June 25th

Every night for the last month, I've had the same dream, and every time I have the dream, it becomes a little more clear. I'm keeping this journal in an attempt to track the dream and see if I can make sense of the whole thing.

The dream simply consisted of dark amorphous shapes and sounds for a long time, but last night, it finally became clear enough that I could tell the sounds and shapes were actually a multitude of chanting hooded figures.

As soon as I came to that realization, I shot up in bed. My heart was pounding in my chest, my face was plastered in sweat, and I was gasping for air. The sudden absence of the chanting made the room oppressively silent. Beside me, a sleepy halting voice cut through the gloom. "What's the matter babe? What's wrong?"

A hand was gently rubbing my back, helping to anchor me back in reality and chase away the last vestiges of the nightmare. I reached behind myself to grab the arm and pull it to my lips to kiss my partner's palm. "Nothin darlin, it's just that stupid dream again."

Venessa's voice creaked with sleepiness. "Not again, you had enough trouble sleeping before that dream started making it worse. I don't like what it's doing to you... Here don't forget to take your sleeping pills."

I took the pills she'd taken from our nightstand and downed them with the glass of water she held out to me. She was right, luckily it was the weekend, and I could sleep in a little to make up for the interruption the nightmare caused. Her voice helped my heart calm down a little more, and I ran a hand through my mess of hair. "This time, it got clear enough for me to realize some of what's going on."

The hand I was holding seemed to grow a little colder, and the voice was suddenly very awake. "What did you see?"

I was rubbing my eyes to help them focus properly and chase away the vision from my dream. As I answered, my voice was still a little shaky. "The shapes seemed to be a gathering of robbed people, and they were either chanting or singing."

Looking over at Venessa, I thought I saw a touch of fear in her eyes, but then she blinked and it was gone, so I wasn't sure. She reached for me as she spoke. "Well, it's only a dream, and we need to find a way to help you forget about it for a while. Come here!"

With that, Venessa drew me into a passionate kiss, and I forgot all about nightmares and chanting for a while.

July 2nd

I had the same dream again, like I do every night, but as usual, I could make out a little more. One voice was leading the rest in their chant. For the most part, it was just a jumble of sounds that made no sense, I could only tell it was chanting because of the rhythmic nature of the voices, but one line came through clear as day. "She hungers!"

I'm not sure why, but those words seemed familiar somehow. As though they are buried in the deepest recesses of my memories. Like I've heard them spoken in that same voice before, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't remember when...

This would all be driving me insane if it weren't for Venessa by my side. She is my rock through all of this. She's always there to chase away the dreams, to calm my fears, and to soothe me back to sleep. Without her, I don't think I'd have gotten what little sleep I have over the last few weeks.

I've had little enough sleep as it is. It's gotten so bad that I think I might have started hallucinating. When I woke up after hearing, 'she hungers!' I could have sworn for the briefest moment that Venessa's eyes were black, as though they were all pupal. I blinked to clear my vision and realized immediately that Venessa's eyes were closed, and she was still asleep.

I shook my head, mentally reprimanding myself for letting the stupid dream get to me in the waking world. The motion was just enough to wake Venessa beside me. Without opening her eyes, she reached out and wrapped herself around me, pulling me into a hug. Her voice was barely a mumbled moan. "It's that stupid dream again, isn't it..."

I mussed up her hair and grinned a little sadly. "Yeah, afraid so. This time I could even make out some of the words..."

Venessa's hug suddenly tightened, almost like a spasm of some kind. I instinctively reached down and pulled at her arm. "A little tight there babe, that hurts."

Her grip didn't loosen at all. Instead, I heard her voice come out of the bundle of arms that now hid her face from me. The tone was utterly flat. "What did they say?"

If I didn't know any better, I'd swear she was trying to hide the sound of fear in her voice. I wasn't sure if my answer would help or hurt, but I wasn't in the habit of hiding things from my partner. We've been through too much these last few months together. "They said something about some woman hungering."

Venessa wrapped even more of her body around mine, her legs were now entwined with my own. "I don't like what that stupid dream is doing to you! I'm worried about you..." At first, her voice had sounded angry... I've never heard her get angry at, well, anything before. That seems a little odd now that I think about it.

