《August Wind》Chapter 8. Tears
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Soon the house was overflowing with hungry, sad people again. Garnet sat in the black vinyl chair and distributed mementos of Daniel. She had given his favorite cowboy shirt to Aunt Betty. She gave Grandma Marcy a recent photo of him. She handed Uncle Woody, Daniel's stars and stripes bandanna. Maggie sat on the floor watching. She longed for something of his but she didn't ask for anything.
Across the room John Carl and Billy eyed each other coldly. Both were busy with guests. Maggie had to get out of the crush. She went outside and ran down the trail to the branch. Corey Jean and Annie were wading around in the water trying to catch minnows with Styrofoam cups.
When Maggie reached the stream bank, Corey Jean immediately started to talk to her. She said, "I was at the baby-sitter’s today and I saw my boyfriend Brice. He says he's real sorry about Daniel. I said, 'It isn't your fault. Why are you sorry?' He said that's what he's supposed to say. So I told him I 'preciate it. Me and Brice's gonna get married and have seventy hundred kids."
Annie pulled her empty cup out of the water and looked at her cousin. She said, "There’s no such number as seventy hundred.”
Corey Jean said, “Is too. Right Maggie?"
"No, I don't think so."
"See." Annie said, sticking her tongue out at Corey Jean.
"Well, anyways," Corey Jean continued, "we're gonna get married."
Annie thrust her cup back into the water. As she followed a minnow she said, "I'm gonna marry Skeeter."
"Oh, yuck." Corey Jean cringed. “When me and Brice---”
Annie cut her off, "Skeeter's so cute. He's my boyfriend."
Maggie was certain Skeeter had no knowledge of this.
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Corey Jean glared at Annie. "Quit interruptin’ me. As I was sayin’, me and Brice is gonna get married and I’m gonna have seventeen bridesmaids.” Corey Jean looked up at Maggie and asked, “Know what?"
"What?"
"Brenda says I get to be a flower girl when she marries John Carl. I don't like her much but I want to be a flower girl and wear a pretty long pink dress."
This bit of information upset Maggie. "What? When are they getting married?"
"I don't know. Brenda says Mama was younger than her when she got married, and Mama is real old, so I suspect it could be anytime."
Annie shook her head. "Nuhun. I heard Mama and Aunt Garnet talking. She said John Carl hasn't even asked that girl. It's just Brenda talking."
Anxiously Maggie asked, "Are you sure?"
"Yep, I was sitting right there." Annie tossed her dark hair over her shoulders and pushed her cup back under the water.
Corey Jean shrieked, "A minnow bit me, a minnow bit me." She sloshed out of the water, sat down by Maggie and asked, "Who's your boyfriend?"
Maggie hated this question. She hated the answer even more. In a flat voice she admitted, "I don't have one."
"Why not?"
"I just don't."
“Don't you want to get married and have seventy hun-,” Corey Jean glanced at Annie and corrected herself, “a bunch of kids?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Well, first you got to have a boyfriend, cause after a while he turns into a husband.” The four-year-old studied Maggie and asked in a low voice, “Don't you want a boyfriend?"
Maggie nodded.
Corey Jean slapped her chubby little leg with her chubby hand and said, "Well, just get one. Lots of John Carl and Billy's friends is at the house. I can help you pick one out if you want. It's real easy to get a boyfriend, ain’t it Annie?"
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Annie nodded.
In an effort to change the subject Maggie asked, "Have you two caught any minnows yet?"
Corey Jean got up and waded back into the water.
Maggie rested her chin on her knees as she watched the little girls. Would John Carl really marry Brenda? Did he want to? They were too young to get married.
Corey Jean jiggled on one foot and said, "I got to pee-pee."
"Go behind a rock," Annie said.
"I'm not gonna pee behind no rock. A snake might bite my butt."
"Come on," Maggie said, getting up. "Let's go to the house." The little girls splashed out of the water and climbed up the steep bank. Maggie followed. On the way to the house they passed Aunt Betty's van. Billy was setting on the bumper talking to two girls in matching short outfits. He had an arm slung around each girl. The girls glanced at Maggie but Billy never looked at her.Hurt, Maggie jutted out her chin and walked to the house. The place was still jammed with people. She pushed her way through the crowd and headed for Daniel's room. Once inside she closed the door.
In the dining room, the phone rang. She heard Uncle Woody say, "John Carl, it's Brenda."
Maggie threw herself down on Daniel’s bed and scrunched her face in Daniel's pillow. She told herself she was not going to cry. She would never, ever, ever get a boyfriend. All her friends had them. She would never, ever, ever get a real kiss. She was just a kid, she had to be, Billy hadn’t even noticed her. He only noticed goop-faced girls. What would his girlfriend Sally think? He was nothing but a flirt. She smashed her face even deeper into the pillow. It still smelled like Daniel. She threw the pillow away from her and started crying.
Grandma Marcy came into the room and asked, "What's a matter child?"
Maggie looked up at her and said, "Everything."
Grandma Marcy sat down beside her and gathered her in her arms. Maggie rested her head on her boney shoulder. Her body shook with sobs. "There, there child,” Grandma Marcy whispered, “It's good to cry." Cry was all Maggie could do at the moment.
When her sobs began to ease, she asked, "Why'd he die Grandma? It is so unfair. Why? I don't understand."
In a gentle voice, Grandma Marcy said, "Death has nothing to do with understanding. You can't. In time you learn to accept it and go on. When my Jed died, I stormed heaven with questions. I ranted, I raved and finally I just turned my back on everything I ever believed. I met Betty's daddy. We got married, had Betty and somewhere along the way I stopped asking why. It's all right to ask, honey, and to cry. Still, I think the why of death is something between God and the person He calls home. We aren't ever gonna understand it this side of heaven." She patted Maggie's cheek. "Get some rest now. You're all worn out. I think I'll take a nap myself." She let go of Maggie and lay down. Maggie snuggled beside her. Grandma Marcy emitted a strength and fearlessness that she needed so much right now. After a while, they both slept.
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