《COLLIDE. // Bakudeku》Yeah.
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[Unedited.]
silence,
Reaching for your warmth.
Let go, let out, let me,
Grow, learn,
Seek, endure.
Hey, hey listen,
I am not the glue,
I am the pieces you tore off yourself
I am the potential in you.
Can you give me your rib,
Even if I'm not your Eve?
Can you embrace and normalize
Your peculiarity?
Can you tell me that I'm enough for you?
Despite the effort that it may take,
I'll help you believe that too.
"Kacchan, I want to see you."
Katsuki relaxed a little, the familiarity of the nickname oozing him into comfort. "....When?"
"Whenever."
"Okay," Katsuki said, contemplative. "How about tomorrow then? I'll take you out...pick you up around four."
Izuku folded his lips, recalling his class schedule for a moment before humming. "I'd like that."
Katsuki exhaled, the tenseness in his shoulders melting a little. It seemed that this wouldn't be as awkward as he had thought. "Great. I'll see you then."
After the two hung up, Izuku rolled unto his side, pressing his face deep into his pillow.
-------
Large, green eyes concentrated on the blank paper ahead, narrowing in slight annoyance.
Izuku had been sitting under an empty eating dome alone, trying to start a rough sketch while he waited for Katsuki. He took a large sip from his cup of coffee, exhaling deeply. Lately, he'd been stuck artistically, so he figured a change of atmosphere would help.
And well, since this dome was only a brief walk away from his dorm complex, he figured he'd give it a shot.
It did nothing for him. In fact, his concentration was little to nonexistent now; the incessant chirping of birds and the fading conversations of passing strangers (sounds he'd normally be fine with) were the culprits. Izuku mentally patted himself on the back for calling Katsuki beforehand, letting him know about his current location. That way, he'd just have to keep an ear out for his car.
Speaking of the devil, the soft purr of Katsuki's car engine was easy to pick up on in the dead silence. Izuku turned around, and sure enough, Katsuki was there in his car, his fluffy blond locks brushed back and held under the tightness of a black hairband. Izuku gathered his things and stood up, stretching for a moment before taking lazy, short strides towards the vehicle.
"I like it when your hair's like that," was the first thing he said once he entered. Katsuki blinked once before a small grin graced his features.
"Yeah?"
Izuku turned to face him, his eyes scanning his face. He'd seen Katsuki in the midst of their break, of course, still sharing the same classes and all, but he never really looked at him.
He turned away shyly. "Yeah."
Katsuki eyed his partner for a while, remembering how much he liked Izuku's endearing awkwardness. He pulled the car onto the main road again, and Izuku pulled his seatbelt over his torso, securing it in place.
"Where do you wanna go?"
"Doesn't really matter," Izuku muttered, his chest tying into a knot as he met Katsuki's gaze for a brief moment. Maybe it was only temporary, but Katsuki felt much more...soft. Was it the prior circumstances? "I thought you probably planned that."
"I did, but well," Katsuki shrugged, "I thought you'd probably want to do something else first or some shit."
Izuku rose his eyebrows. "Well, aren't you considerate?"
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"Shut up," Katsuki said, reaching to flick Izuku's nose, making the latter flinch.
He leaned back into his seat, his left hand tapping on his lap idly. "I think we can get some milkshakes first."
"What if I don't want milkshakes?" Izuku challenged, not opposed to the idea but feeling the need to. For shits and giggles.
"You don't get a choice, dweeb," Katsuki barked a laugh. "You always take forever to make a decision whenever we go out to eat."
Izuku sat up in his seat, mildly offended. "That's not true!"
"It is," Katsuki insisted, scoffing despite his amused grin. "You're anxious as fuck and you get overwhelmed by the choices, so you change your mind every five seconds. And then you end up choosing the most basic shit. You're lucky I'm used to it by now." He made a turn, easing into the parking lot of the nearest pastry shop. "I'll make your choices for you from now on."
"I'm not a kid," Izuku blinked.
"Hmm, right. You're a brat."
The two exited the car, Katsuki walking ahead as they both entered the shop.
"Kink alert," Izuku wheezed in amusement. Katsuki froze for a nanosecond, turning to give him a glare.
