I wake to darkness, night time having covered the alleyway.

I stumble to my feet, doing my best not to think of anything.

My heart hurts. It hurts so much. How dare that witch- how could she? This hurts more than any pain I’ve ever felt.

I stumble out of the alleyway, looking at where I transported myself.

Please god, anyone, stop the pain.

I look up at the building I find myself next to, my eyes widening as I see a temple of worship. Is this some cosmic joke? Are the gods laughing at me somewhere?

If I weren’t in so much pain, I might laugh. But how could I laugh? How could I feel any kind of joy after what I’ve done?

Please make it stop, I don’t want to feel this. I just want it to stop.

I stagger to the temple, gratefully opening the unlocked door as I enter the building. Physical pain assaults me as the gods object to my presence here. I welcome the pain, accepting it as a distraction. I do my best to stop it from bringing my mind to the pain I’ve caused others, but it won’t stop.

Barely staying on my feet, I walk up to the podium, and fall to my knees.

“Please. Please make it stop.” I whisper, my voice hoarse from screaming.

To my surprise, the physical pain that the gods were afflicting me with stops. I curse the gods at their irony as the distraction leaves me. The emotions hit my mind full force, making me fall to my hands as I kneel in front of the podium.

“Are you alright?” A melodious voice asks from beside me, a hand touching my shoulder.

I had not noticed the extra presence with all the pain I was feeling.

I look up to see a young man looking down at me, worry evident in his expression.

“Why? Why must I feel these things?” I ask him, tears coming to my eyes. “Oh god, what have I done? Why can’t I go back to what I was? I cannot live with this pain.” Tears fall from my eyes as I cry for the first time that I can remember.

Gently, the young man lifts me up, and sits me down on one of the pews. He walks away, returning with a bottle of water.

I sip the water automatically, barely noticing it as my mind is filled with hundreds of years of memories.

“I had never understood the vitriol others would say “murderer” with.” I say absentmindedly, staring at the podium in front of me, “But now- now I can see. And I hate it.”

“Why do you hate it?” The young man asks, now sitting next to me.

“It hurts!” I yell at the air. “It hurts so much. I’ve killed countless people, and I can feel their pain. I can feel it.”

“Do you think your punishment is unjust?” The young man asks.

I look at him, anger in my eyes. “How could I ever say that, now that I know? How could I ever say that I don’t deserve a hundred times this punishment? I only wish to kill myself so that I may be free. But I fear that even death is no escape. No, the gods would never let me rest.”

“No, they wouldn’t.” The young man agrees with me, his voice kind.

Silence fills the temple as I put my head into my hands and cry.

After my sobs quiet down, the young man says, “What if I told you there was a way to be free of your pain?”

I look up at him sharply.

He smiles at my look. “You could repent for every life you have taken, do good with your new life. Balance the scales if you will.”

I stare at my hands, “How could I do good when all I know is killing? How could I, when I have never saved a life, never fed or clothed another? How could I, when all these hands have ever known is murder and death?”

The young man watches me for a moment, his melodious voice continuing softly, “There is a young witch. A young witch with many enemies. Her life will soon come to an end without the help of another. That could be where you start. Save one life in repayment of one you have taken.”

“The road you suggest for me….” I start, my eyes staring into the distance. “It is impossibly long.”

“How do you travel a long road?” The young man asks, laughing. “You start one step at a time.” He says, before picking me up bodily. “Now get out of my church and make your decision. You know the young witch I speak of. Her first enemy will come tomorrow night, coming from the darkness as you once did. She will not deal with it as easily as she dealt with you.” With those final words, he tosses me from his church, the doors slamming behind me.

I land lithely on my feet, staring at the temple with some annoyance. I know that whichever step I take next, my future will be decided irreversibly. Do I follow the rude god’s advice?

I stare at the water bottle that he gave me, still in my hand. I take another sip of it, appreciating the cool taste.

