(Rude Turtle) "Come again?" they say, aghast at the possibility.

(Me) "Yeah. All dead. I'm the only survivor," I reply, nonchalantly.

(Rude Turtle) "But there were-"

(Me) "Hundreds of us? Yeah, so what? We're weak. Too weak."

His expression is a turtle's but I somehow interpret it into human terms. The look on his face is SO satisfying.

(Rude Turtle) "What do I do now, damn it! I selected Beached Turtle King to rule, not sit on my ass and die, you stupid Assistive Interactive System!" he mutters. "Beached, huh? I'm all alone except for this idiot..."

Oh... How nice to see the results of her teachings. It's such a tingly, warm, and cheerful sensation when you fuck with people's minds. Especially when the person's such an asshole.

(Me) "So where are you going to now?" I ask.

(Rude Turtle) "To the sea. I won't chance it here." he briskly says, already leaving.

(Me) "Bye!" I say, waving to show him off.

He grumbles grumpily and treads into the water. In an instant, a giant maw bursts out of the sea and swallows him whole. ...He didn't even make it a day.

I check the unhatched eggs and sure enough, one of them did hatch. I take the time to eat the shells left from the Rude Turtle and move the other eggs into the center of my pile. I lay down in the thick of turtle shells and get annoyed again how I can't sigh. A supposedly eventful day turned back to normal.

I shrug to myself as best I can and go back to figuring out the specializations of my body. I just learned I am unable to save myself if I can't get out of some measly hatchling's grip. I end up with the plan of hiding in my shell and hope for the best. My days will be long and peaceful, I swear it!

But not a second later, another one of the eggs hatches. Out of it pops Rude Turtle Version II. Looks like another one is here.

(Rude Turtle) "Stupid fucking Assistive Interactive System! "An entire week's worth of spawn protection" she says. Bitch ass whore! Fuck, please! I died just LEAVING my spawn point. How is that motherfucking shit any fair? Goddamn it. I'm lucky as fuck's stars and an asshole buried deep into the earth that I chose extra lives," he rants, extremely emotional.

Time to screw with him even more...

(Me) "Sir? Your esteemed Lordliness? Your great and mighty Highness? Might this little one perhaps give you advice?"

I lather more bullshit compliments to loosen up this asshole for a mean fucking. He is going to suffer for existing. My reasoning is simple. First, he's too aggressive. Straight off the bat, he smacks my face in and drags me off like a kidnapper. Second, he is stronger than me. He is competition. Third, it's fun. I understand why supervillains keep working their jobs even though heroes ruin it all the time. People are fun to manipulate and hurt. It's this feeling of overwhelming control and understanding.

(Rude Turtle) "Eh? Oh, you... Ahem. Little One, I am... an Ascended Ancestor. Do well to serve me... Understand?"

He might pick up quickly but he really needs to get better at acting. His bullshit is visible from a mile away.

(Me) "Ascended Ancestor! The benevolent Turtle God Sheldon devoted a message to receive you! I heed your call!" I make a display of showing submissiveness when I speak to him.

(Rude Turtle) "Good. GOOD. Something is going right. Young One, I have a mission for you."

Damn it. I expected you would do this. Whatever. As long as my life is fun, I don't care what happens. I know I was stubborn about staying here, but it was inevitable I had to leave and explore at some point... But it doesn't mean I'm not pissed off. I hate this Rude Turtle so much that I can't even describe the intensity of the flames which burn inside me.

(Me) "How shall I serve, Sir?" I say, meekly responding.

(Rude Turtle) "Walk that Beach over yonder," he says as he points his fin-hand to the stretch of sand above.

(Me) "With pleasure, Sir!"

I move with speed to get this over with. He won't be around for much longer anyway after I'm done.

(Rude Turtle) "And make sure to report back to me what you found!" he yells from behind me. I already scaled up to the Birth-Crater by then.

When I do get up, I find more Beach and more sand. Nothing but mounds and holes and layers of sand. There are bits of rock mixed into the collection which look like boulders to me. Conch shells like mountains of colorfully shaped rock are scattered throughout. They are monuments to testify for living beings larger than I am.

