My name is Senki Notsuka, It started around the time I was 13, the beginning of the endless struggle. My family wasn't very wealthy, in fact it's accurate to say we were very poor. My mom came down with an illness that was very hard to treat, and my dad had been crippled from his time in the service. Mom had been earning the extra money we needed that we weren't getting from the military. These events set back our income even further than it already was, and then we had to add on the hospital bills on top of that. My twin younger sisters were just starting grade school and as the oldest I was half of the way through my last year of middle school. The youngest you can legally work where I live was 14. This was my first experience with helplessness. I knew that I was the only one who had the physical capabilities to work but I was not allowed to. As the oldest I felt it was my responsibility to help my parents and take care of my sisters, but this was not something a 13 year old could accomplish.

We struggled through the rest of that year saving as much as possible and eating less and less. As time went on, we just completely ran out and had to go days without eating at times. Finally as April approached, so did my birthday. On the 25th, instead of waking up my parents and getting excited over the presents I got up early and went out on my own to look for work. It was pouring rain but I didn't care. I was rejected all across town with people wondering why a wet and cold 14 year old kid was desperately trying to get a job. I went around for hours until finally I found a job that would actually consider me.

I began to make some money but it still was not enough but at least we weren't having to go multiple days without eating anymore. Through this time I realised the value of knowledge and expertise, because having those things seemingly increased your value to others, and incentivised them to pay you more. So on top of working as much as possible, I studied as hard as possible and continued to get smarter and earn money for my family. I slowly managed to get a higher and higher income as time went on. The big problem was my mom's hospital bills, it was always just too much no matter how hard we tried. They were giving us a lot of leeway and considering our situation but that didn’t mean that the debt wasn't piling up. We knew this but there was nothing we could do. The years went on and I graduated highschool with honors as the top student of the year, proficient in all the sciences. I continued to study at university since my grades and performance was good enough to get a full ride to a mid range university. But as I got more qualifications and money it seemed like my mom’s condition would just get worse and worse and the treatment cost would go up and up. As if spitting in my face and saying whatever you do it’s not enough.

Then I was called into the hospital one day. They told me that my mothers condition had worsened to the point that they were considering letting her go, they said that they couldn't do anything for her. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I begged and pleaded with them to find a way for them to help my mom but as I continued they seemed to become more and more disgusted. Then I heard one of them mutter under their breath, “How dare this rat beg like this, does he know how much debt he has?” In the midst of my mothers life hanging in the balance all these people would think about was money. I researched on my own and found that there was definitely a treatment that could save her, it was a fair bit more expensive than the current treatment agreed upon but since I had already accumulated so much debt they didn't want to switch to it because I might not be able to pay them. That night I laughed and cried myself to sleep over the absurdity of this world and how it punishes persistence and struggling. If you're born destined to fail the world expects you to fail and if you go against that flow you get shoved back. This reality became clear before my eyes.

Pretty soon they let my mom die as they refused to treat her because of my debt. I took this to court but nothing came of it, I tried every method I knew but no one cared in the slightest. The only thing holding me to this world now was my dad and my two precious sisters. I was only able to get up for them and only able to go to work because of them. I trudge along like that for a while, with days blending together. Until one day my two sisters got raped and killed.

The offenders were not charged with anything because of the fact that their parents have high social status. I pushed this to court and again tried everything I could drawing on all the resources and skills I had gained through my war of a life. But again the result was the same.

Nothing.

No one cares.

Everyone just pretends not to see.

“What’s the point…” I mutter as I write.

Here I am writing down my life story, right before following my dad, who killed himself just days ago. At this point it didn't come as a surprise and I almost felt envious, so here I am.

This is the record of my despair and struggle.

I sigh deeply “I don't even know if I want there to be anything else after this, I'm just so tired” I set the book down on the cold sand, I look around and see that it's late now. I’ve been writing for hours sitting on this beach, the sun has gone down past the horizon. There are only a few random teenagers left on the beach laughing and having a good time. The lights of the city in the background cast long shadows across the sand as I sit in the darkness. Finally after I've steeled my resolve I begin to walk out into the water. The chill of the water hardly affected me at all. I continue out further and further until I begin swimming and go a ways out until the water is deep underneath me. Then I let go.

I begin to drop through the water letting out my last breath as I go. Deeper and deeper I sink, fading away from the accursed world above. The world that took everything I cared about and loved slowly and painfully while I endlessly struggled against it. But none of that mattered now that I no longer had a purpose in this life. If only I could find the god that governed this world and give him a piece of what he deserved.

“Oh my little Notsuka…” The voice of my mother rings through my head with a searing pain following. My eyes snap open and I begin struggling to swim back up, not a second later I remember reality. My arms stop once more.

The pain hits again but stronger this time “You’ve done so well, i'm so proud of you” my heart aches and tears flow out into the salt water. “I'm sorry mom I can’t do it anymore, I tried for so long but this world doesn’t want us to have a place in it.”

“KEEP GOING, I BELIEVE IN YOU” My ears burst from the pressure as the words my mother would always send me off with ring through my brain louder than any explosion. My body which I thought was long devoid of all strength being on the edge of death erupts with power as I sprint for the surface. “How could I forget," My brain begins to flurry "how could I lose hope, WHEN NOT FOR ONE SECOND DID I EVER SEE HER FROWN OR LOSE HOPE IN ME OR LIFE. I'VE BEEN PITIFUL AND I FORGOT WHAT YOU TOLD ME EVERY TIME I SAW YOU.” My brain has gone into overdrive remembering everything my mom has ever said images and moments fly by my mind filling me with strength as I push back against my screaming oxygen deprived body, I know there isn't a hope for me to get to the top or survive, but that's not the point because right now I am alive and i can still move so i'm going to move. My limbs have long since gone numb and are turning all sorts of strange colors but the movement of my arms pushing me upwards never ceases. I am pushing against the fates of this world with all I have.

But with all this, it’s still just that same bleak reality I've always lived in. Even though my will to move and push forward did not waiver for even one second, eventually my arms did stop. The world was too strong. Or was I just too weak? Whichever it may be, after those frustrating seconds of wanting my body to move and it finally not complying with my wishes, I begin to lose consciousness. “Sorry mom, I realized too late, this one is on me.”

I continue to fade

Further and further into the darkness

Until there is nothing left

No light, no feeling, no thoughts, just stagnation.

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“What a pity” The ethereal voice said as Senki’s consciousness drifted through endless space. “He began to shine so brightly at the end” The voice paused, seeming to be thinking something over. “Maybe it would be fun to give this kid a second chance at this”.