I gave up on prying Venessa loose and instead rubbed her back as I spoke. "You know I'd make it go away if I could babe. This has been a long month for us both."

Venessa laughed at that, but it wasn't the pure happy laugh I was familiar with, this was a darker laugh filled with exhaustion and sadness. "Has it only been a month? It feels like so much longer..."

That was when Venessa seemed to steel her resolve. I could almost feel determination flowing from her into me. "It doesn't matter! We'll get through this together, I'm never going to leave your side!"

My heart skipped a beat looking down at the amazing woman by my side. She was the most beautiful thing in my world, and I didn't deserve her.

She finally uncoiled herself from around me and reached over to the nightstand. "Here, take your pills, they'll help you get back to sleep."

I thanked her and downed the pills with the glass of water she held out to me. At least it was the weekend, and we could sleep in a little late together.

July 9th

This time I could make out more of the chanting, but it wasn't in any language I've heard spoken before. At first, I thought it might be Latin or some other dead language, but the 'words' coming out of the priest's mouth didn't sound like they had been designed with human mouths in mind. It seemed almost like he was swallowing his own tongue for some syllables, and practically retching out the rest. The last bit was the now-familiar, "she hungers!" Then, he plunged a knife down. As the blade made impact, I shot bolt upright in bed.

Looking over at my partner as I gasped for air, I was amazed at how beautiful she looked with her hair blowing in the breeze... That was when my sleep-deprived brain finally forced me to look up, and I realized the window wasn't open. In addition to that, I couldn't feel any breeze that could stir her hair.

My mind was caught in a game of tug of war as I struggled to decide whether to look back at down at Venessa or not. I'm not sure I wanted to know the answer to that riddle.

Slowly, almost against my will, my eyes crept back down to the sleeping form of my partner. As I looked, her hair still waved about, almost more like tentacles than hair. I watched, frozen in horror as one lock of hair reached out for me and slowly wrapped itself around the wrist I had planted in the bed closest to Venessa.

I cried out something intelligible and ripped my hand away! The hair held tight, and I felt Venessa's head jerk as I pulled. Her eyes snapped open as she reached for the top of her head. "Owe! What was that for?" Her eyes glared at me, filled with questions and worry.

My eyes remained fixed on the offending strands of hair, now lying limply on the bed, my answer came shakily. "Y... your hair! It was alive and moving! It grabbed ahold of my wrist!"

I was expecting a look of disbelief or maybe even condescension. Instead, I saw the same look of fear as before, mixed with... regret? Then she blinked, and just like before, any hint that something was wrong was gone.

When she spoke, Venessa's voice held nothing but concern and affection for me. "Are you ok love? Did you take your sleeping pills tonight?"

Venessa reached over to the nightstand and handed me my pills and the glass of water we kept on the nightstand. I was just about to take them when I stopped and looked a little closer at them. They were both a translucent blood red color. When did I get these pills? I couldn't remember seeing a doctor for a prescription, and they didn't look like any over the counter sleep meds I was aware of. As an insomniac, I've tried them all over the years.

As I suspiciously stared at the pills in my hand, Venessa spoke up beside me. "Just take your medicine love. At least you only seem to forget to take them on the weekend, so we can sleep in a little in the morning."

That also triggered a little something odd in my mind. Why does it always seem to be Saturday night? I know I worked most of the week, but try as I might I couldn't remember any specifics. I remember the days being long and tedious, but I couldn't remember any conversations I had, or any specific tasks I accomplished. Just some vague memories of working in a field, but a field of what? Why couldn't I picture the faces of anyone I worked with?

The fear in Venessa's eyes was starting to return, then she blinked, and it was gone again. However, I just stared at her eyes in horror. Her eyes had blinked wrong. The eyelids had come from the sides of her eyes, not the top or bottom the way they should.

The panic must have been plain to see on my face because the fear returned to her eyes as quickly as it had left. "What's the matter? Just take your medication, then we can..."

I threw the pills away before turning back to the woman whose eyes had returned to all pupal, just as I remembered from a week ago. Or was it yesterday? Why does the outline of Venessa's body seem to blur more and more as I try and focus on her? Is she sitting on the bed, or does her torso really disappear into the bed? Are the sheets and blankets really moving with her agitation? As she leans forward, all I can see is love and concern in those pitch-black eyes. As I struggle to pull away mouths open in the bed and bite down on my limbs just hard enough that I'm held firmly, but gently, in place.

