. He walked to the front of the class and leaned against his desk.

“Now that I have your attention. Class, I would like you to complete a report over the weekend.”

“On what?” asked one student.

“Spec. In your own words, tell me your thoughts on their existence, the importance of their role in humanity. Or do you think their role is not important at all?”

“What’s a Spec?”

“What have I been teaching you for the past months, Fabian? Can someone please answer his question before I make him regret asking?”

“Spec is angelic-like beings send to earth to heal and protect.”

“Thank you, Amy. That was well put. On Monday morning, I expect a seven-page report from everyone. I will know if anyone copies from the internet.” Mr Yuto emphasised the same time his gaze found me. “The report is worth eighty-five per cent of your last grade, give it your all. You can leave,” Mr Yuto announced in dismissal.

I was about to leave when my teacher stopped me.

“Miss Von D.”

Not today!

“Miss Von D,” called my teacher again.

The man with weary eyes and a calm, wise beyond his year’s type of expression, walked towards me.

“Sir?” I answered. “What is it this time?”

“I look forward to seeing your report.”

What was it going to take for Mr Yuto to realise I was one student he couldn’t tame?

“I won’t think twice about failing you.”

Anger welled up inside me. “Is that all?” I asked, not meeting his gaze.

“Believe it or not, Ji-Hye, I want to see you do well,” Mr Yuto said calmly, as if the Lord had touched him.

This teacher irritated me most because he seemed to care too much about my wellbeing. I dislike it.

“Can I go, sir?”

“You may.”

The only thing I wanted to do well at, I failed terribly, all the while making life miserable for Nicole. Thoughts like these travelled full speed in my mind, when, out of nowhere, someone pulled me into an empty classroom.

“Witt!” I almost hissed. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Riding a unicorn to Narnia.”

I glared. “Go harass someone else!”

“Stop tripping.”

“I’m tripping? What do you want?” I asked of him.

In high school, there were kids everyone yearns to be like and some hate for being so popular. Witt Bennet was that kid. He was my first crush. Though I didn’t know what I liked about him. I guess he was just something to admire. Like expensive sneakers, I couldn’t afford.

“Why are you acting rude?”

Because I earned the right, and since I was in a crap mood.

“I’m sorry.” I apologised. “But you need to quit.”

I put up with his nonsense because he knew something he shouldn’t about me. Having secret sucks!

“I have been thinking…” He began.

“About the size of your IQ?” I said sassily.

“That it’s time for you to stop play hard-to-get. Sure, I have a girlfriend, but there are plenty of girls who also like to be on the side.”

“Yeah, I bet.”

He ran his tongue over his lips in what he thought was seductive.

“If I kiss you, would you tell your punk boyfriend?”

I thought of how angry Uta might get and shivered at the lethal stare of his eyes as I pictured in my mind.

“Why bother? It’s likely sloppy anyway,” I answered with a hit of sassiness.

“Want to find out? It’s not like you haven’t thought about it.”

I’d enough of his garbage. He’d stolen too much of my time.

“If you don’t move, I will scream! I need you to leave me alone. I’ve enough people to deal with in this school, your girlfriend being one of them. The less of her I’ve to handle a day, the better.”

“Whatever you say.” He grinned, and I knew he wasn’t taking me seriously.

“I’m leaving.” I waved my hand in his face and went for the door.

“That’s cool, you’ll find that I’m a patient guy!”

I didn’t even respond to that and heard footsteps behind as Witt tried to catch up with me.

“Witt!” His girlfriend, Cece, shouted from the other end of the hall. “You’re fooling around, and I’ve been waiting.That’s not even cute!” she said, betraying the annoyance she felt.

I was glad Cece didn’t see me and Witt, she would’ve commented, and I needed no more distractions. When I reached my locker, I opened it, removing books I needed over the weekend. I was thinking of doing Mr Yuto’s report; I guess.

“Ji-Hye!” My friend Tone called. “Where have you been?”

“Mr Yuto had us under class arrest,” I answered, annoyed as I recalled our talk.

“I swear, I don’t like him. He made Bryson almost cried in class last week.”

“You’re surprised?”

“I’m just saying the man is harsh.”

“That’s Mr Yuto. You either like it or you don’t.”

“Nobody likes his methods.” Then shifting gears, Tone asked, “Ready for the weekend?”

“I’m always ready for weekends.”

“We’re still on for tomorrow, then?” Tone dumped her books in her locker, making me seem like a freak for being so organised.

“Sure.” I tried to sound enthusiastic.

Tone wanted us to see a performance by her favourite band and although I’d like to go, I couldn’t.

“You should come over and get ready at my house,” she said, hopefully.

“Sure.”

“I feel you will blow me off?” Tone let out. “I can’t believe it.”

I finished exchanging my books, closed my locker, and then faced my friend. “I won’t,” I lied.

Tone held my gaze, deciding whether to believe me.

“Don’t worry, I’ll come.”

Not that I didn’t want to go; I just wanted to see Uta. I didn’t like when we were apart. I was not an obsessive girlfriend. How should I put it? Uta, unknowingly, kept my emptiness away. The one that comes when I least expected. But there were those moments when not even his company was enough, and the monstrous emptiness would step in, clawing at my inside.

Tone took out her favourite red lipstick and coloured her “pouty” lips. “Let’s go to the Zone. It is Friday.”

The Zone was a stretch of land with a large, low-ceiling building, designed purely for entertainment.

“I don’t know. Not in the mood.”

“Come on! What are you going home to do?”

“Fine. Just for a bit.”

“Yes!” Tone beamed happily.

I remembered Tone’s first day at school. She was the new mix-blood girl with half blond and half black hair, and a die-hard drinker for a mother. I think she spoke to me because no one else talked to her. Even though our taste was different, we got along fine. When Tone found out about my one of ability, she thought it was unique. With her, I did everything except talk about what was haunting me. It was easier to talk about other stuff rather than the truth.

There were many things Tone didn’t know about me. She didn’t know I suffered, and my father was cruel to me. She didn’t know I had the ability to see people’s past. But I knew about her. I knew Tone pained every time she went home and find her mother drunk. I knew she loved and hated her mother at the same time. Also, Tone was not strong as she seemed, and that she cried more than she smiled.