"Yeah, and? You got a problem with that, cumsnot?"
"Cumsnot?" Izuku asked incredulously, his face red. "What even is that?"
"That's you, asshat," Katsuki shot back, his tone holding no actual bite. He walked up to the cashier. "A concoction of seed and nose seed. The grimiest of grime."
The cashier coughed, choking on his own spit.
"But who's dating the cumsnot, Kacchan?" Izuku said, amused despite how pink his face was becoming.
"Yeah, yeah, fuck you."
"I'm not ready for that yet."
The cashier sputtered. "Uh, sir? Do you want to order?"
Katsuki waved a nonchalant hand at him, digging into his wallet. "Yeah, yeah. Gimme two large milkshakes. Strawberry and Vanilla."
"Wait, who's the vanilla for?" Izuku asked, and Katsuki shrugged. "You. Duh."
"That's boring, Kacchan," he whined. "At least let me pick a flavor."
"Maybe I picked it for you because that's what you are," Katsuki snickered. Izuku gasped.
"How would you know? We've only-"
"Sir," the cashier insisted wearily.
"I want strawberry too," Izuku cut in. "Thank you."
Katsuki snickered, handing the money over. "Yeah, give the twink what he wants."
Izuku squeaked in horror. "Kacchan-"
The cashier, the poor guy, cashed in the money as fast as he could, handing the ticket over. "There you go. Next in line, please."
Izuku let out a heavy sigh, patting his heated cheeks in embarrassment as Katsuki picked up their order. "I can't believe you said that," he hissed, scowling as he followed him out of the store.
They both got in, and Katsuki started the engine again. "It's a compliment."
"Twink is a compliment?" Izuku tilted his head, confused. "I'm not even a twink, anyway."
"I wanna snap you in half for a reason," Katsuki shrugged. Izuku's face reddened. "You're not frail, but I'd like to see that version of you."
"What?!" Izuku squeaked.
"It's what made me like you in the first place dumbass," Katsuki made a general gesture with his free hand and took a sip of his milkshake. "You're so...puppyish."
Izuku blinked once.
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"Nevermind," Katsuki shook his head, placing his shake in the cupholder. Izuku did the same. He eased the car out of the lot, and soon, they were heading down the main road again.
Izuku looked out the window, observing the darkening sky. "Where are we going?"
"Shush."
In a few minutes, Izuku leaned forward, observing the space they were now entering. An empty, grassy area that was on the farthest side of campus. There was a small pond nearby, and as evening approached, Izuku could hear the chirping of crickets. Katsuki reached to the backseat, pulling out a bundle of thick blankets.
He shrugged at Izuku's questioning look. "We have shit to talk about, don't we?"
Izuku's gaze lowered. "We do."
___________
After spreading out the blankets and encasing themselves in more blankets, a heavy silence fell upon them, save for nature's music.
The air was colder than before, Izuku observed. He also noticed how Katsuki seemed to be waiting for him to initiate the conversation.
But he was admittedly nervous. He figured that was ridiculous since they'd eased into familiarity without an issue earlier, as if they'd never felt extremely distant just days prior.
But, it was easy to laugh and mess around with Katsuki. That didn't require any thinking, unlike now.
"Do we have to build from the ground up again?" Izuku suddenly said, breaking the silence. He gathered the thick wool material surrounding him, practically burying himself in the warm comfort it brought.
Katsuki shrugged a little, turning to give him a look. "We don't have to if you don't want to."
Silence fell over them once more, as Izuku racked his brain for something to say. Anything. The stars laid a blanket of vulnerability over the pair, twinkling and flickering with the hope that things could progress again. After a solid ten minutes, Izuku gave up on thinking. As Kirishima said, his words didn't have to be completely coherent. They just had to be honest.
"Kacchan," he breathed. "I don't want to make mistakes. I'm human and I'm young so it's inevitable, but I don't want to feel the burn of an experience knowing I could've avoided it."