I turn my gaze to the moon, wondering. It seems that I have been away from the news of the magical community for too long. I had not even heard of this witch before I met her, but she seems to have made many powerful enemies, if a god was asking for my help.

I gulp down the rest of the water bottle, and toss it into the trash bin, my mind wandering to the memories. They still hurt... so much. But I can think now. It seems that the god has decided to lessen the pain for me a little bit, at least for tonight. I know it will not last long.

With a sigh, I gather the shadows to me and teleport away.

I find myself in a medium sized city that I can’t be bothered to remember the name of. It’s one of the few places in the world that magical beings tend to congregate. Something about the ley lines if I remember correctly.

I start walking down the city streets towards my destination, the night life of the city bustling as people of all colors and ages drunkenly walk down the street. It doesn’t take me long to arrive at an old timey tavern, specifically designed for beings like me that have been around since the time that wooden taverns with bardic music were seen on every street corner.

I walk into the building, met by the laughter of a group of men playing a drinking game. Waitresses hurry through the crowd, delivering drinks and food to the customers. I smile at them with my usual cheerfulness, suppressing memories of how I used to use the same smile on now dead men and women.

A waitress blushes at my smile as I walk over to the bartender. He nods to me, walking over with cheer. “What can I get for you?” The bartender asks.

“I’m here for some Old Monster Gin and a Bloody Mary.” I say.

“Follow me then.” The bartender says, leading me to a door that says Staff Only. He opens the door, letting me through, and I find myself amongst a smaller, and much stranger, crowd.

Serving girls with cat ears deliver drinks to men in business suits, women in ball gowns, and demons in slacks.

I smile at the familiar oddity. An elderly woman smiles as she sees me from the back, approaching with some gusto. “Leo! How wonderful to see you. It’s been a century since you’ve entered these doors. Ever since that business with the witches.”

I grin at the elderly woman. “I’m happy to report that I was cleared of all charges.”

But you did it. A voice whispers in the back of my mind. They put some innocent man up on trial instead of you. How are you supposed to repent for his death? Are you going to continue lying? Pretending to be the good man that you are not?

I do my best to ignore the voice, but my smile falters for a moment.

The elderly woman has the atmosphere of someone who is used to getting what she wants. Her grey hair is tied up in a neat bun, and her blue eyes show uncommon intelligence, and the wrinkles on her face are few.

“That’s wonderful! I don’t like fights in my establishment.” The elderly woman links her arm in mine, leading me towards her table.

“I would never even think of doing something like that Tyra. Also, I have to ask, what’s with the new look?” I ask as we sit down and she orders for us.

Tyra chuckles darkly, “I’ve found that people feel more comfortable talking to an old lady. It puts them at ease.” She pauses, “The lack of lustful looks is an added bonus.”

I laugh. Tyra is one of the oldest sex demons that I know of, so the fact that even she got tired of lustful gazes is amusing.

I’m grateful I didn’t try to kill her, even if my reasoning was less than honorable at the time. I’d simply taken a dislike to the employer and killed him instead.

My gaze falters as I remember his death, turned to ribbons by my shadows. It was messy and it hurt.

The pain of your insides being cut from the inside out, I feel it.

“Leo?” Tyra says, a questioning look on her face.

I’d used Tyra. She thought I was a good person because I’d killed the man trying to kill her. So I used her for information and… other things which are strange to think about when she looks like this.

Her usefulness likely saved her life more times than she'll ever know.

“Are you alright Leo? You look sick.” Tyra asks, worried.

“I’m fine Tyra. I just got lost in thought.” I say, pausing as my favorite tea arrived. I’m not much of an alcohol drinker, even if I want to make tonight the exception. I hear that alcohol dulls the pain. “I need to know what’s been happening in the other world. I’ve been too long out of touch.”

Tyra frowns, the wrinkles of her face becoming more noticeable, “So the unrest has reached even you?”

I nod, doing my best to enjoy my ginger tea. It doesn’t quite taste the same for some reason.

