That night was full of thoughts. Thoughts on what if's. What if mother had any panic attack after knowing this? What if Justin sees me? What if Justin was going to kidnap me again? What if he ties me up on a rope? What if he abuse me?

What if he didn't want to see me anymore? That's what I wanted always, right? My heart clenched a little and a pang of hurt hit my chest. What if he hates me now? Why did I feel like I didn't want him to ignore me? He kidnapped me. But I couldn't lie how I felt so safe and secured when he held me after I was awaken from my doze.

It felt like nobody was going to hurt me. It felt like I was going to get so much of love. It felt like he would do anything just to keep me with him. And I still could hear him saying he loves me. Even Shawn had never said that with so much of love. It felt like...home.

But he tried to kill me? My mind could be pulling my leg because it felt so real, yet he tried to kill me. He literally tried to give me a bullet on my body. I gulped down my throat. What if he pulled the trigger? What if I died that day? He wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

And what was Scooter said that he had psychological problems? Did Justin gone through psychotic problems? I whimpered slowly. Was Justin a psychopath? How did he manage to take over the world with his psychological side?

It startled me when he had been a heartthrob for almost every teenager, but sad truth was they will never know he had been a psychopath since as long as Scooter has known him. That was the reason why he couldn't control himself and started killing people.

He couldn't control his anger nor his sadness. He needed to let go on someone. He needed to murder to gain his psychological strength. Why was I feeling pity for him? He murdered my own father. Why was I giving him a second chance in my head?

These questions were killing me inside my head and I wanted to get them out so badly. I switched on my laptop, opened Google Chrome and typed in 'Justin Bieber', before pressing the enter button. The top headline of the news section made my heartbeat doubled up as I read it over and over again. Why did I even decided to open the laptop, again?

Justin Bieber is in Paris, France for his next week's concert.

—

Hah. 😛😏✨

I drove the first time today and survived, hooray!

9th of March, 2017.