"People say pain is sometimes the best teacher. I never got what that was supposed to mean. Because, well, when I remember who my father was, and what my mother faced, I can't tell you she needed any teaching. She was just trying to support her family the best she could. " Izuku pursed his lips. "If pain is a teacher, then I'm not willing to learn, I guess. I want to avoid anything unnecessary. I...I still care about you, but if you're going to forget that you're in a relationship when it feels convenient, then you'd be making me face the unnecessary. So... don't waste my time."
"I had no fucking idea," Katsuki muttered, "About that bitch taking that picture, about the shit you've dealt with, about anything." His light brows scrunched up in annoyance. "You've been trying to help me through my shit and this popped up. You shouldn't have to feel that way. I'm... sorry you did."
Izuku's eyes widened a little before he smiled a bit. "It's okay now."
Katsuki turned his head, his eyes scanning over Izuku's features. "I'll let you in on something," he said, and Izuku inched closer in interest. "Remember my promise? About that chick?"
Izuku pursed his lips, suddenly feeling a lot timider. He took a long sip from his milkshake. "What about her? Did something happen?"
Katsuki sighed. "That bitch has roots in this place from what I've heard. Her aunt is a Head Dean. My room used to be next to hers, but ever since I called her out-"
Izuku's eyes widened. "Called her out? When? What happened?"
"I gave her a piece of my fucking mind is what happened," Katsuki hissed, his face contorting in anger and disgust. "Some days after you regained your memories. Her shitty friends were there, and some other extras I don't give a shit about." He turned his head, sensing Izuku's discomfort. "Don't worry, I didn't get into details like your name or what exactly happened. I just said that she's gonna pay for harassing and preying on people."
He sighed, continuing. "But ever since then, she bolted. Switched rooms. I wondered how the fuck was she able to do that so late into the year, so when I asked around, I found out she's loaded. And connected." Katsuki stared at the sky. "I still reported her. Haven't gotten a response yet."
Izuku's eyelids lowered, his vision getting a little cloudy. "Thank you for going to that extent for me. I mean it." His hands began to shake with anxiety. "But I'm scared. What if she uses her connections to get you expelled? What if she tries to ruin your reputation?"
"Expelled? My old hag would drag their asses to court before that ever begins to happen," Katsuki snorted. "And I don't care about other people. Never did. They're all shitwads anyway."
Izuku sniffled, tears rolling down his cheeks. "You're so cool."
Katsuki's eyes widened in surprise before his lips stretched into a small smile. He reached over, patting Izuku's head once. "I know. Stop crying, dork."
Izuku chuckled, wiping at his eyes. "Roger that."
Silence, for the nth time that evening, fell between them once again.
Then, Katsuki spoke up, feeling the need to update Izuku on his life. "I'm seeing a therapist now."
Izuku's eyes widened, and he shuffled closer with interest. "Really? That's great!"
Katsuki shrugged, a small scowl invading his features. "Well, my old hag made me do it."
"And how're you liking it so far?"
With a scoff, Katsuki replied. "She's not half bad, but I feel like she's looking down in me. Shit's annoying."
Izuku hummed. "I doubt that, but if that's how you feel, then maybe she isn't the right therapist for you."
"Nah, it's fine. The scanning process was already shitty enough. I don't wanna have an all-new dickwad ask me 20 questions," Katsuki sighed.
Izuku chuckled a little. "I hear you."
"If I'm being honest, I really fucking missed you. Everything makes no sense when I don't get to talk to you, you know," Katsuki huffed. "Every week it's like that lady is dissecting me, and I hate it. It's fucking annoying, but I'm stuck on you."
Izuku smiled, leaning his head on Katsuki's chest. "I'm flattered."
"Smartass."
He pulled Izuku closer to him, burying his face in the soft, fluffy mass of his hair. Izuku hummed, wrapping his arms around Katsuki's waist.
"You're using a new shampoo," Katsuki said. Izuku laughed a little.
"You're always sniffing my hair, weirdo."
Katsuki hummed. "Yeah, well it always smells good, so that's your fault."
Izuku blushed, hiding his face in Katsuki's chest. "What do you think about the change, then?"
"This is kiwi, right?" Katsuki muttered, and Izuku nodded.
"I like it."
Izuku smiled a little, his hands playing idly with the material of Katsuki's shirt. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
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