Venessa wraps me in a warm and protective embrace as every surface in the room sprouts countless misshapen black eyes filled with love and concern. Her words come out in a trembling whisper echoed by mouths in the sheets and on the mattress, and I can feel her need for me to listen. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please forget this and go back to sleep. Please, realize this is all a dream. I love you. Please come back to me!"

The mouths in the bed me drew me deeper inside themselves, inside Venessa. It was all too much for my mind to accept, and I blacked out.

July 16th

The men were back, but this time I could clearly see their faces. I was begging them to let me go, to untie me. Instead, their chanting just increased in volume and tempo, soon I could feel my heart pumping faster to keep pace with the chanting.

They were still chanting in that strange alien tongue, but bits and pieces of the chant were starting to make sense, and I was able to pick out phrases here and there. "She who hungers! We offer sacrifice! Gift of life evermore! Accept our sacrifice!" and finally, "She hungers!"

With that last phrase, the priest brought down his knife just as he had before, but this time I didn't wake up. As his knife entered my heart, my vision blurred, shadowed, then went black. I slowly rose above my body just in time to see the nightmare, surely born of insanity, that descended upon my body and devoured it whole.

The cultists writhed in worship and adulation until countless tendrils extended from the nightmare and grabbed hold of the priest who'd led the ritual.

He screamed as he was torn into pieces, each of which was drawn into one of the thing's myriads of maws.

Immediately all cultists screamed and ran, but none escaped the grasp of she that hungers. One by one, they were dragged screaming before it, torn apart, and devoured.

I floated above the nightmare, unable to move as the beast approached my spirit, and tenderly, almost lovingly, the tendrils grabbed me and drew me whole inside the largest of its maws.

Then I woke up.

This time I wasn't in bed. I was standing in an infinite plane of pain and torment. I could hear the screams of the cultists and countless other souls who had summoned the beast over the ages.

Before me stood Venessa.

I collapsed on the ground, covering my eyes and ears, trying desperately to wake up again and escape this nightmare.

But it didn't go away.

After what seemed like an eternity, I could feel Vanessa's arms wrap around me to comfort me. I could feel the nightmares tendrils wrap around me to consume me. Though my eyes were closed tight, all I could see were mouths and eyes all focused on me, all hungry for me.

Then I heard Venessa's voice. "You are safe here with me! Nothing here can harm you! These visions you see are born of the horrors contained within your memories. Just think of me, Venessa, the woman who loves you! Forget the horrors of your memories, turn away from it all, and just think of me. Listen to my voice, and follow it out of your nightmare."

The screams faded, and in my mind, I could see the eyes and mouths slowly close. Pretty soon, all I could hear was the voice of Venessa heavy with emotion. "You're safe. You're ok. I've got you. I'll never leave you. You're safe."

When I opened my eyes again, I was in a featureless empty wite room, and before me stood Venessa. Just Venessa this time.

Looking her right in the eyes, I couldn't hide from the truth any longer. I ran trembling hands through my hair, and when I spoke, my voice was half sob and half whisper. "My dream isn't a dream. It really happened."

Venessa raised a hand like she wanted to reach out and hold me, then dropped her arm to her side and lowered her head. Her voice was a whisper filled with sorrow. She only said one word. "Yes."

I raised my hand and pointed at her. "They killed me, and you... you..."

I couldn't finish the thought, my voice caught in my throat, my arms fell as I lost the will to do anything more.

Venessa looked up, met my eyes, and finished my thought for me. "And I devoured you."

My vision started to blur, and the eyes and mouths began to open around me again. I screwed my own eyes shut as tight as I could, but the visions pierced through, into my mind. I started to collapse again, but I was caught and held in a tight embrace this time. "I told you, none of this is real, you're safe, nothing can ever hurt you again."

I pushed away from Venessa an accusation in my eyes as I pointed at her again. "What do you mean, none of this is real? You ate me! My body is slowly digesting in your stomach as we speak! How long before my spirit is gone too? How long before I cease to exist?"

Venessa tilted her head and considered me for a moment. "How long do you think you've been here?"

