THE TRIO AROSE EARLY on Friday to meet with OmniBev, but they first wanted to check the number of streams and downloads of Control Freak’s interview.

“Over thirteen million combined,” Peter choked in disbelief. “I can’t handle my media anymore, either email or social. I assume you guys are the same?”

“I don’t even glance at it. Too many requests and too little time, much less the usual loonies,” Molli confessed.

“Two national networks called me, Molli, while you were washing your hair during your usual morning sabbatical in the bathroom.”

“Hey,” she complained, “at least I have hair.”

“Ouch!” Ears winced, glancing at Peter’s balding head.

“I’ll get you back later,” he grimaced. “They want to do segments with us, like ten-minute interviews. We’re getting noticed, but I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.”

“And better yet, or worse yet, that conspiracy storyline of Stu’s is hitting the national and international feeds. You shouldn’t search on that podcast right now because you’ll hear cuts of your lilting voice. It’ll fry your board,” Ears added.

“Back to business,” Molli commanded. “We’re running BioEthel today at four on our special day. Ears, you confirmed our interview today with OmniBev?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And you’re good with the list of questions, Peter?”

“Indeed, ma’am.”

“Okay, then does anyone know where we’re headed this morning?”

“I do,” Ears replied, “and I asked your two kung fu buddies to tail us. Let’s hit it and hope we can avoid our new fans at the gate.”

The three arrived at OmniBev’s location, a centuries-old red brick building at the shipyard. After ensuring Molli’s protectors also arrived without incident, they walked up a modern metal staircase to the second floor. It was a large office converted to a studio condo, empty in the front room except for a short-legged white table surrounded by four white, modern chairs. The trio entered.

“Hello?” Ears yelled. “We’re here.”

“Okay,” a woman’s sultry voice responded. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

Ears noticed that one of the chairs differed from the others, integrating a distinct, softball-sized hole between the seat and chairback.

“Humam hybrid,” Molli surmised, referring to the relatively new human-mammal genetic mixes.

“Guess so,” Ears confirmed. “Seeing a bit more of that among the clipper varint class lately. Very trendy.”

A tall, slender woman entered the room. She was dressed in a tight, white leather jump suit with short sleeves and pant legs that stopped mid-calf. Spiked, white heels amplified her height.

“Expensive,” Molli thought, “everything about her is expensive.”

They introduced themselves, but it was only when she turned to sit in her chair that Peter caught a better view of her tail and mane. Seductive and shimmering, the mane’s auburn hair protruded two inches from her neckline. Her petite, three-foot long tail was adorned with the same hair and curled at the end.

Peter was dying to ask her how long she’d been a hybrid, as he knew this degree of refined geedee tech had to be very recent. In sophisticated circles, however, he knew it was considered impolite to ask or take notice of such varint augmentations.

Molli placed the Sony on the table, and Peter began the interview.

“Our internal name for you was OmniBev, as in Omni-Benevolent, meaning friendly across animal types. We’ll call you ‘Bev,’ if that’s okay. In this series we’re running, we focus on various responses to the latest events in the news, particularly the obelisk. But I don’t want to discuss only that topic since it has consumed the media and is almost boring at this juncture. We also intend to cover other aspects of new tech from a varint’s perspective.”

“I’m fine with this plan since I’m a varint myself, given that your listeners cannot see me. I began to pursue this path as soon as the tech surfaced a decade ago. First in elusive ways, then more aggressively.”

“What do you see as the most significant recent developments in geedee?” Peter asked.

“No doubt the newer scroll capabilities,” she replied.

“Can you please describe scroll for our audience? Our listener base has expanded as of late, and some may not be one hundred percent aware of the latest capabilities.”

“Gladly. Without getting too technically deep about the prior tech, you first locate the targeted DNA sequences from specific donor animals that were already present in an archaic form in the host human’s genome. These donor sequences are then cut and pasted into the host’s genetic material, creating new code within the host’s germ cells. The initial instances of this technology were utilized to produce the woolly mammoth, woolly rhinoceros, and saber-toothed tigers, among other revived species in the last few years. Initially, as we all should know, this type of geedee tech propagated only to the offspring through the host’s germ cells. This was obviously a painfully long process for slowly-reproducing mammals like humans.”

She curled her tail around the chair and started stroking the end of it.

