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Death: The action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of the life of a person or organism

There was a moment where I thought that that's what happened to me. I remember how my migraine started getting too much and how as I stood up, my vision was failing me and my body was giving in. I can't tell if I was scared or not, the only thing that I was thinking about in that moment was the promise I made to Carter.... I told him I wouldn't die. So if I did and this is my soul speaking.... Then I really fucked up.

*Beep

"I don't get it, so your telling me she just fell?"

*Beep

"Yes"

*Beep

"She's not waking up"

*Beep

"Give it time"

*Beep

"Mi hija" A soft voice says

*Beep

I open my eyes slowly before adjusting to my surroundings. The first place I looked was out the window, I noticed the trees and the night sky, then I looked around me. I recognised nine faces, ones that could be identified as Daniel, Enzo, the twins, Lola, Matteo, Carter and my parents.

That's when I realise where I am.... a fricking hospital, "Dad?" I say confused

He sits back with relief as I sit up, "You were out for a long time" Mom says

If I pretend not to remember anything then maybe I can play this off, "What happened?"

"Carter said you fainted" Lola says quietly

I look at him for a moment, "Oh" I reply as we stay staring at each other

I can see that he knows that I remember, however I'll do whatever I can to try and get away with this. If he really liked me then he'd do the same

The door opens, "Carmen Rodriguez?"

"Yes?" I answer

The doctor walks in, "My name is dr Gomez and we have your test results"

Fuck

Daniel narrows his eyes, "What caused her to pass out?"

I stare down at the tube connected to my hand, "Well the bottom line is, her body hasn't been receiving the correct amount of food. We took a blood test and it turns out that the only thing she's had in the past forty eight hours is caffeine along with some coke"

Fuck my life

Carter raises his eyebrows whilst everyone in my family looks at me with complete and utter shock, "Carmen"Adriana says with surprised

The doctor leaves us be after noticing their reactions, I really wish he took me with him... I'd rather be anywhere but here

"Carmen, why?" My dad asks with shock and concern

Matteo bites the inside of his cheek, he tends to do that when he's nervous. I honestly don't have anything to say to my dad, my vision blurs as I play with the tube on my hand. "C, I think you need to tell them" Carter finally says

I shoot him a look, "Wait a minute tell us what?" Enzo scoffs

"Nothing"

"What is it?" My mother asks

"She-

I grip onto my hair stressfully, "Carter I swear to god-

"Carmen doesn't eat, and when she does it's once a day-

"Shut up!"

"She gets tired quite a lot of the time and I've been trying to help her for the past few weeks.... Obviously I didn't realise that it's more serious than I thought, she might have an eating disorder" He says the last part quietly

"What the fuck?" Daniel scoffs

"How long has she been doing this?" Santiago questions

"I only found out recently but apparently since thirteen"

"Oh señor" Isabella mutters

"Carmen-

"Get out, just get out" I cover my face as I say this

"We just want to talk mi hija" Dad says softly

I'm really trying not to cry here, "I don't want to talk, get out"

"What your doing isn't healthy-

I close my eyes stressfully, "Please.... I just need you all to go" My voice breaks

I hear a few chairs move as my siblings get up, "And Carter" My muffled voice says

I know he's still here, "Don't speak to me, ever"

He didn't respond to my request but he left along with everyone else. I lay my head back against the pillow as the door slowly shuts, I cannot believe that he told them after he apologised to me just yesterday.

I finally let myself sob, this is the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to me

-

I walk out of the hospital room with an aching feeling in my heart. Telling her family is the last thing I wanted to do but I couldn't just sit back and watch her rip herself apart, it's not right.

Mom stands up with a sleeping Grace in her arms as I reach the waiting room, "How is she?"

"She's awake now but I think we should go"

She frowns, "Are you sure? I mean I would like to see her-

"Melissa" Carmens dad says as he approaches us

Since when did they know each other

She smiles a hello, "How is she? Is everything ok?"

He sighs, "No actually. We're giving her a minute to calm down"

My mom frowns, "What was the problem?"

"She hasn't eaten anything in the last two days"

She widens her eyes with horror, "Oh my god"

"It turns out she may have an eating disorder"

She looks back at me before scoffing, "Did you know about this?"

I look down guiltily, "Kind of"

"What and you didn't think that it would've been a good idea to tell somebody?" She says annoyed

"It's ok, he was doing what he could to help her" Mr Rodriguez defends

I sigh, "I'll wait if that's ok with you" My mom decides

He nods, "Of course" He replies before walking back over to Isabella

She then looks back at me, "Take your sister home, it's way past her bed time"

I take Grace from her arms, "Mom"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry"

She pats my back, "I know"

-

The amount of guilt that I feel right now is indescribable.

Not long ago at dinner I made a comment about Carmen's body without even realising. And the fact that this has been going on for four years is absolutely shocking to me. I should've noticed how much weight she was losing, but then again most of the time she was always wearing oversized clothes. I watch softly as Daniel pulls Matteo into a side hug, I don't think he's at that age where he knows what an eating disorder is but he knows that whatever's going on is bad.

"I just don't understand how we all missed something like this" Santiago frowns

"Thirteen is a long time" I agree

"You guys don't pay attention" Lola unexpectedly says, Enzo, Santi and I frown at her

"What do you mean?"