I scuttle in a complicated pattern across the Beach. My scuttling involves me quickly pushing off diagonally to straight lines with pauses in between. So far, there is nothing but the air, Sun, and Sea to observe. I find it amusing that I am forced to risk my life to take another in such a useful way for my target.

I go to another one of the Conch shells and find that it too is empty. It is slightly purple-tinted and almost as spiky as a Sea Urchin. The inside feels like an unexplored cave system. Never did I expect to find pink moss growing in its walls. I sniffed tentatively and it smelled heavenly. I barely am able to stop myself from eating it.

The moss is so irresistible... I force my body to only lick it and an energy courses through my entire being. I feel as if I'm shocked and a current is passing through me but it's a good tingling which causes me to collapse and spasm. Poison? A form of aphrodisiac? No, some kind of deadly, addictive drug?

A few minutes pass before my body settles down. I feel... stronger like I have more power and speed. I am curious what its true effects are but I leave it alone for now. If it indeed is a drug, how bad would it be if it was a steroid that destroyed my entire body after forcibly strengthening it? I shudder at my close encounter. The Rude Turtle won't need to know about this.

Before I know it, the day is over. The Sun is setting and I move as fast as I can back home. Who knows what kind of things lurk at night? I slide down the edges of my Birth-Crater, slightly spinning from the momentum. The Rude Turtle is sitting in the pile of shells and nibbles at a pile of some grass he probably got from the jungle-forest. I make an effort to throw myself beneath him.

(Me) "Sir! I have counted 436 gray boulders and 28 colorful mountains with cave systems. Sadly, I explored only half of the closest caves. They were all empty. Also, I found no life on the Beach."

(Rude Turtle) "Good. Good! We can set up there!" he laughs and shifts his food pile.

(Me) "Right now, Sir?"

(Rude Turtle) "Why not now? If the Beach is deserted, that means it's an empty biome up for grabs. I can claim it with my ability!" he chuckles and is in a good mood for a first.

(Me) "And will I have to come, Sir? I am tired..." I make the impression I am barely awake and standing.

(Rude Turtle) "Right, right. I forgot you were just a Hatchling, Young One."

And the most useful thing I learned from you was about another food source... You also never told me this. I had to observe it myself. What an asshole. A useless, needy, and commanding asshole.

I curl up inside the collection of shells as he carries away his grass. When he is gone, I drag a mostly intact shell with me up the Birth-Crater's walls. I put the shell over myself like a box and look through a hole I made. I can see him on the Beach.

He speeds across the sand past rocks and Conch shells. I can barely see him in the distance but he stops near the center of the Beach. He begins drawing a circle and some other patterns I can't see from here. Then, he probably cast some spell as the magic inscription begins to glow bright and emit an energy similar to the moss. I'm surprised I can feel that all the way over here, but considering my size, this "Beach" is probably a small strip of land not even longer than 3 meters.

The jungle-forest surrounding the Beach rustles and a lone wolf appears. It's a mangy thing- probably diseased and old. But it is Behemoth to our turtle eyes, an existence of great proportion that could snuff out our lives in an instant just by a breath. It seemed to sense the emitted energy and growls in annoyance.

The Rude Turtle is panicking seeing how he is trying to finish the spell as fast as possible. The wolf trots over to him in a matter of seconds. Then, it starts down at the Rude Turtle with a critical eye. The Rude Turtle collapses in on himself when he finishes his "ability". The wolf still looks at his shell when the Rude Turtle tucked himself in for the night.

The wolf gives a howl and raises its leg. No... It can't be... The male member between its loins is erect. The wolf is targeting the Rude Turtle and his magic inscription. No... Territory... Claiming... It can't be...

The wolf urinates a flood that smashes into the Rude Turtle like a compressed water cannon. I can see his shell begin to fold in and his inscription is wiped away in an instant. I'm sure the Rude Turtle died then and there. After giving a few sniffs, the wolf seemed satisfied and prowled back into the jungle-forest.

Well now. They are both gone. I guess it's time to crack some eggs for a delicious dinner...