I've got a home in gloryland that outshines the sun

Way beyond the blue

-traditional

It was the summer of 2010, and Evan Barker was biting balloons and kicking over folding chairs in Matt Nelson's backyard when he found out Jason had killed himself.

The balloon-biting and chair-kicking was part of a self-righteous tantrum over seeing Cody Markowicz kiss Andrea Waters earlier that evening. The tantrum was part jealousy, part rage on behalf of Andrea's besmirched dignity, part post-adolescent frustration, part gloomy intoxication.

He was roaring drunk, and he found the balloons popped easiest and most satisfyingly when he sank his front incisors into them, like a beaver with a ball. He would rip one from its string, sink his teeth in, feel the puff of escaping air, throw the remains to the dirt like a used condom, then grab another one and repeat.

There were rows and rows of balloons strung along the deck, pink and white, hung festively for Matt's younger sister Tiffany's birthday party. Evan tore them from their strings, chomping away.

When he was out of balloons to bite, he walked over to the rows of folding chairs set up in front of the deck and began kicking them over. Some folded up and fell to the dirt with a muted clang, some fell over on their sides.

He'd seen Cody lean down and peck Andrea on the lips upon their earlier departures. Andrea had been going around saying her goodbyes, giving friendly hugs to everyone and saying, "See you soon." Evan had relished his hug, blissfully enjoying the brief sensation of her torso against his and her arms around his shoulders. Hugs were the only female contact he'd ever had.

Andrea, a demure social butterfly who worked as a secretary at the Triple A, had walked over to Cody, a square-jawed, tow-headed former linebacker who worked for his dad's awning company. Cody had hugged Andrea tightly, and then as they were letting go, he'd leaned in and kissed her. It was so quick and so casual it seemed as though Cody had done it as an afterthought. Andrea herself had seemed quite flustered. As far as Evan knew, they weren't involved in any official way, and he hadn't even seen them so much as talk to each other that entire afternoon.

Once the deed was done, Cody had walked off to his car without a word, and Andrea had fixed her bangs and walked in the opposite direction to her own car. Evan didn't think anyone other than him had noticed the incident.

Something about the exchange had made Evan very angry, and not just because of the jealousy he felt. Andrea was pretty and smart, with an open friendliness to her that most women seemed to have grown out of by twenty, and he'd been hoping to make some inroads with her that evening. But the hours had passed and he hadn't had the balls to even talk to her very much, and then she was leaving, and then Cody had kissed her like that. Like it was nothing. And he'd gotten away with it. Cody was no prize himself. Why did he, of all people, get to do things like that? If Evan had pulled that kind of move, Andrea probably would've screamed.

A couple hours and several shots later, with Tiffany off to her boyfriend's basement to smoke pot and Matt's parents safely tucked into their California king-bed upstairs, Evan was wandering around Matt's sizable backyard, fuming to himself, when he'd come across the rows of balloons tied to the deck. He'd snatched one and tried to pop it, squeezing it between his hands. It swelled outward like a bladder, refusing to explode. He growled in frustration and bit into it. It burst out of existence. He felt better. He seized another and his game began.

Evan's friends sat around a hearty bonfire, farther down the hill that comprised Matt's backyard. They were all drinking from various bottles of liquor.

"The fuck are you DOING?" he heard his friend Rob Van Gilder call up as the racket from Evan's chair- kicking reached them.

"Nothing," Evan called back down.

His phone began to buzz.