it is absolutely terrifying

the kind of deep suffering

the happiest looking people

are able to hide inside themselves

______________

nikita gill

today was like any other day. a blur. you had spent your mornings at school and work and your nights crying yourself to sleep. you do your best to hide the pain but you know people see it especially spencer.

as you're eating and crying,watching your video on john wayne gayce you hear your phone ring. you look at the caller it's unknown, you pick it up at answer it.

"hello" you say attempting to keep down your sob

"hey y/n it's dr.reid, i just wanted to see if you wanted to meet me tomorrow before class, i wanted to talk to you about your profile on ted bundy" he says into the phone

"is thirty minutes before class ok" you ask sniffling quietly

"that's fine... y/n are you ok" he asks concern lacing his voice

"yeah i'm fine it's just sinuses" you say sniffling again

"if you say so i'll see you before class" he says before hanging up

you close your laptop and turn your bedside lamp off. you turn around and face you walk staring blankly at the wall in front of you. you feel the tears stream down your face slowly, you feel the sob rack through your body.

being alone was the thing your were most afraid of. you remember adam laying right next to you holding you but now you were alone. eventually you fall asleep letting the calm wash over you.

you wake up to the sound of your alarm blaring in your ear. you turn it off and get out of bed, you walk into your bathroom. you pee, wash your hands, and shower quickly. when you're finished you brush your teeth and wash your face.

you part you hair down the middle and put it in a low bun. you walk out of the bathroom and walk to your drawer grabbing a random bra and pair of underwear. after you put those on you walk to your closet grabbing a cream turtle neck, a brown chunky cardigan, and a pair of loose light washed jeans.

once your dressed you grab a pair of mismatched socks and your white high rise converse and put them on. you walk over to your dresser and grab your glasses, putting them on before walking to your bed to grab your bag filled with your supplies.

you walk out of your bedroom and walk into your kitchen and grab your keys and walk out of your apartment. you walk down the stairs to get to your parking garage, you walk to your car and get in putting your bag in the passenger seat.

you start your car and the first song that played when you get in is clair de lune by claude debussy. you listen to the beautiful sounds of the piano as you drive through the rainy streets.

on your way to class you stop by a coffee shop and grab a latte for you and black coffee and some sugar for dr. reid not knowing what to get him.

eventually you arrive at the social science building and park. you grab everything and get out of your car locking it. you walk into the building and walk down the hall until you get to dr. reid's classroom, you knock lightly. you hear him say 'come in' and you walk into the classroom. you walk to his desk setting his coffee down next to him.

"thank you" he says giving you a small smile "please sit down we have some things to talk about" he says looking up at you.

you sit down in the seat across from him placing your coffee down on his desk.

"y/n i am very impressed with your profile, so much that i showed it to my unit chief" he says looking at you "you said that bundy was a man who lacked interpersonal empathy and was not able to feel pity or remorse.... you also said that he did not value human life or about the consequences committing these crimes would bring him " he says clasping his hands together "why did you say that" he asks

"it's all in his m.o" you say shrugging your shoulders " he would lure his victims with his charm or a fake injury, he would then go on to rape and kill her by either blunt force trauma to the head or strangulation, both very brutal ways to kill a person" you say fiddling with your fingers " he enjoyed it, the rape, the killing he enjoyed every single bit of it. he also went back to the dead bodies of his victims and would perform... sexual acts with the dead bodies of the victims " you say

"i'm impressed" he says "what was his stressor" he asks

"no one really knows, some say he was emasculated which led to the killings of those women but personally i think it was his ex- lover leaving him. most of his victims looked like her, brown hair parted down the middle." you say taking a sip of your latte

"you really did your research" he says leaning back in his chair "i want to give your profile to the class of that's ok with you" he asks

"that's fine with me"you say

"ok moving on, i got your email about you accepting the ta position" he says smiling at you "i'm glad that you accepted it, you are an exceptionally bright student" he says

"thank you sir" you say

"enough with the sir please call me spencer" he says giving you a small smile

"ok si- spencer" you say wanting to put your hand over your face in embarrassment.

he lets out a small chuckle at your change in demeanor. "there is no need to feel nervous or embarrassed around me, just think of me as a friend right now instead of your professor" he says smiling at you again.

"ok" you say giving him a soft smile which he returns

"class starts soon so if you want to see me after class so we can talk more about your ta position ok" he says looking at you intently

"that's fine spencer" you say giving him a small smile before getting up at walking to the same seat you took the last time.

as more people walk in you see spencer move from his chair to sit on the edge of his desk. after everyone gets settled in he starts the lecture about the bau's profile of ted bundy.

"i have some special guests that i would like to introduce you to" he says before a bunch of people walk into the room. you recognize two faces, emily prentiss and david rossi. your dad knew both of them while he was working at quantico.

"alright every one this is my team" he says "we do what you are doing in the class everyday to catch serial killers" he says "i wanted to use y/n y/l/n's profile which i already had my team read to show you how it would go down when we are giving the profile to local pd" he says "but before we do that i would like to introduce you to them " he says

he introduces the whole team before they all start to rattle off your profile, saying things about how his shows no remorse, how he is a narcissist, how he enjoys these kills, they even said your age profile, his late twenties to early mid thirties. you couldn't help but smile at how he chose your profile for the bau to give to the class.

"that's all for today guys, if you have any questions for them please ask after class or email me so that i can tell them, have a nice day everyone" he says

you take your time packing up seeing as though everyone was down their asking questions about the lesson. once you're finished you walk down the stairs to get to the podium, where you see reid talking to his team.

"uhm you asked to see me after class" you say quietly but loud enough to catch his attention

"yes y/n i would like you meet my team" he say

"matt simmons" a handsome asian man with nice build says

"dr. tara lewis" a tall black lady says holding out her hand which you shake

"luke alvez" the tall godly built man says

"jennifer jareau" the lady with blond hair says waving at you

"unit chief emily prentiss, i've heard a lot about you" she says smiling holding her hand out which you shake in return

"y/n y/l/n" rossi says surprised " it's been a long time he" he says giving you a hug which you return

"nice to see you dave, i see that you decided to let the grays grow free" you say giggling "it looks nice" you say smiling at him

"thank you" he says "that profile of yours was on our level, i never expected that" he says smiling at you

"that means a lot thank you" you say

you talk to his team for a while about why you chose that for your profile, basically the same things you told spencer. you noticed him looking at you with pride in his eyes as you talked to his team, it made tingles flow through your body.

"you are really smart y/n, it would be an absolute pleasure to have you work with us when you graduate" emily says giving you a smile

"that would be amazing" you say returning her a smile you look at the clock a notice it's getting close for you to go to work "if you'll excuse me, i have to get to work it was amazing to meet you all" you say giving them a smile before turning to spencer "thank you so much for introducing me to you team" you say sincerely

"my pleasure y/n, i'll see you an hour before clas tomorrow" he says

you nod and walk down the stage and give everyone one last wave before walking out of the classroom.

_______________________

hi guys

i has a been a lot of fun writing this book. i know it's slightly sad but it gets better i promise. a lot of classical music will be in this hood because i feel like it goes with the vibe/ aesthetic of this story. i really hope you guys are enjoying this book

lots of love

brielle <3