“Scroll, however, is a revolutionary new development from that humble beginning. It propagates the desired characteristics back into the host’s own genetic structure, in real-time and across the various cell types. In other words, it does not require a generation of offspring for the desired traits to present themselves. Scroll was invented as an outgrowth of gene drive tech that gives a desired characteristic to all germ cells, not just half. I’m probably getting too deep for some at this point. But understand that this new scroll capability was so desirable and low-cost that it became widely acceptable and available in the last few years. By itself, scroll has contributed substantially to our expanding varint community.”

Peter added, “I guess it’s all just code, right?”

“Interesting analogy, Peter. If you consider a corollary in computer code, you could say scroll allows the new program code to be integrated readily into the existing release. This implies you don’t need to wait for a major release to achieve the desired results. It’s just a code update that disseminates through the entity’s system. I assume most of your listeners are likely familiar with what I stated.”

“I’m not sure that’s true of our audience any longer,” Peter admitted, “but we appreciate the explanation, Bev. In an otherwise normal time, we could discuss questions on life as a varint, including the positives and negatives.”

“Oh, there are few negatives,” she interjected.

“Yes, but our listeners might prefer we get to the biggest question first as related to the obelisk. When we contacted you, we got the impression that the hybrid human-animal varint community had their own thoughts for countering this new threat from the sky.”

She put her hand forward, signaling Peter to stop talking.

“We prefer the term ‘mammalian varints,’ but what you said is fine. The term ‘humam’ is less acceptable for a variety of reasons. To your point,” she emphasized, still stroking her tail, “many views exist in our community, yet there is a directional trend in our discussions.”

“And what direction is that taking?”

“According to your Control Freak podcast, this obelisk obsession may blow over as the biggest hoax in history. However, let’s set that aside for a moment and assume it’s a real threat. We should at least have a few days to prepare for an invasion,” she smiled, “if not a few centuries or solar lives, for that matter. In that regard, one must still assume the worst and prepare accordingly, don’t you agree?”

“I suppose, as some people are indicating.”

“The mammalian varint discussions are trending to options not discussed widely outside our own community as yet. Conversations focus on expanding hybridization capabilities under way currently, placing more federal and international funds towards these efforts.”

Peter looked confused. “To what end? How does increased mammalian hybridization of humans resolve the alien invaders risk?”

“It’s not a resolution, per se, but a mitigation.”

“What’s being mitigated?”

“That depends on how we perceive ourselves relative to the alien life forms, but mostly vice versa. In other words, what’s more important is how the aliens perceive themselves relative to the planet’s inhabitants. If aliens were to arrive tomorrow, what are the odds they’d wipe out every species on the planet? This might take considerable effort, down to every bacterium five miles underground in what little remains of the arctic ice sheets. Coming from that baseline, you must ask yourself the same question, all the way to the top of the food chain, if you will.”

As she reached for her glass of water, Peter noticed the thin layer of burnished auburn hair covering her arm.

“I’m getting there but am not sure what you mean by that last comment, Bev.”

She placed the glass gently back onto the table. “We must consider how high up that taxonomic chain the aliens are likely to go before they hit their cutoff point.”

“Cutoff point?”

“Yes, the point at which they say: ‘Every species below this point is too dangerous to retain.’ Is that point an insect? Squid? Squirrel? Cat? Is it all primates? Only great apes? Humans?”

Peter was stunned at her rationale. “You’re suggesting the marauders will allow some taxonomic hierarchies to remain intact but eliminate others, correct?”

“Yes! Wouldn’t you? It’s easy to put ourselves in their shoes. When early European settlers came to this land, they viewed Native Americans as a direct and consequential threat, and they nearly annihilated them. There’s little evidence the marauders considered them even near-equivalents on the evolutionary scale. They left most other less-threatening lifeforms on the continent intact. Unless, of course, it was huntable.”

“As egregious and horrific as those historical actions were, I don’t even want to go down the huntable path. Too many machine gun-toting folks out there thinking the aliens are coming to track them as game.”

“Agreed. It’s irrational to believe aliens who survived over eons in space are coming to Earth to enjoy the food or sport.”

“Can you be more specific?” Molli interjected.

“Yes, I will be. Every class of human in the world, varint and non, is busy generating their own answers, well-considered or not. We mammalian varints are doing the same. It’s hard to argue with the concept that we can diminish the impact of an alien threat if we more aggressively hybridize humanity within less-threatening species.”

For once in his podcast life, Peter had no comeback. Molli, sensing his surprise, immediately caught on and interjected her own thoughts.

