Waking up was getting harder and harder. Zara opened her eyes staring at the elaborate art on her ceiling. Her mind was aching and buzzing. All she could think about was how much she disliked that asshole prince. She also was getting more and more fearful of her emotions. How did she really feel about Mary? She needed to know. Feeling the emotions in her gut rising towards her throat, she sprung up and charged towards her desk. She grabbed her journal out of the desk and sat herself down.

The journal was full of her emotions and turmoil. Whenever she was overwhelmed she turned to this journal to get her thoughts out. It was her most reliable source of getting the buzzing, angry emotions out of her mind. It was an effective way of putting her problems out of her mind and into a place where she would never have to deal with them again. Looking through it, all of her past problems felt so trivial compared to her current situation. The wedding was really disrupting everything. Was it really tomorrow?

All her life she wanted to make a difference to improve the kingdom. She wanted to be the person her subjects wanted in a leader. Someone who could lead them to prosperity and development. Her parents spent so much time caring about themselves that they essentially neglected the kingdom, having them fend for themselves unless they absolutely needed them. Her family was hated by most of the kingdom which while deserved meant she had a lot of work to do if she ever wanted to bring any sense of unity or peace to the kingdom.

Tears started rolling down her face, Why did she have to choose between sacrificing her life, and the well being of her people? The unfairness of her situation was weighing down on her. Her emotions kept trying to fight their way out, and it hurt so much to keep fighting them back and pushing them down. It hurt so much. Her eyes were unable to contain the roaring wave of sadness flowing through her body. All of her feelings, responsibilities, desires, and the truth of the situation hit her hard.

Eventually, her tears stopped flowing, the pain subsided. She was a fractured person. After some time, she opened her journal, took a pen, and began to write down everything she was feeling. She wrote about her desires, what the people of the kingdom wanted, how much she hated Ruther and everything else that was coming to the surface. After writing the final word, she set her pen down and took a deep breath. Exhaling she tried to send as much of her anxieties as she could with it. She didn’t really feel that much better, she was still very much broken, but she was better able to control her emotions. There was however one very present source of anxiety, Mary.

She was the keystone of her feelings. She needed to know, but pursuing the answers would make it all real, and brought the potential of breaking her. Her life had been rapidly fallen apart these last few days, making the prospects of her future bleak and instilling a feeling of hopelessness. Was there really nothing left for her to do.

She heard a knock on the door.

"It's time to get going" she heard Mary say through the door. It was time for her to go try the wedding dress on for the first time. While it seemed unusual to try the dress the day before the wedding, her measurements were already known and her choices of dress were already figured out. It was a tradition for the maid of honor and the bride to go pick the wedding dress the day before the wedding. Of course, this was no last-minute planning. She had only three choices that had been carefully vetted for months, if not years in advance. This was merely a royal family tradition that was expected to be followed. It was also the last time that Mary and Zara would get to be alone.

"I'll be out in five minutes." She had no time to shower, but she could fake it. With some, quick makeup and her iconic messy bun, she looked as she normally did. She always carried this informal look around the castle. That way she didn't have to spend so much time getting ready However, this did not please everyone. Her mother despised the informality, Mary while pretending to be against it was secretly envious of her, and there were various members of the castle that silently judged her. She paid them no mind as they weren’t going to change her mind.

After quickly changing into something more presentable than pajamas, she opened the door to face Mary. She was wearing her bridesmaid dress. Which was a lovely pastel blue and hugged her body to emphasize her silhouette. She had obviously put a lot of work into her appearance and it showed. She really did look stunning, and the sight of her made Zara’s heart begin to ache. She couldn’t let her feelings take over her just yet, she needed some time to really think about and understand what she was really feeling.

"You didn't have to dress all nice for this, it's just going to be us." She said.

"And you didn't have to dress as if you had just woken up, but of course that’s probably exactly what you just did,” Mary said with a smug look. Not bothering to fight Mary about what happened this morning she moved on.

"This is going to be a long day, let's just get this over with,” she said groaning at the day ahead. They needed to go see Ms. Selenski. She was the tailor for the wedding and was given a place to stay in the castle for the event. The dressing room wasn’t that far away but walking there felt like an entirety. She bickered with Mary the whole way down, deciding to give her best friend an extra hard time, but Mary could take a good verbal punch and she knew how to dish it back. They eventually reached the dressing room and knocked.