“Many things are happening at the moment, but it mainly boils down to this….” Tyra smiles, happy to share some of her gossip, “Word got out that the witches have an apprentice powerful enough to get them another seat on the council.” I pause, my eyes widening as many things fall into place. If I’d had any idea who Diana was, I would have approached her with more caution. “She’s young, and still growing into her power. No doubt many of the other factions have been trying to nip her in the bud. I don’t need to mention how monumental a shift in power another seat would be, do I?”

“I’m not that out of touch Tyra.” I say, chuckling.

Tyra holds both her hands up, smiling, “You never know.”

“Tyra,” I say, looking at her eyes, as I cover the both of us in shadows, hiding us from the rest of the tavern. She stiffens slightly. “Does your loyalty to me still hold? Or have you chosen another?” I ask, taking another sip of my ginger tea.

Her appearance reverts to what it used to be, a petite and beautiful young woman with brown hair, and brown eyes. She looks up into my eyes as she answers with a straight face. “You are the lord I chose. I have not chosen another.”

I look into her eyes, wondering if she is lying to me. It can be hard to tell with beings that are as old as we are, we’ve learned to hide our tells very well.

I want to believe her. She is the closest thing I have to a friend, and I… care for her? What the fuck is this feeling? I actually want to protect her? I’ve never felt this way before. It’s strange. I think that if I tried to kill her right now, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t be able to do it. Is this another side effect of the curse Diana cast on me?

I sigh defeatedly, as I set my cup down. “If you are still loyal to me Tyra, then please tell me why my ginger tea has enough poison in it to kill a Vampire Ancestor?”

Tyra freezes, before fury fills her face. “Who would dare?” She pulls the cup away from me, sniffing the contents. “Bloodwart, and… Dragonsbane?” Worry fills her eyes as she looks up at me. “Are you-?”

“I’m fine.” I answer as my shadow sweeps through my body, pulling the poison out of it. Not that this type of poison would work well on me. Whoever tried to kill me obviously didn’t know what they were targeting, neither of those poisons are particularly effective against me.

Tyra stands up from her chair kneeling on the floor in front of me. “I swear that I had no idea what was in that tea. If you will release your magic, I will immediately find and destroy whoever tried to do this.”

“Don’t be rash.” I say smiling down at Tyra. “You aren’t even in your old lady disguise anymore. It wouldn’t be good to startle your customers with your newfound beauty.” As an afterthought, I add, “You can get off your knees.”

Tyra gulps as she sits back down across from me, her form returning to her old woman disguise.

“It’s a pity, I like your normal form.” I say absentmindedly as I lean back in my chair.

To my surprise, Tyra blushes slightly, although it isn’t as attractive in her current form. “What do you want me to do Leo?” She asks.

“For now, find out who tried to poison me and why. Don’t do anything stupid yet, I have enemies that even you should be wary of. I sincerely hope that this has nothing to do with the choice I have to make by tomorrow night.” I frown in thought, “I’ll contact you in two days to see what you’ve found out.” I disrupt the shadows that were hiding us, returning us to her comfortable tavern.

I stand up, looking over at her with a smile, an emotion rising in me that I can’t quite describe. “I’m glad I decided to see you again Tyra. I’d forgotten how much you meant to me.”

Tyra pauses for a moment, stunned. It is only for a moment, but she is a master at hiding her emotions, and I know that she had not meant to show me any while her tavern could see her.

I chuckle as I walk away, mildly disappointed that I hadn’t gathered as much information as I meant to.

I notice from the corner of my eye as Tyra calmly gets up, walking towards the kitchen. I would not want to be the person that had prepared my tea right now.

Tyra may look to be calm, but she takes pride in the safety of her establishment. She must be furious at the thought of someone poisoning a guest.

Once I’m safely outside, I gather my shadow around me, and teleport towards the person who is at the new center of my life.

Diana, Diana, whatever shall I do with you?