I looked around at the plain white room. I never even noticed when the eyes and mouths had gone away this time. Now there was just me, Venessa, and the question. "I... I don't know. A day, a week, a month?"

Venessa's smiled in a way that told me I was going to have a hard time understanding the answer. "Well, in this place, time is what you perceive it to be and nothing more, but you could more easily measure the time you've spent with me, in centuries."

As soon as Venessa finished speaking, fragments of lifetimes of memories flooded back into my head. In every one of them, Venessa was by my side.

It was dizzying and took me more than a moment to process. "What happened? Why can't I remember everything? Why is it so fragmented."

Venessa simply looked tired as she explained, as though she'd explained this countless times before. "This is all an awful lot for a human mind to process. Eventually, it just becomes... too much. It always starts with the nightmares, and slowly, but inevitably, everything collapses."

She grinned a little, and her voice contained a soft laughter as she continued. "Sometimes, you try to kill me. You can be quite valiant and brave when facing down your living nightmare!" She sounded oddly proud of me when she said that. "Of course, a human trying to kill... me... is about as effective as an unarmed toddler attacking a seasoned warrior."

Her head tilted to the side, and Venessa's voice took on a more sorrowful tone. "Other times, you try to kill yourself to escape. But you are a part of me now, and you can't kill yourself any more than you can kill me."

Her voice became low, and Venessa fidgeted in place like she was uncomfortable with the next part. "Other times, you really lose it, and you try to... worship me. You've offered yourself up as a sacrifice on multiple occasions... I don't... I don't like it when you do that."

Something about seeing this... (demon, elder god, nightmare?) fidget in place uncomfortably was so surreal it snapped me out of... whatever haze I found myself in, and I laughed.

I laughed long and hard. I laughed out my fear, my nightmares, my confusion, my pain, and more. I laughed until my throat was raw, my head ached, and I finally collapsed in exhaustion.

Venessa's voice was genuinely pained when she spoke. "So it's the insanity and worship thing again? Alright, let's get your mind cleared and start you over again."

As she reached for me, I weakly batted her arms away before replying. "No, I'm not worshiping you, although I might have 'really lost it,' as you said. However, I feel strangely fine with all this." As I spoke, the memories of all the times I'd finally snapped passed through my head. This felt... different.

I gestured around, and the eyes and mouths began to appear again, but I took a deep breath, steadied my mind, and they started to fade on their own accord this time.

I raised my head and looked Venessa in her big, beautiful, impossibly black eyes. "Listen, I don't know how long this'll last, but what say we continue as is for a little while longer. I'd like to get to know the real you instead of the Venessa you created for my waking dreams. I might not be able to handle it, but I'd like to try."

Venessa looked truly surprised for the first time I could remember in any of my fragmented memories. Her mouth(s) opened and closed a few times before she finally studdered her reply. "Um... wow... this is new! Ok! Let's give it a try!"

As Venessa reached out to take my hand, I saw a ripple of eyes and mouths pass over her, through the floor, and out into... whatever this place is. It was... an odd sensation, to say the least.

She pulled me into an odd embrace where I was held by too many arms. I'm proud to say I only closed my eyes a moment or two before reopening them and looking into the eyes of the woman who'd stood beside me for countless lifetimes. "What say we take it slow though, I'm still... adjusting."

Venessa gave me a warm smile with only a few too many teeth before she hugged me again and whispered into my ear. "Of course, love, you lead the way. I'll follow wherever you'd like to go."

Today.

That brings us to how I'm writing this journal for you all to read. Well, I suppose Venessa is doing the writing, I'm just dictating. She agreed to return to earth long enough to type this up and post it on my behalf. I'm happy to say that the poor man whose computer we borrowed will likely make a full recovery. He only caught the briefest of glimpses of us before passing out, and will probably wake up wondering when he typed this story and might even convince himself it was all a dream.

I'm not sure how long this 'lucid' time will last, but I'll keep it going as long as possible. Venessa tells me this is the happiest she's been since she first experienced our understanding of the concept of time. We're off to visit the moons of Jupiter, I guess it's kind of a long, long, overdue honeymoon, of a sort. Not that we've been officially married or anything, it would be hard to find someone who could stay sane long enough to officiate a ceremony, and I guess 'till death do you part' doesn't apply in our case anyway. For now I'll just say, good night to you all, and...

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