"Haven't you guys seen the way she cuts up her food into tiny little pieces? Or how when she was fifteen she would always distract you guys and slide the rest of her food onto Matty's plate. And whenever she got into an argument with Enzo or Adri, she'd go quiet whenever you guys called her fat even though she wasn't. Then there's the fact that she would always go to the gym and come back looking tired, plus her migraines too. It's clearly anorexia" Our little sister says

I am speechless. How the heck does Lola notice all of this stuff, "If you knew this shit then why didn't you say anything?" Enzo scoffs

"I didn't want her to hate me the way that she hates Carter right now" She says quietly

"But she was eating whenever I was with her"

"She eats to survive stupid"

Santi frowns as he sits back, "What happens now?"

I sigh, "God only knows"

-

I had a chance to speak with Melissa and I was honestly starting to feel quite bad throughout our conversation, she feels like it's her fault because she's been making me work all these hours. But I had to remind her that it isn't because this has been a long term thing, she told me that if I'm still at the hospital tomorrow then she'd bring Grace later in the evening to come see me. I told her I'd like that

My brother puts down a McDonald's cheeseburger along with some fries, I look at him before shaking my head. "Give yourself a break C" Enzo says softly

I'll admit, I'm starving. I sigh before unwrapping the burger, Santiago pulls a chair forward. "How did it all start?" He asks

I eat two fries, "Isabella"

He narrows his eyes, "I was obviously quite chubby at nine years old but it was the kind of weight that would go down as years went by....Mom would always give me smaller plates at dinner, she said that it was just her way of trying to help"

Santi frowns with annoyance, "I started skipping my meals at thirteen, used laxatives too"

"Jesus C" Enzo says with shock

"It was hard but over time I got used to the diet I was giving myself. After a year June started realising how tired I kept on getting and how my head was always hurting, so I had to tell her-

"June knew?" He scoffs

I shrug one shoulder, "We were much younger then so she didn't really understand how bad it was. But I started eating normally again because of her, then I relapsed at sixteen"

"The burger" Enzo gestures

"Do you have a knife" I ask quietly

Santiago reaches over to the table nearest to him before picking it up and handing it to me, I split the burger into four and they both watch as I do so.

"Carmen"

"Yeah?"

"Sienna told me that something happened with you and Eliza"

I frown, "Why would she tell you that"

"Because apparently you told her that I sorted it out" Enzo replies

Fuck, I forgot about that

I put the knife down and Santiago looks at me curiously, "So.... What happened?"

I sigh, "She wanted me to stay away from Carter and if I didn't then she was gonna tell everyone at school about me"

"What?"

"How did she know?" Santi scoffs

"Clearly she's been watching me" I reply

"Why would you tell Sienna and Zoe that it's been sorted out?"

"Because none of them know.... And I wanted it to stay that way"

"What would she even have posted?" He says annoyed

I shrug one shoulder as I lay back against the pillow, "I don't know.... But she wanted to caption it anorexic Rodriguez or bullimic whore"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Enzo scoffs

"It's fine, It's over now" I say quietly

"No it's not" Santi disagrees

"I'm not letting this shit go"

Believe me, I know

Eventually Matty comes back in with Adriana, Lola and Daniel, "Mom and dad are on the phone with work.... They're gonna take some time off" Lola tells me

Why, just why

Matty sits beside me and I scoot over, "Can I have a fry?"

I nod before sliding them over to him, Adriana sits besides Santiago. "C, I'm sorry for what I said the other day-

"It's ok" I assure her

"We're all sorry for not noticing" Daniel says

"Except for Lola" Santi adds, I frown

"Yeah I kind of knew already" She admits

"Not kind of, you did" Enzo replies

"And you said nothing why?" Daniel scoffs

"Cause she didn't want me to hate her" I say knowingly

"What kind of telepathy do you two have going on?" Adri says amused

I smile and Lola laughs a little, I know her well enough.

Our parents come back into the room, "How do you feel Mi hija?"

I shrug, "Ok"

Dad sits down but mom stays standing, "So we had a conversation with the doctor"

I lay my head against the pillow as he looks back at mom for a second, "They think it's anorexia"

"Told you" Lola says to Santi

"Can we like... do this later?" I plead

"Carmen we're gonna need to have this conversation at some point-

"Yeah it doesn't need to be right now" I say annoyed

God knows what time it is, the skys still dark and I would like to go back to sleep. Mom sighs, "We will have this conversation in the morning, get some rest"

She then looks back at my siblings, "Come on, dads gonna stay with her-

"I wanna stay"

"There's no where for you to sleep Matteo"

"We'll sleep on the chairs" Lola says

"You guys can come back tomorrow" Dad promises

"But-

"Go on, you've got school in the morning"

"Bye C" Matteo mumbles

I smile a goodbye to him and all of my siblings, watching as they leave unwillingly. The door closes behind Enzo, leaving dad and I alone. I sniff as I look down, "I'm sorry"

He takes my hand, "You have nothing to apologise for mi hija. It's me who should be saying sorry"

I wipe my eyes, "I've clearly not been a good father if I couldn't spot something that's been happening for four years" He says softly

"It's not your fault daddy"

"It is. Your mother and I should've been teaching you how to love yourself, your beautiful Carmen. No matter what anybody tells you"

"Thank you" I whisper

I don't think I realised how much of my dads love I needed until now, he kisses my head. "Get some sleep" He says softly

I close my eyes