"Ms. Selenski, I'm here to pick the wedding dress,” she said. A tall woman opened the door. Her head burst out of the door with great enthusiasm. While she was getting older in her years her liveliness wasn’t going anywhere. She observed them while holding a few safety pins in her mouth with a measuring tape in hand. Taking in who she was looking at. She took the pins out of her mouth and gestured the two to come in.

"Ahh princess Zara and lady Mary, How lovely to see you, come in, come in,” Ms. Selenski said. As the two made their way into the spacious demo room, they were gestured to sit down. "I will go grab the first dress.”

"No need for that, I already know which one I want,” Zara said. This comment made Mary slightly smile and Ms. Selenski frown. Her personality was particularly strong today, she didn’t want to contain it for anyone. ”I want the one in the middle display case." On the display cases along the wall, they showcased the three wedding dresses selected for her. The one in the middle case was the least show-stopping, and It was still a nice dress. Unlike the others It was still contained, and much more up Zara's style. It was chosen for that reason, normally the princess’s dress are as fancy, and gallant as possible. Especially for a royal wedding, but even Mother and Father knew she could put up a fight when it came to these things. She refused to let these small instances of self-expression slip by. so they merely comprised on the issue.

"Why don't we go get it on you?" Ms. Selenski said. all the pleasantries had disappeared from her voice. Zara nodded and headed to the changing room as Ms. Selesnki removed the dress from the display case. In the changing room, which contained many mirrors, she undressed down to her undergarments and allowed Ms. Selenski to help slide the dress on. She had to make all her examinations for any last-minute fitting adjustments. The dress was a pristine white, with pearls embedded modestly in the floral embroidery at the top. It was not a dress that extended far from the body, and the dress stopped just above her ankles so she could still move freely. It hugged her body snuggly, but not so much as to be uncomfortable. It reminded her of her red dress which brought back unpleasant memories of that night. All Zara could see in the mirror was the beginning of the end. This wedding would be the last time that should be able to identify as an individual. This was the look of her parting with her freedom. It was a look that she did not like.

Finished with her observations, Ms. Selenski gestured for Zara to head back to the demo room. She complied and headed to the demo room. Instead of walking with elegant motions and regal confidence, as was expected of her, she walked deliberately with cold, uncaring confidence. She could feel some disapproval from Ms. Selenski. There was a certain amount of elegance expected from royalty and brides, but she would be damned if she had to follow the convention, especially if she didn’t want any of this. When she got back to the main room, she looked at Mary and did a quick spin in an overly dramatic fashion. Ending with a small flourish of her hands and the stamping of her feet.

"It looks beautiful,” Mary said with a genuine smile, her eyes, however, betrayed that smile showing some sadness.

"I feel so wrong in this dress.” She did not feel comfortable inside it. It felt as if she was signing her life away. Ms. Seleski and noticed something.

"There are some final adjustments to be made, take it off,” she said. Zara let off a small smile. She did love it when other people adopted her direct approach. It made them feel more genuine. She raised her hands while Ms. Selenski removed the dress and took it to a back room. This was her chance, she had to talk to Mary.

"Mary we need to talk,” she said. Her heart was starting to beat harder as she finally acknowledged the feelings that were deep inside her.

"What's up, you've got me worried,” Mary said. Her face showed her concern. She couldn’t keep stalling. She needed to know before she locked away her inner emotions for good.

“The past few days have made something clear, something that I think has always been true, but I’ve just never been in a situation where this would come up.” Her heart was beating so hard, every word took a monumental effort to get out. “Mary…” she closed her eyes. This was it.

“…I love you.”

She finally got the words out. Her heart was about to explode in her chest. She wasn’t used to being this emotional. She didn’t realize what she was saying until the words had already left her mouth. It was true, whenever she thought of Mary she was happy, she felt peaceful and whole. She had been told her whole life that the bond of love was between a man and a woman. However, at this moment, she realized that she loved Mary regardless of what she was told. Regardless of what she was supposed to feel. She knew what her heart was saying. For the first time in a long time.

Mary looked stunned as if the words she heard were unbelievable. ”Zara..." Mary said trailing off “…I’m so sorry" Mary muttered to herself. she jumped up and tackled Zara giving her an enormous hug. "You know that if I did share the same feelings as you it could never be.”

"I know,” Zara said. Her arms wrapping around her tighter.