“In other words, because most humans are currently not mammalian varints, they sport a bigger target on their back for any nasty aliens?” Molli guessed.

“Correct. Over time, we believe humans will need to hybridize in greater numbers with other animal species. This should minimize the risk of appearing threatening to aliens. For example, many studies are emerging that indicate mammalian hybrids are less inclined to overconsume, less inclined to destroy their environments, and more grounded in things of the Earth. This is much contrasted to the extreme aggression, entitlement, and greed typical of non-hybrids. Therefore, a disciplined plan to advance human-mammalian hybridization can reduce our threat level for any conquest-minded alien species.”

Peter was growing concerned because the discussion was heading in a direction likely to upset most listeners, especially the religious ones who may have joined after The Welcomer’s show. Human-mammal hybrids were almost unanimously considered miscreants by non-varints, much less human-animal varints that delved into species intermixing with fish, birds, and insects.

“I’ll agree with you that humanity has a far from perfect record,” he muttered.

“Please, Peter,” she interjected, “let’s speak bluntly, shall we? Humans are a cyclical anomaly in nature. They are no different when compared to any species that has become too successful, and by that, I mean too technologically successful for their own long-term survival. For one thing, human bungling made our presence obvious to any potential marauders, as one of your guests recently discussed.”

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence, then she continued. “Every idea should be placed in the fishbowl and considered on its merits. Who do you think would be perceived as the greater threat to invaders? A pure human? Certainly. A chipper or gripper? Even greater, no doubt.”

Peter was dumbstruck. “I have no idea, but we get your point.”

“Then consider more plausible alternatives. A human with some mammalian code? Hmm. Could be less threatening. A mammalian varint with some human genetic code? Probably far less of an issue to marauders, depending on intermixture. So, what is the magic ratio at which invaders would deem the varint non-threatening and simply leave it alone?

Molli again saved them from an awkward silence. “Basically, you’re suggesting to selectively parse different quantities of human DNA into a variety of mammals, right?

“As with all things human and therefore irrational and unplanned, we can assume humanity will pursue many simultaneous paths of defense. If so, the race may meet an untimely end since many paths will dilute the intended outcome. In contrast, implementing a single ‘omnibenevolent plan’ is very simple and effective. We can, over time, hybridize humanity extensively within other mammalian species. This will spread our DNA more broadly into the ecosphere and also spread our risk. The target becomes less obvious to the invaders, and human code is retained within the global genetic biome.”

She was surprised the team was not challenging her. “In the end, what matters is ensuring the code, humanity’s DNA, survives this invasion. It is nearly certain we’ll lose under any other options being discussed, given our pathetic defenses against such a technologically advanced enemy. This option provides better odds, bar none, according to AI simulations we’ve run.”

Peter glanced at his watch. “Your suggestions are very interesting as well as radically new, I’m sure, to many listeners. In context, we are here to discuss alien threat alternatives. We are clearly not suggesting that everyone go out now and scroll your genes into other species or embed mammalian DNA within your personal genomes.”

“That’s one way to say it,” she countered. “Our community might term it as ‘enhancing oneself’ as a mammalian varint, but that’s a matter of opinion, of course.”

Peter sighed loudly. “Bev, this interview has given us much to consider. We should return at another date to discuss the specific tech, and maybe we can bring a scroll expert into that discussion as well.”

They ended the discussion in their typical fashion and left the building, with Molli’s two friends in tow via their own vehicle.

“Peter,” Molli observed from the back seat, “this was literally on the hairy edge, if you catch my drift. You can imagine people getting stirred up if they go away with any perception that they’d be forced to actively embed mammalian genes into their own.”

“Or conversely, injecting their genes into a mammal simply to ensure some of their own code is retained through time,” Ears noted. “Interesting interview, and not only because I’m a varint. I never toyed with animal genetics, as it didn’t suit me. But did you catch her gorgeous mane and tail? Those augments perfectly complemented her physiology.”

“I agree,” Peter said, “she was quite charming and alluring. You don’t see too many of her kind out on the streets of Boston, albeit for obvious cost reasons. I wonder if most mammalian varints are like this?”

“Folks, please. Enough with the charming and alluring bit. She’s a woman with a hairy wolf’s mane and tail. Can you imagine how much she sheds around the house? And what about animal allergies? She’s no more alluring than anything else I’ve seen.”

“Ooh,” Peter giggled, “didn’t mean to hit a note there.”

Molli harumphed and sat back in her seat.