"You know that we would be in danger if it was ever found out.“

“Yeah”

“We would have to keep it a secret our whole lives”

“Yeah”

“It’ll be a living hell.” Zara stayed silent.

"I'm so...so sorry". Zara could feel the tears fall onto her shoulder and she began to cry. They stayed like that for several moments and a voice broke them out of their thoughts.

"Is everything alright?" Ms. Selenski said as she returned with the wedding dress.

"Everything is fine!" Mary quickly said, regaining her composure. "I'm just so happy for my best friend.” Ms. Selenski took this at face value and continued with her adjustments. After one last test run of the dress. They were finished and Zara changed back into her regular clothes. They wished Ms. Selenski a pleasant day and started walking.

"We are going to the garden,” Mary said. Zara didn’t respond. Her mind was too full of emotions. Mary didn’t outright reject her, which meant to her that she felt the same way, but was that even possible. It was all too much for her to take in right now.

They walked in silence to the castle’s garden, which was full of colorful flowers and beautiful fauna from all over the kingdom. They found the bench that sat across from the garden’s pond and they sat there. Taking in the sounds of nature and the smell of the outside. She couldn’t believe Mary, how could she have kept it in all these years. How could she have been so blind?

“Mary, I’m sorry I didn’t pay more attention to your feelings,” she said. She felt that she was an empathetic person, but for some reason, this had flown under her radar. Mary started to say something back.

“You don’t ha-“ Zara cut her off mid-sentence.

“Yes I do,” she was riled up, “I never paid attention to you emotionally, you were so much better at hiding it than me. I should’ve noticed that the feelings I’ve just discovered these past feel days, you probably felt them too.” Zara could feel the tears forming in her eyes. “You have always cared about me more than anyone, you showed me more compassion than anyone. You were there for me when nobody else was.” She started to sob, her emotions were overwhelming her. Why did all of this have to come out the day before the goddamn wedding? She heard Mary take a deep breath.

“I’ve always known that I was more fond of girls than I was of boys. I never told anyone for obvious reasons. I kept it in and accepted my life, and thought that maybe one day this could all change and I could live the life that I wanted to live but…” she paused “I resigned to my fate. I know as an heir to a royal house there wasn’t anything I could do. Then I met you.” Zara remembered when she first met Mary. Their house had sent a representative to stay at the castle for various reasons. Mary came to learn about the capital city and the politics that happened there. She eventually replaced the representative that was sent there as she was exceptionally talented and hard-working.

“When I met you it was as if the darkness I was in was lifted for the first time. You wanted to make a difference to the world, and you rejected the rules set about by the King and Queen.” Mary started smiling. “As our bond grew, I knew that I had feelings for you, but I also knew that I could never place that burden on your life.” She turned to Zara and grabbed her hand and placed it on her heart. Zara’s heart began pounding furiously, the emotions inside her were overwhelming her.

“But everything has changed. I can’t believe this is happening.” Zara had never seen her so happy. “But the bitter truth is that there really isn’t a place for us here.” She started full-blown sobbing. Zara grabbed hold of Mary hugging her tight. She never expected Mary to reciprocate her feelings, this was worse than a rejection. There was no way for them to show their love for each other, without major consequences. Why did this world hate her so?

"Princess Zara,” the voice of the wedding advisor filled the air. "I must have your attention immediately.”

"Could it wait after I'm done?" Zara said angrily.

"No, you must come with me, there are important things to be done.” before Zara could protest Mary squeezed her

"It's okay,” Mary said. “We’ll figure it out.“ She looked into Mary’s eyes. They looked more alive than she had ever seen them before. It looked as if she was truly happy. She had to know how bad their situation was. Zara smiled. She realized that Mary had probably been waiting for this moment for years. They were finally complete in that last moment. Mary with one last hug said goodbye to her and excused herself.

The wedding advisor started talking about the rest of the preparations for the day, but Zara wasn't really listening, she could barely think.

***

Stumbling back into her room, Zara laid down and just let tears stream down her face. The day had been exhausting, and it was far too emotional for her to bear. She hadn't even had time to think about what Mary said.

"WHY?" she screamed into the universe. She was overwhelmed with emotions. Her life as she knew it was lost. No one in the royalty would accept a lesbian princess, they barely accepted anyone that wasn't royalty. She had finally found someone who cared about what she cared about, someone who wanted to change the world. She had found love. She resolved herself.

She had to fight.

For herself.

For the people of the kingdom.

And for Mary.